by Kara Hart
“I’m feeling pretty good,” I say. “Just knowing I’ll be out of the department at the end of the year is like a huge weight off my shoulder, you know? I just have to figure out what’s next.”
“Whatever it is, I support you,” she says. It’s the craziest thing. I somehow met the best woman in the world.
We both walk in the bar, our hands intertwined, and everyone inside is in good spirits. It’s like our emotions have rubbed off on the world. I order two drinks for us at the bar, and try to find a table once they’re poured. “I don’t want to talk about all the crap we’ve been dealing with,” I finally tell her. “Tonight, I just want to be close to you.”
We sit down at a booth in the back and she sits very close to me. Her thigh comes across mine as she says, “Then be close to me.”
She slides up on my lap and very quickly I understand what she’s getting at. She grinds her hips backward and my cock twitches until it’s fully hard. I watch as she reaches back and pulls her panties halfway down her ass, with just enough space for me.
“You didn’t get to cum the other night,” she whispers. “You must be aching.”
“I’m fucking dying,” I say, heart pumping strong and steady. I cup my palm around her ass and feel her soft skin. I squeeze and have to catch my breath. She’s smoking hot and I want her more than anything at this moment. How could I have ever doubted her? She’s a fucking angel.
I slide my fingers in between her legs, under her ass, and feel her pussy. “I’m so wet,” she smiles. “Sorry about your suit.”
“Fuck my suit,” I say, unzipping my pants hurriedly. I carefully pull my cock out. We’re sheltered enough back here and everyone’s got their attention on the football game on the television anyway. Just for the record: I don’t give a fuck if anyone’s watching right now.
She leans forward and grabs my cock in her hand. She moves her wrist up and down, up and down, until she slides her pussy over it. “There we go,” she moans.
“This is crazy,” I say, running my hand through her hair. I grab a fistful of it and start thrusting upward. The whole table starts to shake, but still, no one is looking our way.
“I want you so bad,” she says.
“My Virginia,” I whisper. “Vi…”
Thrusting, grasping, pumping, and searching for our lost selves, we find our completely unordinary lust. We tune out the bar. They’re ordinary and boring to us. They sit and let their lives dole out on a daily basis, while love like ours is all around them.
I’m not a poetic man, but Virginia makes me want to write a thousand books on the word love. Her hands fall to my thighs and she turns her cheek to the left, enough for our lips to meet. This woman is like a wildfire, turning hot only for me. I love that about her. Deep down, she’s a hesitant and methodical woman. Yet, with me, she’s willing to do anything.
“I would do anything for you,” I whisper.
It’s true. I would do anything at this point just to have her forever. Her lips, her legs, her beautiful ass… these are the things I want to end up with. Money, a career, the stress coming from those around me are things I want to do away with. I want to be free, for once in my life. She’s giving me that chance by opening up a door inside me I can’t close now.
This is bad, an inner voice says to me. Only, I don’t care how much this ruins me anymore. I’m not going to run away from this, from her.
“Anything?” she whispers.
I spin her around so that she’s facing me. Her legs are straddled around my waist, in the darkened booth. The back of the bar is empty save for us, and a loud pinball machine. She keeps kissing me, over and over again. Lips are sucking, tongues are sliding, and our hands can’t stop touching. Her body is a fucking temple that I never get sick of exploring.
“Anything,” I say. “I promise.”
Her breathing is hushed, yet strained. As the sound rises, so does our body temperature. Our eyes open as the warmth inside us grows. “I think I’m going to cum,” she whispers.
“Cum for me, darling,” I whisper back.
Her cheek falls against my face, as she struggles to hold on. Her skin smells like sweet candy, roses, and something innocent that I can’t quite put my finger on. I take her all in, kissing her neck, and tasting her skin. I want to consume her. I want to dive into her and never come back. I want to fall into her endlessly.
“Please,” she whispers. “Don’t ever leave me. Don’t ever let me go.”
“I won’t, Virginia. I could never be without you,” I say.
