Her Amish Christmas Choice

by Leigh Bale

  Quilted Christmas runners with cheery designs lined each tabletop where she showcased her handmade soaps, creams and lip balms. Garlands of tinsel hung from each display case. The air smelled sweet, a mixture of the fragrant soaps she’d made and the cinnamon and spice incense she’d set near the old mechanical cash register. Everything looked so jolly, yet Julia felt a leaden weight in her heart. If only Martin were still here, it would be a perfect day.

  She’d see him tomorrow.

  Clinging to that thought, Julia arranged a pile of dainty paper napkins beside the punch bowl. She and her mom had pulled out all the stops in decorating the store. With one exception: Julia had refused to put up a Christmas tree. Rather than tell her mom the Amish didn’t have trees, she simply explained that she needed the room to display her soaps. Thankfully, Mom hadn’t argued.

  “I heard the front door. Was someone here?”

  Sharon came into the room at that moment, carrying a platter of frosted Christmas cookies she’d baked the night before. She set them on a special table with a red cloth and the glass punch bowl. It wasn’t every day that a new store opened in this sleepy town and they wanted to welcome their customers with refreshments. Because of the novelty of the store, Julia was certain every rancher and farmer’s wife from miles around would step inside her door just to take a look. And since it was Christmastime, they’d be searching for just the right gift.

  “Um, I just unlocked the front door. But Martin was here. He stopped by to help me hang the Grand Opening sign. He just left.” Julia wouldn’t lie to her mom but turned away and fussed with a display of Christmas soaps, hoping to avoid another argument.

  Mom didn’t say a word as she poured red punch into the large bowl. Julia helped her, eager to hear the tinkling sound above their door ringing again and again.

  She didn’t have long to wait. They had just set out throwaway cups when the tinkling was followed by a group of Amish women wearing black traveling bonnets, heavy capes and black ankle boots.

  “Linda! Lori! Willkomm! It’s so gut to see you.” Julia rushed over to hug each woman. How fitting that Martin’s mother was her first official customer. But Julia would never tell the woman that her son had just left.

  “And it’s gut to see you, as well.” Linda smiled.

  “Ja, we have missed you,” Lori said.

  Out of the windows, Julia saw little Rachel, Sarah and Abby stepping up onto the porch. They came inside, their cheeks and noses bright red from the cold.

  “Oh, it’s so gut to see all of you,” Julia exclaimed. “I’ll bet you would like one of these.”

  Leaning down at eye level, she held out the tray of cookies to little Rachel and smiled as the child chose a frosted snowman.

  The doorbell tinkled again. Before Julia knew it, the store was filled with happy chatter and laughter as several ranchers’ wives and people from town came inside to inspect her wares. Julia soon found herself embroiled in explaining the various scents and ingredients of her products. Between keeping the cookie tray and punch bowl filled, Mom also ran the cash register. As she tended to her customers, Julia lost track of the many sales they made.

  “Do you have anything without scent?” Sarah Yoder asked.

  Ah! Thankfully, Julia had thought about her Amish customers and their desire to live a simple life.

  “Ja, I’ve got a lovely plain soap with no added fragrance or colors.” Julia lifted a creamy-looking white bar to show the woman. “It lathers beautifully—”

  A harsh gasp caused her to turn. Marva Geingerich stood just in front of the open door, clutching her gray woolen gloves in her hands. White snowflakes dotted her black traveling bonnet, melting into little droplets of water. She must have just arrived and was staring across the room at Sharon.

  “I knew I recognized you.” Marva’s loud voice carried across the room.

  Mom stood at the cash register, speaking to Essie Walkins, the owner of Tigger the cat. As Mom reached for a bar of lavender soap, she looked up and saw Marva. An expression of surprise drained Mom’s face of color.

  Marva lifted a bony finger and pointed at Sharon. “Now I remember where I know you from. Your vadder was Michael Miller and you abandoned your faith when you were eighteen years old to marry an Englischer. When you left, you broke your poor mudder’s heart. She died a year later, followed by your vadder only months after that. It’s no wonder you ran away and were never heard from again.”

  A hush fell over the entire store. Everyone stopped and stared, their eyes filled with shock. Even the townsfolk, who had no idea what Marva was talking about, looked shocked and uncomfortable.

  Sharon’s spine stiffened and she lifted her chin higher. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am not Amish.”

  Without another word, Mom turned and walked out of the room. Julia stared after her, her mind racing. Marva’s words played over and over again in her brain. She didn’t know what to think. She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. A myriad of thoughts scrambled inside her mind. A sick feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t know what was going on but she intended to find out.

  “Linda, would you mind tending to the store for a few minutes, please? I’ll be right back,” Julia said.

