He seemed as much caught as she, his fingers lightly stroking the back of her captive hand. Elizabeth felt hypnotized by the soft tracery of his touch, and was quite taken aback when he abruptly released her hand and pulled away, the old cold and distant look returning to his face.
She looked away, confused, wondering what had happened. Could she not manage to stay in accord with him for the length of a conversation? Or was she somehow misinterpreting him, as she had done so often in the past? She resolved that this time, at least, she would find a way to ask him, rather than assume, what he meant by his behavior.
Taking a deep breath, she said impertinently, “Pray, sir, what brings on the dread Darcy look of disapproval?”
“The dread Darcy look of disapproval?” he replied with a raised eyebrow and the slightest of smiles.
Elizabeth nodded gravely. “What sin could I have committed, I wonder? Could it have been something I said? Something I did? Hmmm—might you have taken a dislike to the style of my hair, or perhaps the color of my dress?”
Darcy could not help smiling, pleased to see her teasing him again. “As you know full well, Miss Bennet, I approve very much of everything about you. In fact, sometimes I approve far too much, and must then disapprove, not of you, but of myself.”
“Disapprove of yourself! For approving of me? Come, sir, that is hardly friendly.”
“Exactly my point, Miss Bennet.”
“So approval leads to unfriendliness! I must assume I am supposed to ask how this could be, but I shall not fall into your trap, sir.”
It has been too long since I have crossed wits with Elizabeth, Darcy thought, but I must take great care on this point. He said lightly, “I shall decipher the riddle for you anyway. I have always prided myself on my self-control, which has served me well until now. Since meeting you, however, I have discovered the sad truth—that my self-control is far more limited than ever I thought, though fortunately this difficulty seems to be limited to the times when I am in your most approved presence. I am sure you will appreciate my difficulty. Given how far my self-control eroded when you still disliked me, imagine how much more difficult it is to maintain in the presence of your smiles. Hence, I must disapprove of too much approval, lest it lead me to dangerous ground.”
Dangerous ground, indeed, thought Elizabeth. “Mr. Darcy, I have every faith in your gentlemanly behavior.”
He winced. She could not know how much he had been hurt by her words in Hunsford about his ungentlemanly behavior, so he tried to keep any bitterness out of his voice as he acknowledged the unhealed wound. “But as you yourself have pointed out in the past, I am quite capable of behaving in an ungentlemanlike manner.”
“Pray, sir, do not remind me of the unjust and misinformed things I have said in the past! In cases such as these, a good memory is unpardonable.”
“That particular reproof was well-deserved, as I recall.”
Elizabeth flushed. “My philosophy is to think only of the past as it gives me pleasure, so I prefer instead to think about my current better understanding of you, which includes acknowledging that your behavior is gentlemanly in every way! But I shall try to heed your warning and not test your self-control, lest you be irreparably harmed by discovering its limits.”
“Miss Bennet, I urge you to take care,” he said intently, teasing put aside. “The only thing that separates me from this”—here he touched her letters—“is that self-control you mock. There is otherwise no difference between Mr. Wickham and me.”
“Do not,” she cried, “do not ever let me hear you comparing yourself in any way to that… that scoundrel! There is a world of difference between you!”
He smiled slightly. “Perhaps I should learn to criticize myself more often, for the pleasure of hearing you defend me.”
“I speak only the truth, and you, sir, know enough of my frankness to believe that!”
“Elizabeth, you are playing with fire. Trust me when I tell you not to trust me too far.”
His use of her Christian name felt very intimate, and she sensed that some line had been crossed. She knew instinctively this was the moment when she should look away and change the subject, but instead she found herself saying, “And am I the only one playing with fire?”
“Touché,” he said softly. “But do not say that I did not warn you.” Taking her hand, he lifted her to her feet. “Elizabeth,” he breathed as he slowly lowered his head and allowed his lips to caress hers for a brief moment.