My hand runs down her back, falling across the back of her ass. I hold her close to me, feeling the dull thud of her heart beating against her chest.
“I mean it,” she says. “Whatever happens. Whatever we find out about each other. We can’t let it ruin what we have now. This is much too important to me now.”
My heart swells. I couldn’t leave her if I tried. Her warmth envelops me. Her pussy closes in on my cock, as I pound it over and over. I crush my lips to hers and I’m free. I’m fucking free. “Nothing can ruin this,” I whisper. “Nothing.”
“I’m… cumming…” she says with an absent smile. “I love you, Warren Marshall.”
We both let the world around us fade away. Endless waves of pure feeling and emotion flow throughout our bodies, as we both let everything go. Our hands tear at our clothes and our lips slide across each cheek. Her nose. My God, her perfect nose. I kiss it. I kiss everything I can see. Everything is so frantic, yet nothing is rushed.
When I open my eyes, she’s staring at me. Her cheeks are rosy red and she’s breathing heavy, smiling. Her eyes shine against the light, green as emeralds. “I’m sorry, Marshall,” she whispers.
“Never be sorry,” I said. “What could you possibly be sorry for?”
She kisses me one more time, lips forcefully glued to one another. A single tear falls from her eye and I’m stunned by her beauty. “I really fucked up,” she whispers. “Fuck.”
“Vi, what’s going on?” I ask. She stays on my lap, as more tears start to fall down her face. Something doesn’t feel right. Things are starting to feel very wrong. I don’t want this to end. “Are you breaking up with me?” I ask.
“No,” she admits.
“Then why does it feel like this is the end?” I ask her, grasping at straws. I’m trying to pick up the pieces of something I’m unsure is broken. Answers… I need answers.
“God, Marshall,” she says. “All I wanted was to be with you forever. What we have is so pure. It’s eternal.”
“Never let go of it,” I kiss her. “Please don’t.”
“I wanted to run away with you. I wanted to do so many things. But I can’t keep holding in this dark secret forever. You have to know who I really am,” she says. “If I keep you in the dark forever, I’ll hate myself.”
It’s at this point, I start to realize what she’s saying. This dark secret… I was wrong all along. Everything starts to slow down and I give a strangled, “No,” as the world around me morphs into something terrible and looming.
“I’m the one you’ve been looking for,” she says. “I was with Craig and Elroy.”
I feel sick. No, I feel angry. Sad. My brain ticks through the number of horrible emotions a man can go through, and eventually I’m left feeling absolutely numb. “You? How could you?” I whisper, unable to even look at her.
“Please, Marshall. Look at me. Don’t turn away from me now,” she pleads. “Please!” her voice sounds sharp and distant. It’s begging, like a hurt animal on the side of the road. Only, I’m the one who’s been blindsided by this whole thing, not her. And right now, I’m left bleeding out on the guardrail. All eyes fall on me. At least, that’s how it feels. Truth is, the world doesn’t care. It keeps going on and on, while I fade away.
“You,” I repeat, unable to form a coherent sentence. I look down at her legs. I imagine the pantyhose wrapped tightly against her skin. I can picture the indents from the pattern, how she ran in them, as
she stole all that money. “Why’d you do this to me? You played me like a deck of cards.”
“No, Marshall. I didn’t know I’d fall in love with you,” she says.
“Everything is a lie,” I say, feeling the anger rush in. It’s like the door that she opened for me has now closed forever. A solid chain wraps around the entrance and no key can unlock it now.
“It’s not a lie!” she screams. Now, I’m certain people are staring at us. Adam was right. I can’t believe he was fucking right. “What we have is real.”
“I can’t see you again. I have to take you in,” I say, though the thought of that disgusts me.
“Leave with me,” she says, as if this was her grand plan all along. “Leave the country with me. We can go anywhere. Nobody has to know. I can turn the money in. I can start over, with you. Together. Please, Marshall.”
