Mine. Forever. I couldn’t explain it, but his words felt right. He wanted me when no one else ever had. I couldn’t explain his motives for wanting me. For killing Henry, changing me into this inhuman thing, and taking me away. But I didn’t care. I wanted him too.
“There are no others like us?” I asked.
“None.”
It was all too much to process. My life, my very existence, had changed in the blink of an eye. And I had Azriel to thank for it. “You said your Fae forefather had dubbed your kind as Shaede. What of his people?”
Azriel shrugged as if he cared not for any other creature, human or otherwise. “Few and far between,” he said. “You needn’t worry your pretty head about it. There is not a creature roaming this earth that would cause us trouble. We. Are. Alone.”
With each word his mouth neared mine. When our lips were within a hair’s breadth, I left my physical body behind, melting into shadow. I slipped from beneath the prison of Azriel’s arms and regained my solid form at the open French doors. The night breeze stirred the drapes and brought with it the salt tang of the waterfront. Even with my heightened senses, I could see nothing of this new city as I stared out across the balcony. Only the dotted lights of the street lamps told me civilization lay somewhere below.
“So,” Azriel sighed as he turned to lean against the wall. He folded his arms across his chest and followed my gaze out the open doors. “I take it my fiery maiden has found her modesty once again.”
I fiddled with the bodice of my torn dress, pulling at the fabric. “I suppose I have.” I wished I didn’t feel so utterly exposed when Azriel looked at me. “After all, I barely know you.”
Azriel gave a rueful laugh and pushed himself away from the wall. He sauntered to the bed, again looking like an animal on the prowl. In one fluid motion, he became nothing more than a swirl of dark air, and when he reappeared he was sprawled out on the bed. “Alas, I shall be lonely still.” He made a dramatic show of fluffing the pillows behind him. “For another night, at least. If you don’t want to join me, I suppose I’ll leave you to the sofa. I trust it will accommodate you.”
I stood gaping as Azriel extinguished the lamp. It only took my eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light and I watched as he loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He seemed to revel in the attention, drawing out the act for an inordinate amount of time. My stomach clenched as he shucked the garment and sent it sailing toward a chair. My eyes traced the hard planes of his chest, down the ridges of his well-muscled stomach, and lower. That same self-satisfied smile that had sparked my earlier courage curved his full mouth as he reached for the button of his breeches. My startled gasp elicited a chuckle as he abandoned his efforts of undressing completely. “Far be it from me to offend your virginal eyes. I suggest you get some rest, my darling. You’ve been through quite a lot, haven’t you?”
I sensed the question was rhetorical, and besides, I doubted I could summon my voice even if I wanted to. Azriel was too stunning. Too bold. Too magnificent to be real.
“Here,” he said, tossing me a blanket from the bed. “I doubt you’ll need it, but in case you feel a chill.”
I caught the blanket and wound it into a ball around my hands. “A gentleman would take the sofa for himself and offer a lady the bed,” I said.
“Yes.” Azriel snuggled down onto the mattress and gave a contented sigh. “A gentleman would. Good night, Darian.”
I don’t know how long I stood there, staring at him. It wasn’t until I saw the steady rise and fall of his chest that I tiptoed to the side of the bed. My savior was no gentleman, he had admitted as much. And yet, I admired his unapologetic nature. He did not make excuses for his behavior or pretend to be anything other than what he was. I found his lack of pretense refreshing. “Good night, Azriel,” I whispered as I brushed his hair back from his brow. I couldn’t help but wonder, as I stared down at his perfect countenance, if I hadn’t jumped from the frying pan straight into the fire.
* * *
Unforgiving sunlight streamed down upon me, pressing me further into the cushions of the sofa. I felt the weight of daylight as I never had, as if I’d been bound in a strait jacket. Gone was the silky softness of shadow. Instead I recognized the sensation of being confined within my own skin and I wished I could peel the layers away and free myself from the prison of my flesh.
