CHAPTER THIRTEEN.
I was describing, at the end of my last chapter, my uncle's uninvitedguest--Jonas Quelch--dead drunk, with his head on the table. I sat atthe further end of the room watching proceedings. Peter Crean gave awell-satisfied nod, and then left the room. In a short time he returnedwith Pat Brady, and a bundle of papers in his hand. Without much ado,they commenced an examination of the pockets of the stranger, andproduced from them several documents. One of them, as Peter ran hiseyes over it, seemed to excite his excessive indignation. However,producing one from among his own papers, of a similar size andappearance, he sat down and wrote off several paragraphs, which seemedto afford him and Pat infinite amusement. This, with some other papers,which he had taken from the stranger's pockets, he then returned tothem. This done, he and Pat--having removed the provisions and jugs--left the stranger still sleeping, with his head resting on his arms, asbefore, I soon got tired of watching, and made my way into thebanqueting hall, from which shouts of boisterous merriment wereproceeding. His guests were, indeed, doing ample justice to my newuncle's good cheer, and speeches and songs were succeeding each other inrapid succession. Sometimes, indeed, two or three of the guests seemeddisposed to sing or speak at the same time, one exciting the other, andadding not a little to the Babel of tongues. At this state of affairsthe ladies took their departure, though not without several gentlemenrushing after them to bring them back. "Are ye after leaving us withouta sun in the firmament!" exclaimed one. "The stars are going out, andwe shall be in darkness presently," cried another. "A garden withoutroses is a sorry garden, by my faith!" exclaimed a third. "What shallwe do without those beautiful eyes beaming out on us?" shouted a fourth.However, in spite of the flatteries and efforts of Mr Tim Gillooly andhis companions--for he was among the most demonstrative of the party--the ladies made their escape to an upper room. Curiosity at lengthprompted me to go back and see what had become of the stranger. As Ientered the room, he lifted up his head and looked about him, evidentlywondering where he was. At length he rose to his feet, and withunsteady steps began to pace backwards and forwards.
"This won't do," he said to himself. "I am not in a fit condition, Ihave a notion, to execute this writ. However, it must be done. Thatliquor was not bad, or I should not feel as comfortable as I do. If nowI can get a basin of water, and pour some of the cold liquid down mythroat, I shall be soon all to rights again. I wonder when that foolishold steward will come back. He seemed to fancy that I had some favourto bestow on his master by the way he treated me. However, these Irishhave very poor wits, and it is no hard matter to impose on them."
While he was speaking, Peter opened the door. The stranger made hisrequest, with which he promised to comply. In a short time, Patappeared with a basin and a jug of water. "I am your man now,"exclaimed Mr Quelch, having dipped his head several times in the coldwater, "and shall be happy to pay my respects to your master."
"To be sure, sir, to be sure," answered Pat. "He is with his friends inthe great hall, and you will be welcome as all gentlemen from Englandare sure to be. You have only to go in and make your bow and give yourmessage, and depend upon it you will get a civil answer, whatever elseyou get, and be requested to sit down and make yourself happy with therest."
Peter, on this, led the way, followed by Mr Quelch. He did not observethat a number of women and others who had been feasting outside broughtup the rear. A large party followed him into the hall, where heenquired for Mr Kilcullin, as he said, that he might make no mistake."There he is to be sure, at the end of his table, where a gentleman,with a beautiful wife always should be," answered Peter, pointing to thelord of the mansion, who, with his guests, appeared to be enjoyinghimself amazingly without any consciousness of the approach of abailiff.
"Your servant, sir," said Mr Quelch, advancing towards him, and drawingfrom his pocket a long document.
"The same to you, I beg your pardon, what is your name?" said MrKilcullin, with a complacent smile. "You are welcome to Ballyswiggan,as all honest men are, and if they are not honest, by the powers theyhad better keep away! And what is that paper with which you are aboutto favour me?"
"Perhaps, sir, you will read it," said Mr Quelch, with a somewhatdoubtful expression in his countenance.
"Certainly!" exclaimed my new uncle, "with the greatest pleasure in theworld. Now listen, friends and gentlemen all. This is to give noticeto all present that the bearer--Jonas Quelch--has come across theChannel to the west side of ould Ireland, on a fool's errand. There aremany more like him, may be, but he must understand that he will have togo back the way he came, or else consent to be deported forthwith to thecoast of Africa, to live henceforth among the black sons of the soil,for whom alone he is a fit associate."
