“What? I’m sorry Lacey. What’d you say?” Kathryn said shaking her head as they continued to rock gently in the swings.
“It doesn’t matter. What’s going on with you? Your mind’s been everywhere since we got here. I thought we were supposed to be hanging out, but I feel like I’ve been talking to myself all day.”
Kathryn sighed, knowing every word Lacey said was true. Lacey had called wanting to hang out since they hardly saw each other anymore. Kathryn thought it would be a good idea and a way to keep her mind off of the whole Luke dilemma, but she’d barely been able to focus on anything since they’d gotten together.
“I’m sorry,” she said looking up to her friend who was staring back at her. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“Well, that’s obvious,” she gaffed. “I’d have to be an idiot not to realize that. What’s going on? Anything I can help with?”
“Not unless you can get into my brain and make me understand,” Kathryn murmured.
“What are you talking about? What happened?”
“I don’t know what happened,” she replied, wanting desperately to talk to someone about her feelings, but at the same time wanting to clam up and forget everything. Forget Ben, forget Luke, forget Jace. Forget it all.
“I’m not buying it. Talk to me,” Lacey said dragging her feet on the ground until the swing stopped.
Kathryn stopped too and considered making something up, but then realized she couldn’t. She needed to talk to someone.
“It’s Luke…and Jace…and Ben,” she said pausing between each name.
“Luke and Jace and Ben?” Lacey asked and Kathryn nodded. “What are you talking about? What do they have to do with each other?”
“Things have gotten very complicated all of a sudden.”
“Uh oh. That doesn’t sound good. How complicated?”
“I slept with Luke,” Kathryn said not bothering to pause to brace herself or Lacey. The words just came out and she heard Lacey gasp.
“What?” she exclaimed. “You…slept…with Luke?” she asked, her voice turning to a whisper. “What? When? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?” Lacey’s voice was rambling and she didn’t stop to take a breath.
“It happened about a year ago,” Kathryn answered softly, stunned at actually hearing the words. She’d never admitted it out loud.
“A year ago? And you’re just now telling me?”
“It wasn’t exactly my proudest moment,” she said as her cheeks blushed from embarrassment.
“How did it happen? I mean, why? I mean, how?” Lacey stuttered.
“It just did. I was depressed and lonely and he was there and so much like Ben. I was freaking out about Ben and raising Sarah alone and he held me and then he kissed me and it was perfect and I wanted him more than anything at that moment,” Kathryn said, the words rambling out of her mouth, shocking herself at the admission. She had wanted him that night, not Ben.
“Wow,” Lacey sighed, looking down at the ground and shaking her head. “I…I don’t know what to say. I’m speechless. I’m literally without speech.”
Kathryn couldn’t say anything either. Lacey’s expression said it all.
“What happened afterwards?” Lacey said a few moments later.
“Nothing. We never even spoke of it again…until last night.”
“What happened last night?” she asked, sitting up in the swing, obviously eager to hear the rest of the story.
“We um…we went to the beach and looked at the stars, ya know how Ben and I used to?” she asked looking over to Lacey for recognition, who nodded impatiently, waiting for her to continue. “We ended up kissing again.”
“You mean, you hadn’t kissed since, ya know?”
“No. Last night was the first night since a year ago.”
“What happened? Why’d it happen?”
“It just did. I thought he was Ben for a second and I wanted to be with him again, but then I realized it wasn’t Ben, that it was Luke and the scary part is, I wanted him to kiss me and then…then he told me he’d fallen in love with me and that he knew I loved him too,” she said quietly, thinking back to his voice on the beach.
“What?” Lacey exclaimed. “This is crazy! Seriously crazy!”
“I know!” Kathryn gasped quietly. Even though the park was empty and no one could hear her, she still didn’t want to hear the words.
“Well?” Lacey asked a few moments later.
“Well what?”
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Love him.”
“No!” she exclaimed quickly. “No way.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure! He’s Ben’s brother for God’s sake,” Kathryn said defensively. “I don’t love him, not like that anyway.”
“It wouldn’t be so farfetched if you did,” Lacey said softly in a voice that reminded Kathryn of the morning she’d learned she was pregnant. Lacey’s quiet voice had guided her to reason. Maybe she was doing it again.
“He’s Ben’s little brother!”
“So? What does that matter?” Lacey said shrugging her shoulders.
“What does it matter? Are you delusional or something? The matter is, he’s Ben’s brother,” she said stressing the word. “That’s all that needs to be said.”
“He might be Ben’s brother, but I’ve seen the way things have changed between you two since Ben died. You’re inseparable. You’re practically married.”
“No, we’re not!” Kathryn scoffed, and then laughed.
“Yes, you are. You live together. You raise Sarah together. You do everything together. The only thing that’s missing is the ring.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“Am I?” she asked and Kathryn looked over to Lacey, expecting to see a goofy grin spread across her face, but instead seeing her mouth formed into a serious line and her eyes staring back at her without blinking.
