Elizabeth shook her head, forlornly. “I don’t know if I can believe that, Stella,” she said in a small voice.
Stella nodded. “I know you can't, Miss. But you must trust me. Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Then I will tell you a story. When I was your age, I was in love with a man. His name was Franklin. He was such a handsome man, strong and determined. He loved me, too. But a month before we were to be married, he was kicked by a horse and killed. That changed the course of my life for good.”
“You’ll never marry anyone else, will you, Stella?” Elizabeth asked gently. The older woman's story moved her deeply. She had never considered why Stella might not have wed, and the reason saddened her.
The older woman shook her head. “No, Milady. I have never been able to bring myself to marry another man. But there were many times I had the chance at happiness and did not take it.” She sighed. “I believe now that if I had chosen to see happiness in my future, a way would have been found for me to be happy. I don’t want to see you mourning for a future that may not come to pass. Anything can happen in the next year and a half. Wait, and see how you feel when the time comes. You cannot know how it will be.” She held Elizabeth's hand gently as she spoke, squeezing it reassuringly.
“So, you are saying I should not be so upset, but rather be happy now, and trust that everything will be as it should in the end?”
Stella smiled. “That is what I mean, milady. You are a beautiful and wise young lady and you will probably get your way in the end.” She chuckled, patting her shoulder fondly. “But you must trust that everything will be well. Be peaceable. Worrying will not solve anything at all. It will only make you live a shorter, unhappier life.”
Elizabeth pulled her maid into a hug. “Thank you, Stella. You are a wonderful friend.”
Stella sniffed, furtively scrubbing tears from her own eyes. “Thank you, milady.”
Elizabeth sat and thought about what she had said long after Stella had gone. Perhaps she was right. She should try to enjoy the present and trust that her future would be happy, whatever guise that happiness would take. She could not know. She could not dictate how happiness entered her life.
CHAPTER TWO
A CHAT
A CHAT
Elizabeth woke the next morning feeling restless. She felt a sudden urge to take Majestic, her horse, out for a ride. She could take a cut across the woods and visit Susanna, Lady Abermale; her best friend. Suzie would listen. She always did. But her words were never as wise as Stella’s.
Feeling resolved, she pulled the bell for Stella to come and help her dress. She had decided to make her own plans and then find Jonah to discuss the matter some more. After all, he was involved in it just as much as she was. And he had his sights on Lady Julia.
Elizabeth smiled as Stella brought in her clothes and tidied the room, thinking of Julia. The daughter of the neighbor, the Earl of Hargrave, Julia had often visited both her home and Jonah's. She was the same age as Jonah, and Elizabeth knew that she had her eyes set on him, too. That made it worse. Elizabeth would feel dreadful being married to a man who loved another woman, especially when that woman was her friend and she knew she felt as strongly about Jonah. No, something must be done.
“The muslin day dress, milady?”
“No, Stella. Could you fetch my riding things? I have a mind to head out across the fields.”
Stella smiled. “That sounds better! I am pleased you're feeling well today.”
“Thank you,” Elizabeth said. “So am I.”
When Stella had finished dressing her, Elizabeth sat to remove her slippers and put on her lace-up boots. She would rather have worn her slippers, but where she was going was sometimes muddy. Her feet would sink in the mud if she was wearing her soft slippers. Once she had her boots on, she slipped out of her room and headed back down the stairs to the front door.
She passed her sister Alexandra’s door as quickly as she could. She made sure not to make any sound. She and her sister did not have the easiest relationship, and Elizabeth did not feel strong enough to face questions right then. If I feel like this, imagine how Jonah feels. He wanted to openly express his desire for Julia but had to conceal it. Only Julia and Elizabeth knew of how he truly felt. Elizabeth bit her lip and tiptoed past her sister's door, hoping no boards would creak to betray her.
Unfortunately for her, Alexandra stepped out of her room just as Elizabeth passed. “Where are you going, Lizzie?”
