by Kara Hart
I read them. Every single one. And I reread them every second that I can. It’s the only thing I look forward to. Please take care of yourself, Payton. There may not be much hope left for me, but you have a wonderful life ahead of you. I can’t wait to see where you take it.
I set the paper down on the mattress and grab my pillow, closing my eyes. There’s hope for both of us, I think to myself. Both of us.
134
Dakota
It’s been a full day and night since I’ve seen him. The man from my past, that dirty SEAL who vows to take me away. What have I done? I should have never gone back there. I shouldn’t welcome him back into my life like that. I’m a married woman and I have a kid to take care of. Worse than that, I’m starting to suspect that Danny is suspicious something’s going on, although I’m not too sure he understands the gravity of the situation. I’m not sure I do either.
Payton fucked me and it was the best sex I’ve ever had. When I’m lying in bed next to Danny, I think about Payton’s touch. I feel his warm hands slide between my legs and I clench down with my thighs. Of course, it’s just fantasy. I wish I could spend my days with him, but everything has gone topsy-turvy in my life.
Still, I can’t stop thinking about him. I have to see him again. That’s why I crawl out of bed at 2 AM and sit in the kitchen, debating what I’m going to do. Angela and Danny are both fast asleep and they’re possibly the heaviest sleepers in the world. I can’t believe I’m thinking about leaving here to go to his place. If Danny finds out, I’m done for, literally.
When I leave the building, I feel like a teenager again. I run out onto the sidewalk and burst out laughing. I’m feeling totally insane, elated, and just about ready to leave the world behind. It feels good to feel this free again. I know it can’t last, but if I don’t do this, I’ll regret it forever.
In my hand is one of the letters he wrote to me. It’s my favorite one, out of the bunch. I reread it as I walk, slowly pacing the sidewalk as cars go by.
There is no sun brighter than you. No blue ocean quite as true.
I’m lost here, but I’m dreaming of you.
It’s short and sweet, and I’m not sure he knows just how hard it hits home. I wish I had read it sooner. I wish Danny didn’t hide these from me. Every single day, I go into the safe and read the letters. And when I’m done, I put them back. But this one in particular, I’ve kept in my wallet, inside my purse. It makes me feel like I’m closer to him.
When I get to his door, I feel that inner-girl again. It’s that feeling of pure joy and excitement, the feeling I used to get when a boy I liked in school would call me. I’m still human. I still love that feeling. I live for it.
I ring the buzzer and he already knows who it is. He buzzes me in and I make the long trek upstairs to his flat. When I’m inside, he pulls me in further, and we tumble onto the bed, arms around each other, groping and exploring, laughing and playing.
I never knew I’d have so much fun with someone again. I never knew I could feel like my former self. “What’re you doing?” he finally asks me. “Why are you still with that ape?”
“I told you,” I sigh. “It’s complicated.” He kisses my neck and smiles.
“How complicated can it be?” he asks.
“Trust me,” I tell him. “It’s pretty fucking complicated.”
“What? Do you have a kid together or something? I can’t imagine what he’s holding over your head,” he says. But after a few seconds, he drops it. I can’t explain it to him. I can’t tell him I have his child, his daughter, his beautiful Angela.
The worst part about it all is that I really want to tell him. In a perfect world, we would all run off together. We could start a new life and be happy, finally. God knows, I want that for my daughter. But it’s not a perfect world. It’s reality and this shit is hard, brutal, and sometimes downright dirty.
“Look,” he says. “You know I’m not going to give up trying, right?”
I laugh and grip my hand around his biceps. I hold onto him, never wanting to let go. “I know,” I say. “But you have to eventually. I’m doing this for the sake of clarity. I’m doing this so I can eventually let go.”
He wraps his fingers around the bottom of my shirt and slides it up, kissing my bellybutton. My toes curl against his legs and I look down and notice how perfect we are for each other. “Well, I’m never letting go,” he says. “I can’t stop. I’m one-hundred percent addicted to your body.”
