‘Fantastic, Dad.’ Carrie smiled at him, pleased to see him so lively.
‘I’ll paint the room for you,’ Shauna offered. ‘I like painting. I’ll get a colour chart from the hardware shop.’
‘Would you do that? Good girl,’ he said rubbing his hands together. ‘I’ll organize the chimney sweep.’ He became absorbed in happy plans.
‘Well, it’s either going to be brilliant or a disaster,’ Carrie said wryly as she and Shauna walked down the village later on to collect the colour chart. ‘There could be fireworks in the kitchen.’
‘And queeny tantrums. Oh dear.’ Shauna grinned. ‘The family peace and quiet could be in for a dramatic turn for the worse.’
‘Don’t say that even in a joke,’ Carrie warned as a flurry of snowflakes began to swirl and dance around them.
Just to let you know my plans for Christmas in case you want to make ones of your own. Will be going to Dad’s for a family Christmas so if you intend coming to Ireland and staying with us, I’d prefer if you could wait until the day after St Stephen’s Day. Also if you could let me know how long you intend to stay, as I’d like to be able to plan a party or two myself.
S
Greg read his wife’s email and felt disheartened. It was cold and to the point, like an email to a stranger. She seemed to be getting on fine without him and she certainly didn’t want him at her father’s house for Christmas dinner. She wasn’t letting the grass grow under her feet. The house was sold. She had a new apartment. Hell, for all he knew she had a new man.
She’d made a killing on the house. He could have objected to the sale and said it was the family home, but he’d figured it was better to keep her sweet by letting her sell it to buy the apartment and hope that time would heal and absence make the heart grow fonder. Although it didn’t seem to be working out that way, he thought despondently. The threat of a forensic accountant hung large. She was really playing dirty. He never thought she had it in her. He should have known. She was a woman; they were all the same, he thought bitterly. He deleted her email and went to take a shower before heading off to a function in the Hilton.
As he lay in bed later that night, he had to admit that he missed Shauna and Chloe. He’d observed the other couples at the do and missed knowing that Shauna was there, sparkling and animated and dressed to kill. They’d been a good team. He hadn’t appreciated how good until they’d split. He’d taken her very much for granted, he supposed. And when he got Chloe’s innocent emails telling him all about school and her cousins, he felt darts of sadness that astonished him. She was quite an interesting little character, he was discovering. His work wasn’t satisfying him as it once had, either, which surprised him.
He sighed and thumped his pillow into a more comfortable shape. He knew what was wrong with him. He was consumed with guilt. He was working like a Trojan to block it out but it wouldn’t go away. He needed to talk to Shauna, to try to persuade her to come back to him and make a go of it. But there was no point in trying to do that in Ireland. All her family were against him now. They’d put pressure on her not to be reconciled with him, he was sure of that. They needed to meet on neutral territory.
Paris would be perfect, he decided with a surge of hope. They’d meet in Paris and he’d persuade her to come back to him and everything would be fine. Delighted that he had come up with a great plan, he fell asleep and had the best night’s sleep since his grandmother’s disastrous funeral.
Carrie unlocked the office door and hurried into the building to turn on the heater. It was still snowing and already the grass was hidden under a white mantle. The kids would be thrilled. She made herself a cup of tea, attended to the post and switched on the computer to read her emails. There was only one, a regular customer wanting to book one of the mobiles for the St Patrick’s weekend. She dealt with it, paid an ESB bill out of her twenty-four-hour banking account and switched off her computer. It was such an easy job in the winter months, she acknowledged, as she washed up her cup, switched off the heater and locked the door after her. She’d do a quick walk round in the evening to make sure everything was OK, and that was her work done for the day. Often when she’d been tempted to give up the site during the summer madness she’d reminded herself that for three months of stress and hard work she had nine months of relative ease.
Sharp needles of sleety snow stung her face and she pulled up the hood of her parka. Head down, she hurried home to cook the children’s dinner. She’d been really surprised by her father’s invitation to Christmas dinner, cooked by himself and Bobby. In theory it sounded good. She hoped against hope that nothing would go wrong. The past two years had been good for them as a family compared to the turmoil that had gone before. She prayed it would stay that way.
