Noel knelt in the church, his rosary beads slipping through his fingers. There was a novena on that he hadn’t wanted to miss and he’d wrapped himself up well and walked through the dusky village, catching up with his neighbour, Mrs O’Neill, at Malone’s pub.
‘How are you, Noel?’
‘Ah not the best,’ he said glumly.
‘Have you still got that dose on you? I thought Carrie said you were over it.’ She was surprised.
‘I’m still coughing at night.’ He fell into step beside her.
‘Still, it’s good to see you out and about again. Carrie was telling me she’s off out to see Shauna. Isn’t it great for her?’
‘I suppose it is. I’ll be left here on my own.’ He gave a deep sigh.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Noel, the girl’s only going for two weeks. What would you do if you were like me with no family around me? You’re very lucky. Me, I have to get on with it,’ she snorted as they walked through the gates of the church. ‘I’ll see you later,’ she said as she blessed herself with holy water. He watched her march up the aisle. She was older than he was. She’d been seventy last year. No-one would guess it; she was a very vigorous woman for her age, he thought admiringly.
The candlelight flickered against the walls of the church. Only the sidelights were on, casting a subdued peachy glow. It was silent and peaceful, just a handful of parishioners dotted here and there. Noel genuflected and slipped into his favourite seat at the end of the third row from the top. Mrs O’Neill was in the front seat ahead of him.
He supposed that she was right. He was lucky to have Carrie so near him. If he were like his neighbour, he’d have to look after himself and get on with it. He’d been shocked when Carrie had lost her temper and let go at him. She’d never done that before. He hadn’t liked to see her go off crying. Carrie was the kindest of his children, and he hadn’t meant to upset her. Maybe he’d been a bit whingy, he thought guiltily. He shouldn’t have made her feel bad. The girl deserved a good holiday. He’d say nothing else about it, he decided as the full lights came on and Father Doyle emerged by the altar. If Mrs O’Neill could live by herself and look after herself year in year out, he could surely manage it for two weeks. He’d show them all, he vowed. He was well able to shop and do his own cooking if he had to.
His heart sank at the thought. He’d never been completely on his own before. A flicker of apprehension licked through him. He was afraid of being on his own. Not that he’d admit it to a sinner, but Carrie had always been his safety net. The knowledge shocked him and made him feel extremely vulnerable. He hadn’t realized how much he depended on her. For two weeks, he was going to have to walk the tightrope alone.
‘I’d like you to come to the islands with Pierre tomorrow, Shauna. He especially asked if you were coming. It will be a good day.’ Greg yawned and stretched. They were sitting on the balcony watching the dhows sailing up and down on the silver sea, over which hung a glorious full moon. In the distance the call to prayer echoed around the city and below them white-robed figures hurried to their mosques.
‘Aw, Greg,’ she groaned. ‘I hate going out with that man; he’s such a bore. He thinks he’s God’s gift and he never stops bragging.’
‘He’s the managing director. He’s influential. He wants us to go on a picnic with him, so we go.’
‘You go. I’m not bringing Chloe on his speedboat again. He’s so ignorant. He went so fast the last time we were bouncing up and down and we were drenched sitting in the back. It was a really uncomfortable trip. When we go to the islands with Kareem he drives slowly so that we can enjoy the scenery and the kids don’t get drenched. And Kareem makes everyone wear lifejackets. I feel much safer with him. Pierre is such an arrogant prat, he’s too much of a show-off to wear a life-jacket.’
‘Oh, don’t give me a hard time, Shauna. Jenna and Brett are coming and Carly will be with them.’
‘It’s our day off, Greg. It would be nice just to spend the day together as a family,’ she moaned, taking a slug of her Chardonnay.
‘We will be together. We’ll be on a picnic.’
‘With half the bloody company.’ Shauna scowled.
‘Don’t exaggerate,’ Greg retorted. ‘Look, there’s a huge project coming up in Dubai and I want to be involved. Pierre can put in a good word for me.’
‘You didn’t tell me this,’ she said slowly. ‘Are you thinking of moving?’
‘It could be on the cards in a year or so.’
‘So we just up sticks and head for Dubai.’
‘Yup.’ He grinned at her. ‘Or I could commute, stay there three days a week.’
