by Addison Jane
I ignored him, turning and heading for the door even as my brain told me to go to him. He was hurting, he’d just had the shit beaten out of him and now where was I when he needed me.
But he also needed to talk with Optimus, brother to brother.
Their relationship was at stake, and I was giving him that time. Whether it be a few minutes or forever.
Chelsea dabbed at the cut above my eye with a wet cloth as I sat at the bar, three whiskeys deep.
“You shouldn’t be drinking,” she said softly before adding, “You’re also lucky that this probably doesn’t need stitches.”
“You’re also lucky that Op is getting old and can’t throw a punch like he used to,” Blizzard chuckled.
Optimus snorted but didn’t reply to his smart ass remark. Instead, turning his attention to me. “You could have told me.”
I clutched the glass in my hand, throwing back the little that was left in the bottom before I replied, “And how would you have liked me to do that? You still would have beaten the shit out of me.”
“Maybe,” he answered honestly. “But I wouldn’t have gotten so fucking mad. When I figured out she was seeing someone, I thought whoever it was, was the reason she’d started fucking up shit with Har. I figured she was putting some fucking asshole first before her daughter. So when I found out it was one of my own, I saw red.”
I shook my head. “I love that kid, you fucking know that. I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt her.”
“Anger makes us a little crazy,” Chelsea said softly.
Op’s phone started to buzz across the bar and he looked down. “Damn it, it’s Leo.” He picked it up in his hand and looked over at me. “We aren’t done.”
“It’s her story to tell, not mine,” I answered simply, even though it took everything I had to hold back from explaining what she’d told me. Optimus would want to know, and when he finds out, he’s going to hate himself for not figuring out there was something wrong sooner.
He glared at me, letting me know that he wasn’t about to give up on this shit. But for now, he had bigger problems to deal with. Leo and Hadley were on the run, and we had a shitstorm brewing at our back door as we tried to figure out just how to handle it.
That was his focus for now, and I prayed to God that would give me enough time to talk Sugar around and let the club know what was going on.
He took the call, and at the same time, I pulled away from Chelsea and headed for my room. I wanted to go after her, but I also needed to just breathe for a moment before racing back in there and throwing her off.
Sitting at the edge of my bed, I hung my head as I tried to gather my thoughts. It was out now, there was no more hiding the way we felt for each other, but I also knew this road wasn’t going to be easy. It was going to take time to heal the trust I’d broken with my brothers, but I was willing to do that and deal with being on their shit lists if it meant being able to have this woman in my life.
Part me wondered if the attraction—the addiction—I had to Sugar was because I felt this overwhelming need to save her. I wanted to protect her from her ex-husband, but also help her work through the pain she’d suffered in her past.
But that wasn’t just it.
It was about finding this woman, who despite her flaws, despite the fact that she’d been put through hell, she’d fought harder than some of the strongest men I knew to come out the other side.
Addiction wasn’t an easy thing to overcome. You never got rid of an addiction, it was forever with you. It was a case of whether you chose to feed it or not. Not only that but during those hard times, she’d managed to raise one of the most amazing children I’d ever met. She’d put her own shit aside, buried it in the back of her brain, and put her best foot forward for her daughter.
I loved Harlyn.
I realized a long time ago that Sugar and Harlyn came as a package deal, and that was not only okay with me, but I found myself wanting to spend time with the both of them. It was all more than just a physical attraction and explosive sex. It was how she understood me, and how she understood my role in the club and the club’s role inside of me. She didn’t get jealous, she didn’t ever demand to be put first. And while I would try to do that as often as possible, there were simply times when it wouldn’t be that way.
Times like these where we had club members on the run for their lives and needed us behind them, backing them at every turn. Or times when our lifestyle or reputation were threatened, and we had to take a stand.
A woman who could accept this life we led was a rare diamond.
Optimus knew that, and it was why he eventually claimed Chelsea. Leo, Blizzard and Kit, all knew that, and it was why they grabbed hold of their women with both hands and refused to let them leave.
If she could take the good with the crazy, and the crazy with the dangerous, she was something special. And Sugar had been through all three and she was still standing, still trying to put the club and my relationships with my brothers first, even if that meant ours was put on hold.
I was worried about this ex-husband and the vendetta he seemed to have against her. Fortunately, I had my own ways of finding out the information I needed.
Just as I moved toward my computer, determined to dig up some shit on this bastard, there was a light knock on my door. I sighed heavily and changed paths. When I pulled it open, I was surprised to see who was standing on the other side.
“Hey,” Slider said cautiously.
He looked like shit, there was no other way to explain it. His face was pale, and it seemed like he’d lost a lot of weight even over the past week that we’d known about his condition. I stepped to the side and he nodded as he walked in. Taking a seat at my computer, I watched as he lowered himself to the edge of the bed, every movement he made seeming to cause him some kind of pain.
“I heard what was going on,” he finally said, looking me in the eyes. “Op didn’t take it well, I’m guessing.” He nodded at my face, which no doubt looked like I’d been hit by a truck. I could feel my nose, jaw and eye swelling. I needed to get some ice on that shit and try to bring it down.
