As he slid alongside her, he realized his body shook. Would she notice when he touched her? But he needed to touch her.
If she could feel his trembling, his weakness, she said nothing. He brushed a shaky thumb over her bottom lip, then cupped a breast, capturing a pointed nipple in his mouth. He sucked hard, snagging her other nipple between his thumb and forefinger, twisting, pinching, pulling. Her back arched and she cried out his name.
Grabbing his shoulders, she dug her nails deep as he worked his tongue over one peak then the other, nipping a path between the two.
A sound of frustration escaped her. She pulled at him, attempting to move his weight over her. Without releasing a nipple, he did what she wanted until he remained suspended above her on shaky arms, circling the outline of her areolas with his tongue.
Legs spread wide, she made room for him as he settled between her thighs. He slid a hand between their bodies and discovered her slick flesh, the proof of her need and readiness.
He thumbed her clit and she squirmed beneath him, pushing her hips up, begging him without words to take her. He brushed the head of his cock against her until he nudged her open and then slowly sank deep into the wet, silky heat, the tightness. The rush of pleasure became heady and he stilled to gather his control. Carly whimpered, digging her nails into his ass, bucking her hips against him as he struggled to remain still.
The simple act of the tip of her tongue darting out to lick her lower lip caused him to move with sudden desperation. The harder he thrust, the wetter, warmer she became. Her inner walls squeezed his cock like a fist, her muscles rippling up and down his cock, driving him mad. Her thighs squeezed his hips so tightly, they trembled.
When she came apart beneath him, she drew him deeper, driving him closer to the edge. The sounds of climax escaping her lips made him groan. He tried to resist his release. This needed to last longer. So much longer.
He wanted to bring her more.
Closing his eyes, he tried to slow his breathing, however, the tug of arousal made it impossible.
His need for nothing but her at that moment, that second, this lifetime, made him pound her harder, faster, until his breathing became strained, his body became slick, as he pushed inside her again and again. Her fingers dug deeper into his flesh as she encouraged him to take her harder and faster.
She cried out once more as another wave of orgasm ran through her and over him, taking him for the final ride as he grunted and released deep inside her. His cock pulsed intensely within her soft, swollen flesh.
Before the last wave ebbed, he took her mouth and claimed her as his. And only his.
Then his mind spun out of control. His heart raced. His body broke out in a cold sweat.
And he couldn’t catch his breath.
His last thought was… Oh fuck, not again.
Consciousness bubbled up around him, like diving into a pool and coming back up to break the surface of the water. Even though his ears still rang, he heard her voice. Maybe he had died and gone to heaven.
Yeah, right.
“Matt. Matt.”
He’d blacked out again. Fuck.
What felt like a cold washcloth laid across his forehead and his head was propped on something soft and warm. He blinked his eyes open.
Carly’s lap. And she wore that silky robe of hers.
“Oh, thank goodness,” she said, searching his face and running fingers along his cheek. “I was this—” She pressed her thumb and forefinger together until they were almost touching. “Close to calling an ambulance.”
He moved to sit up, to gather his wits, but she pushed his shoulders back down. “No, don’t get up.”
His dictator doctor suddenly inhaled a shaky breath and, when she released it, it came out as a sob. Her body shook as she wept, tears flowing freely down her face. He lifted a hand and brushed them away, though more followed faster than he could keep up with.
She’s crying over me. Me. Why?
“At first…I thought…I thought…you were having a fucking…heart attack,” she said between sobs. “Holy crap, Matt…you scared the shit out of me!”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. He licked his lips and took a deep breath. “What happened?”
“I don’t know.” She sniffled, rubbing the heel of her palm into her eyes. “You collapsed on top of me, then you were out cold. I think you had a panic attack.”
A panic attack. Proof he wasn’t getting any better. Proof that going to the therapist was just a waste of time.
Great. Violent black outs. Trauma-induced OCD. Now panic attacks. Could it get any worse?
He could lose his job.
He could hurt someone.
Yeah, it could get worse. Much worse.
He pushed himself up and this time Carly let him go. He shifted to a seat next to her, gathered her in his arms, and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Sorry I scared you.”
She shook her head, the sobbing subsided, but the tears still leaked from the corners of her eyes. At a slower pace, though, thankfully. He thumbed a tear off her cheek.
“Max said he insisted you go to therapy every day this week. Did you go?”
Matt sighed and pulled her tighter against his side. “Yeah.”
“Is it helping?”
He frowned. “I don’t know.”
“Have you had a panic attack before?”
He hesitated. He didn’t think so, but he couldn’t be sure. “No.”
“Matt…”
He blew out a breath. “Look, I don’t want to talk about it. Drop it.”
She nodded and turned her head into his neck, nuzzling him. It felt so good, so right. He curled his fingers around the back of her head and held her there.
“You’re sleeping with me tonight,” she mumbled into the crook of his neck.
“I’ll be fine.”
She pulled back slightly, enough to say, “I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.” She sighed, her breath tickling along his skin. “Either you sleep here or I’m coming with you into that freaking tent.”
He pressed his mouth to the top of her head and smiled into her hair. He loved it when she acted bossy.
