by Robyn Carr
“Sure,” she said. “Sleep well. See you in the morning.”
The family is the test of freedom;
because the family is the only
thing that the free man makes
for himself and by himself.
—Gilbert K. Chesterton
6
Hannah feared it was goodbye. Owen lived a somewhat adventurous, reluctantly famous life and in between his travels, he hid out at his cabin and put together his photos and collections. What did she really know about him? She loved his temperament and his humor, loved the way he related to Noah and even Romeo, but she had no way of knowing if he had that occasional dark side. His ex-wife, who he described as a fun-loving extrovert, said he could be quiet for long periods. She hadn’t noticed that in the time they’d been together. Would that be okay after a while? Or would it become tiresome and lonely?
Still, she felt the threat of tears while she was in the shower. She had to be so careful. It wouldn’t take much to get Noah going—he was already grieving the end of his vacation, already missing Owen and Romeo. The poor little guy had done so much grieving lately.
But the press of Owen’s lips had left an impression. The safety she felt in the circle of his arms was so promising. Being near that calm, strong confidence was inspiring. He was not like any other man she’d ever known. It was true—she had hardly thought about Wyatt. If she hadn’t gotten that errant phone call, the one she hadn’t even answered, she might not have thought about him at all. Not even in the dark of night. Close call.
There was one thing that left her unsure. It was clear that he adored Noah but how did Owen feel about her? In four weeks of constant companionship Owen had hugged her a couple of times. Very polite and platonic hugs. He’d kissed her brow a few times. He’d kissed her lips only that once, and it hadn’t been a passionate kiss filled with longing. With the exception of his kindness, his generosity and warmth, she didn’t get a strong sense of desire from him. He’d said since his divorce, relationships had been rare and brief.
She dried her hair so it wouldn’t be all wonky in the morning and slid into bed. She thought about keeping Owen in the back of her mind, handy. Waiting. They would get to know each other better on phone calls. She would visit him again. If she didn’t learn what she needed to know after another visit, she might plan to visit him the following summer. After all, she’d reconciled herself to the fact that she was going to be a single parent. She’d called off two weddings, proof she wasn’t a great judge of men.
Morning came too soon and she was tired. She’d slept but not well. She was relieved to see the clock read nearly six; she wouldn’t have to fight it any longer. She got up, dressed, put on the coffee, stowed away her pajamas and yesterday’s clothes and her toiletries. She put her suitcase by the door.
She roused Noah and he groaned miserably. “Get up and put on your happy face. I’m going to want you to take pictures of our road trip that you can send to Owen. He’ll be coming over for breakfast so let’s get moving.”
“Do I have to?”
“Well, I can carry you to the car in your pajamas and you can get dressed later, but don’t you want to see Owen and Romeo before we leave?”
“Uh-huh,” he muttered.
She helped him get dressed and get his braces on. While he brushed his teeth, she stripped both beds and put the sheets in the washer, but she didn’t start it. She made a neat pile of blankets, comforters and pillows, and her nose told her the coffee was ready. She gave Noah a bowl of Cheerios, poured two cups of coffee and opened the door—that was their signal.
Romeo came bounding inside. “Here, boy, here,” Noah called and the Great Dane ran to him and licked his face.
She carried the coffee to the porch and there he sat in his favorite chair. “How long have you been waiting?” she asked, handing him a coffee.
“Just a little while,” he said.
“Aw, you’re looking a little bit tired,” she said. “It’s going to be all right, you’ll see. I have it all worked out in my head. We’ll talk on the phone. We’ll FaceTime and text and get to know each other even better. We’ll have another visit before the end of summer. Maybe you’ll come to Minneapolis even though, for a man like you, that can’t seem very interesting. But this has been wonderful, Owen. You’re wonderful. Thank you. I think it was the best month of my life.”
“Mine, too.”
“Can Noah borrow that camera you showed him how to use? He can take pictures from the car and we can email them to you. I’ll send the camera back—”
“You don’t have to send it back. He can have it. Tell him to take pictures of you, too. And I’ll take pictures of Romeo.”
“Why do you call him Romeo anyway?”
He smiled. “He was just a pup when I found him but that didn’t keep him from flirting with every animal in sight. I even caught him trying to have his way with a fawn. Thank God that didn’t work out for him. Can you imagine the ugly beast we’d have gotten?”
“You’re making that up.”
“I wish I were. Do you need help gathering things together?”
“Nope. We’re ready. The snack pack, little cooler and Noah’s backpack with his tablet and toys go in the back seat. My little overnight bag can go in the front seat with my purse.”
“Have you eaten?”
She made a face. “I don’t think I can, Owen. I might have a little travel tummy. But let me mess you up some eggs if you want.”
“Nah,” he said. “I’ll do that later.”
A small voice came from inside the cabin. “Take care of Owen and Beau and don’t be a bad influence. Be very good. Owen can show you my face on the phone when I call. I love you more than anything.”
Hannah put her hand over mouth. Her eyes watered and she fought tears. “We need to go. We need to not drag this out. Please understand.”
“I understand,” he said.
“Let me rinse the cereal bowl...”