Kathryn looked away to her daughter playing in the sandbox, innocent to all of this. She didn’t have a care in the world. She wasn’t aware her father was dead or that her uncle was in love with her mother, or that her mother didn’t have a clue what in the hell she was doing.
“This whole conversation is ridiculous,” Kathryn laughed and Lacey continued looking at her skeptically.
“Does Jace know about you and Luke?”
“Of course not! He only recently found out about Ben. I can’t very well tell him, ‘Oh yeah, by the way, Luke, that guy I live with, yeah, I slept with him, but you’ve got nothing to worry about because we’re just friends,” Kathryn said sarcastically.
“Well, are you going to tell him about last night?”
“No way! I’m not telling him because it meant nothing. It was nothing and it’s not going to happen again. Luke’s just confused or something.”
“How do you explain your reaction then? You said just a minute ago that you wanted it, that you liked it,” Lacey said seriously again.
“I was lonely and I was confused. I was missing Ben and Luke reminded me of him. That’s it. That’s what happened. Bottom line.”
The skepticism didn’t leave Lacey’s face, but she didn’t continue with the subject.
“What are you going to do about Jace?” she asked instead.
“I’m just going to keep doing what I have been doing. Hanging out and having fun.”
“So things are going good with him then?”
“Yes, they are,” she said as a smile spread across her face. “He’s great with Sarah and he doesn’t seem too bothered by all the craziness in my life.”
“When do I get to meet him?”
“Eventually,” she said with a grin. “Let’s just see how things go.”
“Your life’s like a soap opera, you know that?”
“Yeah, I do,” Kathryn said standing up to get Sarah. She tried to laugh at Lacey’s comment, but deep down, it just saddened her, knowing Lacey was right and wishing more than
anything she wasn’t.
Chapter 36
Kathryn did her best to avoid Luke over the next couple of days, which was not an easy feat considering they lived in the same house. They were cordial to each other, but there were no late night chats or vegging out in front of the TV once they’d put Sarah to bed. It was strictly business, which she hated. She missed talking to Luke or being able to rely on him to watch Sarah when she needed to run out. She knew he would do it if she asked, but that would mean talking to him and that’s exactly what she was trying to avoid. If she just ignored the situation, perhaps he would too and they wouldn’t have to talk about it anymore and things would go back to normal, the way they had that night a year ago.
To clear her mind, she’d gone running nearly every day. Some days Sarah came along, but the days she was with her grandparents, Kathryn went alone. She was slowly building up her stamina, although she knew it would be a while before she returned to the form she’d once been in. Whenever she ran, she felt like she was okay or that everything was going to be okay. She didn’t think about Luke or Jace. Her mind was free and the energy that flowed through her body as she ran was rejuvenating and she regretted it had taken her so long to rediscover the way running made her feel.
She was getting ready for one of those runs when her phone rang and she was excited when she saw it was Jace.
“Hey!” she said excitedly, resting the phone in the crook of her neck while she finished lacing up her sneakers.
“What’cha doing?” he asked.
“I’m getting ready to go for a run. Can I call you when I get back?”
“Why don’t I join you?”
“What?” she asked surprised, stopping mid-loop as she tied her shoe.
“Why don’t I join you for your run?”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Don’t sound so shocked.”
“I didn’t know you were a runner,” she said.
“And I didn’t know you were a runner. So…mind if I join you?”
“No, not at all.”
“I’ll be over in a few then,” and he hung up the phone.
When he knocked on the door a little while later and walked inside she thought he looked cute in his sneakers, loose black running pants and gray hoodie. His nearly black hair looked as if he had carelessly run his hands through it, not giving it much thought.
“You ready to go?” he asked playfully as he began jogging in place.
“Oh my gosh. You are such a dork,” Kathryn laughed shaking her head at him.
“Thank you,” he said, but he continued running.
“Would you please stop?”
“What? You don’t like my running?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Fine,” he said stopping in his tracks and then walking over and kissing her on the cheek. “You look cute in your running gear,” he said flipping her ponytail, causing her to blush. She still wasn’t used to him complementing and touching her, even though she did like it.
“How long have you been running?” she asked him.
“I was in cross-country in high school, but I haven’t run that much since.”
“Why’d you want to come then?”
“I’ve thought about picking it up again and I wanted to see you,” he grinned and she felt her cheeks redden.
“Well, hopefully you can keep up.”
“Is that a challenge?” he asked raising an eyebrow.
“Maybe,” she said smiling at him.
“Then I accept,” he said looking around the empty apartment. “Where’s Sarah?”
“She’s with my mom. She’ll be home in an hour or so.”
“Too bad I missed her,” he said opening the door. “Shall we?” he said in a bad English accent, motioning to the outdoors.
Kathryn rolled her eyes and laughed. “Let’s go.”
It was cool and crisp outside, a typical fall day. She was stretching when Jace looked back and grinned playfully at her before taking off at full speed.
“Hey! Wait up!” she shouted and then sprinted until she caught him.
“And you were afraid I couldn’t keep up with you,” he joked.
