She hesitated but then moved aside to allow him to enter.
He held his breath as he walked past her in an attempt to appear sober. If he could convince her of that, then she would believe what he had to say to her despite how angry she was.
“Will you sit?” Cecilia asked, offering him a chair by the fire.
“No, I will stand, but thank you,” Benjamin replied, though sitting sounded much easier at the moment. Unfortunately, if he were to sit now, sleep would take over him immediately, and he could not have that, not just yet.
“So, what is it you wish to discuss?” Cecilia asked as she took a seat. Her housecoat fell open to expose a shapely leg for a quick moment before she pulled it closed again.
He placed a hand on the back of the chair she had offered him in an attempt to keep the room to stand still. It seemed to work, or at least it helped.
Slightly. I came here tonight to apologize to you for the way I reacted to your purchases. He felt a bit of pride at how clear his words sounded, at least to his ear. What he failed to notice is that they had remained in his head. “I wish to also say that, despite all that has happened, I have grown to care about you. Very much.
“I see,” Cecilia replied. Benjamin waited for her to add more, but she did not.
He cleared his throat. “Well, I also wish to say that I forgive you.”
Her eyebrows rose in shock. “Forgive me? Whatever do you have to forgive me for?”
“Why, for all of your spending for one. And for the way you spoke to me afterward. Few wives are forgiven for being rude to their husbands, you know. Especially those who are married to a Duke. However, I have found it in my heart to forgive you for your treatment of me.”
Cecilia snorted. “You forgive me?” she repeated. Was that disbelief in her tone? “You believe that I have done something wrong, but I must tell you that all of this, everything that has happened, has been because of your decisions, not mine.” She rose from her chair and narrowed her eyes at him. “How dare you come here and place the blame on me! Do you not realize that if you had done your part as my husband, I would have been content with what I had? However, after the way your mother treated me, followed by your own disregard for my feelings, I needed some way to get you to hear me. What I have learned is that the only way to do so is to reach you through your money, for simply speaking does absolutely no good.” She looked him up and down. “And especially in your current condition.”
“But I have apologized!” he shouted. “Did I not just say so?”
She stared at him in confusion. “You did no such thing.”
He thought back to when he had entered the room and was certain that he had said the words aloud. Then it occurred to him that the words had only been said in his head. Well, she should have sensed them, he demanded, if only to himself. To his drunken mind, that made perfect sense.
Then he realized that it made no sense whatsoever. She needed to hear the words.
Yet, when he went to speak them, she spoke first. “Since we have been married, it has all been about what you need and want. I realize you are the husband and that it is customary for the needs of the husband to be put before his that of his wife. However, it is not customary for the wife’s to be completely disregarded. Now, if you will excuse me, I am tired.” She rose from her chair and turned her back on him. “Please leave.”
Benjamin glared at her. How dare she speak to him this way! “You know something?” he said in a thin voice. “You have done nothing but complain at every turn since you arrived. I thought we had made progress, had made steps to make this marriage better, but I am here to tell you that this is as good as it will get. So, you may as well get used to it, because you will not see anything better, at least not from my end.” And with that, he stomped out of the room.
The haziness in his vision had cleared enough for him to make it to his rooms without incident. Marlins was already there waiting and helped him undress, which was probably a good thing because Benjamin would have probably ended up face down in bed still fully dressed and his boots marring the coverlet.
When Marlins retired, Benjamin closed his eyes to the spinning ceiling and thought on what had happened in Cecilia’s room. The woman was mad, that was the problem. It was just as he thought when he first decided to marry her. She was a defiant woman and needed taming; however, he had lost sight of that. Once he had eased up on the reins of control, she had immediately made attempts to take over those reins.
As sleep overtook him, he realized that he could not allow that to happen again. No, he was master of this house and he would take back that power, and what his wife thought of that be damned.
***
Cecilia listened at the door to the receding unsteady footsteps. Her anger was such that if she had the strength, and was not a lady, she would have picked up one of the chairs and thrown it against the door. The gall of the man to come into her rooms and speak to her as he had! She might be his wife, but she would not allow him to treat her with so little disregard.
She had to admit, the misgivings she had felt earlier in the day had not completely gone away, and in a way she agreed with Benjamin that her spending had been excessive. However, to speak to her so harshly was uncalled for and only settled her uneasiness once again.
“Are you all right?” Angie asked from the door to her small room. “I didn’t mean to be listening in on your conversation.”
Cecilia sighed. “Well, you very well could not have missed it with the way the man was shouting,” she said with a shake to her head. “The man is as bullheaded as they come, and I know on whom I can place that blame.” The Dowager Duchess had gone too far during her stay with them, and Cecilia meant to be better prepared for the woman’s return, whenever that might be—thought she hoped it would not be anytime soon. She could certainly not be outright rude to the woman, but she could find ways of putting the Dowager Duchess straight without allowing the woman to realize she was doing so.