“Hannah, I’ll get that. Just come here.” He wrapped his long arms around her and said, “Let’s be grateful for how this worked out and not make it negative. It was incredible. I can’t wait for the next time.”
A hiccup of emotion escaped her and she got on her toes to kiss his cheek. “How does it feel to be the second best man in my entire life?”
He grinned. “Very good, that’s how it feels.” He walked into the kitchen, grabbed Noah and lifted him. “Come on, cowboy, let’s get you situated. Hannah will get all your back seat stuff. Do you have to go to the bathroom?”
“I went.”
Owen settled Noah into his seat and kissed him on the cheeks. “Thank you for visiting me. Please visit me again soon. I’ll miss you so I’ll call you.”
“’Kay.”
Owen took the things Hannah carried and put them within Noah’s reach. She came back a second later with her small bag and her purse. She hugged him again and slid into the car. “Have a wonderful time in your travels, Owen.”
“Thank you. Be very safe and careful.”
“Of course. You, too.”
He closed the door and she pulled out of her space by the house and drove down the road. She gave the horn a little toot and heard Romeo bark. And she thought, Thank God we don’t have to face goodbye anymore. She checked the rearview mirror and saw that Noah had tear streaks down his cheeks. “You okay, buddy?” she asked.
He nodded. “I wish I didn’t have to go away from everyone I like.”
She felt the dampness of her own cheeks and decided it was best just to say nothing. They were entitled to a little cry. She drove toward Leadville.
* * *
Owen had another cup of coffee on the porch. Romeo kept putting his big head in Owen’s lap. “We’re bachelors again, Romeo,” he said, scratching Romeo’s ears. “We’ll be fine.”
After all, he’d been
fine for years. He had no one to answer to, he’d developed some wonderful pictures and collections and it was time he focused on that again.
He’d also liked their company. He’d been so surprised. You’d think in ten years he’d have met someone that made him feel connected again, but no. It wasn’t until Hannah and Noah. Either they were special or he was just ready and they were in his crosshairs.
He hadn’t wanted them to leave. Of course he couldn’t make them stay. He’d offered. He’d said, Stay longer. Take your time. You have family leave. You can sit and think. Had he said, Please don’t go? Probably not. Owen was always hesitant to push his affection or, worse, his needs on another person. Had he told her she was beautiful? He supposed not since he was a little shy. Shy and sometimes uncertain. And he hadn’t told her he’d been a father. Telling anyone about that part of his life always sent him into a panic. He could see the horrified look in the eyes of the person he told. Because it was horrifying! Not only could other people not imagine how anyone could survive that, Owen had trouble imagining that himself.
He should have told Hannah there was a reason why he picked up on Noah’s vulnerability. Their losses fit together like puzzle pieces. Not just Noah—Hannah, as well. She’d lost so much and yet managed that with such grace and strength. She was clearly struggling to figure out what her life with Noah should look like, feel like.
Ach, he was a lamebrain! Would he ever learn to tell people how he felt? Sheila used to tell him, Just say how you feel! That’s all you have to do!
He rinsed the dishes, wiped the table where Noah had slopped, looked in the refrigerator to see so much good food was left that he was certain he wouldn’t be able to eat. He went to the bedroom. She’d stripped the bed even though he told her not to bother. He picked up a pillow and held it to his nose. Oh God. How long could he preserve the scent of her?
He went back outside and sat on the porch.
What if I tell her how I feel and she falls for it, gives me a chance, and in due time she discovers I’m a dark, quiet, solitary person and she can’t live like that? What if it’s only a year and she can’t take me and my preoccupation and silence?
“I don’t know, Owen,” he said aloud, answering his own question. “Do you still get the year with her?” Because right now a year seemed like enough time to learn to be more open, more loving and emotionally available.
I’m such an idiot, he thought. He pulled out his cell phone and called her.
“Owen, I’m fine,” she said. “Are you okay?”
“No,” he said. “Where are you?”
“I’m almost to Leadville.”
“There’s a rest stop and park right before you get to town. Pull over. I’m coming.”
“Why? Why are you coming?”
“I have to tell you something! Will you wait for me? It’s very important.”
“Well...sure...but are you all right?”
“I’m fine. I’m only fifteen minutes behind you.” He disconnected.
He shuffled Romeo into the house but he had to stop and put down water for him. “Behave. I’ll be gone an hour.”
He jumped into his truck and began to drive. When he saw the speed he was going, he eased off the gas. Dying would be inconvenient. He practiced what he would say when he caught up with her and everything sounded so stupid, he had to stop. She was going to think he’d lost his mind and if she ever had a reason to run back to Minneapolis, his lunacy would be it.
Then he began to rehearse how he would behave when she explained she just couldn’t stay with him—she had things to do, things to put in place so she could be a single, working mother. He would say, “Okay, but I had to try.”
By the time he got to the rest stop, he was totally jumbled. He pulled up right behind her car and honked his horn. He put the truck in Park, jumped out, ran to her car door just as she was getting out. She had a mystified look on her face as she stepped out of her car.
