by Karen Nappa
"Small amounts of marijuana for medicinal use are legal, yes. However, we found considerably more than that there. Did she or Ethan ever sell any of it to anyone that you know of?"
"I don't know. I said I was at school all day. Why don't you just leave me alone?" Josh's voice rose and cracked on his last words.
"I think that's enough for now, Paula. He's been through a lot," Mr. Black said.
"Just one more question. Where did you get the pills, Josh?" Det. Stone asked.
"I don't know. They were just there. Please leave me alone," he pleaded.
"That's definitely enough, Paula. Maybe in a few days, he'll be able to talk about it more," Mr. Black interposed. That was something. Tim's uncle was standing up for him with the lady cop. Maybe it would be okay here.
"All right," she conceded. "I'll say goodbye for now and let you have a few days to get settled in. Josh, James and Laura have my numbers, but here's another card for you. If you want to talk more about your mother or anything else, feel free to call me."
"Thanks," Josh mumbled. He couldn't think why he would ever want to call a cop, but he supposed she was nice to offer.
"Are you tired, Josh?" The question didn't reach his conscious mind immediately.
"Huh?"
Mr. Black cleared his throat and said, "I would like for you to speak politely to Laura and me. If we ask you a question, we expect a response other than 'huh.' If you didn't understand, you can ask. We'd like you to be courteous when you speak to us. James and Laura is too casual, and Mr. Black and Ms. Turner is too formal. How about we go with Mr. James and Ms. Laura?"
Josh eyed the man. Still not angry or threatening, but firm. "Okay, Mr. James."
"Good lad." James praised. "Now, answer Ms. Laura's question, please."
"Sorry, Ms. Laura, I sorta missed the question," Josh admitted.
Tim's aunt smiled that sweet smile of hers. "Are you tired?"
"Yes, Ms. Laura."
"All right." She rose, and Josh flinched, but Ms. Laura didn't touch him. "Let me show you your bedroom." She started walking, and Josh looked indecisive.
"Go on, lad, follow her," Mr. James told him.
Josh did and was led to a bedroom as grand as any he had ever seen before. The room was almost as big as the living room at his mother's house. At the far side of the wall was a big bed that could easily hold two people.
"I know it isn't a room for a boy your age, but you can decorate it the way you like," Ms. Laura said softly.
Decorate? Josh didn't know what to say to that. He nodded instead of saying anything.
Ms. Laura continued as she rubbed her palms over her jeans and then gestured to the bed. "There's a towel and a new toothbrush on the bed. In the closet over there," she pointed to the left, "are fresh clothes. The bathroom is straight across the hall. Do you need anything else?"
Josh shook his head, and she smiled at him before walking to the door. "Goodnight, Josh."
"Goodnight, Ms. Laura," he whispered, "a-and thank you." He didn't know if she heard, but she was still smiling that sweet smile of hers.
Suzie sighed in exasperation. It had been two weeks since James and Laura had collected Josh from the hospital. Weeks in which she had felt the distance between Connor and her growing to resemble the Grand Canyon. He was physically present but emotionally absent. She couldn't reach him, and there had been no play between them. Now, they were having the same discussion she had started several times over the last days.
"Please, Connor, I know next to nothing about you. A vanilla relationship needs some semblance of trust. I thought a BDSM relationship went further."
Connor pursed his lips. "You're right." He cursed. "I'm a very private person and not used to opening up." He rubbed the back of his neck.
Suzie went up on tiptoes and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips and stepped back. "How about you tell me about your parents? Your father came from Scotland?"
"Aye, he did," Connor acknowledged. "He went to Washington University in St. Louis, the first of our clan to study abroad. What his clan didn't count on was him falling for my mother. It led to a big rift in the family. My father and grandfather never spoke again. It was only after I was born that the relationship was mended. He had stayed in touch with his mother occasionally, and she begged him to come back after I was born so she could see her only grandchild. My aunt and uncle weren't able to have children, and she wanted to know that there was a next generation of Carmichaels in her family's line.