Elizabeth held her breath for a second before turning to look at her sister. “I’m going for a walk.”
“Would you like some company?”
Elizabeth forced a smile. “I’m afraid not. I am going to clear my mind and think about things.”
“Things?” Alexandra inquired, cocking a brow. “You mean like the fact that you will have to be married when you return from abroad, even though you do not wish it?”
Elizabeth sighed. She knew it was possible for Alexandra to speak the very same words in a tone that did not sound so condescending. She also knew it was Alexandra’s way. She was Elizabeth's older sister by three years and tried to hide her own hurts and anger behind a mask of superior aloofness. Only Elizabeth knew how sad she often was. Alexandra had pursued Jonah’s older brother, Jonathan, for the last year. Only a month or so previous, he had put an end to their friendship, claiming he had never intended to court her to begin with. Alexandra was deeply wounded, but in spite of feeling real sympathy, Elizabeth could not help but think they were both better out of the arrangement. They rarely showed affection for each other. Alexandra was often sullen and demanding, rarely satisfied, while Jonathan was a lot like his brother – easygoing and friendly, a gentleman through and through. He was only a year Alexandra's senior, but their characters were as well-matched as their ages.
Elizabeth gave her sister a hard look and nodded. “Yes, that is the topic on my mind, Alex.” Alexandra visibly bridled, and Elizabeth bit back a smile: She knew Alexandra hated to be called Alex. “It is why I would prefer to be alone with my thoughts.”
“Very well then. I will see you at dinner. Don’t be late,” Alexandra said loftily, hiding the irritation behind a mask of remote dignity, taking the superior air of a big sister.
Elizabeth turned away hastily and quickly took the stairs down to the front foyer on light feet. Whether she wore her slippers or her boots, she floated like a lady, her posture graceful and her footfalls light.
Alexandra's superior attitude grated on her, but she forgot about it quickly in favor of her present dilemma. By the time she got to the front door, thoughts about her future had resumed.
The trouble is that I have no other prospective suitors in my life. Not only had no other men presented themselves, but, of the few others she had met, she was not interested in any one man. It disappointed her to think that her close friendship with Jonah had caused most other men to back away, assuming the two would court and be married anyway. She had no way of knowing if a man was interested in her because society always assumed that she was Jonah’s future bride. And the fact that, when they were seen together, it was apparent that they held each other in high regard, did nothing to dispel that assumption.
That is something I will not change. She refused to deny her friendship with Jonah because other people were under the misconception that they were in love. She would never disregard Jonah.
That was one of the main reasons why she wanted to escape from the arranged marriage. She truly did care for Jonah, and she did not want to keep him from the woman he loved.
As she walked down the path to the stables, Elizabeth felt her spirits lift. It was the perfect day for a walk. The sun was shining bright above her. The sky was an intense blue with a few white streaks of clouds here and there. A gentle breeze lifted her light brown hair from her shoulders.
After she had been walking for ten minutes, she reached the edge of the forest on foot. Her family owned thirty-five acres in the forest, an
d it was easy to get lost if you didn’t know the way. When she reached the woods, she had a sudden desire to escape into the trees. The forest had always been a refuge, a safe place.
She and Jonah had been playing in the forest since they were very small children – it formed the border between her estate and his. Almost always alone, they had played hide-and-seek. She grinned, thinking of what their attendants would have thought had they known the potential danger the two children faced so blithely in the woods, alone. They had always escaped their governesses and hidden here, unable to be found.
As a result of their adventurous games, at almost eighteen years old, Elizabeth could walk through the woods blindfolded and still find her way home. She knew every bit of it like she had a map in her mind. The big oak tree she and Jonah had carved their initials in with knives was always her first destination. She passed the old oak, reaching out and brushing her hand over its trunk, affectionately. “Hello,” she murmured softly. They always greeted it.
