by Flynn Eire
"I don't believe I've ever seen yours either," Alexander replied with a nervous chuckle. That actually made me relax a bit. If he was nervous as well then at least I wasn't the only one. "Um, how do you want to do this, Dimitri?"
"I don't know," I whispered looking into his eyes, knowing they must have been as wide as saucers I was so scared. "Maybe this was a mistake."
"No. Please don't go," he begged, tightening the grip he had on my hand. "Please, stay with me tonight."
"Okay."
"I really was just asking what side of the bed you wanted to sleep on," he said as he led me towards the bed. "I normally just sprawl out in the middle, so I don't have a preferred side."
"I normally sleep on the right side, because that's where my nightstand and alarm clock are. But I guess it really doesn't matter."
"No, no, you can have the right side," Alexander answered quickly as he pulled back the covers for me. "Please, go ahead and lay down."
"I-I don't normally . . ." I started to say and trailed off, swallowing loudly. My throat suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a desert.
"Don't normally what?"
"Sleep with clothes on," I answered so quickly the words ran into each other. It took him a second to register what I said, but when the look of surprise crossed his face I knew he'd heard me. "I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like a tease. I just realized that now, and I didn't know what to say or do when I did."
"No, of course you didn't," Alexander replied nodding. "I don't mean to start trouble, but I guess that means you never spent the night with Rune?"
I merely shook my head, not wanting to talk about Rune right at the moment. Instead we both climbed into bed. Most of the rooms in the main house came with fullsized beds. Sure, we could order bigger beds if we wanted to, I did since I'm so tall, but Alexander's was the standard size.
"Next time we should sleep in my bed," I chuckled breaking the ice. "I had an elongated queen size bed ordered so the mattress could fit me."
"That might be a good idea," he snickered. We both turned to look at each other then down at my calves and feet hanging off the bed, and we burst out laughing. When we finally stopped laughing Alexander started talking again. "There's something I want to say, but I don't want to ruin this moment."
"Go ahead, I'll try not to freak out."
"Are you sure?"
"No, but do it anyway. You should be able to say anything to your mate, and we're trying to really be mates."
"I love you, Dimitri," he said quietly, but kept talking before I could even reply. "I don't expect you to say it back, I understand why you won't. But it's the way I feel and I thought you should know. I really and truly love you. I think I have since I met you, even when you were a scrawny little pre-transition. There was just something about you, even at twenty-five."
"Why have you never told me before?" I wasn't so sure I really wanted to hear the answer, but I needed to know.
"At first, I wasn't even able to admit to myself I really felt that way about you," he answered looking off into the distance. "Then when it hit me that I was in love with you I knew it would be better for you if I hid it. I've been a warrior for so many centuries, killing and fighting Zakasacs. I resigned myself many, many centuries ago to the fact I wasn't ever going to fall in love. After all the death I've caused I don't deserve love."
"You talk as if you're a mass murderer, Alexander," I whispered as he turned to look at me. Searching his eyes I knew in my heart he believed what he said. "You killed to protect vampires, to help save the lives of our people. Not because you just randomly enjoyed killing people."
"How do you know I don't enjoy killing?"
"We all enjoy killing to a certain extent, or else we wouldn't be warriors," I answered thoughtfully. "I mean, it's not the killing we like, but rather the fact the Zakasac died, not us. Not another vampire that the Zakasac would have killed."
"But killing is still killing, and I was raised to see killing as wrong," Alexander replied. "I always believed one hardened enough and cold enough to be a good warrior would never able to give love, or accept it."
"And now?"
"Now I want to love you, really love you and have you love me, more than I ever cared about being a warrior."
I didn't know what to say to his confession. The truth and pain was written all over his face. He was so ready for me to reject him at that moment. Instead I leaned in and kissed him. It was chaste at first, just a gentle press of our lips, but as we both leaned in again for another kiss it grew into something more.
"Wait, I said I wouldn't push you," he said breathlessly as he broke the kiss. "You came here for sleep, I didn't mean to start this."
"I'm okay with this," I answered honestly, running my fingers through his hair.
"You are?"
"Yes, if we can keep just kissing. I'm not ready for anything more than that, but it felt right to kiss you. I like having your arms around me, Alexander. I love knowing my scent is rubbing off on you, as if you're actually mine."
"I am yours, Dimitri," Alexander said before looking away from me. "I've not been with anyone since I've known that I was in love with you. It seemed wrong to be with another man when you had my heart."
"I didn't know," I whispered turning his face back towards mine. "I wish you had told me, I've loved you for probably just as long. It seems like so much wasted time."
"It wasn't wasted, even with all the mistakes I made. We still got to this point, here, together. We have all the time in the world ahead of us, we can make this work."
"I hope so." I moved to kiss him again. This time it was so passionate it was almost fierce. He shifted closer, and even with our height difference he felt so good against me. When Alexander moved his hand from my shoulder to my back, his hard cock pressed into my stomach. I moaned at the feeling of his hard-on against me, the knowledge he was this excited just from kissing me.