"He resisted, at first. Scots can be quite stubborn." He couldn't miss the 'you don't say' smirk on Suzie's face and frowned playfully at her. She wasn't fazed by it. When had he lost his 'scary sadist' Dom vibe, she wondered?
"But he changed his mind?"
"My mother changed his mind. She told him that it was cruel to keep me away from my grandmother and my roots. They took me to Scotland to meet the family when I was two or three. I don't really remember that trip, but it started a tradition. We went to Scotland every other year until I was eight, and I was so enthusiastic that from then on, I got to go for most of the summers. One or the other of my parents would take me and stay for a few days and then come back for me at the end of the summer. My mother and grandmother really connected and Uncle Angus and Aunt Margaret were very welcoming. From eight to sixteen, I spent every summer at the estate. My cousin, Hamish, and I had great times together."
"My father died of cancer about ten years ago, and Uncle Angus came to see him before he died." Connor shrugged, and his thoughts drifted for a moment to his uncle Angus also being dead.
"What made you join the military?"
Connor closed his eyes. Suzie was relentless when she wanted to be.
"I joined ROTC when I started college because I wanted to be independent. The scholarship was good and the commitment after college seemed reasonable. I believed in serving my country, too. There weren't any active wars at the time, and I expected to be assigned to an admin unit where my finance degree would be useful. It seemed like a good opportunity. When I graduated in 1994, I found myself assigned to the infantry, a green second lieutenant on my way to Haiti as a 'peacekeeper.' I thought we were doing the right thing, so I was okay with that."
Connor fell silent for a moment, and Suzie remained in his arms, patiently waiting for him to collect his thoughts and continue. "As you probably know, the army was involved in multiple conflicts after Haiti. My second assignment abroad was a tour to Bosnia, again as part of a peacekeeping mission. Although it was hard and scary to be in a country ripped apart by a civil war, I was convinced we were there with good reasons and we did help the people." Connor rubbed a big hand over his face, his beard stubble rasping audibly.
"I returned to Europe in 1998, this time to Kosovo. By then, I had been promoted to captain and carried the responsibility for a company of three platoons. They were a great group of brave men—I was proud to lead them."
Again, Connor's tale halted, and Suzie suspected why. Too many of those soldiers wouldn't have survived the years beyond 2001, when all hell had broken loose.
Connor swallowed with difficulty. "I stayed in the army and spent time in both Afghanistan and Iraq. Most tours were between six months and a year. The first two times, we were totally unprepared for the kind of war we were facing. It was hell on earth and I lost too many good people. Some died, some were physically wounded, and some were wounded in ways you can't see. Some of them were friends. I did eight tours over there, all together."
That 'friends' remark reminded Suzie of his mentioning Tom, but she'd promised Connor not to pry. Suzie pressed a light kiss on his lips. "Thank you for telling me. It's okay that you keep this to yourself, as long as you don't hide other things from me."
"No secrets, I know," Connor mumbled and took over the kiss. Again, he wondered if he should tell her about his involvement in The Savory Table. But the tension between them had lessened. Aye, he was being an ostrich.
Chapter 17
J osh lay awa
ke thinking about his new situation. He was wondering when it would all go to hell, because this foster care setup was too good to be true. He had access to food, slept in a soft and clean bed, and there was a great shower where the hot water never seemed to run out. After his first lunch, he had stuffed his pockets with two apples, but Mr. James had caught on. Instead of punishing him like Josh expected, Mr. James had calmly told him he could always have fruit. Without asking! Josh had just stared at the man, his mouth agape. For real? The house also had a big TV screen and he was allowed to use a computer for school work.
The jury was still out on punishment, though. Mr. James was stern; he didn't accept a smart mouth. He just told Josh what he expected from him. No lectures like the teachers at school gave or the belt to his back his mother's boyfriends preferred.
Josh didn't let his guard down. The other shoe would drop eventually. The policewoman visited at least twice a week, and that kept him on edge, too. He had finally admitted that he got the pills from his mother's stash, but he still hadn't told anything about Ethan. There were things he didn't want to tell the cops. Shouldn't tell the cops. Ever!