But he had to be totally honest with her…
“I have nightmares sometimes,” he warned.
“I don’t care.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
“There’s no guarantee I won’t.” He swallowed hard. He would never want to hurt her, but sometimes he didn’t have control.
Fuck the therapist. Why wasn’t there a quick fix for people like him? Without being drugged up.
“I’ll risk it,” she said.
“I’m not worth it,” he warned.
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
12
Matt sat at his parents’ dinner table looking across the way at his oldest brother.
“Are you ready to get back to work?” Max asked.
“Yes.”
Max, wearing his boss—not brother—hat, gave him a direct stare and got to the point. “Did you do what I asked?”
Matt glanced around the table at everyone stuffing their faces. They all seemed to pause with either their fork or glass midway to their mouths, waiting for his answer. All except for his pop, of course. Nothing got in the way of his dinner. He apparently could multi-task—both eat and listen at the same time, unlike everyone else.
“Is there anyone sitting at this table who doesn’t know what your terms were? I guess I shouldn’t expect a shred of privacy?”
His father jabbed a fork in the direction of Amanda’s brother, Greg. “Greg probably has no idea. And Hannah, of course, but she’s not officially sitting at the table.”
Matt’s gaze bounced from Amanda’s special needs brother to baby Hannah, who slept in her carrier on the floor behind Max and Amanda.
“Great,” he muttered.
“Honey, everyone here cares about you. We’re family. Nothing to be ashamed
about,” his mother stated from the head of the table.
“I’m not ashamed, Ma,” he told her with a scowl.
“Yeah, we already all know you’re crazy,” Amanda said, shoveling a forkful of sweet potato casserole into her mouth. “Right, honey?” she asked her husband.
Max just shot her a look and then turned back to Matt and opened his mouth to say something. Two seconds later, he shut it and shrugged. “Yep.”
“You need to get back to work, brother,” Marc said next to him. “Leah and I are getting tired of all the overtime. The money is nice, but hell, we hardly get a chance to see each other, much less fu—”
Leah slammed a palm over her fiancé’s mouth. “You say what I think you’re going to say and you’re in deep shit.”
“Shit!” Greg crowed from the other side of the table, bouncing in his seat. His arms waved wildly, causing Max to deflect a hand from cracking him upside the head.
“Oh boy, here we go,” Amanda mumbled.
“Oh please, you say much worse,” Marc reminded her.
“Greg, we don’t say ‘shit’ at the dinner table,” Ron scolded the younger man sternly.
“Shit,” Greg whispered, then shot everyone a great big smile.
His mother released a loud sigh. “I can’t wait for Hannah to become a parrot also. I can just hear it now. Curse words in stereo at holiday meals,” Mary Ann said, shaking her head. “And this is why we can’t go out to eat in public.”
“Your food is much better than any restaurant anyway, Ma,” Matt told her.
“Why didn’t you invite Carly?” She pinned him with a stare.
Heat rose up his neck when all eyes fell on him. “Why would I invite her?”
His father, who sat to his right at the opposite end of the table from his mother, snickered and concentrated on sawing at his slab of roast beef. He popped a piece into his mouth and gave him a smirk, before saying, “Why wouldn’t you?”
“Pop…”
“Son, it’s only polite. Even if she is only your roommate.”
The way his father said “roommate” made all eyes land on him once again. In response, Matt concentrated his attention on the matching salt and pepper shakers sitting in the center of the table.
Shit. Fuck. Balls.
“Is there something going on that I need to know about?” his mother asked from the other end of the table.
“No, Ma. Nothing.”
“Ron?” she asked her husband, her eyes narrowed.
“Nope.” And then his Pop gave his mother a wink.
Son-of-a-bitch.
A feeling of dread came over Matt as his mother’s eyes widened. He could practically see her mind spinning with making nuptial plans already.
“Don’t even let him screw with you, Ma. There’s nothing going on,” he assured her.
“Okay, whatever you say,” she answered, smiling down at her plate.
“Screw!” Greg repeated loudly.
“Fuck!” Matt cursed. This dinner was turning into a disaster.
“Fuck!” Greg echoed.
“Thank you,” Amanda said to Matt with a sarcastic tone.
“Just ignore it,” Max said to his wife.
“How does he know which words are the bad ones?” Matt mouthed to Max.
Max just shrugged and went back to eating.
“How are you sleeping?” Leah leaned close to him and asked.
This was also not a topic he wanted to discuss at the dinner table in front of his family. Though, honestly, it had surprised him when he woke up this morning after five hours of solid sleep. But he also woke with Carly spooned against him. And a painful erection. Even so, this was the second time in forever he’d actually slept decently. The first time was when they slept together on the couch in the sunroom.
When he was by himself in his quarters his sleep pattern was always restless. Constantly full of flashbacks and nightmares. Some nights, he’d get up and simply pace. Others, he’d jump in his 4Runner and end up driving for hours until he became exhausted.
Even with complete exhaustion he sometimes couldn’t sleep peacefully.
He thought about asking the therapist for sleeping pills. But, again, he didn’t want to take meds. He hated even taking aspirin.