“There’s not going to be any starting over. We were building something strong, but there was no concrete holding everything together. Now, it’s crumbling. My world is fucking crumbling down,” I say. “Don’t ever talk to me again. Don’t ever look for me again. I want you out of this city in two days. I never want to hear your name again.”
“No!” she bawls. I wipe myself off, feeling tainted. The sex we just had went from hot to something I never want to think about again. To think, I was hoping to start a life with this woman. How could I be so blind? I leave the table and turn my head from her. All I can see is the exit as I walk forward. My vision is blurred with anger and despair.
“Goodbye, Vi,” I whisper to myself. “Goodbye, forever.”
57
Virginia
I fucked up my only chance at forever. With two hands against his chest, I felt his heart pumping with the rhythm of my own. And then, with the sound of my voice, I let the beat crash into a violent crescendo. I watched as the city of our love burned away. I blew out the last candle and he drifted from me as fast as our eyes met on that first night.
I can’t stop thinking about everything as I slowly pack my things. Leave this city… I have two days to get out of here, but I have nowhere to go. I can’t come up with those plans right now. Nothing really makes any sense. Why I told him, why I put myself in this situation… it’s all beyond me.
I couldn’t keep the lie at the center of our love. If I did, it tainted the whole thing. Honesty, truth, and being 100 percent real is what love is really about. So in that sense, I don’t regret a thing. Anyway, I knew this was going to be our fate. I knew from the very start.
When something like this happens, you just wish you could go back in time. The whole time you’re righting these wrongs, you see it with open and clear eyes. You keep asking yourself, “Why are you doing this?” But there is no response. You watch as you commit these wrongs, over and over again. The cycle of disappointment is never broken.
I guess this is just part of my story. Eternal unhappiness. The girl that loves to fuck it all up. Look at where I am and look at where everyone else is who once surrounded me. Craig is dying. Elroy is rotting in jail. Warren Marshall’s heart has been crushed to dust. But I’m left here, as I always am, a stone, waiting for the end to come.
I zip up my bags and sit in bed, crying to myself. The pain is never-ending. This time, I don’t think I’m coming back from it. I picture myself as an old spinster, rotting away in an apartment somewhere. I deserve it, anyway.
I can’t be with anyone else. I don’t want to. All I want is Marshall. I want to fix things that cannot be fixed. We had such big plans. We were going to go to Mexico together. We were going to travel and discover ourselves. We were supposed to grow old together, dammit.
I guess I need to stop thinking about it. It only makes things worse. Only, I can’t get the image of how this all started out of my head. Running from the bank, escaping, and ending up at that bar was like fate guiding us together. When I bumped into him, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The fear was so immense. And yet, something kept me there. Sure, I was scared, but I was also enamored almost immediately. His charisma and confidence was like nothing I had ever experienced before.
I knew I had to stay and talk with him. I couldn’t say no and walk away because then I’d never know what could’ve been. Well, I know now. What could’ve been was everything. And I let it crash to pieces.
58
Marshall
Have you ever felt your heart physically hurt inside your body? Before now, I had never felt that. Before Vi, things were always normal. It wasn’t the most exciting life, but there wasn’t any pain attached to it. I just did my job, went out with some women to pass the time, and went to sleep. That’s how it was before her. I led a simple life.
Now, everything has fallen apart. Picture this: a grown man as sexy as me, laying on his bathroom floor with a bottle of bourbon in hand. It ain’t a pretty picture, right? That’s what this woman has done to me. She makes my head spin, my stomach turn, and my eyes wince.
She knew what was going to happen. She did it anyway. Of course she did. Why wouldn’t she? Here’s a woman who’s hell bent on playing games. From the very first night we met, she wanted to destroy everything that I had become. To her, I was just the enemy, waiting to bring her down. Yet, I had no fucking clue.
Vi. A bank robber. A criminal. It’s unfathomable to me. This woman has put me in the worst position known to man.