Elizabeth felt the power of his touch run through her, shocked by both the sensation and her acquiescence—nay, her cooperation—in the kiss. What did it mean that she desired his kisses? Was he as shocked at her behavior as she was?
“Elizabeth,”—his voice made her name a caress—“Tell me to leave. Please.” Even as he spoke, he pulled her closer and sought her mouth again, more urgently this time.
She allowed herself a moment of stolen pleasure, then, steeling her resolve, forced herself to say in the steadiest possible voice, “Mr. Darcy. You must stop, sir.” She dropped her eyes, knowing instinctively she must not meet his gaze.
He inhaled sharply. “Yes, so I must.” He firmed his resolve and began to pull away, but could not resist the temptation to let his lips linger a moment on her hair as he did so.
Unfortunately, it was then and not a moment later that the door opened, revealing Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner.
Chapter 2
Elizabeth and Darcy hastily moved away from each other, but their faces told it all. There was a moment of shocked silence before Mrs. Gardiner, noting both Elizabeth’s blushes and the tears returning to her eyes, hurried to her niece and took her aside, while a furious-looking Mr. Gardiner eyed Darcy.
Darcy exhaled through clenched teeth. Of all the situations to be caught in! What was he to say—My apologies that I was taking advantage of your niece while she was too upset to stop me? Oh, and by the way, my father’s godson has seduced your other niece and they have disappeared somewhere in London, and now you should trust me to help you find him?
“Mr. Darcy,” Mr. Gardiner said coldly, “Perhaps you will be so kind as to join me outside, as I have a few things to discuss with you.” He held the door, motioning to Darcy.
Darcy gritted his teeth and followed, casting a worried look at Elizabeth, who was now in tears in her aunt’s arms—over Lydia rather than over him, he hoped. This was without question the most mortifying situation he had been in since—well, since the Hunsford parsonage, and he certainly had no one to blame but himself for this one.
Mr. Gardiner turned to face him. “Well, Mr. Darcy? I await an explanation of your behavior.”
“Sir, I can offer no acceptable explanation,” Darcy said stiffly. “My behavior obviously merits the severest of reproaches, and I stand prepared to take full responsibility for it.”
“And do you often reduce young women to tears with your advances?” Elizabeth’s distress clearly shocked Mr. Gardiner the most. After their visits to Pemberley it was evident to him that Darcy was very much in love with Elizabeth, which by itself had much inclined him in his favor, and all reports on him from his servants and the Lambton inhabitants indicated a man of strict honor. This behavior was incomprehensible to him.
“Sir, you misunderstand the situation. Her distress is unrelated to me. Miss Bennet will tell you she was already upset when I arrived. In fact it was my attempts to comfort her which turned into the cause for your concern. But Miss Bennet is indeed very upset regarding a separate matter, about which I must insist that you speak with her immediately.”
“And I must insist, sir, on knowing your intentions toward my niece!”
Darcy ground his teeth. Clearly he would not be able to raise Lydia’s situation until he dealt with the infuriated Mr. Gardiner. “My intentions are completely honorable.”
“Do I assume then you will accept my decision should I insist on taking steps to protect my niece’s reputation?”
“Sir, I would marry her tomorrow
if I could obtain her consent!” Darcy snapped, his temper fraying. “If you choose to insist on an immediate engagement, which is certainly within your rights, I would have neither reason nor desire to object, but I am afraid the same cannot be said for Miss Bennet!”
Mr. Gardiner blinked, surprised. “Do you have some reason to believe she would not consent to marry you?”
So Elizabeth had not told her family of his proposal! Little wonder that Mr. Gardiner was so furious! Darcy replied in a calmer but brittle voice, “I had assumed you were aware, sir, that she already refused me, not four months ago.”
Mr. Gardiner, taken by surprise, but mollified by this knowledge, said, “That does cast a somewhat different light on things. But you say that she refused you—this hardly seems consistent with her behavior today. Are you certain you did not misinterpret her meaning?”