However, once Cecilia was sitting in bed, her back leaning against the headboard, she came to realize that manipulation was not something she enjoyed. It was not that she did not possess the ability to match the Dowager Duchess in the underlining sting of her words; it was simply not who she was.
She let out another heavy sigh. She felt trapped in this new life. Running away was out of the question, for where would she go? Her parents, though they loved her, would not allow her to stay with them. Rather, they would send her packing straight back to her husband with strong words of how she was now married and should be committed to her new life, despite what that life entailed.
Although the Duke had plenty of money, Cecilia did not have any of her own. Without any funds to aid her, she had no way of making it out in the world on her own. She had never worked a day in her life, her parents insisting that the only skills she would need were those used in the marriage to a wealthy man.
She could not blame her parents, however, for they had only wanted what was best for her. Yet, how this current situation could be considered what was best, she did not know, for the life of a scullery maid seemed better at the moment: A husband who treated her as a possession rather than a wife. A mother-in-law who saw her as a liability to the Thornton name simply because Cecilia was not born into nobility. It was all almost too much to bear.
No, she could not run away or she would end up in the poorhouse, or even worse, in the streets begging for coppers from the likes of the Dowager Duchess.
As Cecilia considered everything that had happened, something occurred to her, and the thought made her sad.
The brambles that had overtaken the once lovely flowerbed at Brightstone Manor had now reached Bantry Estate, and just like at the home of her parents, she could do nothing to rid her life of the thorny weeds.
Chapter Sixteen
The following morning, the weather matched Cecilia’s mood. The rain came strong and heavy, and Cecilia could feel the chill in the air. Yet, the chill did not come only f
rom the storm outside. No, a chill had also settled on the residents of Bantry Estate.
Upon reflecting on the previous evening’s events, Cecilia maintained that there was no escaping her current situation. No matter what scenario she played out in her head, no good would come of it. Thus, she decided it was time to speak with Benjamin and air out all of their differences. They had come so close to building a relationship both could, if not enjoy, at least accept, so there was still had to be a chance for the two of them to return to their previous state.
Although she felt most of the blame could be placed on the Dowager Duchess, Cecilia knew that the issues had already been in place before the woman had arrived. No single person could bring on such an upheaval in such a short amount of time if the feelings had not already been there beforehand. So, it was time that the two of them to devise a plan to make this marriage work. Marriage was for forever—divorce was not something with which she felt comfortable, nor was it granted often—and if they did not decide on how this union would work, both would be miserable for the rest of their lives.
Cecilia made her way downstairs and stood outside of the study. Daton had assured her that Benjamin was inside; however, she worried that he would be working. She did not wish to disturb him if that were the case, so she went to the drawing room to wait until he came out.
She paced the room for over an hour before finally deciding to work on some of her needlework. However, once she had her hoop in hand, she could only stare at what was meant to be a leaf but looked more like some sort of child’s drawing of a dog. Her heart was simply not in the work.
With a sigh, she pulled out the stitches and started over. She was able to complete the leaf properly; however, the daisy looked worse than her first attempt at the leaf. She gave a heavy sigh and tossed the hoop aside. Her mind was not on her work and she would spend more time plucking out the bad stitching than adding something that resembled anything she was attempting to create.
Hours passed and still Benjamin had not come out of his study. At one point, she listened at the door and she heard what sounded like a conversation. Perhaps he was conducting business with someone. She considered simply knocking on the door, but something kept her from doing so. Perhaps it was fear; he had been so angry as of late, it would not have surprised her if he spent the entire time screaming at her for interrupting him, especially if someone was with him.
She put off eating her midday meal, hoping he would join her. However, when she saw one of the maids carry a tray into the study, she decided to eat alone. Whatever business Benjamin was conducting, it had to be very important to shut himself into the room with a business partner or some other important person, but he had to come out eventually, and she had all day to wait if need be.
When dinner came and went with no sign of Benjamin, Cecilia began to worry. It was not like the man to spend an entire day in his study, so finally, after much deliberation, she found herself once again standing before the large double doors. After taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door and waited. No invitation came to pass, so she knocked again, this time a bit harder.
“Benjamin?” she called out. “Is everything all right?”
She heard a mumble from within and took it as a signal to enter. However, when she stepped inside the room, she found it empty—except for Benjamin. Had she missed the guest leaving? Well, it was not as if she had sat staring at the door all day.
Then she truly took in the scene before her. Benjamin was not sitting at his desk as she had expected but rather sat in one of the chairs by the fireplace. On the table beside him was an empty crystal container that had been full only yesterday, for she had asked Mrs. Caplin to be sure it was refilled after Benjamin finished off the liquor the night before.
“What do you want?” Benjamin asked in a slurred, but coarse, tone.
“Well, I had wanted to discuss what happened last night in my rooms, but it appears you are not in any position to do so.” Disgust filled her when he turned to her. His eyes were bloodshot and he was heavy-lidded as he appeared to try to focus on her.
“You!” he spat as he pointed a finger at her with the hand that held the full glass of dark liquid, the contents spilling over the rim as he did so. “You are the cause of all this…discord…in my house.”