Without meaning to, or realizing I had, I was suddenly on top of him. My hips and lower body resting between his spread legs. I tore his shirt off him before pulling my own over my head. As we kept kissing, our tongues meshing and exploring, I reveled in the feeling of our naked chests rubbing against each other.
It was only when his hands moved from my back, one massaging my ass while the other moved towards the front of my shorts that I pulled away.
"I'm sorry, I can't," I said, starting to cry as I moved off of him and sat up. "I know I started this, but I can't. I want to believe you love me. I saw the truth of it on your face, but I also saw the truth when you said you didn't love me and didn't want me."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Dimitri," he answered as he sat up and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I let myself be pulled against him, "I did this. I put this distrust in you and you have every reason not to trust me. I don't know how, but somehow I will fix that."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tease you. It just felt so good and so right, until . . ."
"Until I went too far," Alexander said gently.
"No, that's not what I was going to say," I replied shaking my head against him as he pulled us both down to the bed. "I gave you the green light to go there, it's just when I felt you touch me there, I thought of the last time you did . . . And that made me freeze up."
"The last time?" he asked sounding confused, but it must have clicked in his mind. "In the hallway, before I bit you."
"Yes." The tears started to fall. I felt like such an idiot, crying against his chest. We were having such a good time and I had to go and blow it.
"I understand why that memory would have you pulling away from me," he said as if he had read my mind. "I am not upset with you, Dimitri. If you feel
uncomfortable, you have every right to back away. And I want you to only feel good when I touch you."
"Thank you for understanding."
"Of course," he whispered, gently kissing my forehead. "Now we should sleep. It's been a very trying couple of weeks. I know you are still y
oung, but I am a very old man who needs his rest."
"Whatever, you dork," I laughed before turning to press my lips against his chest. "Good night, Alexander."
"Good night, my Dimitri."
Even with all the pain he caused me over the weeks it still warmed my heart to hear him call me his Dimitri.
* * * * I woke the next morning in the same position I had fallen asleep in the night before, with Alexander's steady heartbeat under my ear. At first it was a comforting sound, but then it started to sink in . . . what now? What did you say the morning after, especially when you didn't have sex? "You awake?" I asked quietly.
"I have been for some time," he chuckled and I felt
it rumble throughout his chest. It also struck me as odd that I slept on his chest when I was larger than he was. Didn't it normally go the smaller one curled up to the larger one? Or was it more an age thing? I really hoped the answer was it didn't matter and you just did what felt right.
"Um, what happens now?"
"We go about our day as normal, Dimitri." "Oh, then why does this feel so weird?"
"This is your first time ever waking up in bed with
another person, correct?" Alexander asked as he ran his head over my back. "Yeah, it is," I replied and moved my head so I can look at his face. He was giving me one of those rare, full smiles.
"You don't know how much that pleases me, just because I'm a selfish man. It's normal that it would be awkward, given it's your first time," he answered. "There's no rule book here, Dimitri. Just like in sex and life, just do what feels right."
"Okay then," I said, smiling as I moved so I could kiss him. I planted a loud, goofy, smacking kiss on him and jumped out of bed. He looked at me with wide eyes before starting to laugh hysterically. I chuckled as well, while grabbing my shirt and pulling it on.
"Dimitri?" "Yeah, Alex?" I replied, turning towards him. the look on his face when I called him Alex was priceless.
"Did you just call me, Alex?"
"I did, and I apologize. It just kind of came out."
"I actually like it coming from you," he answered smiling. "It warms my heart that you gave me a nickname."
"Okay, good. Then I'll call you Alex when it's just us."
"As you wish."
"Was there something you wanted to ask me?"
"Oh yes," he said quietly as he sat up in the bed. It was only then I realized I had been staring at his fabulous chest and stomach. I felt myself blush as I looked up and met his eyes. "I wanted to ask if we were going to be doing this again tonight?"
"I'd like that, I mean if you're okay with that."
"I'm more than just okay with it," he answered and gestured me to come towards him with his finger. I couldn't help smiling as I leaned over the bed and him. He pulled my head down and gave me another kiss. This one wasn't funny at all. This one melted me all the way to my toes.
"Wow," I said, like an idiot when we broke apart. "And on that note, I have to shower and get to class."
"Some morning, I would like to join you in the shower," he said gently. He said it in a way that let me know exactly what we would do in that shower, without trying to push me.
"I would like that one day," I replied as I opened the door. "And this time, I'm pushing you up against the wall and having my way with you." I hurried and left before he had a chance to reply. I knew it was kind of mean to push the boundaries like that, but damn, it was fun.
Racing back to my room, I showered and changed in under five minutes. I was at the gym for class in less than ten. Once there, the instructors helped me match up students of like abilities for sparring practice.
"What's with you today?" Matteo leaned in and asked as we watched the student work.
"Alexander and I slept together last night," I answered quietly. I almost laughed at the shocked expression on his face, "we didn't have sex. We slept, literally."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, actually, I am. It was time to take the next step."
"Good, I'm glad," Matteo replied cautiously, searching my face. "If he hurts you again, I'm still going to cut off his dick in his sleep and give it to you."
