by Leah Atwood
He really had to stop letting his thoughts drift. Where was the focus he’d been so stringent on keeping? His knees hit the dash when he sat in the passenger seat of Jay’s coupe. Reaching below, he searched for a mechanism to move the seat backward and found it on the side. “That’s better.”
“Caroline’s the only other person who usually rides in here.” The engine cranked. “She’s tall, but you have a good six inches on her.”
“I was always the short kid until ninth grade. All of a sudden I was the tallest kid in school.”
“It wasn’t much better always being the tallest.” Jay performed a three-point turn in the driveway then pulled out. “In first grade I wanted to be a Martian for Halloween. Everyone called me the Jolly Green Giant.”
“Better than ‘trailer trash’,” Dominic muttered.
“Had that as well.” One arm rested against the door while Jay drove with the other on the steering wheel. “Is it true you’ve never drank or any of that?”
“Yes.”
“Not even a drop?” Jay darted a glance just long enough for Dominic to see his disbelief.
“Not a single drop.” He tugged at the seatbelt digging into his neck.
“Can I ask a personal question?”
“Go for it.” Might as well tell him what he wanted to know, since it was bound to come out eventually.
“Are you a Christian?” The car stereo’s volume increased substantially when a fast-paced song came on and Jay turned it off. “I’ve been trying to figure you out. The guys I know, including myself, who’ve grown up in similar situations, seem prone to turn to destructive behaviors. Most of the time, those who don’t fall into it abstain for religious reasons, but you get twitchy at any talk of God or praying.”
“That obvious, huh?” He squirmed in his seat.
Jay’s lips curled. “Case in point.”
“It’s hard to believe in God when you’ve been swimming your whole life upsteam without a life jacket, barely staying afloat.” Was it hot in the car? His neck itched and skin went clammy. “No, my reasons had nothing to do with religion. My mom’s life was motivation enough.”
“Not too long ago, I was in your shoes, spiritually speaking.” Gripping the steering wheel, Jay made a sharp right turn. “But unlike you, alcohol was my best friend. To tell you the truth, I can’t remember a time I didn’t drink. My mom would bribe me with free beers to not tell my dad about the boyfriends she brought home in his absence.”
The lack of condemnation from Jay surprised Dominic, but it shouldn’t have. He had a come-as-you-are attitude, much like Maisy had always shown. Until that day.
“What changed?” He might live to regret probing further, but curiosity got the better of him. Everywhere he turned, God was popping into the conversation. So much so, he couldn’t keep ignoring the signs.
“Where do I begin?” Jay’s nostrils flared with the expulsion of a long breath. “We’re almost at the hospital. If you really want to know, we can grab dinner later and I’ll tell you. Caroline’s not home, so I’d be ordering out anyway.”
“Sure. I promised my neighbor I’d take his dog out, so I just have to run home first.”
“Are you familiar with the crab shack downtown? Not the one by the river, but the other one.” Traffic came to a standstill a block from the hospital, and Jay strummed his fingers against the steering wheel.
“I’ve been there once or twice.”
“Does that work? Say, sevenish?”
“Sounds good.” Now, what? Am I in for a sermon tonight? He’d never even attended a church service.
“Since that’s settled, do you have any idea which area Bryce is in?” Jay looked around once the traffic cleared and the hospital came into sight.
“Not a clue.” In the chick flicks Maisy had had him watch, there’d been a few that had a woman go into labor. It was the only experience from which he had to draw. “Emergency room?”
“You think?” Jay scrunched his nose.
“Why don’t I just call him?” Dominic lifted his phone and swiped until he came to Bryce’s number. He put the phone to his ear.
“Man, I was about to call you,” Bryce spoke quickly. “I forgot Sophie’s bag. Any chance you or Jay can bring it to the hospital?”
“One step ahead of you. We’re already here.”
“Great. You guys are awesome.”
“Where are you?”
“In admittance. They just took Sophie back and I’ll be joining her as soon as the insurance paperwork is finished.” A nurse was paged in the background and Bryce paused until the noise went away. “You’re outside now?”