“You will soon grow accustomed to it,” Azriel said as he drew the curtains shut over the windows and balcony doors.
I rubbed the dregs of sleep from my eyes, but I was still so tired. I could sleep the entire day away, and I hoped that Azriel would let me. “I feel . . .”
“Trapped,” Azriel finished my sentence for me.
“Yes.”
“Only in the hours of darkness can you become one with the shadows,” Azriel said.
“I find that very disconcerting,” I grumbled.
Azriel laughed, and the sound of his mirth brought me closer to wakefulness. “Spoken like a true Shaede,” he said.
A true Shaede. Is that what I was? “Can I please sleep a little longer?” I asked. “Just until the sun sets.”
“I have no intention of letting you lay abed all day.” Azriel pulled the blanket off of me and tossed it to the floor. “We have things to do and sights to see. Aren’t you hungry?”
Hungry? Famished would have been a more accurate description. I hadn’t eaten in . . . “You never told me,” I said as I sat up to greet the day, “how long I was unconscious. It had to have been more than a week for us to travel all the way from California to Washington.”
“A week,” Azriel said with a carefree air. “Or two. I admit I don’t pay much attention to the passing of time. What does it matter? Are you hungry or not?”
“I’m very hungry,” I said. “Why don’t you pay much attention to time?”
I could tell by his constant dramatic sighs that Azriel had little patience for questions. “When you live forever, a week can pass in the blink of an eye.”
“Forever?” The word clung to my lips. He couldn’t possibly mean what he’d said.
“You are no longer human, Darian. You must stop thinking like one.”
“How can this be possible?” I wondered. Immortality was best left to storybooks.
“How can it be possible that you become one with the darkest shadows?” Azriel countered. “I won’t entertain your questions today. I’m hungry. I want to eat. Now, arise from your perch little bird, and let me feed you.”
I looked down at my torn and tattered dress and ran my fingers through the tangles of my hair. “I must look a fright,” I said. “I’m hardly presentable.”
Azriel went to the closet and presented me with a delicate lace shawl I recognized as one of my own, and motioned to a small vanity in the far corner of the room. “Run a comb through your hair. And let us be on our way.”
I’d been trained by Henry’s fist to be an obedient wife. I’d always thought it better to do as he said and not risk his ire. So as Azriel commanded, I sat at the vanity and began to work the tangles from my hair with a wide brush. I closed my still sleepy eyes as I brushed my hair when I felt a presence at my back. Azriel took the brush from my hand and stroked down the length of my strawberry-blonde curls.
“You have beautiful hair,” he said. “I imagine it would feel like satin against my naked skin.” I stiffened at his bold statement, and his chuckle sent a pleasant ripple across my scalp. “Will you wear it down for me today?” He murmured against the top of my head.
“But, Azriel,” I said. “I don’t have a hat. It wouldn’t be appropriate.” People would be likely to stare if my hair was left loose and curling around my shoulders. Add to that the absence of a hat . . . well . . . proper women just didn’t traipse around in public without at least a hat. Even women of the poorer working classes wore hats.
&nb
sp; “No hats,” Azriel said. “I do not care for what humans think is appropriate, or proper, or in good taste. The wide brim of a silly hat would hide your beauty. I want to see your face and your hair shining and unfettered in the noonday sun.”
“Yes,” I whispered as he continued to brush my hair. Anything. I’ll do anything for you.
I nearly fell back to sleep as Azriel passed the brush over my hair again and again. When he set it down on the vanity, the sound barely registered in my ears. “All done,” he said. “Now, be a good girl and cover yourself with that shawl. Going out without a hat is one thing. A torn dress is another. We’ll eat and see the city. And,” he leaned over and planted a light kiss on the top of my head, “we’ll get you a new dress or two.”
I did as he asked and made sure to hide my destroyed dress with the lacy shawl. Azriel offered me his arm and I accepted it gladly. He didn’t make the gesture for anyone’s benefit. His gallantry had nothing to do with keeping up appearances or placating the town gossips. No, his actions were for me and me alone.
