Guess there goes my plans. “Oh yeah.” I say exhaling.
“I’m sorry Lucy.” Octavia says.
I wish she’d be around though but I guess I’ve got to go back to relying on only myself again. I was stronger when no one knew what I was going through. “It’s okay.” I lie. “Where are you guys going?” I try to lighten the tension.
“Not sure.” She returns.
“When do you guys leave?” I ask taking another drag off the smoke.
“Saturday.” She returns as I pass back the smoke we’re sharing.
“Have you told Sunny D yet?” I ask.
“Told me what yet?” He questions sneaking up on us.
“That my family is going away for the first bit on March break.” She explains as he wraps his arms around her.
“That works out because my family is going away also.” He returns kissing her cheek.
“I guess it’s settled then.” Octavia returns leaning back into his chest.
I can’t help but be envious of these two. They barely hung out before they became a couple and now look at them. It’s only been two weeks and it’s like they’re the best of friends and totally in love.
This should have been Bobbie and I. I can’t help but look towards the other smoking section.
****
March break begins a couple of days later. Octavia’s already gone away and won’t be back for eight days. What will I do to entertain myself I question looking out my bedroom window. The weather’s changing so it’s raining a lot so it’s not like I can go outside.
Leaning against my cool window I watch it fog up from my warm breath. In the condensation, I write mine and Bobbie’s initials in a heart.
“Who’s BH?” I hear a deep scary voice question as there’s a pause between songs.
“No one.” I say quickly rubbing it out.
“Some boy you like at school?” He asks.
“It’s none of your business.” I say moving away from the window. “What do you even want?” I snap turning to Max who’s standing in my door way.
“Your mom’s been calling you.” He snickers.
“What now?” I move to my door but Max doesn’t move aside. “Can I get by?” I question barely looking up at him.
“Sure thing.” He says moving aside a little but it’s not nearly enough room for me to get by without touching him. Perve, I think moving past him.
“What do you want mom?” I ask as I’m walking down the stairs.
“I’m going to Bingo tonight.” She says as I make it around the corner.
“Of course you are.” I say ducking into the kitchen. I swear she gets a thrill seeing me get angry at her.
“Lucy.” She says raising her voice.
“What? I clearly knew you’d be going to bingo.” I open the fridge for a distraction. “You didn’t need to call me all the way down here for that. You could have just left like the last time.” I say showing her how annoyed I was.
“Why are you being like this with me Lucy?” My mom asks me from her spot on the couch.
“Being like what.” I return.
“Giving me attitude like your sister.” She continues.
Not ready to face her I hide out in the kitchen. Maybe because I’m tired of being walked over. I’m leaning with my back against the kitchen counter. Maybe because this is the only way to get through to you. I can’t help but glance out the window. Maybe because if I act out enough you’ll send me away like before. Anywhere would be better than here. “Maybe because I’m a teenager or have you forgotten?” I return feeling overwhelmed.
“What’s that supposed to mean Lucy?” My mom yells at me from the living room.
“I’m tired of being treated like a kid.” I storm out of the kitchen and practically collide into Max... His six feet towers over my small four foot something. I hold my ground before. “I’m out of here.” I say as Max smiles down at me.
“Where do you think you’re going?” She yells but I’m not really, listening anymore. I just want to get away before someone gets hurt. Meaning me. “It’s pouring outside.” My mom continues.
“Then I guess I’ll get a little wet.” I return sharply.
I quickly slip into my boots and winter jacket before I fly out the front door. It’s heavily pouring but I can’t stand another moment in that house. I feel like I’m suffocating. I quickly zip my coat and throw up my hood. In the corner of my eye I can see Max approach the door.
My hearts racing in my chest and my hands are shaking. I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings and I hate being yelled at, it literally makes me feel sick.
I’ve got to get out of here before he stops me. I already know I can’t escape him. I take off into the rain. With nowhere to go I just start moving as fast as I can.
The heavy drops are pounding down on my hood but so far I’m staying dry. I get to the other side of the complex before I’m tired. Walking after surgery still feels like a struggle. What am I going to do? I can’t keep living like this…I’m leaning against the awning by the parking catwalks.
Suddenly the door pushes open startling me. I quickly swipe at my tears and throw on a fake smile. I didn’t want anyone to question what was wrong.
I watch as the person walks away without turning back. I quickly grab the door before it closes shut. Slipping inside I can take a deep breath. At least it’s dryer in here. Warmer too. I make sure the door closes tightly behind me then I make my way across the room. With my back against the wall I slide to the floor. This will have, to do for now.
The rain is so loud outside but it’s not enough to distract my thoughts. I’m suddenly worrying about the outcome of this outburst. Mom’s right this isn’t like me. I’m usually the quiet one, never speaking up, always doing what I’m told. Always afraid I’d be sent off somewhere else. I couldn’t start over all again.
Shifting my position my headphones tighten around my neck. I totally forgot I still had them on. Shit I hope I didn’t just ruin them in the rain.
Unzipping my jacket water droplets shake off. Pressing play relieved when the music starts up.