“Yes. I’ll see you in a minute.” Dominic ended the call. “He’s in admittance. Do you know where that is? I’ve had the good fortune not to use any of this hospital’s services.”
Jay smiled at the quip. “I’ve not been so lucky. I’ll run it in to save you the time of searching.”
That evening, Dominic sat alone at a table, waiting for Jay, who was fifteen minutes late. He was about to send him a text when he spotted him walking toward the table.
Wearing a different shirt than earlier, Jay slid into the chair on the opposite side of the table. “Sorry, I’m late. Bryce called as I pulled into the parking lot.”
“Any news?”
“Not really. Contractions slowed and they gave Sophie some meds and she’s resting now.” Jay picked up a menu. “I think someone needs to give Bryce something. He’s so worked up, he’s going to stress out everyone around him.”
“I keep thinking he should have experience with this, but then I forget he wasn’t there for Gracie’s birth.”
“That’s part of the problem. He still battles guilt about missing Gracie’s first years, even though he didn’t know about her, so he’s determined to do everything right with this baby.” Jay’s shoulders rose with a small shrug. “Can’t say I blame him, but he’s too hard on himself.”
“Aren’t we all?”
The waitress brought his tea he’d ordered ten minutes ago and set it down in front of him. She took their orders and disappeared again.
“I don’t think I was hard enough on myself. Had I been, things may have turned out differently.” Jay removed his ball cap and hung it on the chair. Using his fingers as a comb, he ran a hand through his hair.
So they were jumping right into this. I can handle it. I wanted to know. All the reminders in the world couldn’t put Dominic at ease. He’d spent a large part of his life apathetic toward spiritual matters and the other part disavowing them. Why he’d suddenly decided to seek out explanations was beyond him.
“Regretting it?” Discernment rested in Jay’s features. “If you don’t want to hear my story, we can have dinner and chat about the upcoming workload. Trust me. I know if you’re not ready, you’re not going to hear a thing I say.”
“Nah, I’m good.” Liar. He drank more of his tea. “You grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, too?”
“Oh yeah. My family was every stereotype fulfilled, and I embraced it.” Jay rubbed his neck. “I figured I wasn’t going to amount to much so I might as well have fun.”
“How’d you end up here?”
“Stroke of luck, though looking back, I can’t help but think it was all part of God’s plan.” A different waitress, a brunette with overexposed cleavage set Jay’s soda on the table. He didn’t bat an eye or give her an inkling of attention, and he continued. “One rare night that I was sober, I filled in for a friend last minute at a local bar. As it was, a talent scout happened to be there that night.”
“Bet your friend is kicking himself.” Dominic stretched his back. He wasn’t accustomed to sitting for long periods of time, especially not on a wood chair with no padding.
“For a month or so, but he had the last laugh.” Jay’s eyes sparkled with amusement.
“How so?”
“He was signed two months later and given a three record deal. One of his singles is what finally knocked ‘Come to Me Alive’ out of
the number one spot last year.”
“You’re kidding?” Dominic’s jaw dropped. “Rance Rivers is the friend you stood in for?”
“One and the same.” Leaning back, Jay tucked his arms over his chest. “We have a good laugh about it now whenever we get together.”
“I’m sure. How come you didn’t work with each other?”
“His deal included a ready-made band.” He shrugged. “Besides, I connected with Rob and Adam early on when I arrived. We had a good thing going and stuck it out together.”
The original waitress laid down the basket of fried pickles Dominic had ordered as an appetizer while waiting for Jay. “The rest of your food should only be another five to ten minutes.”
A small container of ranch dressing was nestled in the red plastic basket. Dominic poured a spoonful on a small plate and plucked a pickle. “Help yourself.”
Jay grabbed the other white plate and took two spears. “Caroline doesn’t eat fried food.”
“She doesn’t know what she is missing.” The grease-laden pickle still had a crunch when he took a bite.