“Not my mind?” I laugh. He pulls my shirt off and notices I’m not wearing a bra. He holds my big round breasts in his hands and begins kissing them, one after the other. He wraps his tongue around my nipples and drags his teeth lightly across the tight skin. Goose bumps, once again, form around my body and I shiver with immense pleasure.
“Who needs that when you have these?” he smiles, staring at them as if they’re the Holy Grail. He picks me up and sets me on his lap, legs around his waist. I feel his cock growing beneath my ass, right against my pussy, and I instantly feel the need to fuck him again. I don’t give a shit how wrong that makes me. It feels like the rightest thing imaginable right now.
“How wet are you?” he asks, kissing me. He brushes his lips against my nose and then kisses above my eyebrow.
“What?” I laugh, growing very wet.
“I want you to tell me how wet you are,” he says, looking me straight in the eye.
“I’m, uh, pretty wet,” I whisper, clearing my throat awkwardly.
“No,” he says with a serious tone in his voice. “Describe it to me in full detail.”
“Um,” I bite my lip and smile.
“Does the thought of my cock penetrating your beautiful pink lips soak your clean panties?” he asks me, smiling.
He drags one hand down and feels my wetness, kissing me slowly. When he releases, he says “You’re such a bad girl, Dakota. You’re soaking wet.”
I nod slowly, feeling my face grow flush. My breath quickens when he takes his fingers and rubs the outside of my panties. It’s so fucking hot. I can’t contain my excitement. “I need a good spanking,” I tell him. “I’ve been so bad, Payton. I need your punishment.”
He pushes his fingers against my panties, harder now, and kisses underneath my breasts where my ribcage lay. He lets go and stands up above me, sliding me off his lap. He takes off his belt slowly, staring at me the whole time. Within a minute, he’s standing there, naked and huge. I try to reach out and touch his cock, but he pushes my hand away.
“You want this cock?” he asks me.
“Please,” I beg him. “I need that cock.”
“Then you’re going to have to behave,” he smiles and runs his hand gently through my hair. He kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear “Are you ready to behave?”
I nod and he grabs the back of my hair, pulling hard. It feels really good and turns me on even more than before. I can’t help but squeal “Yes!”
“Come with me,” he says. He leads me into the bathroom and sets me on the sink counter. My legs are closed together and I’m slightly nervous because we’ve never fucked like this before. I don’t know what to expect from him, which is half the fun.
He runs his rough hands across my smooth thigh, closing his eyes and breathing in deep. “That’s right,” he moans. “You’re being so good and obedient.”
“I want to be,” I tell him. “I want to be there for you.”
He slowly pushes my legs open, revealing the prize, my panties still wet against my flesh. He drops to his knees and drags his lips across the fabric. I look down at his throbbing cock and I feel like I’m going to have an orgasm right then and there.
“Stop,” I whisper. “You’ll make me cum too fast.”
“That’s the idea,” he says without looking at me.
He opens his mouth and eats me over my cotton panties, moaning loudly like he’s been starving for me. He tongues the fabric and licks wildly at my panties. Finally, he pulls them down with his teeth so that they
rest against my ankles, and he runs his tongue around my lips. As soon as he hits my clit, I cum.
He doesn’t stop as I’m cumming. He just starts sucking on me, harder now, and I can’t stop myself from shaking against the mirror of the bathroom.
He comes back up from underneath me, doesn’t even make eye contact, and pushes his cock in. He doesn’t need to spit, I’m more wet than I’ve ever been before. “Your husband wishes he could fuck you like I do,” he whispers, pressing his forehead against mine as he pounds me against the sink. “He wishes he could make you feel this good.”
“Yes!” I scream. “He’s not a man like you, Payton. He’s a child.”
“I could fuck you all day, every day,” he moans, kissing the tops of my feet, down to my ankles. He rips my panties in half, tearing them from my ankles. “I’m going to keep these.”
