by Ancelli
“The doctor will be in to check on you,” she said as she closed the barrier.
Jesse lifted his leg; it was still there. He was afraid that they would have to amputate more of his calf because of the condition it was in. "Thank you, heavenly father."
***
"How are you feeling today?" Jesse's doctor said reading his chart.
"Better, and blessed I still have my leg," Jesse wiggled his limb.
“You were lucky this time,” the doctor said. “Your wife got you here in time.”
“She’s always there when I need her the most.”
“Did you talk with the cops?”
“Yes, I gave them my statement.”
“Good, I hope they find those punks,” the doctor opened his chart. "I have your test results back," the doctor paced from side to side, making him nervous. "They all came back negative, but you were very dehydrated. You need to take care of yourself, Mr. Harvey. Drink lots of fluids."
“Yes sir,” Jesse picked up a cup. “Where is my prosthetic?”
The doctor chuckled, “Hopefully in the trash.”
He didn’t find that statement amusing. It was the only thing that helped him walk.
“That old thing you were using was doing more damage than helping your limb. We ordered you a new high-tech prosthetic. After a few weeks of physical therapy, you won’t have to use a cane anymore.”
“No cane,” he said excited.
“No cane. This one will look like it’s your own foot.” The doctor placed his chart on the table.
Jesse was happy to hear he wouldn’t need a cane, “When will I be able to wear it?”
"In a few weeks."
"Few weeks," he sighed. Jesse thought it was ready for him to slip on right away.
“Great things take time,” the doctor placed his hands in his coat pocket. “You will not be disappointed. That's a very good turnaround. I took a mold of your leg, and sent it over to a very respected corporation. Your wife has connections with an organization that makes prosthetics for wounded vets. You’re a very lucky man, seems your wife would move mountains for you."
“I am lucky…”
***
Jesse took the last bite of his jello, and licked the small bowl. The hospital food was tasty. He wondered if Maya was coming back to see him.
“Well, well, well, look who decided to show up after nearly three years,” Sandra Valle walked in his room. “Harvey, it’s been a very long time since we’ve seen each other.”
Jesse smirked, “Sandra, it’s nice to see you.” She was a stunning Hispanic woman. Sandra had her brunette hair in an up do, and her limp was barely noticeable anymore. Jesse met Sandra through her husband Lucas. The base had a few basketball teams, and they ended up playing for the same team. They’d become great friends, until he blocked everyone out. “How’s Lucas?”
“Lucas is fine, he’s in Germany visiting family.” She shook her head, watching him through narrowed eyes, “How do you go from being one of the best sailors I know, to being homeless?”
He watched her closely, Maya must have told her. He was embarrassed, he didn’t want any of his family or friends finding out where he’d been.
“Don’t be embarrassed with me, I’m practically family,” she sat. “This stays between us and Maya. It’s no one’s business unless you make it theirs. How are you feeling?”
“In pain,” he touched his right calf. “I thought they were going to cut some more off.”
“You’re lucky, Harvey,” she leaned back in her seat. “What were you thinking leaving everything you know?”
“I wasn’t,” Jesse pushed himself further up. “I didn’t set out to be homeless, it just happened, one thing led to another and I found myself living from shelter to shelter, and taking showers at the VA hospitals. There were many times I contemplated…” He looked away.
“Suicide.”
“Yes,” his voice rattled. “I wanted the pain to end, I thought everyone would be better off. Maya would get the insurance check, and I would be in peace. But I realized that ending my life was the easy way out. On the streets no one expected anything from me. I wasn’t a disappointment to anyone.”
“How did you survive?”
“Whenever I could, I did some yard work to make enough money to get a hot meal for the day. The food at the centers wasn’t the greatest, but it kept my stomach content, and at night I laid my head on a cot in one of the many shelters.” He took whatever jobs he could, even the ones that paid him one dollar. He’d never begged before yesterday, but he’d been walking for days, and he was getting weak and needed food. So he did what many men like him did, he made up a sign and begged. “I did what I had to in order to survive.”