‘Well thanks for discussing it with me.’
He leaned forward eagerly. ‘It’s a great opportunity, Shauna; there’s all kinds of development going on out there. It’s the place to be. Their tourist trade is booming and the biggest and best hotels are being built there. Not to talk of apartment blocks.’
‘And what about Chloe? She’s starting school this year. It’s not fair uprooting her.’
‘Shauna, kids are adaptable. Look at the majority of them out here – they’ve all lived in other states in the Gulf. It’s no big deal.’
‘That shows how much you know. Look at poor little Saladin Sharrif. He’s moved three times: from Saudi to Kuwait, then Bahrain and now here. And he’s only seven and he’s the most nervous, unconfident little scrap you could ever meet. He told Chloe he doesn’t make friends any more because he always has to say goodbye to them. That’s the saddest thing I ever heard.’
‘We’re not going to move three times,’ Greg said dismissively. The phone rang. ‘Get that, will you?’ He yawned.
‘Yes, your majesty,’ Shauna drawled as she stood up to go inside. He was something else. Making plans without even discussing it with her. He’d want to cop on to himself.
‘Hello?’ She picked up the phone.
‘Shauna, hi, it’s Jenna. Are you going on this damn picnic tomorrow?’
Shauna laughed. ‘Hi, Jenna. I was just arguing with Greg about it. I don’t want to go. I can’t stand that fat little toad.’
Jenna giggled. ‘He’s horrible, isn’t he?’ she agreed.
Shauna really liked Jenna Williams, a sporty, witty American whom she’d met and clicked with at a company function soon after arriving in Abu Dhabi. She’d had a toddler the same age as Chloe and the pair had become the best of friends. Brett, her husband, a laid-back six-footer, got on well with Greg and the four of them socialized a lot together. She and Jenna shared a dislike of their husbands’ boss.
‘I don’t want to bounce out to the islands at a hundred miles an hour on his bloody speedboat. My ass was really sore after the last trip, and Chloe and I were drenched, but Greg thinks we should go. There’s some big project coming up in Dubai and he wants to be in the running,’ Shauna moaned.
‘Brett too.’ Jenna sighed. Her husband was a surveyor in the same company. ‘What I was ringing to say was that we’re going to take Kareem’s boat. He’s offered it to Brett for the month that he’s in South Africa, so if you and Chloe wanted to come with us we’d be free to come and go when we please and we wouldn’t be trying to break any speed records. The last time I was out with that jerk I nearly threw up. I was nauseous for a day afterwards.’
‘That would be great, Jenna. Thanks for thinking of us. We could go and brown-nose but at least we wouldn’t be stuck waiting for his nibs to decide when it’s time to come home.’
‘Right. I’ll prepare a couple of dishes; will you bring your delicious dip?’
‘Sure.’
‘I’m so glad you’re coming,’ Jenna said fervently.
‘I’m so glad you’re coming. It won’t be such an ordeal. It’s terrible, isn’t it? Here we are, two grown women, and we can’t put our foot down and refuse to go. We need our heads examined,’ Shauna exclaimed.
‘They’ll just owe us big time after this one. See you at the boat.’
‘’Night, Jenna.’ Sha
una smiled and hung up.
‘Who was it?’ Greg topped up her wine.
‘Jenna. Kareem has loaned them his boat so they’re taking that and she’s offered us a lift. You can go with Pierre, Chloe and I can go with Jenna,’ Shauna informed him.
‘That’s a bit rude,’ Greg protested. ‘Pierre invited you. It would look bad you going off with Jenna and Brett.’
‘They won’t be going at a hundred miles an hour,’ Shauna retorted.
‘Look, I need all the help I can get here. Be reasonable, Shauna.’ He glowered at her.
‘No, you be reasonable, Greg. It’s always all about you. Pierre’s a speed merchant. He’s dangerous. I don’t want Chloe in his boat,’ Shauna said angrily. ‘How dare you tell me to be reasonable. You sit there and calmly tell me you’re thinking of moving to Dubai. You never even discussed it with me. You’ve been promising me for the last three years that we could try for a baby and you keep putting it off, and I’m sick of it, Greg. You’re being a real bastard about it. Why are you so against having another child? Why?’