Shauna seemed happy enough with the plan. It meant she had a legitimate excuse not to invite Greg until after Christmas Day. If it wasn’t for Chloe, Carrie felt she wouldn’t want to see him at all. It was difficult for her sister, and lonely. Christmas would probably be an ordeal for her. Carrie sighed as she inserted her key in the lock and let herself in to her warm, welcoming house.
‘Stop feeling guilty, woman,’ Dan said to her that night as they lay in bed discussing the events of the day.
‘I’m not,’ she said defensively. Trust Dan. He knew her better than she knew herself.
‘You are. You’re feeling guilty because we’re contented and happy and Shauna’s on her own with a broken marriage. That’s not your fault, Carrie. You can’t fix everything. You’re doing a very good job of being there for her. That’s all you can do. And if your father and Bobby come to blows . . . so what! We’ll grab the turkey and run.’
She giggled at the notion as she curled in against him and his arms tightened round her.
It was a long time since she’d seen snowflakes dancing on the sea, Shauna mused as she drew the heavy gold brocade curtains and shut out the dark night. The flames of the gas fire flickered in the grate and a soothing piano concerto played on the stereo. She lay down on the sofa and picked up her book. Chloe was fast asleep, exhausted after an afternoon spent playing with her cousins in the snow. It was the first time that she had seen it since she’d been a toddler, and she was enthralled. The snowman that now resided in her grandfather’s garden was a work of art.
She was asking about putting up a Christmas tree already. Shauna sighed. Chloe had settled down far better than she could have wished for. That was a huge relief to her. She herself, however, felt terribly lonely. Here she was, a single parent, with her fortieth birthday looming. That wasn’t much to boast about, she thought glumly. Jenna and Brett had invited her and Chloe to come and visit them in the States but she’d hedged. It was different now that she was separated. She was in a financial limbo. To be fair to Greg, he hadn’t put any obstacles in her path when she was selling the house and she still had a joint current account with him. But it was unsettling and she was going to have to make up her mind whether she wanted to try to make a go of things with him again or plough her own furrow.
His betrayal had cut her deep. She couldn’t imagine making love to him again. It would be impossible. All she’d be able to think about was that because of him she would never have another child. A tear trickled down her cheek.
He’d asked her why she had married him. If she were honest, she’d have to admit that she’d married him because he was good-looking and fun to be with and he offered an escape from her father’s control. That was no reason to marry anyone, she admitted, cringing, as she looked deep into her soul and realized that she too must share the blame for their mistakes. It wasn’t fair to blame Greg for everything that had gone wrong between them. He was right when he’d accused her of not listening to him. He’d said from the start that he didn’t want another child, and she’d kept on and on at him. If she really loved him would she not have respected his wishes?
‘And if he really loved me, would he not have respected mine?’ she muttered angrily, wiping her tears away. Each of them
felt hard done by. Each of them was bitter. What a sad legacy to leave behind them from their marriage. At least Chloe was happy, she comforted herself. And right now that was the most important thing of all.
The following morning she checked her emails and her heart did a triple somersault when she saw one from Greg.
Please, please, meet me in Paris so that we can talk. Please give our marriage another chance, if not for our sake, then for Chloe’s.
I’m sorry. I love you and I really miss you and Chloe. What I did was unforgivable. I know that. If you can put the past behind us it would be wonderful but at least let’s talk. Chloe deserves that much.
I love you,
Greg
Shauna felt myriad emotions as she read the email. Rage, loneliness, guilt, sadness. It was too late to be laying a guilt trip on her about Chloe. His daughter had not been a priority when they’d lived together. It was manipulative and mean of him to use her as a carrot to get them back together.
But he was right, even though it angered her to admit it. They owed it to Chloe to talk. Would it be possible to overcome what had happened, for their daughter’s sake? A meeting might ease her pain. It would certainly help her to decide her future one way or another. Anything was better than the lonely limbo she was in at the moment.