“That’s what I tell her.” Appreciative grunts came from Jay while he chewed. “These are better than I remember.”
The appetizer disappeared in minutes. Soon the main course came and they drifted back into the conversation that was their purpose for meeting.
“You’re saying it was Bryce that made you change?” Loud voices came from every table in the restaurant, but Dominic, drawn into the narrative, filtered them.
“Yes and no. More like the consequences of his actions opened my eyes to my own life.” The phone lying on the table buzzed. Jay glanced at it but ignored it otherwise. “Telemarketer. Anyway, Bryce was in pretty bad shape before and after he found out about Gracie. You’ve heard him tell the story.”
Dominic nodded an acknowledgment.
“A year passed before he would tell all of us about her, but in the meantime something in him changed. It was like he was a new person. He stopped drinking completely, he wasn’t bringing girls back to the bus, and he was happier than we’d seen him in a long time. We all took note, but none of us knew what happened.” Jay downed two large gulps of water. “When he fessed up about Gracie, he also told us he’d become a Christian.”
“I’m sure that was a shock.”
“It was. By that time, we’d all cut back on activities in support of Bryce. Well, Adam had already cleaned up his act because of Elle and Shannon. Lilah hadn’t been born yet.” Jay crooked a finger over his mouth, pausing in deep thought. “Caroline and I were also dating again after she’d broken it off unexpectedly the year before. This time around, we wanted it to work, but we both felt that something was missing.”
“God?” That was the direction in which the conversation was leading, so it seemed a good guess. Dominic waited for an answer.
“Not yet. We were both prideful and didn’t want to admit there might be a higher being.”
They moved into personal territory Dominic didn’t know about yet and his comfort level dropped further. “Should you be telling me this, at least Caroline’s part? It seems personal.”
One corner of Jay’s mouth turned up. “Trust me, I cleared it with her this afternoon, but part of what I’m about to tell you doesn’t leave here. None of the guys know, not even Sophie or Elle.”
Pinching his thumb and index finger, Dominic pretended to zip his mouth. “It won’t go further.”
Jay shut his eyes and squared his shoulders. He inhaled two long breaths before opening his eyes again. “Caroline and I hadn’t been honest with each other the first time we dated. I cheated on her once but never told her until after we’d broken up and we were getting back together. I didn’t want any more secrets.”
“Oh, man.” The words flew around Dominic, refusing to make landfall. He couldn’t reconcile the man who’d become his friend with someone who’d cheated on his girlfriend.
“It was wrong and it will never happen again. I see the look in your eye.” Jay leaned his head back, silent for a moment. He looked at Dominic. “I’m sorry if you think less of me, but if you want to know how I changed, you need to know all of it.”
“No, it’s not that. It took me by surprise, that’s all.”
“There’s no excuse, but unfaithfulness is what I knew. I’d spent so much of my life playing the victim, the pity-me boy with the sorry excuse for a childhood, that I looked for validation in those around me.” He sighed. “When Caroline and I made our second go of it, I was still fighting the feelings of worth, compounded by the guilt of cheating on her.”
His words hit home with Dominic. Playing the victim. He’d become an expert at that over the years. Nothing was ever his fault, everything traced back to his mom or Maisy. Sure, he’d never started drinking or taking drugs, but hadn’t he sought validation from others as well? “How did you move past all that?”
“It wasn’t easy. Caroline had secrets of her own.” Hands locked behind his neck, Jay squeezed his elbows together. His eyes darkened a shade. “She had a miscarriage during our first round of dating. I never even knew she was pregnant.”
“I’m sorry.” The reply was inadequate, but what else could be said?
“The doctor told her she was high risk and needed to cut back her workload. Caroline didn’t listen and she lost the baby.” Jay’s words were increasingly ragged. “There were complications and she might not be able to get pregnant again.”
Images of Bryce at the hospital with Sophie came to the forefront of Dominic’s thoughts. “Today must be difficult.”