She passed the line of blackberry and raspberry bushes that were not quite ripe enough to pick. She scanned the bushes to see how far along the berries were. She surmised it would be only a few short weeks before they would be able to come berry-picking. She looked forward to that time of year. It was one of her favorite pastimes.
The pond was within eyesight now. It was like an oasis in the middle of the forest. There were almost always animals drinking from the fresh water. Squirrels, rabbits, and even deer were frequent. Today, she saw no animals and was a little disappointed. When she left the tree line behind and walked toward the pond, she realized why there were no animals pausing to drink from the cool, refreshing water.
Jonah was there.
He was seated on the grass by the shoreline, his knees up and his arms wrapped around them. His hands were clasped together in front of him. He didn’t hear her coming. Her feet sunk softly into the ground. She was very glad she’d worn her boots.
She approached him, clearing her throat so she wouldn’t scare him. He looked up abruptly, turning his head to see who had come up behind him. When he saw it was her, he smiled.
“Hello, Lizzie,” he said. “How are you today?”
“I am well, Jonah. And you?”
“I’m doing fine, thank you for asking. I’d ask you to sit beside me but I think my trousers have become thoroughly soaked by the wet grass.” He grinned. “Frankly, I am afraid to get up! I will look a right fool with the seat of my trousers soaking wet.”
Elizabeth laughed. “Oh, Jonah, you would never look a fool to me.”
He smiled. “Perhaps not you. But I will have to walk back to the mansion with soaking wet trousers, and the servants and my brother will never stop laughing.”
Elizabeth bit back a smile. “I don’t think continuing to sit in them on the wet grass will help the situation.”
“Shall I remove my trousers, then? What would everyone think, should they find out?”
Elizabeth laughed, shocked. “Oh, Jonah, you always amuse me.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m of a mind to put a bench out here for us to sit on. As it is, we only have those flat rocks on the other side. They are not the softest of cushions.”
“No,” Elizabeth agreed, nodding. “They are rocks, after all.”
They both laughed again. She held out one hand to him, which he took. She helped him stand, and he ruefully looked over his shoulder at the back of his trousers.
Elizabeth giggled at his mournful expression.
“It's quite awful, isn't it?” he asked.
“Yes. There's a big wet circle on each side. It does look quite funny,” Elizabeth said, laughing despite herself. The easy sense of fun they evoked in each other made their time together so refreshing.
“Don’t laugh at me, dear. I will not tolerate such mockery.” His voice betrayed the joke, and they smiled at each other.
“No one knows of this place, Jonah. Take them off, if you must. I do not mind seeing your bare legs. I saw them when you were still in breeches!” She smiled at the memory of the two of them, running through the woods like urchins.
“I rather think that would push the boundaries of society somewhat,” he said, brows raised.
“My father is not here. Neither is Alexandra.”
Jonah recoiled at the mention of Alexandra. “Why did you have to mention her? Now I feel far too inhibited to even contemplate such an act as removing my trousers.”
Once again, Elizabeth had to chuckle. “Oh, Jonah. You are silly. We can walk over to the other side of the pond and sit down on the rocks. They are warm from the sunshine – your trousers will surely dry quickly. And besides, the sunshine is warm enough for you not to catch a chill if we sit a while.”
Jonah bit his lip. “You will stand in front of me, should anyone come?”
“I will.”
Jonah walked shamefacedly to the rocks, and Elizabeth made a dramatic scene as he turned, swooning and fanning herself. He stuck his tongue out at her. They walked quietly around the wide pond, climbing up onto them to where they were flat. The surface was hotter than Elizabeth thought it would be, but she barely noticed it as she gazed at Jonah with amusement. He looked thoroughly put-out by his predicament, which made it even funnier. She was trying not to laugh too much.
She lowered herself to sit on the rock, watching as Jonah did the same. They sat in silence for a short time, thinking their own thoughts. When they chose to speak, it was at the same time.