“You cheated,” she said as they found a comfortable stride and were soon jogging side by side. She’d never jogged with a partner. She’d always wanted Ben to join her and she’d often wondered what it would be like if he’d agreed to go running with her. When she looked over at Jace, she realized it probably would’ve been fun to share this with Ben.
Kathryn soon realized Jace wouldn’t have any trouble keeping up. She even found him pushing and encouraging her as her legs began to burn.
“C’mon, c’mon! Don’t give up,” he called running backwards to face her as he encouraged her to keep going. She continued to push herself, but when the stitch in her side became too much after three miles, she stopped, clutching it.
“I feel like I’m going to die,” she sighed trying to catch her breath.
“Do I need to carry you home?” he laughed as he swept in and threw her effortlessly over his shoulder and continued jogging down the road.
“Hey! Put me down!” she yelled at him as she slapped him on the back, but instead of putting her down, he just sped up and soon she was laughing hysterically as she bounced on his shoulder and gave up attempting to escape.
A few minutes later, he finally stopped and gently set her down.
“Jerk,” she said playfully glaring at him.
“You know you’re not mad at me.”
“Yes, I am. I’m furious!” she said trying to keep a straight face, but as he grinned at her with a goofy smile, she started laughing. “You’re right, I’m not mad.”
“Good, because if you were I’d just have to throw you over my shoulder again,” he said taking her hand in his. As their fingers entwined, she felt a tingle trickle up her arm. They began walking side by side down the street silently. She heard Jace’s breath begin to settle and soon they were both breathing at a steady pace.
“We should do this more often,” he suggested as they walked back to her apartment.
“Yeah, we should,” she agreed and then they were quiet for a while as they walked.
“Do you want to go to dinner tomorrow night?” he asked a few moments later.
“I’m not going to turn down a free meal.”
“Hey…I never said I was paying,” he joked.
“Well then, I’ll have to think about it.”
“You know I’m playin’,” he said squeezing her hand. “There’s this Indian place, Mirch Masala, I’ve been wanting to try out.”
“Indian food?” she asked surprised.
“What? You don’t like Indian food?”
“I’ve actually never had it.”
“Never?”
“Nope.”
“How is that possible?” he asked in mock disbelief.
“I’ve always wanted to try it, but…,” she began and then stopped.
“But what?”
“Nothing,” she said trying to get him to drop it.
“What is it? Just tell me,” he said as his thumb began to gently caress the back of her hand.
“Well, Ben...” she began and she thought she felt his grasp on her hand loosen slightly at the mention of his name. “Ben was kind of a meat and potatoes guy. We both were actually. My parents never exposed me to much ethnic food and neither did his family, and whenever I’d suggest something different to Ben, he’d curl his nose up at the idea.”
“He wouldn’t even try it? Even though you wanted to?”
“No, no. It wasn’t like that,” she said defensively, realizing she was making Ben out to be a selfish jerk. “He did lots of things I wanted to. Food just wasn’t one of them.”
“Well, I like eating different stuff, so do you want to try some Indian food with me tomorrow?’
“I’d love too.”
Chapter 37
When they walked into the restaurant the next night, she was taken in by the ec
centric atmosphere. The windows were lined with twinkling white lights and the walls were painted a dark salmon color that didn’t quite seem to fit. Golden elephants and statues of Indian gods were placed throughout the restaurant. The tables were simple with white tablecloths and each one had a different napkin scheme, either maroon, sea foam green or bright orange, but all were folded so they stood up like blooming flowers.
A small woman with dark brown skin, giant green eyes and long black hair led them over to a small table near the bar. As they walked, Kathryn couldn’t help admiring her beautiful purple and gold dress that hung to the floor. Once they were seated, the woman placed two menus before them and left. Kathryn opened the menu and began scanning over the overwhelming choices, which all looked like Greek to her. She was excited about trying something new, but she hadn’t been feeling quite right all day. She pushed the discomfort to the side though and tried concentrating on all the choices.
“Okay…” she began as she continued to search the menu. “I’ve no clue what any of this stuff is. Oh wait…I take that back,” she said as her eyes rested on the soup choices. “I recognize mulligatawny from the soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld,” she said proudly.
“Wow…you’ve got a lot to learn about culture,” he laughed and she smiled back at him as their eyes met over the top of the menus.
After reading the descriptions and thinking she’d deciphered them successfully, she finally decided on a bowl of mulligatawny, having always wanted to try it since she heard about it on TV, and Tandoori chicken, which seemed like a safe choice. Jace decided on Lamb Bhuna Punjabi and a bowl of mulligatawny too. The waitress brought the soup over a few minutes later and she stared suspiciously at the yellow pasty soup which was sprinkled with flecks of orange and green.
“Don’t be scared,” Jace said as he took a spoonful from his own bowl. “It’s good.”
She dipped the spoon into the bowl, and then blew on the soup a few times before drawing it slowly to her lips, taking a small sip. She was surprised at the taste, which seemed to be a mixture of sweet and spicy.
“What do you think?”
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