“He saved a lot of people, too, Leah. You should know that.”
She removed her hand from his arm and touched her wedding band, twisting it around on her finger. She smiled, but she looked like she was thousands of miles away. “I know. He died doing what he loved—helping people. We should all be so lucky.”
Marcus had no words. Every time he tried to open his mouth to respond, nothing came out.
The rest of the drive passed in silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable or tense or expectant. It was just the two of them lost in their own thoughts together. Marcus couldn’t remember any other time in his life he’d been so comfortable sitting in silence with a woman. But this was Leah. She wasn’t any woman. She was special. Always had been.
He pulled the car into the driveway of her condo and shut it off. The engine clicked as it cooled, and suddenly the silence took on weight. It wasn’t so comfortable now. The air between had taken on a charge so intense, it prickled along his skin.
He pushed open his door. “I’ll walk you in.”
She nodded and followed. He noticed the slight tremor of her hand as she unlocked the front door, but pretended not to. She walked inside and flipped on the foyer light.
“Here you are.” Marcus hesitated. Did he just take off now? Did he stay and make sure she settled in?
No. Staying would lead to them doing things they couldn’t do again.
Except he’d told Lanie he would stay tonight.
Shit.
He should go sit in the car, keep watch from a distance.
He didn’t move.
Unsure what to do with his hands and not trusting himself to keep them off her, he shoved them into his pockets. “I’m surprised you sold the house.”
She looked around the foyer, and he followed her gaze. The floor right inside the door was wide, sleek gray tiles. The stairs sat directly in front of the door to the left and, to the right, the room opened up into an airy living room. It was nice, but a lot smaller than the house she and Danny had religiously saved for.
“I couldn’t afford it anymore,” she said with a small shrug. “But it’s okay. The kids and I like it here. We’re making it our own.”
He could see that. The kids’ framed drawings mingled with family photos on the narrow table in the hallway along the stairs. “It’s nice.”
And that’s where his brain stalled out on small talk. There was a lot he wanted to say, a lot he wanted to explain, but now wasn’t the time.
Leah wandered through the foyer like she’d never seen it before, dragging her finger through the layer of dust that had gathered on the side table. She paused at a photo snapped during a carefree day at the beach of Danny and Marcus together, their surfboards tucked under their arms.
“I remember that day,” he said. “Maya’s birthday. Redondo Beach.”
She smiled faintly and traced the frame. “I was pregnant with the twins. It was Maya’s last hurrah as an only child before they arrived. You built her a sandcastle and dubbed her Queen Maya, then she demanded we call her Your Highness for a month after the twins came. It was maddening.” Her smile crumpled. “Oh, I miss them.”
He couldn’t stand idly by with his hands in his pockets when she was hurting like this. He shut and locked the door, then walked to her and pulled her into his arms. “It’s over now. You’re safe, they’re safe, and Mom’s bringing them home tomorrow.”
She pressed her face into his shoulder and tightened her arms around his waist. “I really don’t want to be alone tonight.”
He swallowed back a surge of panic. He should call someone else, one of the married guys, to come stay with her. He absolutely shouldn’t stay himself. But when he opened his mouth to tell her that, something else came out instead. “I’ll stay. If that’s what you want.”
She didn’t answer, but she didn’t back away, either. Just stood there in his arms. And, damn, she felt good against him. He’d wanted to feel her body against his again since the moment he stepped away from her in the church.
“Yes,” she said at last. “I want you to stay.” She tilted her head back, and the ends of her ponytail tickled his forearm in a way that sent a bolt of desire through all his nerve endings.
“Marcus…” She hesitated, then met his gaze. The lens of her glasses made her blue eyes look huge. She took a deep breath and blurted, “I want you.”
There was no mistaking her meaning, and his body reacted instantly, sending all of his blood rushing below the belt. She had to feel his heart jackhammering in his chest.
“Leah.” Her name came out rough, nearly a groan. “We can’t, doll. Last time…it was a mistake. We both know it.”
She let go of him and backed away, clasping her hands as if to keep herself from reaching out again. “You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. Momentary insanity.” It was impossible to miss the way she worried her wedding ring around on her finger. “You should go. I’ll be okay.”
But she wouldn’t. He could see it in her face. She’d spend the whole night crying, terrified, crashing down from the adrenaline high of the last week. He couldn’t leave her alone any more than he could stop breathing.
He wanted to stay.
He wanted her.
And she needed him.
Fuck it.
Just for tonight. They could have this one night, couldn’t they? A night that wasn’t the fallout from surviving a near-death situation. A night to celebrate that they were alive.
They reached for each other at the same time. He pulled her in close, pressing her flush against his body from chest to thigh. Laced his fingers through her hair, knocking her ponytail askew, and sealed his lips to hers. She made a soft sound deep in her throat and melted in to him, her nails biting into his biceps as he crowded her into the corner formed by the side table and stairway.
Neither of them noticed when he bumped the table and sent his and Danny’s photo clattering to the floor, but the sound of the glass frame breaking did momentarily break the spell of the kiss.