“Did you sell yourself?”
Sandra’s question offended him to the core, but he recalled a female worker in one of those many shelters offering him money if he slept with her. Jesse was tempted a couple of times, but he couldn’t find it in him to betray Maya. “Fuck no. I think that part of my body stopped working.” He half laughed until he saw Sandra’s face, she didn’t find what he said amusing.
She stared at him tapping her chin with her index finger. "So, you abandoned everything you love because of one argument, or was that the excuse you needed to run?" Jesse clenched his jaw, she’d hit a nerve. "Yes Maya talked to me. Do you know she has blamed herself all these years for your disappearance?"
"I was a coward."
"Yes you were." Sandra never held back. She told it as she saw it. "Are you suffering from PTSD?"
"I think I am, but not from the war."
"Explain."
"I don't have nightmares or recurring memories of what happened before or after the explosion, I can't remember it. But when I close my eyes I see Jr. I hear him crying, laughing, and then I don’t see him."
"Your son?"
"Yes, he became I guess you can say my lifeline. I put everything that was happening to me on hold waiting for something great to happen, and it never did." Jesse stared at the ceiling, "I saw our son and he was perfect. Ten fingers and toes, he looked like her." Tears rolled down his cheek. "He looked like he was sleeping, but he was so cold. I wrapped him up in a blue blanket trying to keep him warm. Willing him to cry, even though I knew it wouldn't work. When I was on the streets I didn't have time to think about the past until my past caught up with me."
"Do you love Maya?"
"With all my heart."
"So, why didn't you let her in?"
"I tried," he looked at Sandra. "But all I saw staring back at me was pain. I let her burden herself on me, I needed to be her solid ground."
"What about you? You were going through a lot too. You were learning how to walk again, how to love yourself with your imperfection, and then the loss of your baby. You shouldn't have dealt with that on your own."
"What I felt was placed on the backburner. She needed me and I blamed myself for everything that happened to us. I convinced myself that she blamed me too. So when I pushed her buttons, I made her say what I believed was true."
"Do you still think it was your fault?"
"No, I don’t, but by the time I realized my faults, it was too late. I was deep in a hole with no return."
"And now what, Harvey?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you going to let your past control your future? Or are you going to fight for what's rightfully yours?" she studied him. "She has never stopped loving you. Maya never once considered divorcing you, when she could've filed under abandonment."
"She's in a relationship," he regrettably said. "I won't fuck up her life even more."
"You've already fucked it up," she chuckled. "Maya was trying to move on with her life, but she couldn't. She still wears her wedding ring. Richard knew what he was getting himself into when he approached Maya. I've been her counselor and friend since you decided to skip out on us all."
"What do I have to offer her, Sandra?"
"The one thing she al
ways wanted, you. Your love and support. She said all those awful things because she followed my advice, but it backfired. You weren't supposed to run, you were supposed to face her challenge and stop feeling sorry for yourself."
"This was supposed to be a friendly visit." Jesse sat up in the bed. "Are you going to charge me for this session?"
Sandra chuckled, "This was two old friends having a heartfelt conversation. I'm going to help you get on your feet. You're not alone in this." She stood, "Maya has some things she needs to share with you, and remember it's the past. Let go, forgive, and move on." Sandra tapped his foot, "See you at our next session."
"But you said…" he lifted his hands up in surrender and smiled. "See you in two weeks."
Chapter Five
He'd only been in the hospital for two days and he already wanted to escape. Jesse hated hospitals especially military ones, everything bad that’s happened to him, started and ended in a hospital. He stretched and cracked his neck, the small bed was more comfortable than the ones at the shelter. Maya might have come to her senses, because it was morning and she hadn't shown up yet. He couldn't blame her if she decided to let the past be just that, the past. Sandra was right, he needed to get his shit together. He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. There was a knock on the door. "Come in."
