by Toni Aleo
“We had sex everywhere, and I mean everywhere. The lake, the dock, the tent, the car, the four-wheeler, everywhere. It was more of a sex holiday than a relaxed one, but then again, I feel great.”
I giggle as I shake my head. “Must be nice.”
“Oh, it was, so damn nice. Mm. Damn, my man fucks like a dream.”
“Ugh, shut up,” I groan as I wipe the counter around the trays since the juice leaked some.
“Envy green isn’t a pretty color on ya!”
“Oh hush,” I throw back at her while she carries on with her laughter. Passing by me, she flips my ponytail up, and I try to smack her with my towel, but she is quicker than I thought. With a grin on my face, I grab the bucket for ice to go fill it. When I come back, Fiona is wiping around the liquor chest, which I’ve already done, but nothing can be too clean. I dump the ice in the cooler and go to get more when I feel her staring at me.
Looking at her, I ask, “What?”
“Just be careful, okay?”
My brows come together. “About what?”
“With Declan. I know you won’t leave him ’cause ya love him and all, and I doubt he’ll want to leave ya, but his family is very powerful.”
I scoff. “You make them sound like the mafia or something.”
“Might as well be,” she answers with a shrug. “I’m just saying, be careful. Give a little with the small things, so when you fight for the big things, it won’t be that big of a deal, ya know?”
I bite the inside of my cheek as I shrug. “I shouldn’t have to give for anything, except with Declan.”
“You’re right, but his ma has a lot of pull with him. Remember, she is the first woman he ever loved. No one can be his ma.”
“But you told me not to let them change me.”
“I did, and I still want that, but it worries me, ya know? I don’t want you to get hurt.”
I nod. “I don’t think Declan would allow that to happen.”
“Yeah, I don’t either, but just be careful, okay?”
“Yeah, I will,” I agree just to make her happy, but I know I have nothing to worry about.
Declan won’t hurt me and he won’t allow anyone to hurt me.
When the door opens, I look up to see Kane walking in in his carefree way. Dressed in a pair of jeans and an O’Callaghan tee, his brown hair is pushed to the side out of his eyes that are trained on Fiona.
Smiling, I glance at her as she squeals, closing the distance between them to kiss her man deeply. I hate that I am jealous of them. I haven’t been able to really kiss Declan in what seems like forever. I miss him. Turning so that I don’t have to watch the display of love, which is horrible of me, I know, I pull out my phone and text him.
I miss you.
I miss you. That’s why I’m here.
Confused, I hear the door open. Turning, I find Declan standing there, a grin on his face and a small white flower in his hand. He wears a pair of gray slacks with a light blue button-down shirt and a gray sports coat over it. It fits him so tightly around his shoulders and thighs that I find myself drooling over my fiancé. I can’t wait to see him at our wedding. Looking all dashing and all mine.
Grinning, I watch as he comes to me while I lean on the bar, my heart kicking up in speed. It always does that when he is around. It just jackhammers against my chest while my stomach does funny little flops. I pray this feeling never stops. I remember my mom saying that my dad did something to her chest every time he smiled at her. She said it felt as if he was standing there with a sledgehammer, just pounding away around her chest to get to her heart. I always thought it was a scary-sounding feeling, but now that I have Declan in my life, I totally get it.
He does that to me.
As he grins at me, I am completely stunned. I’ve always thought he was a beautiful man, but he is also very regal. Maybe it’s the suit, but my goodness, he owns the room. He’s been in meetings all week with lawyers and the other associates of O’Callaghan Whiskey, and I swear, he belongs there. He looks like the owner of a company.
Cupping my face, he kisses me hard on the lips. Parting, he kisses my nose before pulling back to hand me the flower.
“It’s sweet, thank you.”
“Not as sweet as you, though,” he says, lacing his fingers with mine. “Tell me, ya got a bit to spend with me?”
“I always have a bit to spend with you,” I say like he does in his thick Irish way.
He grins and gives me a wink as I take my apron off. Glancing at Fiona, who is currently making out with Kane, I roll my eyes. They are so engrossed in each other, it’s kinda cute.