He pulled back only an inch and brushed his lips across her nose, her cheeks, her eyelids. “Are you sure?” he whispered next to her ear. “If we do this, if we deliberately make this choice, things can’t go back to the way they were between us.”
She opened her eyes and stared into his. “We already can’t go back, and I’m tired of staring into the past, wishing things were different. It’s exhausting. We need to move forward now.” She skimmed a hand down the length of his arm until her fingers entwined with his. “I need to take this step, and there’s no one I trust more to help me than you.”
He heard the unspoken even if you leave me again. She fully expected him to disappear after tonight. Why wouldn’t she? It was his modus operandi.
Of course, the one time he should leave was the first time in his adult life he had no intention of running away.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Marcus accepted the hand she held out to him and let her lead him upstairs. Last time he could write off as adrenaline and the joy of surviving a life-threatening situation. It had been a moment of insanity, impulse. He could convince himself it didn’t count. This time would be different. This time, they were making a deliberate choice to go to bed together.
Leah pushed open the door and there it was. Her bed, all soft and female, with a fluffy light gray comforter and a mound of pillows. She shut the door and turned to him.
He’d never been so nervous in all his life.
This was a bad idea, but he couldn’t convince himself to leave. Leah reached for him, but hesitated before touching him, her hand trembling in the air between them. She was nervous, too, and all the anxiety jumping around inside of him settled and calmed, like the glass surface of the ocean after an epic storm. He stepped closer so that her palm pressed against his chest.
Her gaze flicked up to his in surpr
ise. “Your heart’s beating so fast.”
He gave a little self-deprecating laugh and reached up to tuck a strand of blond hair behind her ear. “I’m nervous. I don’t know why. It’s like my first time all over again.”
She laughed, too. A soft, inviting sound he wished he could wrap around himself like a blanket. “You shouldn’t be. I know for a fact you’re far from a virgin. I’ve heard the stories.”
“Yeah…” His cheeks heated with embarrassment, and he winced. “Can we not talk about that?”
“Really? You’re not proud of your prowess with women?”
“It’s usually more alcohol than prowess.” He winced again. “Shit. Pretend I didn’t admit that. You need to know I was always careful, and I’m tested regularly for every disease and toxin known to man. It’s been a while since I was last tested, but I haven’t been with anyone except…” He trailed off, caught by the intensity of her gaze. “Except you.”
“All those months in Indonesia…?”
He shook his head. “There was only one woman I wanted, and I didn’t think I could ever have her. Didn’t think I should. Still not sure I should, but my brain’s not in the driver’s seat at the moment.”
She glanced down at the growing bulge at the front of his pants, then trailed her hand down his chest and stomach. Every muscle contracted under her touch.
When she stroked her fingers over his erection, he shuddered. “I want to touch you.”
She smiled up at him. “You can. In fact, I want you to.”
He snaked a hand around the back of her neck and drew her against his body. The feel of her softness giving way to his hardness through all of their layers of clothing drove him half crazy. She skimmed her busy little hands up under his T-shirt, leaving a trail of goose bumps in her wake.
He bent his head down to kiss her but stopped before making contact as a realization struck.
“Condoms,” he muttered and swore under his breath. He released her and backed up a step to avoid the temptation to say hell with it and have her anyway like he had in CAR. That had been incredibly irresponsible and reckless of him, and he refused to risk it again. “Do you have any?”
She shook her head.
Duh. Of course she didn’t have a box laying around. What a stupid question. “I’ll run to the store.”
He was already halfway to the door when she caught his hand with a delighted peel of laughter.
“It’s okay, Marcus. You can’t get me pregnant. I have an IUD. We’re covered.” She pulled him to her as she backed toward the bed, and he let her.
“We should’ve had this conversation before.”
“I love that you thought of it and were concerned with protecting me.” She sat down on the end of the bed and tugged at his shirt, getting it nearly to his chin.
He helped pull it the rest of the way off and leaned over, planting his hands on the bed beside her hips. “I’ll always protect you.”
He kissed her. She was so sweet, the best dessert he’d ever had on his lips, and made his head buzz more than the strongest hit of caffeine. Her touch set off a blaze under his skin as she circled her hands from his back to his front and worked on the button of his jeans. Without breaking the kiss, he backed away enough to unbutton and unzip and kick off his sneakers and pants. He scooped her up and all but threw her higher on the bed. She bounced a little when she landed in the pile of pillows and let out that delightful laugh of hers again.
Shoving the pillows out of his way, he roved up her body, stripping off each item of clothing that got in his way. He wanted all of her bare skin against his.
She wore a front clasp bra. He could kiss her for that. In fact, he would, right on each of her lovely nipples. He traced a finger up under her bra, along the cleft between her breasts, and felt the tremor of anticipation that quaked through her. He flicked open the clasp and marveled at the way her tits spilled out of their cage. She’d always had a great body, but motherhood had given her the kinds of curves that made a man drool.
He took his time, giving each breast all of his attention until her nipples stood erect. He experimentally sank his teeth into one and flicked his gaze up to watch her reaction. She sucked in a sharp breath and nearly bucked him off.