“I?” she asked amusedly. “How is this,” she waved a hand to include him and his drink, “my fault?”
“I rarely touched the stuff before I married you,” he said angrily. “But you come here to my home and turn everything on its head. My life was in perfect working order until you arrived, but now I don’t even recognize myself.”
Cecilia knew he was once again not himself, and she knew the cause. “Benjamin, please,” she pleaded, “you should put down the drink and go to bed. This drinking needs to stop, or who knows what sort of trouble you will cause.”
He glared at her and then slammed the glass on the table. “I cause…” he was attempting to pull himself from the chair but only managed to half stand before he dropped back down, “all sorts of trouble?” He stopped and made an attempt to stand once more. “This is not my doing. No, this is your fault! I am thoroughly disgusted that I tried to save your family home and then even further disgusted that I brought you here.”
His stumbling gate brought him to stand within inches of her. She could smell the overwhelming odor of the brandy on his breath as his eyes bore into hers. “I want you gone from this house by tomorrow morning. Pack all of your things and return to your parents’ house. Brightstone Manor and its rundown existence deserve you. I want nothing more to do with you.”
Cecilia stared at him in shock. “You cannot mean that,” she said with a gasp. “It has to be the drink talking. I know you care about me, you said so yourself.”
Benjamin snorted and grabbed the back of a chair to steady himself. “I lied,” he said firmly. “Now, you better get to packing your things. I care not if you take whatever you bought while here; I have nothing I can do with a bunch of dresses and gowns.” He went to turn away but then stopped. “But leave the jewelry. I can find better use for that later.”
“Benjamin…” she tried to say, but he turned his back on her.
“No,” he said in a cold voice without turning to face her. “Get out of my sight; I never wish to lay eyes on you again.”
Cecilia turned and ran from the room, tears streaming down her cheeks. The man was sending her away and she would return to her family home in disgrace.
Yet, what hurt more than anything was that now she would leave Bantry Estate brokenhearted. How she hated that he had allowed her to care for him only to take it away from her.
***
The journey back to Brightstone Manor was long and arduous; not due to the journey itself but rather because Cecilia felt as if she had left a part of herself back at Bantry Estate. Benjamin had proven to be just as she had thought when she had first set eyes on him—a pompous man with no concern for the needs of any but his own.
Yet, her mind went back to the picnic they had shared, and she wondered where they would have been if the Dowager Duchess had not come to visit, leaving chaos in her wake. The woman was a hateful shrew and her appearance had opened Cecilia’s eyes to how Benjamin had become the man he was. Unfortunately, knowing this information had not saved her marriage. Instead, it had only intensified the pain Cecilia felt.
Brightstone Manor came into view and Cecilia felt a mixture of relief and concern. She had forgotten the state the manor had been in when she left, and it seemed not much had changed. Had Benjamin given her father only enough money to pay off the debt and not enough to make improvements on the house? The idea had not even come to her mind until this moment, and she now wished she had made the suggestion at the time. Now, however, she had no influence on decisions Benjamin made, so that left the house without the funds to make the necessary repairs.
Well, at least her parents were no longer in debt. There was that.
Benjamin had not made any
comment on whether he would demand the return of his money or not, but she doubted very highly that it was something that concerned him at this point. More than likely he still sat in his study, a glass of brandy in his hand and his body slumped in a drunken stupor. Perhaps her returning to her parents’ home had been the right thing to do, for she could do nothing to help him through whatever it was that was troubling him. He refused to let her in long enough for her to help.
As the carriage came to a stop in front of the door, her mother came outside, a look of curiosity on her face. “Cecilia?” she asked as Cecilia alighted from the carriage. “What are you doing here?”
All of a sudden, and without warning, a deluge of tears tumbled over Cecilia’s lashes as the reality of what had happened finally hit her. Her mother pulled her into her arms. “What is it, my dear?” the woman asked as she held Cecilia. “What is wrong?”
“He-he sent me away,” Cecilia said between sobs. “He does not want me there.”
“Come now. Let us go inside, get you a cup of tea, and then you can tell me what happened.”
Cecilia nodded as she took a handkerchief from her sleeve and wiped away the tears. Then she followed her mother inside and into the drawing room.
“Who is here?” her father asked from down the hall.
“It is Cecilia,” her mother answered for her. When her father came to join them, her mother put up a hand to stop him from coming nearer. “We need some time. I will send for you when we are ready for you to join us.”
Her father nodded, though his face was filled with concern.
“Worry not, Father,” Cecilia said, though she worried the sight of her spoke otherwise. “Everything will be fine.”
He smiled. “I am sure it will be,” he said. “Just do not keep me waiting long. You know I will worry even more the longer I must wait.”
“We won’t be long, I promise,” Cecilia said and then followed her mother into the drawing room.
Her mother sent for tea and then sat on the sofa next to Cecilia. “Now, tell me what has happened.”
Duke of Thorns: Defiant Brides Book 5 Page 12