He’d won me over with a hairbrush and a proffered arm. And suddenly, forever didn’t seem long enough.
* * *
We walked through the hotel lobby arm in arm. Heads turned as we passed. The smug expression that I’d grown to appreciate returned to Azriel’s face. He enjoyed the attention, reveled in it.
Our breakfast was decadent, the hotel staff more than attentive. I did my best not to ask any questions, but instead allowed Azriel to draw me into simple conversation. Henry had never been interested in my thoughts or feelings on any matter. Azriel listened with genuine interest; he laughed when I said something that amused him, and his eyes gleamed with a heated spark when I said something witty or intelligent. We lingered long after our meal was finished, sipping coffee and talking in hushed tones.
“I’ve never had coffee before,” I said as a waiter refreshed my cup. “It’s delicious.”
“Are you serious?” Azriel asked. A smile spread across his mouth that made my skin tingle and my bones turn soft. “This is the first time you’ve ever had it?”
“Proper ladies drink tea,” I laughed. “Henry insisted that I be the epitome of a proper lady.”
“I take great satisfaction in knowing that I’ve introduced you to something that pleases you,” Azriel said. He leaned in conspiratorially and I mirrored his actions. “I hope to introduce you to many new pleasures, my darling.”
Heat rushed to my cheeks at the innuendo. I dropped my gaze and nibbled at my bottom lip.
“Extraordinary,” Azriel murmured. He took my hand in his and bestowed a kiss to each of my knuckles. “Come. Let us see what Seattle has to offer.”
Azriel came around the table and pulled out my chair. As I stood, he planted an innocent kiss on my cheek. I couldn’t help but brush my fingertips across my lips as I wondered what it would feel like to be kissed by him in a not-so-innocent manner. He brought my hand around his elbow and led me out of the restaurant back toward the lobby.
I studied him from the corner of my eye, taking in every detail and committing it to memory. Walking next to me was a man without comparison. Dangerous. Handsome. Daring. Deadly.
Mine.
Chapter 5
Seattle was not unlike San Francisco––a port city with a booming population and fueled by industry. Automobiles and trolleys traveled along the cobbled streets once crowded with horse-drawn carriages, and modern conveniences were advertised on large billboards, which hung high above the tall buildings that made up the city proper. The air smelled of the sea, and steam billowed up from the stacks of ships that floated in and out of the harbor.
Even in San Francisco I’d never had the pleasure of simply walking the streets without a care. A shadow had always cast itself on my life, reminding me of what I had to look forward to when I returned home.
You have always belonged to the shadows. . . .
Azriel’s words echoed in my mind as we walked in silence. After Henry’s abuse became a regular occurrence, I’d left my house less often. I didn’t want to have to lie to curious folks as I tried to explain away my many bruises. At first, he had kept to bruising my arms and laying his fist to the areas of my body concealed by clothing. But as Henry’s drinking became more steady, and his resentment of me more intense, he did not care where his fist landed. I had no desire to parade around town with a black eye or a bloodied and swollen lip. And so I contented myself with reading or embroidery and I kept to the house. In the end it had saved us both a lot of trouble.
“What say you, darling?” Azriel asked, breaking me from my reverie. “Shall we call Seattle home?”
I broke from his gaze and looked up to find a large sign. Public Market, it declared in bold, black letters. My breath caught in my chest as I watched the hustle and bustle of people at various vendor carts. Fresh fish, cut flowers, and myriad other goods sat ready for purchase. Women chatted with the vendors, bartering for the best deal. Men toiled at the fish carts, hauling up the morning catch as they gutted and wrapped the fish in brown paper and tied the packages up with string. And the sound of laughter mingled with conversation and heated debates.
“Pike Place Market,” Azriel whispered in my ear.