“I’m gonna go out with Declan. I’ll be back before we open back up.”
She waves me off as Kane slowly backs her into the bar. Making a face, I say, “Please don’t have sex on the bar. We just cleaned it.”
Tearing her mouth from Kane’s, she grins at me. “I’ll clean it again.”
“Ew,” I say as Declan laughs beside me. I take his hand and we go out the side door before he pulls me to his side. Ignoring that Casey attacked me in this spot, I cuddle into Declan as we walk toward the lake. It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining, there is a slight, soft breeze, and it’s just picturesque out. The best part, though, is being cuddled into his side. He is so thick and smells like whiskey and oak barrels. It’s a comforting smell and makes me feel at home.
Reaching the lake, we sit on the bank, our hands joined and my head lying against his shoulder. Watching the breeze on the lake, I let out a long breath.
“What’s wrong, my love?” he asks.
“I’ve missed you,” I answer, placing my chin onto his arm so I can look up at him. He smiles as he cups my face.
“It’ll only be like this a little longer. Gotta get all the legal shite out of the way,” he says, running his thumb along my cheekbone.
“I know, I just hate being apart. And seeing Fiona all over Kane has me a little jealous.”
His brows come together as his eyes bore into mine. “Why’s that?”
“’Cause I want to be all over you, but we never have time for us.”
He smiles. “I mean, we got a bit now, want me to take ya against this bank? Doesn’t seem very romantic. Plus, not only can my mom see us, but I’m sure your aunt and uncle could too, shite, everyone.”
I laugh along with him as I shake my head. “No, I don’t want my first time to be where everyone can see us. I’m just frustrated.”
“Sexually?” he says, waggling his eyebrows at me and I nod.
“A lot.”
Leaning his head to mine, he runs his nose along mine and whispers, “I’ve been sexually frustrated since the first moment I saw ya.”
I giggle before his lips fall to mine in a gentle assault. I close my eyes and our lips move together in such a sweet but urgent way. Moving his hand up the back of my neck, he slowly lies back, bringing me up against his chest. My heart is out of control in my chest, and I can feel his against mine too. Kissing down my jaw, he nibbles on my neck before coming below my ear as his hand slides up my bare leg to the spot at my thighs when my shorts sit. Squeezing my ass, he kisses the spot below my ear before nibbling on my lobe.
He then whispers, “Sure, I can’t take ya here?”
My face breaks into a grin as I shake my head. “I have to face your mom tomorrow, and knowing our luck, she’ll see us.”
He chuckles against my ear before nibbling some more and saying, “I can’t wait to see you under this tree. In a beautiful dress, all mine.”
I smile as I close my eyes, leaning my head against his. “I’ll be your princess.”
Pulling away, he looks down at me, moving my baby hairs out of my face. With a grin on his face, he moves his thumb along my jaw before kissing me softly. Pulling back, he says, “No, Amberlyn, you’ll be my queen.”
I always thought when I stood in a wedding dress that my mom would be beside me.
That she would be crying and fussing over how beautiful I l
ooked. That she would hate a dress but love another and ultimately help me choose the dress that was made for me. We would cry and hold each other because we were so happy. Then we would go to lunch and talk about more details, about my groom and how Daddy would have loved him. Since my father died when I was younger, I had accepted that he wouldn’t there to walk me down the aisle, but then we decided that mom would.
Now though, I had no one to do it.
I hadn’t even thought about that until I looked at myself in the mirror and took in everything I was seeing. The dress is gorgeous; of course, we are in the finest wedding shop in Dublin. So I expected nothing less. Especially as the owner herself picked it out since it was up to O’Callaghan standards. It has more jewels and sparkles on it than the sky has stars. It is a strapless top with a skirt like Cinderella’s. It’s the twelfth dress I’ve put on, and it’s stunning, but I hate it. I don’t know if I hate it because I really do or if it is because my mom isn’t here to help me pick out my dress.
Every girl should have their mother with her on the day she picks the dress that will begin her forever.
But I don’t.