But when he slept with Carly, it was completely different. Not to say that spending the night with her was the reason for sound rest, it could just be coincidence.
Right.
“Leah asked you a question, asshole,” Marc said, leaning forward around his fiancé to shoot him a look.
As if on cue, Greg tilted his face to the ceiling and yelled, “Asshole!”
Amanda groaned, Max laughed, and Matt shot his middle brother a scowl. “I’m fine.”
“Anytime you need to talk…” Leah said in a low voice close to his ear.
Matt nodded. She was the one person he could talk to and she would actually listen. Actually hear what he said and not judge him.
At that moment, Hannah announced her arrival back into wakefulness by wailing.
Matt shoved his chair back as his spine stiffened from the sound. He shot to his feet and faced his mother. “Sorry, Ma, I have to go. Thanks for the meal.”
She frowned at his half-eaten plate. “You’re not staying for dessert?”
Baby Hannah’s wail turned into an angry cry and he winced, his shoulders growing tight.
“No, I have to go.”
Max shot him a look of concern. “She’ll quiet down once Amanda nurses her.”
“It’s not that.”
Of course it was that. And the look on Max’s face proved he knew it too.
He grabbed his plate and headed toward the kitchen, trying not to wince every time the baby inhaled a deep breath to scream her lungs out. How can something so little be so deafening?
“Why don’t you invite Carly over here to dinner this weekend?” his mother called out as he disappeared around the corner.
He pretended not to hear her and, after scraping his plate and then dumping it into the sink, he practically ran out of the house.
As he rushed down the porch steps, he almost slammed right into Teddy.
Teddy put up his palms to keep from being bowled over. “Whoa, whoa, handsome. Why in a rush?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Well, if you must know, Ma invited me for dinner. Unfortunately, I had a last-minute blue hair come in for a rinse, so I figured I’d at least stop in for dessert.” Teddy tilted his head, listening. “Are those Hannah’s healthy lungs I hear?”
“Yep.”
Teddy frowned. “Now I see why you’re in a rush to skedaddle. But your Ma made her coconut cake. Damn it.” He plugged a hand onto his hip in contemplation. “Hmm. Yeah. Her coconut cake may be worth the wailing. I might have to borrow some ear plugs or I might be crying along with her.”
“You do that,” Matt said as he brushed past him.
Teddy reached out and snagged his arm, halting his escape. “Hold on, Matty. You okay?”
Matt knew the man wasn’t asking about that exact moment. He meant after the episode at the hospital. “Yep.”
“You know I care about you, right? You know I joke about wanting to marry one of you Bryson boys, but you guys are like my brothers. Your family is my family. I’m grateful you all have accepted me for who I am.”
Matt glanced longingly over at his truck. Escape seemed so close, yet so far. He closed his eyes for a second and sighed while Teddy continued.
“I accept you for who you are too. I just wanted you to know that. So does Amanda and Leah, and everyone else who is blood.”
Matt stared at Teddy’s hand on his arm until the man finally released him, lifting his palms in surrender. “Fine. You have to go? Go. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me. Hairdressers are the best listeners.”
Matt frowned. Why was everyone suddenly volunteering to be his sounding board? “I thought that was bartenders.”
Teddy waved a
hand in the air. “No, we’re the best. Bartenders come a close second.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
The other man shrugged and started up the steps.
Matt took a few strides toward his Toyota, then stopped and called out to Teddy, “Hey! I just want you to know I appreciate the offer.”
He shot him a big smile. “Anytime. Anyway, you might not want to marry me, but we’ll always be brothers for life.” And then he laughed and blew Matt a kiss.
Matt groaned at the gesture and hurried to his truck, shaking his head.
Matt parked the 4Runner alongside the garage and stared at the house. The lights were on downstairs and he had to assume Carly was home. When he slipped out of her bed early this morning, she had still been sleeping. He had carefully unwrapped her limbs from his so he didn’t wake her up.
Then again, she slept like the dead.
It could be tempting to stay in her bed every night if he always got a restful night’s sleep like that.
He should have woken her up and slid inside her again this morning until she climaxed. But she had to head to work and he didn’t want to disturb her.
However, what they missed doing this morning, he couldn’t get out of his head right now.
Would she be willing?
His cock was certainly wide awake and very eager.
After adjusting himself, he got out of his SUV. He unlocked the front door and listened carefully, wondering where she was.
The sound of a fork scrapping against a plate came from the kitchen and he headed that direction. When he got to the doorway he stopped. She sat with her back to him, eating some leftovers. She ate by herself with no one to talk to while he had eaten his Ma’s home-cooked meal.
He was such an asshole.
What would it have hurt to include her? Nothing but the torture of seeing his mother’s hopeful expression.
“Are you just going to stand behind me like that or are you going to come in?” she asked without turning around.
He entered and moved across the room to lean against the counter to face her. He regarded her as he crossed his arms over his chest and his legs at his ankles. Strands of blonde hair escaped her disheveled bun and she wore her turquoise-colored glasses, which magnified the dark circles under her brilliant green eyes.
Brothers in Blue: The Complete Trilogy: Brothers in Blue Boxed Set - Books 1-3 Page 50