“Have you spoken…”
“When did you…”
They smiled at each other.
Jonah lifted one hand to her. “You must go first. You are the lady.”
“I was only wondering... have you spoken to your father about this marriage we are being forced into?”
Jonah sighed. “I have. So far, there has been no changing his mind. He insists that the contract made when we were born is to be upheld. It is very frustrating, if you ask me.” He sighed and brushed a stray blond lock of hair from his eyes.
“Yes. And I did ask you.” She smiled at him. “The only thing that makes this even a little bearable is that if I am to be forced into marriage, at least it will not be to an old balding man. Then I would have bald children.”
Jonah had to laugh. “That is absurd but a very funny thought.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “Somehow that doesn’t strike me as very funny. But on the other hand, at least with you, our children would be handsome.”
Jonah bit his lip. “As they would be beautiful, were they girls. But Liz, I do not want to think of this matter.” His voice was raw, and he had flushed red. “The matter of children, with you, is... not something I care to think about.” He looked deeply distressed, and Elizabeth flushed as well. She knew something of the making of children, and what she knew was inconceivable at best, especially with Jonah.
“I know,” she said quietly. “I should change the subject. Have you seen Julia?”
The mention of her name made Jonah’s smile broaden. The warmth in his eyes made it clear to Elizabeth that he was thinking of her. She, too, pictured the beautiful Julia, her long dark hair waving down over her shoulders, her violet eyes smiling.
“I miss her whenever I think about her,” Jonah admitted in a low voice. “I wish I could see her every day, as we did when we were children, here on the estate.”
“I know you do, Jonah.”
“I have not seen her for almost a month – not since the first ball of the season.”
“Your father feels no sympathy toward your situation?” Elizabeth asked, suspecting that Jonah's father tried to keep the two apart.
Jonah shook his head. “No.”
“Was he not forced into marriage himself? He and your mother are a somewhat awkward match themselves, are they not? He surely can understand how bad it might be to marry someone who does not truly suit you, simply because it was arranged?”
“That is the problem.” Jonah blew out his cheeks, exhaling
sharply. “We – you and I – are compatible, and he knows it.” His blue eyes stared into hers, alive with feeling. “My father thinks we will change, that our care will deepen into love, even though I have told him it is not like that, between us.” He sounded hurt, and Elizabeth took his hand compassionately.
“Papa says much the same to me. He says we will eventually fall in love or realize that we are in love already.” She sniffed a little sadly.
“Your papa is mistaken.”
“Yes, I know.”
They were quiet for a time, allowing Jonah’s pants time to dry before parting ways with a warm hug and a smile.
CHAPTER THREE
TO THE WORTHINGTONS
TO THE WORTHINGTONS
A week later, Elizabeth was once again sitting in front of her dressing table, her misery as weighty as before. She had made no progress in trying to convince her father to release her from the contract. He simply would not listen to her and her mother had been no help at all. Anna Huntington was a quiet, traditional woman who typically did whatever her husband wished her to. She felt indebted to him, Elizabeth thought; he had rescued her from the fate of spinsterhood that was hers due to lack of dowry. After years with her own authoritarian father, Anna never seemed to realize her own worth, and to Elizabeth it seemed she still felt a dangerous gratitude to Hamilton.
Elizabeth thought wryly that her mother and father had a better marriage than Jonah’s parents. The Earl of Macefield, Michael Boothe, and his wife, Susan, were the product of an arranged marriage that had not worked well for either individual. They clashed often, upsetting Jonah as well as Jonah’s older brother, Jonathan.
I should finish my makeup. As the clock chimed for the quarter of the hour, Elizabeth stared at herself in the mirror as she applied powdered makeup to her face. The powder, and a hint of rouge on her lips, were the only types of makeup she ever applied. She did not like to look overdone and, when she went to a ball, as she was preparing to do, she did not take any further measures.
Winning The Indecisive Duke: The Fairbank Series Page 2