“Sir, I believe her exact words were that I was the last man in the world she could ever be prevailed upon to marry.” Darcy felt a certain sense of bitter relief at finally unburdening himself of the words which haunted him constantly. “I defy any ability to misinterpret that.”
Mr. Gardiner was taken aback. He could hardly credit that Lizzy would say anything of the sort, but, observing the pain in Darcy’s eyes, he knew it to be true. He saw for a moment a very different Darcy, one who, underneath the image of the powerful scion of a wealthy family, was a young man who had received too much responsibility too soon, and who now found himself for the first time in the grips of a passion beyond his control. He softened considerably. “Well, young man, it would appear you have made a certain amount of progress since then, would it not?”
“There have been signs which might suggest warming of her regard toward me,” Darcy cautiously allowed.
Mr. Gardiner chuckled. “Well, my boy, if what I saw in there was merely a suggestion of warming of her regard, I wonder what it would take to convince you that she actually liked you!”
“Sir, I… I appreciate your concern, and again, I will accept whatever consequences you choose to place on my actions.”
“Well, Mr. Darcy, I will give this due consideration, but, while I cannot condone your behavior in any way, I am willing to accept that you did not intend to take advantage of Elizabeth. But it seems that I must consult with my niece at this point.”
“I strongly urge you to do so, sir, as Miss Bennet has something she must discuss with you that cannot be delayed.”
Mr. Gardiner, finding himself intrigued with this less controlled side of Mr. Darcy, suggested, “She seemed somewhat upset—perhaps in this case you should tell me this important news to spare her nerves.”
“I doubt that I am the best person to tell you,” Darcy demurred, but then, in response to a firm look from Mr. Gardiner, proceeded to unfold the details of the situation of the unfortunate Lydia, and the efforts being made to recover her. Mr. Gardiner’s shock and dismay were as great as was to be expected, and he agreed that their departure was called for as soon as the current situation could be resolved.
***
Elizabeth, in the meantime, was far more preoccupied with her concerns over Lydia than her aunt’s concerns over her improper behavior. “Aunt, I know that I should not have permitted it; it was a momentary weakness. Fortunately, we were not observed by anyone but you, and I see no reason to go any further with this when we have a true crisis to which we must respond!” she said with some vexation.
“Lizzy, my dear, you do not believe you were observed, but you have no way of knowing who might have passed by that window and looked in. Mr. Darcy is well known here, and his presence attracts a substantial amount of interest, and it is already known that you spent a significant amount of time closeted alone with him! I must take this seriously, even if you will not. Now, you tell me that you are not angry or upset with Mr. Darcy, and you clearly respond favorably to him in many ways, and it has been quite obvious to me since our arrival that he is very much taken with you. So I fail to see where the difficulty lies in taking the appropriate steps!”
Elizabeth closed her eyes and said slowly and very distinctly, “Because I am not yet ready to make a decision about him!”
“It seems to me that you already did make a decision, given what I saw, my dear,” Mrs. Gardiner replied gently.
“I confess that I have been giving the matter of Mr. Darcy a good deal of thought these last few days, and I am generally favorably inclined at present, but I can go no further than that while Lydia’s fate lies in question! Please, aunt, let this take its own course!”
“I do not know we have that option, Lizzy, especially under these circumstances, given that your family is already facing disgrace over Lydia’s behavior.”
Elizabeth turned sharply away and stared out the window. “And I have no desire to force that disgrace on Mr. Darcy, especially since it involves Mr. Wickham!”
A knock came at the door, and Mr. Gardiner entered. He observed Elizabeth’s flushed cheeks, and quietly requested that his wife join him for a short discussion.
Elizabeth paced the narrow confines of the room. How could she have allowed this situation to arise? Was she now to be faced by the prospect of a forced engagement? Even as she fought against the idea, a part of her wondered if it would not be the simplest way out of her larger dilemma with Mr. Darcy. She knew that she respected and esteemed him; she felt gratitude to him, not merely for having loved her, but for loving her still well enough, to forgive all the petulance and acrimony of her manners in rejecting him. When she had thought earlier that she had lost any chance of his favor, she had felt the deepest of distress. His smiles brought her pleasure, and his touch… she shivered as she remembered the feeling of his lips on hers, and how she had felt the shock of it run through her.