Lying on my bathroom floor, I hear my phone vibrate. I glance at the screen, but I can’t make out the name. I’m too fucking drunk and heartbroken for this shit. I answer it anyway, hearing Adam’s stupid voice in the phone. I can’t let him know about Virginia. He’d rub it in my face, gladly.
“Where are you, man?” he asks. “You were supposed to be here over an hour ago.”
“I’m piss drunk,” I say. “Leave me the hell alone.”
“You’re what?!” he screams. I can hear him scurrying out of the station. Outside, I can hear the cars whizz by. It’s about 9 AM and my head is throbbing. The thought of going out into the real world right now completely disturbs me. How could anyone do that at a time like this?
“Man, you have to be here. Craig just woke up from his coma. We’re hoping to get some information out of him later today,” he says.
“Fuck,” I groan. “The bastard woke up already? You’re not going to get any answers today. It’s too soon.” My words are slurred, but I’m capable of forming some coherent sentences at least.
“You need to be here. Freddie’s going to flip,” he says.
“Tell him I’ve got a fever. I’m puking my brains out. Tell him anything. I don’t give a damn. I can’t drive a car, let alone walk into work like this,” I tell him.
“Dammit, Marshall,” he sighs. “I’m coming over. Don’t do anything stupid.”
“Like hell you are!” I scream, but he just hangs up the phone. “Bastard.”
It feels like only seconds have passed when he knocks on my door. “Come in!” I yell, unable to pick myself off the ground.
I hear his footsteps in the hallway. I look up and see him standing over me. “You weren’t lying,” he laughs. “You’re totally fucked up, aren’t you?”
“Shut the fuck up, Adam,” I say. “Don’t be like that, right now. I’m hurting.”
“Headache? You need some Advil?” he asks.
“It’s my heart, dammit,” I say. “She took my heart, squished it in her hands, threw it on the pavement, and stepped all over it. She broke it into a million pieces. Now, I’ve got nothing to live for. Nothing.”
“Jesus, man,” he leans over and hands me a water bottle. “I’ve never seen you like this before. I thought women were a dime a dozen to you.”
“You envy me, right? You envy this?” I laugh with malice. “Women used to mean nothing to me. And then I met her. Virginia!”
I’m an embarrassing piece of shit. At least, that’s how I feel. Melodramatic. A man isn’t supposed to hurt like this. He’s supposed to pick himself up, dust off his jeans, and get back into the ring. Ins
tead, I’m laying on the floor, drunk as hell, and I’m on the verge of tears.
“What happened?” he asks me.
“Why’d you always blame her, man?” I skip over his question. “You always made her out to be a criminal.”
“I didn’t,” he says. “Elroy said that the woman—”
“Fuck Elroy!” I yell, sitting up. The room starts to spin, but I manage to stop it in my head. “We were partners. You’re supposed to stick by me, man. You can’t go around blaming people for shit they didn’t do.”
“I wasn’t blaming her. I was keeping the option open. This case is important to me,” he says. Anyway, he was right. He doesn’t know it, but he hit the nail right on the head.
“Well, you can fuck off with your assumptions,” I say. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. She’s gone. She left me for good.”
“I don’t understand. I thought you were in love,” he says. “I saw you two together yesterday. You looked happy enough.”
That was back when life was perfect. Funny how it wasn’t that long ago, but it feels like another life entirely. “Shit happened, okay? She’s gone. Let’s leave it at that,” I say. “And I’m not coming into work. Not today, anyway.”
“You don’t want to be the one to question Craig?” he asks. “You sure? It wouldn’t bring you any joy?”
“I’m done caring about justice.” I smile. “You hear me? Done. I’ll be there tomorrow. Talk to Craig. I don’t give a flying fuck what happens.”
He gets up from kneeling next to me and shakes his head. “Get some rest, man. You’re losing it. I miss the old Marshall,” he says. I feel an angered sadness waiting to burst inside of me. He misses the old Marshall? Well, shit. I wish I’d never been born in the first place. Then, Virginia couldn’t have broken my heart.
“See you tomorrow,” I whisper. Tomorrow. Sure.