She sat with her fingers poised over the keyboard. Then: OK. I’ll meet you in Paris next Saturday. Separate rooms wherever we’re staying. Shauna, she typed, and clicked on send.
She sat staring at the screen for a long time. She knew it would be up to her. Greg wanted her back. He wanted them to be a family again. But what did she want? She just didn’t know, she thought forlornly. She was lonely. The thought of being a single mother was daunting. What was the best thing for Chloe?
Her daughter padded into the room wrapped in a warm, fluffy dressing gown.
‘Morning, darling.’ Shauna inclined her cheek for a kiss.
‘Hi, Mom. I’ve to go to rehearsals for my school play, don’t forget.’
‘I know. Would I forget something so important?’ Shauna teased. ‘Listen, Dad wants us to go back to Abu Dhabi. What do you think about that?’ She studied her daughter intently. Chloe’s big blue eyes registered dismay.
‘Oh, no, Mom! I don’t want to go back there!’ She wrinkled her nose in disgust. ‘I love living here. I love my teacher and my school and all my friends and Olivia and Hannah and Davey and Grandpa and Carrie and Dan,’ she reeled off breathlessly. ‘Grandpa and I are going to grow marrows next year. I can’t go back there. I’m a Wise Man in the play. That’s a very important part. Tell Dad to come and live here,’ she urged plaintively.
‘Maybe I will,’ Shauna said slowly. ‘That’s exactly what I’ll do and we’ll see what he says.’
‘So we’re not going back to Abu Dhabi?’ Chloe queried anxiously.
‘No.’ Shauna shook her head.
‘Brill! Mom, can I have Frosties for breakfast?’
‘Absolutely not,’ Shauna said firmly, getting up from the computer. ‘Come on and we’ll make your porridge.’
‘Aw, Mom.’ Chloe pouted, but she skipped out of the room, blond pigtail flying, and Shauna realized that her daughter had provided the solution to her problem. If Greg wanted them to be together as a family he was going to have to come back to Ireland. Chloe didn’t want to go back to the Gulf and, to be honest, neither did she. That life was behind her. She wanted to put down her roots and make a life for herself at home, with or without him.
She’d know how he felt about it soon enough. Did he really mean it when he said he loved her and Chloe? It was time to put his protestations of love to the test.
Greg read Shauna’s email with a sense of elation. Great! She hadn’t shot him down out of hand. He’d woo her in Paris. It would be like a second honeymoon. By the time he was through there’d be no need for separate bedrooms. He lifted the phone and called his secretary in the outer office.
‘Book me a flight to Paris and a suite in the Ritz for next Saturday and Sunday,’ he instructed crisply, wishing that he could have gone on the Thursday so that he wouldn’t miss so many days’ work. Still, it was worth it if it gave him a chance to have his family back with him. He’d told everyone in Abu Dhabi that Shauna had stayed at home because her father wasn’t well. That excuse wouldn’t last for ever.
He wouldn’t need it soon, he thought confidently. Things were going to get back to normal. His phone rang. It was Pierre. The company were expanding their operations into Hong Kong. He was on the team. They were flying out early in the New Year to meet with builders and developers. He wondered what Shauna would think about moving to Hong Kong. It was a brilliant, life-enhancing opportunity for them. But he wouldn’t say anything about it until the New Year, he decided. There was no point in complicating things. That was for another day.
‘Greg, I’m not sharing a room with you,’ Shauna said angrily as she walked around the sumptuous suite he had laid on for them in the Ritz. She’d been sick with nerves flying to Paris to meet him but now she was feeling downright mad.
‘You don’t have to,’ he said, disappointed. ‘It’s got two bedrooms.’
‘Oh . . . oh . . . OK,’ she said, slightly mollified. She felt up in a heap. She’d thought that she might feel a surge of affection, at least, when she saw her husband, but she just felt flat. All she could think about when she looked at him was that he had made her life a misery for the past year with his selfishness. How could she possibly get back with him feeling like this? Would the pain, anger and resentment ever go away?