“That would be an understatement,” I scoffed.
“She’s hiding something, and Op is losing his damn mind. Not only has he got Leo and Hadley’s shit to deal with, but this on top is gonna be the shit that broke the camel’s back,” he said seriously.
I smiled. “The straw that broke the camel’s back.”
He forced a smile. “You know what I fucking mean, asshole.”
I took in a deep breath. “She has skeletons in her closet, ones that have come back in force. She’s trying to do what she thinks is best to protect the people she cares about. But fuck, man, I don’t just want to stand by and watch her get hurt when I know there’s something I could have done about it.”
He nodded. “Secrets like that are never good. They hurt people. I put Hadley in the same position, and at first, I was angry at her for telling the club, I felt like it wasn’t her place to share that kind of shit.” He hung his head. “But now, I’m fucking thankful she did. I’m thankful she had the balls to do it.”
I could hear what he was saying, telling me that I needed to be straight up with Optimus and let him know, that Sugar would be pissed at me but in the long run, it would be better.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” I asked softly. I didn’t want him to get defensive. I just wanted to know. We would have stood by him, we always fucking do.
He cleared his throat, his fingers squeezed into tight fists in his lap. It was strange to see someone who had always been the life of the party. The one person who you could always count on to crack a joke in a tense situation, just crumbling before your eyes. I wanted to see him smile, to hear him say something that would make me laugh, but instead, all I saw was my brother falling to pieces before my eyes.
“I was scared, man,” he finally answered, his voice so low that I had to strain to hear him. “Was afraid this would all be taken from me. T
hat people would look at me differently. I’m meant to be that guy… the one who’s always happy, who could take a bullet and crack a joke about getting blood on the carpet. That’s who I am.”
“You’re also someone who means fucking everything to the people here,” I countered. “We would never judge you for going through some shit like that. We’d never think you were any less strong or any less worthy of being our brother.”
A tear dripped down his cheek and I was instantly off my feet, pulling him off the bed and wrapping my arms around him. At first, he wanted to get away, he pushed against me but I held him tight.
“We fucking love you, fucker,” I hissed, trying to control my own emotions. “Stop trying to hide and let us fucking be there for you.”
“I don’t want to drag you guys down with me,” he snapped even as his body went limp in my arms and he grasped hold of my club cut in his hands.
“We would ride to hell with you if that was what you needed,” I shot back. “We are a whole. Ain’t no dragging one person down. One falls we all fall. And we do it with a fucking smile on our faces.”
He let out a loud sob and buried his face into my shoulder.
Movement caught my eye and I looked up to see Optimus and Blizzard standing in the doorway. Their eyes were shimmering with unshed tears, and without saying a word they came inside and surrounded the both of us. Slider jumped as he felt two other bodies wrap around us. Not a word was spoken as we stood there in silence, Slider shattering into pieces, the three of us holding him together.
This was my brotherhood.
Four men standing in a fucking room, arms wrapped around each other as we fight back the tears, doing our best to collect the pieces of our broken brother and show him that we were there for him.
No matter fucking what.
We all took a step back at once, Optimus took one look at me, and I could see the words spoken in his eyes. This was what secrets did, they pulled us apart.
We were stronger together, and the sooner Sugar realized that, the better. Before she got too deep and before we lost someone else.
I cleared my throat and looked over at Slider. “You feel up for a ride? I might need your help with something.”
Maybe if he talked to her, he could help her to see some kind of reason. He could help convince her that doing shit alone and trying to hide your problems never came out well. Maybe if she could see the pain in his eyes, she would understand.
He raised his brow at me as he wiped at his cheeks. “Yeah, I guess. I got time.”
Optimus and Blizzard patted him on the back.
“Hadley and Leo are on their way back. They’ll be here tomorrow, and there’s a lot of shit we need to discuss,” Optimus said as they headed for the door. “Gonna need you both here.”
“No problem,” I answered.
Slider nodded. “I’ll be there.”
I patted him on the back. “How about that ride?”
Slider and I didn’t make it to Sugar’s.
He came off his bike.
It scared the fucking shit out of me.
He’d just passed out, and I’d had to watch helplessly as his bike skidded down the road on its side, flinging him off into the bushes. I’d gone with him to the hospital and spent most of the day there while they’d tried their best to fix him up. It wasn’t life threatening, but with all the issues he already had, he was weak.
That’s where shit had hit the fan.
Things with Sugar got forced to the side—one of those times that the club needed to be put first.
With a plan put in place, I was confined to the clubhouse. We knew it was coming, but we couldn’t be sure when. The only thing we knew was that when it came, we needed all hands on deck. Turned out, it didn’t matter how many hands we had, how much firepower, or whether our plan was solid. Two days after I’d sat with Slider in the hospital—thankful that I hadn’t watched my brother die that day, grateful that he’d managed to pull through and was strong enough to fight back—we lost him.