‘For God’s sake, keep your voice down,’ he growled. ‘You don’t want everybody in the building to know our business.’
‘I don’t give a hoot who knows our business,’ she snapped, but she lowered her voice. ‘Why don’t you want another child? I want to know.’
‘I just don’t want one now,’ he said sulkily. ‘We’re starting to have a life again, Shauna. You’ve enjoyed the past few years. Admit it. We’ve a great life here. We’re doing things we’d never do if we were at home. If you have a baby, we’re going to be tied.’
‘Yes, I’ve had a good time, I agree, but I want a family. Look how happy Dan and Carrie are with their family,’ she said hotly. ‘Why can’t we be like that?’
‘I don’t mean to be rude, Shauna, but look at their lifestyle.’ Greg looked at her as if she was mad. ‘Dan works in his market garden morning noon and night, Carrie’s a housewife. Boring, boring, boring.’
‘But I always assumed that you’d want a family once we started having children. I—’
‘Well that’s what you get for assuming, Shauna,’ he said coldly. ‘You know what they say? Don’t ever assume because it makes an ass out of you and me. Get it? Ass u me!’
‘That’s a horrible thing to say, Greg Cassidy. Chloe needs company. She never sees you,’ Shauna said in disgust.
‘I’m providing for her, aren’t I?’ Greg said hotly. ‘She’s going to inherit a very healthy property portfolio. She’s going to be a very wealthy woman when we bite the dust.’
‘Yes, she’ll be wealthy, but she’ll have no family to turn to, she’ll be on her own.’ Shauna couldn’t hide her bitterness.
‘Oh don’t be so dramatic, Shauna,’ he said derisively. ‘She’ll have all her cousins.’
‘It’s not the same,’ she protested. ‘I want her to have a sister or brother. I’ll be thirty-six soon, Greg. I’m not getting younger. It might not be as easy to get pregnant after coming off the Pill. It could take a year, which means I’ll be thirty-seven getting pregnant and nearly thirty-eight when I have the baby. I don’t want to start another packet of the Pill. It’s been three years since you said we could try for a baby and I’m just sick of it.’ She burst into tears.
‘Oh, for God’s sake. I’m going for a walk on the Corniche. You’re doing my head in, Shauna.’ Greg jumped to his feet and headed for the front door, leaving her sobbing on the balcony.
After a little while, her crying eased and a measure of calm returned. It didn’t help that she had PMT, she supposed, as she poured herself another glass of wine. How could she have got it so wrong with Greg? She’d always assumed they’d have children; he’d never said anything to the contrary during their early years together. Had she been a fool to make the assumption? Had their free and easy lifestyle turned him away from the idea of having a family? What an irony.
All she’d ever wanted was to have a family of her own, a happy family, just like Carrie and Dan. She wanted Greg to be a father who loved and cherished his children, not like her own rigid father. She’d married Greg because she’d thought he was everything Noel was not – outgoing, fun to be with, liberal, good-humoured – but behind it all he was controlling her as much as Noel had. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She wanted another child and he was stopping her from having one.
She could always just stop taking the Pill and pretend she’d had an accident, she supposed, but what joy would there be in conceiving like that? Greg’s resentment of the baby would be too damaging. She wouldn’t have a child under those conditions. It would be very wrong.
Wearily she closed the doors and switched out the balcony lights. She didn’t finish her wine. She didn’t want to be travelling on a speedboat under the glare of the sun suffering from a hangover. It was just as well Filomena was on her night off; it would have been awkward having a row like that knowing that she was in her room, listening to their raised voices.
She left a light on in the lounge for when Greg came back and went into the bedroom and undressed. She could almost taste the bitterness she felt as she poked her Pill out of the foil, and took it with a sip of water. More unhappy than she remembered being in a long time, she slid into bed, grateful at least that it was big and wide and she didn’t have to have any contact with her husband.