Maya entered with a sleeping baby girl on her hip. The toddler’s bronze hair was up in a big afro puff, and she had her arms securely around Maya's neck. "Good morning."
Jesse studied Maya and the baby. "Good morning."
She stepped further in his room. "This is..."
"Bella," he said before she could finish. "Your daughter?"
"Yes, how did you know?" she asked surprised.
Jesse's heart stung, she had a baby with another man. "I heard you before you left last night. I wasn't sure who you were talking about, until just now," he gazed at Maya. He'd had this image of her holding their baby. "She's beautiful."
"Yes she is," Maya proudly stated. "Bella means beautiful in Spanish, but we pronounce it Bel-la," she sounded nervous.
He wasn't mad that she went on with her life. At least one of them got what they always yearned for. "Maya, there's nothing to forgive when it comes to your daughter,” he remembered what she said before leaving his room. “I'm okay with you having someone's else's kid." She cocked an eyebrow like she was surprised by his response. "I can forgive myself, because you're happy, and that's all I ever wanted for you. I bet she fills you with joy."
"Jesse, Bella's..."
She didn't get to finish her sentence because someone stormed into his room.
"Oh my God, Jesse, are you okay?" his mom rushed over to his bed. "Where have you been?"
Sarah and his dad followed in behind his mother. His sister jumped on the bed and hugged him, causing Jesse to tense up in pain.
"Sarah," Maya said. "You're hurting him."
"Oh, I'm sorry," She climbed off of him. "I don't care where you've been. I'm so happy you're back." Sarah kissed him.
"I care," his mother mentioned.
“I missed you.” Sarah said sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I miss you, too,” Jesse stared at his baby sister. She had piercings in her nose and lip, and what was up with the crazy hairstyle? Jesse had to look away for a moment. Sarah looked so different, even his parents did. For some reason his father looked younger than he remembered, and his mother had more grey hair.
He’d missed his family, but they were also the reason he left. His parents demanded too much from him, that’s why he decided to join the Navy, to get away from their manipulations. His mother always wanted everything her way, and his dad followed suit. Maya was exactly what his mother didn’t want for him, but she was exactly what God had in store for him.
Jesse couldn’t keep it in. “What’s up with the crazy hair color?” He pointed at her blue, purple, and pink hair. “And those piercings?” Sarah used to look so innocent, but now she looked wild.
“It’s the style,” she flipped her colorful locks. “You don’t like it?” Sarah grinned, making him chuckle. His baby sister would never change, always the joker, getting everything she wanted with a smile.
“No I don’t,” Jesse joked, but he really didn’t like it. “Dad, I can’t believe you let her get those.” He pointed at the piercing in the middle of her nose. “You had a cow when I wanted my ear pierced.”
“Sarah is over twenty-one now,” his dad said with a smirk, “but I gave her hell.”
"You've lost weight," his mother changed the subject back to him. “When was the last time you cut your hair?”
“I like his hair like that,” Maya chimed in, rocking her little girl. “Handsome as always.” Jesse smiled, staring back at her. Maya and her daughter could’ve been his, he was such a fool.
His father turned. “She’s getting so big,” he touched Bella’s leg. Jesse watched the interaction between his dad and Maya’s daughter. “Can I hold her?”
“Papa, of course.” Maya gently passed her daughter over to his father.
"Jesse, where have you been?” His mother stood in front of him, blocking his view. “We thought you were dead," she raised her voice. “How could you do that to your family?”
"We all didn't think he was dead," his dad glanced at Maya, making his mom look their way.
"Did you know where he was all this time?" his mom demanded to know.
"Mother," Jesse softly called her. He was tired of the way she treated his wife, he thought that over the years’ things might have changed, but they hadn’t. "I'm here now."
"Did you know?" His mother glared at Maya, still waiting for an answer.