It’s Smashing Pumpkins I hear coming from my headphones. The song TRY TRY TRY starts to play. As the lyrics “try to hold on” sings through my ears I can’t help but cry. I’ve been trying my hardest to hold on but I’m not sure how much more I’ve got left. The song continues to play my thoughts begin to focus on bits and pieces of my life.
A few happy moments appear, mom Bernstein singing me to sleep, playing on the swing’s in our backyard with Tom and playing in the pool with Michael.
Then my thoughts turn a little darker. I’m suddenly remembering the old house, my dark room, Max hiding in the shadow’s, being torn from my bed in the middle of the night. I shake my head in frustration but bash it off the wall. FUCK.
Everything’s going fuzzy and I’ve suddenly got a massive headache. Reaching I under my hood I touch the back of my head. Sure, enough it’s wet and I know I’ve busted my head open. Touching it only makes the pain worse. Now I feel sick on top of the massive headache.
Bringing my hand back into view I’m not shocked to see blood but it’s enough blood to make me feel not so well. My eyes are feeling heavy and I’m feeling tired.
Maybe once I get some rest I’ll feel better enough to go back home.
I shift down to rest my head on the ground. Everything is going blurry and I’m so cold. Being wet can’t help. My bodies trembling but I continue to close my eyes. Something’s not right though. I need to get back up…But I’m just too dizzy and nauseated to move.
So, I lie here thinking about Bobbie. What we could have been. What I’d hope we could have meant to each other. But all that was slipping away. All my pain was slowly drifting away. I feel like I’m floating…Then there’s this bright light in front of me.
Is this how it all ends? I’m not sure I’m ready for my life to be over but it’s too late…I can’t stay awake any longer.
I’m not
sure how long I lie there before I feel weird. I feel like I’m moving but what’s happening? Opening my eyes, I’m blinded by the same light as earlier but now I see the person who let me into the catwalk. Is he carrying me?
“I’ve found her call nine-one-one.” He’s calling out.
Wait what? I’m starting to come to. “What’s going on?” I question struggling to get my bearings. “Why are you carrying me.” I ask but I feel so weak and the headache has gotten much worse.
“Your safe now Lucy.” He says looking down at me.
But how does he know my name. “What’s going on?” I question.
“You’ve been missing for hours.” The stranger says to me.
“I’m not missing. I’m right here.” I return. But hearing myself I realize I’m not making sense.
“Your mom’s been worried about you.” The man returns.
“I’m sure she has, she wants to go to bingo and leave me home alone with Max.” I say but then I replay my words in my head. Shit what am I doing?
“I’m sure that’s not the case Lucy.” He says to me.
“Can you please put me down?” I’m not comfortable with him holding me. “Why are you carrying me?” I question trying to fight my way to my feet. This was just too much attention for me.
“You’ve been missing for hours. Everyone’s been looking for you.” The stranger continues.
For the first time, I’m noticing it’s dark outside. “What time is it?” I question as the man sits me down on a nearby bench.
“It’s two thirty am.” The stranger says.
“I’m in so much trouble.” I cry out. “I’m going to be sent away again for sure.” I cry out.
“It’s okay Lucy, you’ve just got a big bump on your head. I’m sure once the doctors examine you, you’ll just need a few stitches and then you’ll be fine.” He continues.
Examines me? What kind of exams? Will the doctor be able to tell what’s been happening? “I can’t go to the hospital.” I protest. “I’ve got to get home.” I try to get to my feet but once I’m standing my world shifts and I fall back down. My stomach’s turning and I lean over and throw up. “I’m sorry.” I say through tears.
“It’s okay Lucy. You’ve got a pretty nasty gash on your head. It’s bound to make you sick.” He continues.
I look past this stranger. Where am I? If my mom’s been looking for me than where is she? And why did it take so long to find me?
The paramedic rushes to my side next. “Hi there can you tell me your name?” He asks kneeling in front of me.
“It’s Lucy.” I say as he shines a light in my eyes. Awh bright. “That’s too bright.” I whine.
“Looks like you’ve had some kind of fall Lucy?” He asks.
“I didn’t fall…I just bumped my head.” I couldn’t tell him how I bashed it. I’d be in even more trouble if my mom learns it was kind of my own fault.
“Well from the looks of it you’re going to need a few stitches and might have to spend the night in the hospital.” He says getting me to focus on his flashlight again. “Can you follow the flashlight now?” He asks.
“Yes.” I follow the flashlight with my eyes.
“Okay.” He gets me to follow the light even though it’s making my headache worse. “I think everything else is fine.” The paramedic stands up.
“Is that the only exam you guys need to do?” I question feeling a little worried.
“That’s it but you’ll need to be stitched up before you can go home.” The paramedic says looking down at me. “Are you okay Lucy?” He’s looking at me with concern.
Shit did I give too much away? “I’m fine thank you.” I smile but wince. Any movement hurts right now.
“Lucy.” I hear my mom in the distance. “There you are Lucy.” She’s weaving her way through the people who were crowded around me.
Here she goes acting like she cares. “Are you her mother?” The paramedic asks her.
“Yes I’m her mother.” She snaps making her way through.
“Your daughter has suffered a major concussion and will need stitches.” He says moving aside. “How long has she been missing?” He asks with concern.