Josh turned to his other side. The bed was nice, soft, and still firm, and he liked the comforter. It didn't itch, like his old blanket, and it smelled like the commercials on TV told you clean things were supposed to smell like.
There was also that Kiriakis man who kept checking on him. He didn't know about that guy. His thoughts kept getting mixed up. Ms. Laura and Mr. James were nice, he had food in his belly, and a comfortable bed to sleep in. As Josh fell into a fitful sleep, his last thought was, Yeah, too good to be true .
The car veered sharply to the right and missed a parked gray sedan by a hair. He still felt the impact from the body and heard the dull thump as the man was swept over the hood and disappeared in the rear-view mirror. In his panic, he had hit the wrong pedal and he had sped up instead of stopping as he had intended.
His arms rigid and his shoulders painfully tense he just managed to round the corner. The tires squealed as he struggled with the big SUV. Driving was a lot harder than it had seemed.
Josh startled awake at his own cry. A warm, soothing hand stroked his forehead, and a gentle voice told him, "Shh, shh, honey, relax; you're safe. We heard you screaming. You were having a nightmare."
Ms. Laura. Safe.
Josh bolted up, crying. "I hit the man. I hit him." He threw himself into her arms and cried even harder.
Laura looked over Josh's shaking shoulders to James, standing in the doorway. He gripped the doorframe with both hands to contain himself. Every dominant cell in his body told him to go in and fix the problem. The reasonable brain part of him told him to hang back and let Laura do her quiet magic. James had kept his distance from Josh, especially when he was scared and vulnerable, like these moments. But now he sensed something else in the boy. Not fear but guilt. What was he feeling guilty about? What was this about Josh hitting a man? It was about time Josh started talking. If not with them or Paula or Derek, Josh should talk with a therapist.
Josh hiccupped to a stop and extracted himself from Laura's arms. James had seen a street cat backing away from another one in an attempt to avoid a fight. His movement had been slow and deliberate, and his gaze had never wavered from his opponent although his head had been low. Josh looked exactly the same as he distanced himself from Laura, like he expected her to strike out any moment.
James sighed. They had a long way to go with the boy.
"Let's all try to get back to sleep," he said and motioned for Laura to come with him.
Laura cast a last glance at Josh, but the teenager had erected his wall again and was leaning back on his pillow, angling away from her. "Do you think you can go back to sleep now?" she asked.
Josh shrugged. "I don't know. I'll try. I think I'll go to the bathroom and have some water."
Laura hesitated and relented. "Goodnight, Josh."
"Goodnight, Ms. Laura," Josh acknowledged and braved a glance over to the doorway. "Mr. James."
On the last Friday of March, Suzie was standing in the office of The Savory Table after the lunch crowd had disappeared. They were getting increasingly popular, but Suzie didn't have time to appreciate it. Sonja had come down with a nasty bout of the flu and had missed several days. She pressed the phone closer to her ear in an effort to understand her partner over the phone.
"I'm sorry, Suzie, but you'll have to do the books this month," Sonja croaked the words, and the end of the sentence dissolved in a fit of coughing.
"Of course, Sonja. I understand. You take care of yourself and get well soon." Suzie felt sorry for her partner. "Is someone taking care of you?"
"Yeah, sure." The words were hesitant. "My m-mom will take care of me." More coughing and wheezing. "Gotta go." Sonja ended the call.
Suzie wasn't convinced that Sonja had help, but at the moment, she couldn't do much about it. She was swamped at the café and didn't want to show up uninvited on a hunch. She sighed and went to collect the papers, so she could wrap up the month. For a moment, she debated calling Connor and asking for help but then thought better of it. It wasn't rocket science, just two rows with figures that would add and show income and expenses. After doing some math, it would show at the bottom line if they'd managed to make a profit.
Over an hour later, Suzie was looking down at the papers in utter bafflement. Under the heading "Loan Payments," the papers showed money going to one C. Carmichael. It could be coincidence, but Suzie didn't believe in random chance. She dialed Connor's number.