He fucks me, pressing his hand lightly against my throat and I smile. “Yes. They’re yours,” I say. “It’s all yours. This pussy, my throat, and my ass too.”
I can’t believe I’m saying any of this, but I’m so fucking turned on by the way he wants me. It’s like he’s never been with a woman before. He’s so fucking hungry for me.
His eyes widen and he smiles. “I’m going to think of you every night and I’m going to stroke my thick cock, thinking about tonight. I’m going to cum all over them and keep them forever.”
“Oh, fuck,” I moan. I’m already over the edge again. I close my eyes and feel my pussy contract against his cock. “Yes! I’m cumming again!” I yell. He fucks me, wild and fast, staring me in the eyes the whole time.
When I come back down from my earth shattering orgasm, he picks me up and puts me in the shower. I press my hands against the tiles and arch my back out to him, forcing my ass out for him.
He turns on the hot water and I feel it land against my ass cheeks, turning them red. He spanks me lightly saying “Such a good girl.”
“I want you in my ass,” I whisper. I’ve never done this before. I never thought I’d want to, but he makes me want to try anything. He makes me want to be wild and crazy, to not give a fuck about the consequences. Tonight, I’m not even thinking about any of that. I just go with what feels good.
“Are you sure?” he asks, stroking his wet cock. He’s big, but I know that I’m horny enough for it to work.
“I’m sure,” I say. “I’m so fucking sure.”
He spits down on my ass and I feel him press against me lightly. “Harder,” I tell him. “You’re not going to break me.”
His breath quickens, mine too, and I decide to push back with my ass to help him. Finally, his cock slips inside, actually quite fast, and I fall against the wall. At first, the feeling is unusual, but after he’s in as deep as he can go, it feels unbelievable.
He slides back out and drives home, over and over again. It’s almost uncomfortable at first, then it feels incredible, hot tingles shooting down to my toes. I swear to god, the pleasure is so good that I cum again, dripping my wetness all over his balls.
“Holy shit, baby,” he moans. “God, you’re hot.”
He slaps my ass again, and I turn my head to watch as he fucks my ass. He’s powerful and big, a true soldier, and I’m completely head over heels for him. There’s no denying it anymore. I really do love the guy. I would never do this with Danny. I wouldn’t even let him touch me.
He slides himself out again and puts it back in my pussy, ready to finish. “Cum on my thick ass,” I tell him, feeling the hot water fall against my face. “And then feed it to me with your cock.”
“Jesus Christ!” he yells, surprised by me. I smile and blow him a kiss, sending him spiraling into a world of pleasure. His legs bow and his whole body begins to shake. He yells in defiance to it, but it takes him anyway. I feel his cock thicken and, when he pulls it out, he cums all over my ass.
“Fuck yes,” he moans with me sliding his cock around the cum before forcing it into my mouth. I swallow the whole thing, pushing his cock further into the back of my throat.
“All gone,” I smile, sticking my tongue out. He falls against the shower wall and rubs his palms across his face.
“Who are you?” he laughs. “What have you become?”
“Tell me you don’t like it,” I smile. “I know you do.”
He wraps his arms around me and we both start laughing uncontrollably. He kisses me frantically and holds me against his body, water falling all around us.
“God, I love you,” he says, kissing me. I turn off the water and kiss him back, but I can’t say the same words back to him.
“Aw, come on,” he smiles. “I know you want to say it. I know you feel the same way about me.”
I want to tell him. I want to let him know about Angela. It almost rolls off the tip of my tongue, but I let it hang there. “I can’t,” I tell him, grabbing a towel and drying my face.
He spanks my ass lightly again and smiles. “What are you hiding from me?” he asks. “You’re up to something. Why can’t you just leave him? Does he have that much control?”
“Payton,” I groan. “If I promise to see you tomorrow, will you let this go for now?”
He gets out of the shower with me and steps out of the steamy bathroom. “You know I will. I have to,” he says. “You’re the only reason why I’m in this crazy city. I could be back home in Texas, living large on a ranch somewhere with you, but I’m here because I love you. Someday, I hope you can say it back.”