"Yes," she softly answered, making him raise his eyebrow. She was covering for him. "He needed some time to himself, to reflect on what happened to him." Maya gazed at him.
“Three years away from his family,” his dad added. “You needed that long?” He looked over at Jesse.
"You let us believe he was dead,” his mom yelled at Maya, making the little girl stir in his dad’s arm.
"Mother, in her defense she told us she knew he wasn't dead, and you chose not to believe her," Sarah pointed out. “This isn’t the time or place to discuss this issue, Jesse’s back,” she grinned. “Hi pookie,” she slipped off the bed, and walked up to their father. “Jesse, did you meet Bella?”
“I did,” Jesse answered, and faced his mother. He was happy to see his family, but they were already getting on his nerves. “Mom, you haven’t aged a bit,” he tried changing the subject.
“I can’t believe you kept his whereabouts from us,” she spat. “What kind of a woman would let a mother think that her son was dead?"
"The kind of wife and mother that will protect her family even against you," Maya argued. "You didn’t like me from the moment you met me. You didn’t give me a chance, and because of your ignorance you’ve missed out on so much. You’re still mad that Jesse chose me over you.” Maya’s lips thinned.
“Is this payback?” His mother’s eyes shined. “Keeping me away from my son.”
“Jesse needed time, now he's back and he’s healthy,” Maya sneered over at him. “Forget about the past, let's look toward the future."
"I knew you had something to do with him running off," his mother's voice was vicious. “What did you do?”
“Mom!” Jesse yelled. “Stop attacking her. I left, I made the decision to step away from everything I know.” He twisted to the side. “I needed to get my shit together. I said this before, if you can’t accept Maya…”
"Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” his mom’s nostrils flared. “I haven’t seen you in almost three years, and you’re choosing this woman over me again.”
“She’s my wife,” he softly spoke.
“A wife you didn’t have a problem leaving behind,” she glanced between him and the baby. “She didn’t tell you,” she smirked.
“Tell me what?” Jesse asked confused.
She turned to face his dad. �
��Jack I told you that baby wasn't Jesse's."
Jesse's head snapped, looking at the baby in his dad's arms. His heart stopped and then began racing, recalling all the voice messages she left him. She needed to tell him something important, but he assumed she was just trying to get him back home. Last night, her words echoed in his mind now. You'll never be able to forgive yourself after you find out about Bella.
"Jesse, are you okay?" his dad asked.
All the commotion started waking Bella up, and Sarah gently took the baby away from their dad. "How's auntie’s pookie bear doing?" she kissed her chubby cheeks.
Jesse was in shock, he had a daughter. Tears shimmered in his eyes as he watched her. He stared into eyes mirroring his, and she took his breath away. "My daughter," he mumbled. It never crossed his mind that Bella was his. Maya was pregnant when he left her. The realization made Jesse feel sick to his stomach. He remembered her throwing up after dinner one night, he assumed it was the food. He thought morning sickness was only in the mornings. She was overly moody, that’s what led to their argument. "Please leave," he whispered.
His dad watched him, and his mother smiled, glaring at Maya. "You heard my son, leave," she pointed at the door.
Maya took Bella from his sister. “I didn’t have the opportunity to tell you, Jesse,” she sighed, and went to walk away.
"Maya," Jesse sat up, "not you." He stared at his parents and sister. "I need some time alone with my wife and daughter."
Sarah took a few strides and kissed his cheek, "I understand. I'll be here for the rest of the week. We have a lot of catching up to do. I’m still single, no kids." She chuckled, “I know we’ll talk later,” she tapped Bella’s nose.
“Bye, Aunty,” Bella shook her head.
“Bye, baby girl,” Sarah said walking out.
"You're throwing us out again?" His mom cried.
"Mom,” he sadly said. “I'm not throwing you out."
“Why do you keep doing this to me?” She sobbed. “She’s not good for you, all she ever did was bring you down.”
Maya didn’t say anything as tears rolled down her beautiful face. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her.