"Hello, rùnag, how are you doing?" Hearing his low voice didn't settle her like usual.
Suzie blurted out her demand, trying to make it sound like a question rather than an accusation. "Tell me you did not loan money to my business?"
Silence.
Suzie closed her eyes like that would prevent her from seeing the truth.
"Where are you?" His voice sounded gruff as he broke the silence.
"At the café," she whispered.
"Wait there for me," Connor ordered. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
Suzie disconnected the call with Connor and stared at the screen. How could he? He hadn't denied being the private investor. She glanced again to the papers on the desk. Why had he done it? Had he been seriously thinking she wouldn't find out?
Suzie didn't remember the last time she had been this upset. Maybe when Richard died? No, there had been some kind of relief besides the pain and devastation. When Richard was diagnosed, they had hope he could be treated. Probably this pain, anger, and feeling of betrayal she was feeling now resembled the moment the doctors told them Richard's cancer had returned and spread. Suzie paced the office, while waiting for Connor to arrive.
True to his word, Connor got there within fifteen minutes. Had he been as trustworthy with his other actions?
He strode into the office and came to an abrupt halt at the sight of her. She looked defeated and it killed him to know he was the one who'd put that look on her face.
Before he could utter a word, Suzie spoke. "You promised me, Connor. No more secrets." Her eyes were unnaturally bright.
Connor shrugged off his coat and threw his keys on the desk. What did he have to say for himself? "Damn it, Suzie. It was an old secret. I promised you no more new secrets." Connor felt cornered, and even before Suzie reacted, he realized it would have been better if he hadn't said anything. Where was his cousin, Hamish, to tell him to 'shut up' when he needed him? Although it would have been a 'haud yer wheesht' reminder from Hamish, of course!
"Semantics," Suzie huffed. "The first time we discussed the café, I told you, I didn't want charity. What made you think it was okay for you to step in when you knew I wouldn't accept money from my family?"
Now Connor got irritated, too. "It wasn't charity, missy." He narrowed his eyes and his jaw felt like a concrete wall, but she didn't heed the warning.
"Oh, then what was it?" Suzie challenged. "Payment for sex?"
&
nbsp; What? Connor hadn't been more stunned when he stepped onto the battlefield for the first time, and within ten seconds of his arrival, a grenade exploded nineteen feet from him. Just like that time, it took him some seconds to wrap his brain about what had hit him. The impact of the grenade had sprayed him with a fountain of sand. For days, he had found grains of sand in all the crevices of his body, his stiff and thick army clothes turning into sandpaper from it, scraping his skin raw. The impact of Suzie's words grated more and left him rawer and exposed. Fuck! "It's a damn good investment is what it is. I'm getting 5% interest on a $40,000 investment. That's $2000 a year. It's better than a bank and safer than the stock market."
"Then why keep it a secret?"
"Because I knew you wouldn't react well. I've been meaning to tell you; I just hadn't found the right moment."
Suzie stood two feet away, but in that moment, the distance was as impenetrable as two acres of forest. He recognized the moment she came to a conclusion. From the expression on her face, he knew he wasn't going to like what she was going to say next. Would she break up with him over this?
"I don't know if I can trust you anymore, Connor. I think it's best for you to leave now. I have to think about this. About us."
Connor's world crumbled and he had to lock his knees to keep them from buckling. He nodded slowly. He grabbed his coat and keys and headed to the door. He hadn't been inside for more than five minutes, and they had been worse than five hours in the Iraqi desert.
The door slammed behind him, and Suzie stood frozen in the office. She wished she could cry, but she was afraid once she started, she wouldn't be able to stop.
Over the next couple of days, Connor immersed himself in his work. He had the excuse it was tax season, but a Dom had to be honest. He used his work to take his mind off his rùnag. God, he missed her. Not just the play and her willing lithe body under his, he missed her company, the cheerful presence of Abby, and he even missed Tim. Aye, maybe he and the boy didn't get along that well, but he liked the kid and knew his motives and actions came from good intentions. He and Tim had been doing better after the whole Josh debacle happened, hadn't they?