Coming up behind me, Mrs. O’Callaghan looks me over, taking in every detail as she nods slowly. She’s done this with every gown and each one I’ve hated.
“What do you think, Mrs. O’Callaghan?” the owner, Michele, asks, but why is she asking her? Why does it matter to her? It’s my dress! And she hasn’t asked me once what I think. I just shake my head and walk away. Meeting Fiona’s gaze in the mirror, I can see she shares my sentiments, and I know she is on the brink of losing her shit. She’s kept her mouth shut on my account, but even I am getting frustrated. My aunt is on top of the world being able to have tea and talk with Mrs. O’Callaghan; I doubt she even notices that I am upset. And I hate how angry that makes me. Everyone, minus Fiona, is more worried about what Mrs. O’Callaghan thinks than me.
And I’m the bride.
“She has the perfect body for this. I love it. I’ve loved all the dresses though. The only thing that worries me is her wound. Surely it will be heal by then, yeah? Think we can cover it with some makeup?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure so,” my aunt says and my blood starts to boil.
“I’m proud of my wound. It’s a constant reminder of how much I love Declan.”
Mrs. O’Callaghan gives me a sweet smile. “Of course, my dear, but it isn’t very pretty.”
“So? It’s a part of her,” Fiona says, and I see my aunt pinch her thigh. “Ow!”
“Shush,” Shelia says, giving her a look, but I couldn’t agree more.
“They are right, but it doesn’t matter if you like it, Ma. It’s Amberlyn’s dress, her body,” Lena says as she crosses her arms over her chest. It’s the first time she has been even remotely involved. She’s mostly been playing on her phone.
“Oh of course, Amberlyn, my dear, what do you think? Is this the one?”
Meeting her gaze in the mirror, I say, “No, I hate it.”
Michele gasps, so does my aunt, while Fiona smirks and Lena shakes her head. Mrs. O’Callaghan looks at me in total disbelief, and I slowly step off the platform, tears stinging my eyes as I go back to the changing room to take it off. Slamming the door behind me, I kick the skirt out of my way and let my hands drop to my sides.
I just miss my mom.
Tears start to roll down my cheeks and I suck in a deep breath, trying to hold them in, but it isn’t working. When a knock comes at the door, I know it’s Michele coming to help me out of the dress, but I need to be alone.
“Amberlyn, can I come in?”
It’s Fiona.
“Yeah,” I say, and she pushes the door open before glancing at me. I can see the panic on her face, but she tucks it back in as she comes up behind me, undoing the dress.
“Let’s get this frilly shite off ya, yeah?”
I nod, my lip wobbling as she unbuttons the back and helps me out of it. Reaching for my robe, I cover my body before sitting on the bench and covering my face with my hands as I cry. I feel her near me before she wraps her arms around me and hugs me close to her, her lips pressing into my temple.
“You miss your mom?”
I nod as the tears start to come faster. Sucking in a deep breath, I hold on to her tightly, needing her strength. “I didn’t think this was going to be this hard,” I cry as my heart feels as if it is being ripped from my chest and stomped on.
“Amberlyn, it’s all so new, and so much is changing. Of course, this is going to be hard. You’re always so positive, but sometimes, ya need to accept that this is going to suck.”
I nod, my eyes starting to hurt from rubbing them so hard. I want to wipe away the pain, but no matter how hard I wipe, it is still there, slowly ripping me apart. She’s right; I try to be so positive about everything, but today…today sucks.
“I’m supposed to be happy though. I’m finding my dress for the day that will start the rest of my life.”
“Yeah, but you are allowing them to pick it out. We came in, had tea, and then came up to the dresses they think are up to ‘O’Callaghan standards,’” she says, making air quotes. “You aren’t an O’Callaghan yet. You are becoming one, so shouldn’t your dress be you?”
“Do you think that’s why I want to run and hide in a hole?”
She smiles. “That may be one of the reasons, but I think the main one is your ma, for sure. I know she’d want to be here, and I promise she is, in yer heart.”
I nod. “Yeah, you’re right.”
She kisses my cheek as I slowly wipe my tears from my face. Holding my gaze and with a bright smile, she says, “Why don’t we go look and see what we find?”