The astonishment of Mr Quelch on hearing this knew no bounds. Scarcelyrecovered from the effects of his ample potations, the little sense hepossessed entirely forsook him. He began to storm and swear, anddeclared that he had been vilely tricked. Loud peak of laughter fromthe guests present were the only answer he received.
"Come, come, Mr Quelch!" exclaimed Peter Crean, touching him on theshoulder. "You have your choice, my boy, but, by my faith, if you go onabusing Irish gentlemen in this fashion, you will be sent off soonerthan a Kilkenny cow can leap over the moon to the country where theniggers come from, and it will be no easy matter for you to find yourway back again, I'm after thinking." This answer only increased theanger of the unhappy bailiff. The consequence was that he found himselfseized by several of the men around, and amid the varied cries of theguests quickly hurried out of the hall. Derisive shouts of laughterfollowed the unhappy man as he was carried away. Most of the guestshad, in their time, taken part in a similar drama to that which wasabout to be enacted, and knew full well how the man was to be treated.The carouse continued till it was time to clear the room for the ball.Several of the guests had to be borne off, and their heads bathed incold water to make them fit companions for the ladies in the dance.Meantime, Jonas Quelch was carried back to the room he had left, whereCrean plied him with a further supply of whisky under the excuse ofkeeping up his spirits.
"Faith, my friend, we bear you no ill-will," observed the steward, "butyou should have known that in this part of ould Ireland it's against thelaw to execute writs. Such a thing never has been done, and it would becontrary to our consciences ever to allow it to be done, and, therefore,though it's your masters are to blame, it's _you_ who will have to bearthe consequences."
Mr Quelch, however, by the time these remarks were made, was scarcelyin a condition to understand their full meaning; and he was shortlyagain reduced very much to the condition in which he had been before hehad gone into the hall. At this juncture a party of men entered theroom, one of them telling him that they had come to conduct him on boardthe ship which was to convey him to the coast of Africa. In vain heurged that he had no wish to go there, and that he would do anything,even to going back to the country from which he had come, if that wouldsatisfy them. No excuses, however, were available. Away he wascarried, in spite of all his struggles, down to the sea-shore, where aboat was waiting, as he was told, for him. As I preferred remaining tosee the dancing, I can only give the story as I afterwards heard it. Inspite of his struggles he was placed in the boat, which immediatelypulled off into the bay, where he quickly found himself transferred onboard a vessel which lay there at anchor. He was carried down below,and placed in a small cabin by himself.
"We will treat you decently," said one of the men, who appeared to bethe leader of the party. "There are just two things you will have todo, you must understand, or have a chance of being knocked on the head.You must not attempt to get out, and you must ask no questions. It isto the coast of Africa we are going to carry you, and to the coast ofAfrica you must go. The voyage will not be a long one if we have a fairbreeze, and they are dacent sort of people where we are going to landyou; may be they will make you a prince of their country, and let youmarry a princess,
but you will understand that if you love your life, onthe shores of ould Ireland again you will never venture to set foot."
The unfortunate Mr Quelch could make no resistance. All hisexpostulations were in vain. He heard, as he fancied, the anchor beinggot up and sail made, and was fully under the impression that he hadbegun the voyage which was to carry him away for ever from his nativeland. The man who had first spoken to him again came below.
"We wish to treat you as a jintleman, though may be it's more than youdeserve," he said, "so we will not stint you in liquor. You shall haveas much as you can pour down your throat, for I have a notion you willnot get an over abundant supply when you reach Africa. It's a finecountry, I am told, though a little more sandy than ould Ireland."
As may have been discovered, one of Quelch's failings was his fondnessfor liquor, and he soon imbibed enough to bring him into a state ofunconsciousness. He thus had very little idea how the time passed. Assoon as he awoke he found another bottle placed by his side. Thus hecould not tell whether he had been days or weeks on board the ship. Allthat he knew was, that he had been fearfully tossed about, and oftenhorribly uncomfortable. It had not occurred to him to feel his beard,in so confused a state was his mind. At length he heard the Captain'svoice calling him.