Yet how could she base her future on these things, when in truth they had had no more than half a dozen completely civil conversations in the entirety of their acquaintance? And then there was the question of Wickham, and all that it implied. No, she simply could not agree, even if her heart traitorously wanted her to accept.
Two doors away, Darcy was sprawled in a chair, his agitation clear in his drumming fingers, wondering frantically what Elizabeth was thinking. Was she having warm thoughts of him—could she in fact have changed her mind about marrying him—or was she furious with him for putting her in this position? Would she ever forgive him if she were forced to marry him? He felt like a prisoner awaiting his sentence, and he was almost relieved when Mr. Gardiner entered the room and sat across from him.
“Well, I have spoken with my wife, and had a few minutes of private discourse with my niece. Fortunately for you, Elizabeth concurs with your story in all its particulars with the exception of one item,”—here his eyes twinkled for a moment—“which is that while you claim this affair is entirely your responsibility, my niece claims in fact it was she who provoked you. But I am prepared to overlook this discrepancy. However, the thornier question of what to do remains. Although Lizzy admits to being quite favorably disposed toward you at present, it appears that you were correct in your assessment that she is not prepared to enter of her own free will into an engagement at this point.”
Darcy felt the sharp thrust of disappointment lance through him. So her warmth was only for the moment, and her feelings toward him had not changed.
Mr. Gardiner eyed him sympathetically. “If I, acting for her father, insist on it, she will not refuse to participate in an engagement, but I have some concerns about this idea. Lizzy has never been one to accept being coerced gracefully, and I fear that it would mean a very rocky start to any marriage between you. I would nonetheless insist on it, if it were not for the fact that both Mrs. Gardiner and I believe that in fact Lizzy is quite close to being ready to accept you, and perhaps it is even now only her distress over her sister that prevents us from resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction.
“Here, then,” he continued, “is my proposition: that, in the interest of your future marital harmony, we allow you a per
iod of time to attempt to convince Elizabeth to accept you of her own accord, but if this meets no success in a few months, I will speak with her father regarding her participation. What do say you to this plan?”
The blistering pain of disappointment was still foremost in Darcy’s mind. “I accept,” he said shortly.
“Mr. Darcy,” Mr. Gardiner said with some compassion, “let me remind you that I would not have proposed this plan if I were not convinced in my own mind that Lizzy’s consent will be yours in a very short time. Perhaps we should consider ways to offer you the opportunity to court her—for example, if you will be in town, we could invite her to stay with us at Gracechurch Street.”
“As it happens, I have some plans for the next few weeks which may interfere with that, but are of concern to you, sir,” Darcy said, and proceeded to outline to Mr. Gardiner his plans for discovering Wickham and Lydia in London, which led to much vigorous discussion and planning.
***
During the hurry and confusion of the next hour, Elizabeth was fortunately kept distracted by the business entailed by their rapid departure. There were notes to be written to all their friends in Lambton, with false excuses for their sudden departure, packing to be completed, and accounts to be settled. Had she been at leisure to be idle, she would have been in an agony of uncertainty over what Mr. Darcy could be thinking of her. Her uncle had not been at all forthcoming about his discussion with him, and she could only imagine what a man of such pride would feel about the situation in which they had been caught. So she was glad to have employment to keep her thoughts at bay.
Darcy, meanwhile, awaited his opportunity to bid farewell to Elizabeth with some trepidation. He felt unsure of his reception at a time when he most needed reassurance of her affection. He tried to remind himself he had the assurance of Mr. Gardiner that Elizabeth would be prevailed upon to marry him even if he could not win her, but the taste of that possibility was bitter.
What Would Mr. Darcy Do? Page 2