Looking around the room, I still have three more O’Callaghan dresses, but I have no inclination to put them on. Looking back at Fiona, I nod my head, “Yeah, let’s go look.”
“Thatta girl. Come on,” she says, pulling me up and out the door.
When I come out without a dress on, I can see the confusion on Mrs. O’Callaghan’s face. I ignore it as I say, “I’m gonna look around and see if something catches my eye.”
“None of the dresses that were brought out for you are good?” she asks me, and I shake my head.
“They’re not me,” I answer as Fiona’s arm links with mine; I know it’s for support.
“Sure aren’t. I see you in something softer,” Lena says, standing up and throwing her phone down. “Can I come help?”
I nod. “Sure.”
I can tell that Michele doesn’t want me to look, that she wants me to choose one of the dresses that are in the room, probably because they cost as much as a car, but she takes me to where the dresses all hang. Looking around the room, we look at each dress. I find two that are all right, but Lena is convinced they will look better on me than the hanger. I’m not sure, but I agree to try them on. We are about to head back to the dressing room when a soft blue catches my eyes. It’s the same color as Declan’s eyes, and instantly, I’m drawn to it.
Taking it by the hanger, I bring the dress out and I’m in awe. It’s a full tulle skirt, the back in layers with a big embellished gathering of tulle flowers. The strapless top has beautiful swirls of crystals and the back is buttoned with little blue buttons. I’ve never seen such a gorgeous blue, except when I look into Declan’s eyes, and I can’t help but need this dress.
“Is that a wedding dress?” Lena asks.
“Has to be, yeah?” Fiona asks looking back at Michele.
She nods. “Yes, it’s very rare. The only one we got, but Mrs. O’Callaghan didn’t like it.”
“It isn’t her dress,” Lena answers. “What do you think of it, Amberlyn?”
I look it over, a small smile playing on my lips. “Reminds me of Declan’s eyes. I love it.”
She smiles back at me as Fiona beams. “Try it on then!”
It’s the first time all day that I’ve been excited. I woke up with an icky feeling in my gut, and it just got worse as the day progre
ssed. But now, as I slowly slide the soft blue dress up my body and Fiona buttons the back, I can’t contain the grin on my face. The dress looks a billion times better on me than it did on the hanger. The blue is gorgeous on my skin, and with my hair, it’s almost magical. Yeah, my wound is showing but I don’t care.
I love it.
“This is it,” Fiona whispers as she looks over my shoulder in the mirror.
Lena stands from where she was fluffing the skirt out before meeting my gaze, taking me in as I do the same. Slowly a smile comes over her face as she nods. “It is.”
“Yeah,” I whisper as tears sting my eyes. I can’t help but hear my mom say the same thing in my head. Closing my eyes, I suck in a deep breath and say, “Let’s go show Aunt Shelia and Mrs. O’Callaghan.”
Turning, I head for the door but then pause, looking back at myself in the mirror. The back is even more gorgeous than the front. It’s cut low, to the small of my back, with lots of embellishment. I love it. Fiona opens the door for me, and I see the grin on her face as she says, “Ma, this is it.”
I hear my aunt shriek in excitement, and then I make my entrance. Michele is grinning, my aunt is almost in tears, but I don’t miss the look of complete disgust on Mrs. O’Callaghan’s face. Ignoring her though, I go up on the platform as Michele fluffs out the bottom again. Meeting my gaze, she says, “One minute.”
I look myself over and can’t help but think that Declan is going to love it. It isn’t traditional, but it’s me. It’s gorgeous.
When Michele comes back, she has a white lace birdcage veil and a bouquet full of white and light blue flowers. Handing me the bouquet, she quickly braids my hair before putting the veil on my head, covering my face in such an elegant way. Unblocking my view of myself, she steps to the side and I am stunned by what I see.
I see Declan’s bride.
Everyone oohs and aahs as the tears gather in my eyes. I found it. I found my dress.
“Is this for the engagement party?
But then it is ruined with that one comment from Mrs. O’Callaghan.