"Come up, if you please, Mr Quelch, we are off the coast of Africa, andit is time for you to be on shore. We will just see you comfortablylanded, and then wish you farewell."
The shades of evening were just settling down over the land, when MrQuelch made his appearance on the deck. He could not distinguishobjects distinctly, but he saw before him high hills and a sandy beach.On looking over the side he discovered a boat with six black men in her.
"Good-bye, Mr Quelch," cried the friendly Captain, as he took MrQuelch's arm. "Good luck go with you. May be the niggers will lookafter you when they have put you on shore, but don't trust them toomuch, for it's small love they have for white men."
Poor Quelch did not feel very comfortable on hearing this, but thoughinclined to resist, the butt end of a pistol which was sticking out ofthe Captain's belt, and which that gentleman significantly began tohandle, reminded him that resistance was useless. With a tremblingheart he stepped into the boat. He was soon conveyed on shore. Fromthe suppressed laughter of the crew, and from the broad grin which, asfar as he could distinguish, appeared on their countenances, he had anidea that they were inclined to be amused at his expense.
"Dare, massa," said one of them, "step on shore. Welcome to Africa.Make yourself at home. De king of de country come and see youby-and-by. He very fond of eating men, but no eat you, me hope."
Poor Jonas was compelled to obey, and being placed on shore, the boatagain pulled away. Soon after she had disappeared round a rocky pointhe heard loud shouts coming from inland, and looking up he saw, to hishorror and dismay, several black men dancing and shrieking, and showingby their gestures their intention of coming down, and of making him thechief article of their supper. He was now utterly overcome with terror,and dared not leave the shore lest he should fall into the hands of hisenemies. Yet, as he had not been supplied with food or water, he wasunder the dread of dying from hunger or thirst. He sat himself downdisconsolately on a rock. The shouts continued round and above him,which made him shrink within himself for fear.
"Oh, if ever I get back home to England it is the last time that I willundertake to serve a writ in the West of Ireland, at all events," hesaid, over and over again to himself. Still the savages did notdescend, though he every instant expected to see them rushing towardshim. At length the sounds ceased, and he sat himself down on the rock,where he remained all the night long, afraid of moving lest he shouldfind himself attacked by them.
The morning broke. He saw a large ship in the offing, and after sometime a boat left her side and came towards the spot where he wassitting. "Oh!" he thought to himself, "if I could get on board thatship how happy I should be." No sooner did the boat's bow touch thesand than he ran towards her. "Oh! Take me on board! Take me on boardout of this savage land!" he exclaimed. "I will do anything to serveyou! I will make myself generally useful on board! There is nothing Iwill not do. Oh! Take me away out of the power of these blackamoors!"
"You may enter as a seaman, perhaps," answered the midshipman, incommand of the boat. "If you will promise to do that, we will take youon board, but we have no idlers, and if you do not know your duty youmust learn it as quickly as you can."
Without further ado Quelch was lifted into the boat, which soon returnedto the frigate. He found that she was the "Grecian" frigate, and thatshe was standing on and off the land, waiting to take the Captain andsome of the officers on board. He, however, was at once regularlyentered, and found himself speedily transferred into a man-of-war's-man.Scarcely had he signed the papers, than loud peals of laughter brokefrom the seamen round him. None, however, would explain the cause oftheir merriment. At length once more the frigate put about and stoodtowards the land. As he gazed at the shore, he could not help fancyingthat its appearance was very much like that of the neighbourhood ofBallyswiggan. At length he put the question to one of the peoplestanding near him.
"Why, my boy," was the answer of an old quarter-master, "you have beennicely bamboozled. This comes of attempting to serve a writ in thispart of the world. As to the coast of Africa, you have never beennearer it than you are at this present moment, nor much further from theplace from which you started. However, take my advice; many a betterman than you has found himself on board a man-of-war, and has had nocause to regret having done his duty."
Jonas Quelch had the sense to see the wisdom of this counsel, andfortunately, being an unmarried man, made the best of his case, and, Ican answer for it, became a very fair sailor in a short time, though hisbesetting sin occasionally interfered with his happiness and liberty,and brought him more than once into difficulties.
Ben Burton: Born and Bred at Sea Page 13