“It’s more so for Caroline, because she feels responsible for the miscarriage even though the doctor told her there was a high chance she wouldn’t have carried to term, regardless of what she did, but the end result plagues her.” Jay scratched his brow. “But we’re happy for Bryce and Sophie. It’s a reminder of what we lost, yes, but they’re our best friends and we wish them nothing but happiness.”
A smile came then disappeared. “With all the baggage you and she carried, how did you find your way back?”
“A lot of hard work and prayer.” Jay winked. “And lots of hours at a couples counselor who we didn’t realize at first was a Christian.”
“Here comes the God part.” To his surprise, Dominic looked forward to hearing this part, a twist he hadn’t expected.
“The counselor, Mrs. Oliver, showed us we didn’t have to carry around our guilt. I learned the real meaning of love and forgiveness.” Clasping his hands, Jay looked at him solemnly. “I spent most of my life feeling like an outcast, that God wouldn’t want anything to do with someone like me and that I was beyond hope. But I came to realize that God wants us to come as we are.”
Dominic scooted forward until he was on the edge of his seat. “What does that mean?”
“God can’t be boxed in and set aside for those who ‘qualify’ because they’ve lived a good life. He doesn’t care who our families are, where we live or how much money we have. He doesn’t discriminate—He wants our brokenness, our pain, our sin.”
“I don’t understand.” His arm found a puddle of condensation from his glass, but he barely noticed.
“If we hand all of that to Him and turn over our lives to Him, then our load becomes lighter. Once you put your faith in Him, He carries your burden.” Jay’s fingers pushed together. “It doesn’t mean that life will be perfect, but He’ll be there to help you through the bad times and to rejoice with the good.”
“What’s the catch?” He squinted his eyes and furrowed his brows.
“That’s the beauty of it, my friend.” Grinning, Jay shook his head slowly. “There is none. The night I accepted Him, I found peace I’d never known.”
“That’s a lot to take in.” It all sounded too good and too simple to be true. But what if it was?
“You have my number. Anytime you want to talk, day or night, give me a call. Bryce or Adam as well.” The waitress dropped off the check and Jay snatched it. “This on
e’s on me.”
“I’ll cover the tip.”
“Fair enough.” Jay slid a credit card into the black folder.
Dominic laid a ten and a five dollar bill on the table. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
The waitress took the card and returned a minute later. Jay signed the slip of paper and grabbed his hat, fitted it to his head.
He seemed to sense Dominic’s need for reflection alone. “I’ll see you Friday if not before. Keep your phone nearby if you want an update on the baby.”
“See ya.”
A few seconds later, Dominic waded through the crowded restaurant. The sea of faces and bodies made little impact on him—his mind remained focused on what Jay had told him. He wanted so badly to accept it as truth, to swallow his pride and admit he’d been wrong all those years. If it meant having that peace, to finally feel he was enough…
Maybe he would have that feeling once the fact really hit him that he was the guitarist for country music’s number one artist. Who was he kidding? Euphoria he’d experienced when he’d signed the contracts hadn’t lasted, had already faded mere weeks later. Was he destined to always fall short or was there something more?
The conversation wouldn’t leave him as he drove home. He didn’t know what to think and had questions, but needed to sort them out before he could find answers. His head hurt, and he massaged his temples before he left his car and walked up the stairs to his apartment.
There was a shadow at his door. It turned around and Dominic’s mouth dropped. “What in the world?”
His headache took a turn for the worse.
Chapter 6
Dominic looked good. Exceptional. Fit. Toned. Brooding. Not a good sign, but what did she expect?
“Hi.” Maisy didn’t know it was possible to fit so much shakiness into a two-letter word.
“What are you doing here?” His lips pressed together in a thin white line.
“I wanted to talk to you.” If she didn’t stop rubbing her hands, they’d soon be raw.
“Let me get this straight.” He pointed to her, his finger shaking in the air as he spoke. “You drove seven hundred miles to talk to me, without so much as a warning, when we haven’t spoken in four years, save that time this winter.”