“I don’t know, a few hours why?” My mom snaps.
“The person who found her was concerned about the amount of blood he found at the scene.” The paramedic continues.
“At the scene?” She remarks.
“Yes ma’am, do you roughly know what time you noticed she was missing?” He continues.
“I’m not sure exactly what time.” She puts her hand to her chest with emotion but I can’t help but wonder if it’s emotion towards what’s going on with me or if it’s all for show? “She missed dinner that’s for sure but I thought she was just blowing off some steam.” She’s eyeing me but I’m in too much pain to care about the consequences right now.
“So that’s what nine hours she’s been gone?” He questions looking between my mom and I.
What’s he thinking? “I guess so, yes.” My mom returns annoyed. “Can I please go see my daughter now?” She pleads with the paramedic.
He looks over his shoulder at me almost like he’s asking me if it’s safe. I nod, what other choice do I have? I’ve got to make us look like the happy little family everyone’s led to believe.
“Lucy what happened?” She asks rushing to myside until she spots where I threw up.
“Are you alright Mrs.?” The paramedic questions.
“I’ve got a weak stomach.” My mom explains finding her way to me. “What happened?” She questions sitting beside me.
“I ducked into the catwalk to get out of the rain and I think I must have slipped when I sat down.” I’m looking down at my shaking hands. Just thinking about the blood was making me feel nauseated again. “That’s when I think I might have hit my head.” I clutch my stomach trying to calm it. “Then I had a massive headache and I felt dizzy so I laid down.” I explain.
“It’s a good thing your neighbor found her when he did. She’s lost a lot of blood.” The paramedic says.
“Thank you for helping her.” My mom starts. “But if it’s okay I’d like to take my daughter home.” My mom stands up.
“She needs to go to the hospital to make sure there’s no other concerns.” The paramedic explains.
“I thought you said that was all?” I begin to panic. “I just want to go home.” I plead trying to stand again but I’m just too weak.
“I think it’s best we get you to the hospital. Greg can you bring the stretcher?” The paramedic instructs the other guys.
“Sure thing boss.” Greg says taking off to where I can only assume the ambulance is waiting.
“I’m fine really. You don’t need to fuss over me.” I try pleading.
“It’s my job miss I’m sorry.” Greg comes back with the stretcher. “Greg and I will take you to the hospital get you checked out and if everything checks out you’ll be going home by the morning.” The paramedic reassures me.
At least I’ll be away from Max for a couple more hours. Where is Max? Who cares. He’s probably hiding somewhere afraid to be seen. “Okay.” I give in.
Thankfully I didn’t have to be admitted to the hospital. Once I got my stitches I was free to go home.
During the wait for my discharge I overheard the doctor say I was lucky someone found me in time. He continued to say the bump on my head was serious.
How close did I come…? I literally felt my life slipping away and there was nothing I could do about it. Either way I never want to feel that powerless again.
The drive home from the hospital is awkward and the silence is overwhelming. I can’t help but feel like all three of us of have a pretty good idea what happened the other night but we’re all in denial.
“Lucy.” I hear my mom’s voice call me.
“Yeah?” I question raising my head a little.
“Are you okay?” She asks looking back at me seriously.
I want to voice all my fears but
I see Max look at me through the rearview mirror. “I fine.” I lie. I wish Octavia was around.
We make it home and mom and Max are making a fuss, trying to help me when I just want to be left alone. I’m tired and sore but most of all I just want to hide from everyone.
****
The next couple of days go by quickly since I spent most of the time sleeping. I just felt too defeated to do much of anything. Octavia will be returning from their little trip in a couple of days but at this point I know I won’t be allowed to go anywhere.
Once I was awake enough to move about I learn I’m grounded. If she only knew what really, happened…but after the car ride the other day I can’t help but feel like she has some idea what’s going on she’s just choosing not to acknowledge it.
Ray’s birthday is the day before we go back to school. He’s got all his friends over playing video games. I’m sitting at the bottom of the steps watching him from a far.
He looks happy. Almost like he’s unaware of what’s going on around here. Maybe I’m the only one who’s still in danger? I look down at my hands. Britney was smart enough to get the hell out of here.
“Why are you just sitting on the stairs?” Jayden asks sitting himself on the step beside me.
“I’ve still got a headache but I wanted to see Ray on his birthday.” I offer turning to look at him. “What are you up to?” I ask.
He shrugs his shoulders. “Nothing.”
“Come on tell me.” I nudge him.
“I wanna play games with all the big kids but they say I’m too small.” He whines.
“I’m sorry buddy, maybe I can get Ray to play with you later.”
“But I want to play with everyone now.” He continues.
“I know but it’s not your party, you have to give everyone else a turn first.”
“Fine…” He sighs. “Will you play with me later?” Jayden asks turning to look at me.
I knew I wouldn’t feel up to playing later but if Jayden asked I’d do my best to make him happy. “Sure thing Jayden.” I smile but wince.
Chapter Twelve
March break ends and we’re back to school. Once I’m dropped off I immediately head to the smoking section to meet up with Octavia.
The Moment Everything Changed (Lucy's Life #1) Page 14