It was then I heard a chuckle from across the gym. We both looked over to see Alexander leaning one shoulder against the wall, smiling and watching us. Matteo turned bright red and I had to bite my lip so as not to laugh.
Later, at breakfast, I saw Alexander watching me again, just smiling. I couldn't help but smile back. It was good, this feeling I had inside. It was almost like a warmth building around my heart. So is this what it felt like to be loved?
Chapter 9
After lunch I was heading back to my office, looking over papers, when I bumped into Rune. Oh shit, this was so not a conversation I wanted to have right now.
"Hey, Rune," I said, starting to fidget.
"Dimitri," he replied, nodding at me then started to continue on his way. I let out the breath I was holding, it looked like I averted that particular land mine. Until he turned back around, "so it was never me you wanted to be with, was it?"
"It's not that I didn't want to be with you. I was trying to move on."
"From Alexander?"
"Yeah, from him."
"But now you're mated to him, right?" He asked me, raising an eyebrow. "Unless I've heard the latest rumors wrong."
"He mated me, I've not mated him yet," I answered scrunching my eyebrows down. "I'm not sure if that makes a difference in your mind, but I just don't want to lie to you."
"Again you mean. You don't want to lie to me again?"
"When did I lie to you the first time?" I asked as I started to get pissy. "I never made you any promises, Rune. You were in it for the uncomplicated fuck, just as I was."
"I was?" he replied, seeming to get just as upset. "I didn't know it was just an uncomplicated fuck."
"We never even kissed, Rune. It was just fucking, kinky and casual fucking."
"Maybe to you. I thought I finally found a dom who wanted my type of submissive," he answered not meeting my eyes. "But you were just using me because I look like him from the back."
"One, we were using each other. Two, yeah, it helped me that you look like Alexander from the back. But you came to me, Rune. I didn't come seek you out."
"So what?" He yelled looking me in the eyes. "Just because I sought you out, it's okay to treat me that way?"
"What way? We didn't date, hell we barely talked. All we did was fuck a few times," I snarled. Then it hit me I had really hurt him, and that was never my intention. "Look, Rune, it wasn't ever my intention to use you. Alexander said he didn't want me. And in my mind, I thought if I could start having sex with someone, it would help me move on."
"But it didn't, did it?"
"No, it didn't. I came to you when I got your note, and I couldn't even get hard," I answered shaking my head as I ran my fingers through my hair. "And it wasn't because of you, I mean, you're a good looking guy, Rune. It was more a mental or emotional thing for me. You weren't Alexander."
"But you did get hard, I mean you fucked me," he said, looking totally confused.
"When I realized you looked like him," I replied sheepishly looking at my feet. "If I had known it was more than just uncomplicated sex to you I would never have done what we did. But truly, I thought we were just both scratching an itch. The sex I had with Alexander after I lost the challenge was my first time. So, I know it's not an excuse, but it's the reason I seemed to have missed that you thought maybe we had more."
"Well that makes sense," Rune answered nodding. "I thought you were just thinking I wasn't worth keeping. Or you didn't respect me enough to care about my feelings."
"Rune, no!" I replied completely shocked at his words, "I'd never just disregard someone's feelings like that! I really thought you didn't want any more than just the sex. If I'd had any idea you wanted more, I would never, ever have treated you like that. I'm sorry, Rune."
"You don't have to be sorry, Dimitri. Like you said, you didn't
know any better. You're not part of the dominant/submissive game. And now you're mated to Alexander, so you can have your happily ever after."
"I hope so, but I'm not so sure," I answered feeling stupid talking about feeling with Rune. It wasn't the type of conversation we had ever had. "I want to believe that this is forever, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, it makes perfect sense," Rune answered as he patted me on the back. "You're a good guy, I do truly hope it works out for you."
"You too, Rune. Anyone would be lucky to be with you."
"I'm not so sure about that, you know the type of sex I'm into," Rune said, looking distraught. "Most people would or have called me a freak and left. You were one of the first who seemed to be into it."
"I think I'm too new to sex to really know what I'm into."
"Yeah, I remember those days," he laughed as he started to walk away again. "See you around, Dimitri."
"Later, Rune," I answered, looking back at my papers and shaking my head. Well at least that hadn't gone as bad as I thought it was going to.
"So you really slept with him because you could pretend it was me?" Alexander asked as he stepped out of the other hallway into view. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before simply nodding. I mean, what else could I do? How did I explain this one to Alexander?
I kept waiting to hear his footsteps retreat, instead I got shoved into the wall. Surprised I opened my eyes in time to see Alexander lean in to kiss me. I melted against the wall and his firm body as he made love to my mouth.
"I thought you never really loved me if you could have moved on so easily," he said when we parted. I watched tears fall down his cheeks, too shocked at seeing him cry to answer. "But you never really moved on, did you? You tried because I told you I didn't want you, but you couldn't move on?"
"No, I couldn't," I whispered, "I love you too much."
"As I love you," he answered
Both of us were crying now. Alexander leaned closer to kiss me again, working his way down my chin, then towards my neck. Just as I felt him lick the spot where he normally bit me, I pulled away.