I frown and dry myself off. I hate leaving like this, without letting him know how I really feel. I guess he already knows, but I feel so awful for being unable to just say the fucking words.
Tomorrow, though. I have to hold on to tomorrow. “You’re not working tomorrow, right?” I ask him.
“Hell no,” he grabs my hips and squeezes. “And if I was, I’d quit just to see you.”
“You’re sweet,” I say, kissing him. “I have to go though.”
“I know,” he says with a slight tinge of sadness to his voice. “You always do after we fuck. I’m starting to feel like a booty call.”
I can’t help but laugh. “You know it’s not like that,” I whisper. He nods.
“Yeah, I know,” he says. “I’m just playing with you. It’s all good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“My panties better be soaked with your cum tomorrow,” I tell him, winking.
“You have no idea how much I fantasize about you,” he laughs. “I’m constantly jerking off to the thought of you.”
“So charming,” I say to him as I walk out into the hallway. He reaches out and grabs me one more time, touching every part of my body. He kisses me and breathes in my scent deeply. If I stay any longer, Danny will be awake. It’s almost four in the morning and he usually wakes up around six.
“I love you,” he whispers. “Dream about me, okay?”
“I will,” I tell him, releasing myself from his embrace. “I always do.”
When I walk downstairs, I can’t look back at him. It’s too much for me. I step outside and light a cigarette in hopes that it’ll cover up Payton’s cologne. I have a giant smile on my face and I can’t conceal my happiness.
When I get to the door to my penthouse, however, I feel the overwhelming despair start to creep in. I look at the letter again and it gives me some comfort before going inside. He doesn’t know that I’ve read these. He doesn’t know just how much I love him.
When I walk upstairs, the door to our floor is open. Confused, I slowly creep inside, closing the door.
“Where have you been, my love?” A voice asks through the darkness of the penthouse.
“Danny!” I jump. “Jesus, you scared me.”
“Have a nice walk?” he asks me, sipping on a glass of something alcoholic. I’m not sure what it is and I don’t wish to get near him to find out.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I say, avoiding eye contact with him. “I went to smoke a cigarette. I was having bad dreams earlier in the night.”
“What did we talk a
bout a few months ago?” he asks. “Didn’t we decide that we discuss when a good time for you to leave is? You have a daughter, Dakota. A fucking daughter.”
When he gives me those eyes, I know it’s going to be a long night, but for once in my life I think I’m going to stand up for myself. I walk into Angela’s room and grab her, whispering, “Come here, sweetie. It’s okay.” She looks at me with trust and love, and she doesn’t even make a noise, besides the occasional moan. “We’re going on a little trip.”
I turn around and Danny is pacing in the doorway. “You’re not going anywhere,” he says, almost like he’s about to fall to the floor crying. He’s completely erratic and running his hands through his hair like he’s lost it. “That’s my daughter in your hands.”
“Danny, I need you to move away from the door,” I calmly state. “It’s my right. You can’t keep me here forever. You know we don’t belong to each other.”
“We do!” he screams, punching the door. Angela starts crying immediately, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“Don’t do this to her,” I plead. “Don’t give her these memories.”
“I grew up with worse,” he shouts. “Don’t tempt me. Don’t make me become everything you despise.”
“It’s too late for that,” I walk forward, heart beating quickly. I feel my adrenaline kick in and I know he’s going to give it to me in the worst way. I embrace it. “You’re already the worst man I’ve ever met.”
And then I feel it. A blow to the cheek and I fall back. It’s like slow motion. Angela and I hit the ground. I do my best to shield her and I feel my head hit the wood floor.
“You’re staying in tonight,” he says, walking back to the kitchen to grab his drink.
135
Payton
I’ve got a smile on my face. Yes, there’s a new kick to my walk. It’s all because I’m going to see my girl today. I’m going to see the one I love. Today’s the day I really get her back, I think to myself, with a sly smile. Nothing can stand in our way.