‘I got you this,’ he said hesitantly, handing her a box.
‘No!’ She pushed it away.
‘Please, Shauna, open it,’ he urged.
Reluctantly she took the red velvet box from him and opened it, to find a ring and earrings of diamonds and rubies. They were beautiful. He knew her tastes so well, she thought sadly. But how typical of him to think that expensive jewellery would make everything all right.
‘I can’t take this.’ She handed it back to him.
‘Please, don’t be like that. Let’s try again,’ Greg pleaded. He shoved it back to her. He looked tired and worn and he was a lot greyer at his temples than before.
Shauna took a deep breath and placed the box on the sofa. ‘Greg, it’s like this. If you want us to get back together you’ve got to come home. Chloe doesn’t want to go back to the Gulf and neither do I,’ she said flatly.
‘We don’t have to stay in the Gulf,’ he said excitedly. ‘I’ve been offered a job in Hong Kong! We’re expanding out there. I’ve great news for you.’ His brown eyes were sparkling. ‘I was supposed to be going out early in the New Year but Pierre wants me to go next week. I know it’s Christmas but he’s offered us a week at the company’s expense in any hotel of our choice. Just imagine it, Shauna. Christmas in Hong Kong. Chloe would love it!’
‘Are you mad!’ Shauna exclaimed, horrified. ‘She’d hate it. She’d be afraid Santa wouldn’t come. She’d have to try and make friends with whatever kids were in the hotel. For God’s sake, Greg, use your head. What child wants to spend Christmas in a hotel?’
‘Aw, Shauna. It’s a great opportunity. How many children have the chance to travel the world and soak up new cultures like she’s had?’
‘She loves it at home,’ Shauna said exasperatedly. ‘Do you not realize that? She has what she’s always wanted. Family.’
‘Ah family . . . fucking family . . . there’s more to life than family,’ he said resentfully.
‘Actually there isn’t, Greg,’ she said quietly. ‘Family is what it’s all about and you never gave ours a chance,’ she added bitterly.
He flushed. ‘I suppose you’ll hold that against me for the rest of my life,’ he taunted.
‘I don’t know,’ Shauna said wearily, sitting down. Deep down she knew they were finished. Greg was never going to change. The fact that he was so excited about going to Hong Kong proved that to her. He’d never settle in Ireland. ‘I th
ink we have to be realistic,’ she said slowly. ‘It’s clear you don’t want to come home and settle down and I don’t want to live abroad any more. Maybe it’s time to call it a day.’
Greg sat on the sofa opposite her. ‘I don’t want to call it a day,’ he exclaimed, staring at her in dismay.
‘You know what you have to do, then,’ she said, amazed at how calm she sounded. She stood up. ‘Greg, I’m not going to stay. I’m going to go back to the airport and try to get a flight home. You need to think about things and I have our daughter’s play rehearsals to attend. We could sit here all night talking and get nowhere. The options are quite simple. You decide.’
Greg said nothing. He looked bleak and miserable and she felt a pang of pity for him. She bent and kissed him on the cheek, glad that all her anger seemed to have momentarily evaporated. He was never going to change. There was no point in denying that reality. She walked across the thickly carpeted floor and let herself out and never looked back. The red velvet box rested on the sofa where she’d left it.
CHRISTMAS DAY
40
‘Oh, Shauna, the room’s absolutely gorgeous!’ Carrie exclaimed as she stood at the door of her father’s dining room and gazed in admiration at the change her sister had wrought. The old décor had been insipid: peach floral wallpaper and peach curtains that had long faded. Shauna had scraped and sanded the walls and painted them a rich burgundy and cream. She’d bought new cream curtains and two burgundy and cream lamps that threw a warm glow around the firelit room. It was intimate and inviting, especially on the grey, gloomy, cold day that they’d all woken to. The table was dressed in Anna’s best linen tablecloth and Bobby had decorated it with a simple arrangement of holly and red carnations around a wide red candle.
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