He grinned against her skin. “You like that? A little bit of pain with your pleasure.”
“Yes,” she gasped.
“You surprise me. Didn’t expect that from you.”
Color filled her chest and rose into her cheeks. “Uh, I’ve never—it’s not something I’ve ever tried before. It’s all new to me, but…I like it.”
“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” He laughed softly and soothed the bite with his tongue. “I like it, too. A lot.” He nuzzled her breasts. “And I love these.”
She rolled her eyes. “Stretch marks and all.”
He shoved himself up onto his hands and stared down at her. “Don’t. Your body is gorgeous. You always were beautiful, but motherhood turned you into a knockout. This…” He cupped her breast and again teased her nipple with his teeth, pulling it back to a peak. “Is everything a man could want. Everything I want.”
“Oh…” She fell back into the pillows and threaded her fingers into his hair.
“What do you want?” he whispered against her skin. “I’m here to serve.”
Again, color filled her cheeks, but she didn’t shy away this time. She pressed his head down, and who was he to argue? He settled between her legs, breathing in her scent. He loved the taste of her, and the way she arched as if trying to ride his tongue like it was his cock. He had her writhing and gasping his name, and he loved that, too.
He held her hips still and full out assaulted her clit with his tongue and a scrape of his teeth. She screamed and he continued teasing her through the orgasm. She’d barely come down before he flung her up there to fly again.
“Oh God.” She raised a shaking hand to push a damp strand of hair off her face. “Oh… God.”
He grinned and kissed his way up her body until her hips cradled his. He leaned down then, dove his fingers into her hair, and kissed her deeply, thoroughly, leaving no corner of her mouth unexplored. She arched under him, her heat enticing him through the layer of his boxers. He shoved them down, took his cock in hand, and guided himself to her opening.
She felt just as good as he remembered. A hot, silken fist clasping him and holding him tight when he withdrew.
“Leah,” he breathed next to her ear as he moved. “You are amazing, doll. So sexy and sweet. I love the way you hold my cock in you like you never want to let it go.”
“I don’t,” she said, languid and sated from her two orgasms. “I love having you inside me.”
With each slow thrust, his orgasm bore down on him, clamping around his spine. He didn’t want it to end. He wanted to stay connected like this forever, the rest of the world forgotten. But he couldn’t hold on, and all too soon, his seed pulsed from him, leaving him exhausted but happy. He didn’t break their connection when he rolled to the side and pulled her on top of him. He planned to be back inside her as soon as he could get hard again, so this just saved them a step.
She released a contented sigh. “Thank you.”
He laughed. “Any time you want to do this again, I’m here for it.”
She propped her chin on his chest and grinned. “How about now?”
“Well, maybe give me a minute.” But to his surprise, he was already hard again. He hissed through his teeth when she sat up and rocked her hips. His eyes probably rolled back in his head, too.
“Okay,” he said on a gasp. “Now’s good.”
…
Leah woke up the next morning feeling like she’d had a particularly tough session in hot yoga. Well, where was the lie? Marcus was an adventurous lover, and he’d bent her body in ways that would make even the most advanced yogi envious.
<
br /> Wow. She felt good.
Marcus was still asleep. She was half tempted to wake him for another round, but the ache between her legs when she shifted changed her mind. Maybe they needed a break. And food. And the kids would be arriving soon.
Sigh. She should be the responsible adult here and go shower.
In the bathroom, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and stopped short in surprise. Sex-tousled hair, swollen lips, cheeks pinked by beard stubble. Her nipples stood out in tight little beads and the dampness between her legs felt slightly sinful. She stepped closer to the sink and studied her reflection.
She looked like a woman. A sexy, well-loved, happy woman. For the moment, she was not a mother. Not a widow. She was…
Leah.
A small laugh bubbled up out of her, but it ended in a sob. She pulled open the top right-hand drawer of her vanity and found the soft velvet box that at one time had held her engagement ring. Now it held Danny’s wedding band. She drew a breath and held it as she flipped open the box and removed the simple silver band. She remembered the day she’d picked it out for him at a mall jewelry store. They’d gotten ice cream afterward and talked about the future they’d have after he put in his four years with the Marines. He was twenty. She was eighteen. God, they’d been so young—some said too young. But they had known they had something special, something once-in-a-lifetime, and they had been so full of hope and love and dreams.
“God, Danny. I miss you.”
It felt wrong that it wasn’t Danny beside her when she woke up this morning. Wrong that it hadn’t been Danny inside her when, until now, he was he only man she’d ever had sex with.
Marcus was not Danny. He didn’t feel like Danny. He didn’t move like Danny. Her husband had always been an attentive lover, giving generously, always making sure she was satisfied before taking his own pleasure. He’d never been rough with her, and she’d never wanted rough from him. Sex with him had been comfortable. Easy.
Nothing was easy with Marcus.
He was unlike Danny in just about every way. He was bigger, broader through the chest and shoulders. Danny had been athletic all his life, an avid runner and surfer, but he’d always had trouble packing on muscle. Marcus was a solid wall of hewn stone.
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