Owen cradled her face in his hands, threading his fingers into her hair, and covered her mouth in a powerful kiss. Her lips parted, inviting him in, and he devoured her, so hungry. He couldn’t let her go completely. Against her lips he said, “I want a chance to fall in love with you. I need you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Noah is the best thing, too. I want you to stay. Please stay. Stay the summer. Let’s see what we know after summer and if you don’t think we’re a good idea, okay, I give up. But I think if we give it the summer, we’ll fall in love. I’m probably already in love. I must be. I’ve never felt so awful before.”
“Awful?” she asked in a whisper.
“You leaving gutted me. Please stay.”
“But Noah...”
He kissed her again. Long and deep. She wrapped her arms around him. “We have everything he needs. We have doctors and dentists and neurologists... Okay, maybe not, but they’re close enough. Physical therapists. Schools, babysitters, one Great Dane. You don’t have to worry about money. I don’t mean to say I don’t want you to work... Shit, I’ve never been good at this.”
“Good at what, Owen?” she asked. But she was smiling.
“Begging.”
She held him close. “Yes, this is what was missing.” Then she got up on her tiptoes and kissed him. Long and lovingly. He lifted her off her feet.
“Will you give it the summer? To see if you can stand me? To see if we three belong together? Because I know, firsthand, how suddenly happiness can be snatched away, and since you’ve been here, I’ve been so happy. If you’re happy, too...”
“I’ve been happy,” she said, her lips still against his. “So happy...”
“The summer, then,” he said. “For starters. Let’s at least give it the summer.”
“I think that’s perfectly reasonable. Yes, I want to find out.”
“Oh God,” he said, clutching her tightly to him. “Oh God.”
And then a small voice said, “Hey! Whatcha doing out there?”
* * *
Owen wanted to be the one to tell Noah. He opened the car door and said, “Noah, you and Hannah are going to come back to my house. Hopefully for the whole summer.”
“How long is that?” he asked.
“Long,” Owen said. “Months. Till it stops being summer. Can you live with that?”
Noah’s face lit up in a huge grin, a light shining from inside the little guy. “I could do that,” he said. “Does Romeo know?”
“You can tell him.”
Noah was full of questions on the way back to Owen’s house. “Why do we get to go back? How long is summer? Is it almost a year? Can I fish today? Can I swim? Do I have to have quiet time again? Should I tell Sully? We could call him or we could go over there. We’re taking all this stuff back in the house, right? We don’t have to leave it in the car for summer, right?”
Hannah was laughing, but she was also driving. “Summer is a long time. Yes, we’re going to take all our things in and put everything away in the drawers and closets. Play a game while I drive!”
Owen carted all their belongings back into the house and while the boys hung out, fished, threw the ball for Romeo and read in the hammock for a while, Hannah was busy putting things away and calling her girlfriends.
“I’m staying for summer,” she said. “I’m staying to see if I love him. I’m giving it a chance to see if I love him like I think I do.”
“I had a feeling,” Kate said.
“I’m not crazy. You’ll meet him and you’ll know. I don’t fall in love fast or easy. I may have picked a couple of bad apples but not because I was impetuous—because they were wrong. Owen is...” Right, she thought. “I have to know. We’re happy here.”
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Kate asked.
“Yes,” Hannah said. “I’m not sure of the outcome yet but it’s what I want. I wanted so much for him to say, ‘L
et’s see if we’re right together.’ When you meet him, you’ll understand. He’s amazing.”
“Will this be okay for Noah?” Sharon asked.
“I think it will be the best thing for Noah, but you shouldn’t worry about that. I will always put Noah first and if it ever becomes a negative for Noah, I can have that car loaded in thirty minutes. But Noah loves Owen even more than I do.”
“You said love,” Sharon said.
“I’m not getting ahead of myself,” Hannah said. “I’m not sure it’s true love but it feels like it. That’s why we’re giving it the summer. Before the leaves change color, we’ll know if we should be together.”
“Hannah, you should wait. Don’t move in together so fast. Take your time.”
Hannah laughed. “I waited a year with my first fiancé. I waited two years with my second. Both were excruciatingly bad choices. Neither felt like this feels. How long should I wait? Owen makes me feel better about myself than both of those fiancés put together. And Noah is too young and sweet to have to leave behind another person he loves. We’re going to stay with Owen for the summer and if we belong together, it will be longer. I have shortcomings of all kinds but you must believe me—I will protect Noah. I love him to the moon and back.”
“We’re going to have to come and visit,” Sharon said.
“By all means,” Hannah said. “But when you fall in love with this place and the man, don’t think you get the whole summer!”
It was a slow and languid day because everyone was tired. Apparently the stress of knowing they had to leave and all the getting ready wore everyone out. The sun was trying to sneak behind the Rockies when Noah was snuggling on Hannah’s lap, yawning.
“I think you need a quick bath and bed,” she said.
“Can Romeo come?”
“Owen?”
“If he wants to. And if I know Romeo, he wants to.”
By the time she got back to the porch, he had opened a nice bottle of wine. Instead of sitting on her favorite chair, she slid onto his lap and put her arms around his neck. “I hope you don’t regret this,” she said.