I sat in the clubhouse, staring at the wall, the feeling of death filling the room. Soft sobs were the only sound that filled the room as we all gathered together, trying to make sense of what the fuck had happened.
I felt numb.
Losing a brother was never easy, and it had happened all too many times during my time with the club. It was part of our lifestyle, each of us embracing the fact that one day it could be us. None of us ran or cowered. Even when we were scared, we stood tall and we stood together because that was the essence of who we were.
Many of us had come from lives where we’d lost our friends or family, where we’d grown up struggling to find a place in the world. The Brothers by Blood gave us all a family who would stand by each other and face the fires of hell if it meant protecting the people that we cared about.
Whether we were related by blood or not never came into play. It was about earning your place in a family through loyalty and trust. Some people say you can’t choose your family, but they were wrong. I’d chosen mine.
This was fucking it.
The sofa dipped beside me and I looked out of the corner of my eye to see Optimus staring at me, his eyes bloodshot but his face a stern mask. He was our leader, he had to hold strong for us and keep us going. He was the one who would push us forward despite losing an important piece of our puzzle. It must have been a lot of pressure for him to hold on his shoulders, but if there was anyone who could do it, it was him.
“Get out of here,” he said harshly, but with a crack in his voice.
I pulled back, surprised by his words.
His shoulders slumped and he shook his head. “You need her right now. So go to her.”
I stared at him, wondering whether I was so deep in a daze right now that my brain was hearing things that couldn’t be true. The last few days had been full on, I’d barely even had time to breathe as I coordinated with Judge and his boys to make sure everything had run smoothly.
When shit hit the fan, one of Simon’s men had been able to scramble the signal to the car he’d taken Hadley in. It had taken me almost twenty minutes to fight through their defenses and pull the tracking device back online so we could find them. Every second that passed, I’d wondered if it would be too late, if my skills weren’t good enough to rescue Hadley, and if I’d be responsible for Leo losing another person that he loved.
My brain was fried, I was running on autopilot.
“I should be here with you guys,” I croaked. “If I’d found them faster—”
“Cut it out,” Optimus snapped. “It wasn’t your fault. None of us could have stopped him and he wouldn’t have wanted us too. He wanted to go out as a hero, he was scared of rotting away to nothing and losing himself. He got what he wanted.”
I inhaled a shaky breath.
“Harlyn is with her. The both of them are gonna need you,” he said, his face dropping. “I have to be here right now. I can’t support everyone, so I need you to do this for me. And I know it’s what you need, too.”
My throat was tight and constricted. Optimus might be pissed at me, angry at what I’d done and the secrets he knows I’m still hiding, but that wasn’t what was important right now.
“Yeah…okay.”
We both stood at the same time and turned to face each other.
“I might not like you a lot right now, but you’re my brother, and I love your dumb ass,” he growled as we stared at each other. “Go.”
I took a deep breath, patting him on the shoulder as I passed by and headed straight for my bike. He was right, I needed her. This wasn’t just a relationship where she would lean on me and I’d hold her up. No, it worked both ways.
I knocked on her front door, breathing in the sound of laughter that came from inside. I braced my hands against the doorframe as I heard footsteps moving toward the door. As her silhouette filled the glass between us, my body shuddered, and I felt my emotions building in the pit of my stomach.
The doo
r clicked open, and she stood in front of me with a bright smile on her face.
I fucking loved that.
Since we’d met, it had always been my mission to fill her face with brightness, to hear her laugh and see her smile. But as she studied my face, the smile slowly dropped, and she inhaled a sharp breath. I stared into her eyes, trying to make my mouth move but failing completely.
She immediately rushed forward, hitting me with such force that she almost threw us both backward down the staircase. I buried my face in her hair, struggling to catch my breath, trying my best not to break down right there on her porch.
“I’m here,” she whispered. “I’m right here.”
We stood there for what seemed like hours, with her pressed tightly to my chest, just surviving on the smell of her, just knowing she was there.
When Harlyn called out to her, obviously wondering what was taking her so long, we finally pulled apart, and I said the words that up until that point I’d managed to avoid. “Slider’s dead.”
Her lips pursed and she took in a shaky breath before looking over her shoulder and into the house. “Harlyn is going to be shattered.”
I took my hat off and scrubbed at my head before placing it back down. “Optimus… he needs to be at the club right now.”
She nodded. “I know. Come on. Guess we need to all sit down and have a talk.”
My gut churned as we walked back inside, hand in hand. Slider might have been absent for the past couple of weeks or so, but he and Harlyn had developed a bond since Sugar and her had been back. He was silly and immature at the best of times, something the kids all flocked to.
Harlyn looked up from her place at the dining room table, coloring books, markers and cookies spread out around her. Her eyes instantly went to where our hands were connected and her eyes brightened. “I knew it!” She beamed as she leaped off her chair. “Are you guys in love? Like Daddy and Chelsea?”
I looked down at Sugar who just smiled. “We’ve got some stuff we need to talk to you about, baby girl. Why don’t you come sit down?”