The entire market teemed with life. A synchronicity existed amongst the chaos as people interacted with one another in a strangely detached way. No one seemed to care a whit about the person standing next to them. I’d lived in a tight-knit community of affluent socialites. Doctors’ wives, bankers’ wives, and the like. Everyone cared. No one’s actions went unnoticed. Doctor Hale’s wife made sure to find out what Mrs. Baxter’s household staff was preparing for dinner. And likewise, Mrs. Baxter knew when Mrs. Brighton ordered a new dress from an elegant shop in New York City. For San Francisco’s elite, someone was always watching.
But not here, not now. “I love it,” I whispered back. “Azriel, I love it here.”
He brought my hand to his lips and bestowed a kiss upon it. “Is it Seattle you love so much, or something else?”
In truth, I did love the city. We’d taken the trolley from one end of the city to the other. Just like the market, the city pulsed with life and possibility. But Azriel seemed to see through my pretense. Somehow, he knew the secret things that I dare not speak out loud. “I love the freedom,” I said, averting my gaze.
“Freedom from him?”
Yes.
I hated to admit it, even to myself. Since waking to this new existence, I had been happy—even thankful—to be free from my husband. I’d been so miserable for so long. I’d resorted to acts of suicide, thinking it was the only way to be truly free. I wasn’t just free of an abusive husband, though. I was free of pious old biddies with nothing better to do than gossip. I was free from convention and propriety. Azriel had taken me away from a world where the societal standard dictated my every move. “It is so much more than that,” I said, just above a whisper.
Azriel placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. His gaze burned with an intensity I didn’t understand. He didn’t say a word to me, nor did he ask my permission. No, Azriel took what he wanted without consent or apologies. Right there, standing beneath the Public Market sign, in front of anyone who cared to watch. And when he kissed me, it wasn’t a simple meeting of lips. His mouth claimed mine with a ferocity and passion that left me breathless.
I melted against him. In fact, I couldn’t get close enough. I’d never been kissed like this, and I reveled in the excitement of the moment, the taste of his mouth, the firm press of his lips that were still so soft. His tongue traced my lips before darting in my mouth and I gasped at his boldness, but my surprise only prompted him to hold me tighter. My body ached with a need I was desperate to satiate, an emptiness that begged to be filled. I wanted more. Craved it. Azriel wound his fist into my hair and gently pulled my head back. A moan wo
rked its way up my throat as he left a trail of kisses down my throat.
“I want . . .” I started to whisper before I stopped myself.
“What?” Azriel asked as he worked his way back up toward my ear. “Tell me, Darian. What is it that you want?”
“I don’t know.” I gave a nervous laugh. Honestly, I had no idea what I wanted. I didn’t know the first thing about making love aside from the basic mechanics. I wanted to answer my body’s urgings, but how could I tell Azriel that I’d never been with a man before?
Azriel laughed against my throat and the seductive sound caused my stomach to clench. He pulled away from me and took my hand in his, leading me down the boardwalk as if we hadn’t just engaged in indecent behavior on a public street. “You are without shame,” I teased. I couldn’t help but look around me as I wondered who had stopped to witness our impassioned moment.
“True,” Azriel laughed. “Would you rather I respected decorum and social graces?”
“No,” I answered immediately. “I envy your unabashed nature.”
“Give me time,” Azriel said in a conspiratorial tone, “and I will make a sinful woman out of you.”
Delicious chills raced up my arms and over my scalp. If this is what sin felt like, then I couldn’t wait to fling myself headlong into the fires of hell.
We wiled away the daylight hours shopping and sightseeing. Azriel spent lewd amounts of money on new dresses and scandalous undergarments. He seemed to delight in shocking the shopkeepers as he held a corset up against my body as if imagining how it would look on me. I couldn’t help the blush that leapt to my cheeks, but as the day wore on Azriel’s antics only served to endear him to me more. With him I could almost remember the woman I used to be: sharp-tongued, spirited, and adventurous. Before Henry had beaten me into submission and squashed my zest for life, I’d been a free-thinking sort of girl. Azriel showed me that I could be that girl again.
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