Greg walked along the Corniche listening to the sea lap gently against the rocks. He felt totally harassed and pressurized. He didn’t want another child. What was so wrong with that? Why couldn’t Shauna be happy with what they had? They had a lifestyle that was the envy of their Irish friends. And if he got the job in Dubai it was going to get better. He was building up a strong property base at home. They were in their prime. They were affluent. It was enough for him. Why couldn’t it be enough for her? He glanced across the street and admired the shiny, glass-fronted building that housed an international bank. Good piece of architecture, he noted. When the sun shone on it, it gleamed copper and gold. He slowed his footsteps and decided to head for the Sheraton, solid and imposing in the distance. He’d have a beer to cool himself down. He wouldn’t mind going on the piss but he needed to have his wits about him tomorrow. If he could impress Pierre Laportaire enough he’d be well on his way. Dubai was where it was all happening. Exciting as Abu Dhabi was, Dubai had the edge, internationally. Another rung on the ladder of his already very successful career. If only his wife would come to her damn senses. He just didn’t need this right now.
As he sat nursing his pint in one of the cool, air-conditioned bars, mulling over his problem with Shauna, a thought struck him. The tension seeped out of his body; there was a course of action he could follow which would result in a win-win situation for them. He should have thought of it years ago and saved himself a lot of grief, he chided himself. He finished his pint and walked through the huge marbled foyer and headed for home.
The light was on in the lounge but it was empty and he guessed that Shauna was in bed. He switched it off and took his shoes off and padded into the bedroom. ‘Are you awake, Shauna? I want to talk to you,’ he said softly. He could see her curled up on the edge of her own side of the bed. ‘Come on. Let’s talk.’ He went round and sat beside her. ‘Listen, how about if you come off the Pill when you go home for the summer and we start trying when I come home in August?’ he said softly.
Shauna sat up in bed, her hair tousled, her face tear-streaked. ‘Do you mean it this time, Greg? You’re not just trying to pacify me?’ she asked quietly.
‘Yes, darling, I mean it. You’re right, I’ve been a selfish bastard putting you off all this time. I forgot it’s different for women. That old biological clock ticking. So how about it? August we go for it?’
‘Why wait until August?’ she whispered.
‘A few more months won’t make much difference. I’ll be relaxed at home and you’ll have been off the Pill for two months. OK?’ he studied her anxiously.
‘Promise.’ Her blue eyes glittered
in the moonlight.
‘I promise, Shauna,’ he said earnestly, holding his arms open to her.
‘Oh, Greg, thank you, thank you,’ Shauna whispered, resting her head on his shoulder, reproaching herself for comparing her husband to her father. They were chalk and cheese. She really had lost it for a while earlier and overreacted. At last it was finally sorted between them and she felt as if a huge burden had lifted from her.
20
‘Morning, Mr Mac. Sorry about calling in so early. Can I have a quick word?’ Dan stood on Noel’s doorstep, squinting in the early morning sun.
‘Of course.’ Noel’s heart sank. He knew exactly why Dan was here. ‘Come in,’ he invited, tightening the belt of his dressing gown. He’d been in bed when the doorbell rang.
‘I won’t stay long,’ Dan said calmly, stepping into the hall and closing over the door. ‘You know, Carrie was very upset when she came home last night. I believe she told you we were going on holiday.’
‘Well, she did mention it,’ Noel blustered agitatedly. ‘I don’t know why she was upset. I just said it would be lonely with everyone gone for Easter.’ He could feel his heart beginning to race. Dan looked very stern indeed.
‘Now, Mr Mac, you know that Carrie is very good to you. She deserves to go off on this holiday without any worries or concerns. I don’t want you moaning to her about being on your own. She’s going to cook your dinners for you and put them in your freezer so you won’t starve. Although I would suggest you try going out once in a while for lunch for a bit of variety while we’re gone. Malone’s does a very good lunch.’ Dan stood arms folded, his gaze unwavering, and Noel felt like a naughty little boy. His temper began to rise.
‘She doesn’t have to do any cooking. I’ll not be dependent on—’
‘Now Mr Mac, don’t take that tone with me, we’re not going to fall out about this. I’m just telling you the way it is,’ Dan said quietly. ‘You’re going to send Carrie off on her holiday with an easy mind. Sadie is going to call in on you every couple of days, so you won’t be on your own. I don’t like having to have words with you, Mr Mac, but Carrie is my wife and I have to look out for her and I don’t like to see her upset. I’m sure you understand. We’ll keep this little conversation just between the two of us. There’s no need for her to know about it, OK?’
Divided Loyalties Page 17