  Linda nodded with understanding and Julia handed her the bar of soap she’d been holding. She hurried across the room and down the hallway.

  She found Mom upstairs in their apartment, the door closed and locked firmly.

  Julia rapped on the wooden panel. “Mama, it’s me. Will you open the door, please?”

  “No, not now. Go away!” came Sharon’s reply.

  Julia knocked again. “I’m worried about you. I’m not leaving, so you’d better open the door now.”

  A long pause and then she heard the lock click. Turning the knob, she stepped inside and found her mother sitting on the sofa, her face buried in her hands.

  “Mom, what is going on?” Julia sat beside her mother and rested a hand on her back.

  Mom sniffed and sat up straight, staring across the room. Her eyes were red with tears. “I...I hoped you would never find out.”

  “Find out what?”

  “That...that I was raised Amish.”

  Julia gasped. “Oh, Mom. What are you saying?”

  “It’s true. I...I was raised Amish. I left the faith in order to marry your father over twenty-six years ago.”

  Julia’s mind went blank. This was news to her. All her life, neither of her parents had given her a clue that her mother had been raised Amish. They’d told her that Mom’s parents had died. Apparently, that was true but why hadn’t they told her the full truth?

  “I was treated very harshly by my family and church elders,” Mom continued. “Oh, please, Julia. Please don’t join their faith. I beg you. It isn’t just a commitment of faith but would require a change to your entire way of life.”

  “I’ve already told you I’m not planning to join their church,” Julia said.

  “That’s good. If you join them and marry Martin, their church elders won’t let you visit me anymore because I was raised Amish and abandoned the faith. They’d shun me.”

  Julia covered her mouth with her hand to keep from crying out. “No, Mom. Tell me this isn’t true.”

  Mom met her gaze and Julia saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m afraid it is. Now you know why I’ve fought so hard against you spending time with Martin. Neither my Amish family nor your Grandpa Walt approved of your father and I marrying. They all tried to break us apart. So we left Ohio and moved to Kansas, seeking a fresh start. In his anger, your father refused to speak to your Grandpa Walt again. We thought it best that I keep my past life a secret from everyone, including you.”

  “But why tell me now?” Julia cried.

  “Because Marva Geingerich recognized me and I can’t lie to you any longer. Marva never w
as a nice woman. Always so harsh and judgmental. That’s how I was treated by everyone when I left to marry your father.”

  Julia cringed. She figured there were good and bad people in all faiths and nationalities. She shook her head, hardly able to believe what her mother had told her. Now, everything made sense. The secretiveness, the disapproval.

  “I think your Grandpa Walt regretted the fight he had with your father,” Mom said. “That’s why he left you this store. It was his way of making amends for past hurts. But I don’t want to see you go through the same pain I was forced to endure in order to marry the man I loved.”

  Julia nodded in understanding and shock. “It’s not an issue anymore, so don’t worry about it.”

  Regardless of what her mother had told her, she could never marry Martin. She’d promised her father she’d look after her ailing mother. There was no way for her to join the Amish faith and still be a part of her mother’s life. Not as long as her mother felt the way she did toward the Amish.

  During the church meetings and other gatherings Julia had attended, she’d heard a few whisperings about shunning. The only reason the Amish had welcomed her was because she’d expressed a deep interest in their faith and they thought she’d be baptized. But Julia would never turn her back on her mother. Crying about it wouldn’t change a thing.

  “I understand.” Julia stood and reached for a tissue before wiping her eyes and nose. She couldn’t sit here in the doldrums. She had people downstairs and a store to run. It was their grand opening and she intended to make the best of the day. Their livelihood depended on it.

  “Where are you going?” Mom asked as Julia crossed the room.

  Julia turned, her hand on the doorknob. Looking at her mother’s pale face, she shrugged. “Downstairs. I have a store to run. Life must go on. But I love you, Mom, no matter what. Nothing will tear us apart. I promise you that.”

  Mom didn’t try to stop her as she closed the door quietly behind her. Standing alone on the landing, Julia felt her heart breaking all over again. Except this time, she didn’t feel angry. She just felt numb and empty inside. No doubt Linda would tell Martin what had happened and that Marva had recognized Sharon. The news would soon spread among the entire Gmay. Since Sarah was in the store when it happened, Julia figured Bishop Yoder would hear about it before lunchtime. There was no way around it.

  Julia couldn’t see Martin tomorrow. No, nor any other day after that. After what had happened with Dallin, maybe it was best if she never loved again. Her path was set. She could never convert to the Amish faith. She couldn’t attend church with Martin again and they could never be together. It was that simple.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It had been three torturous weeks since Martin had seen Julia. Three weeks since the grand opening of her soap store. With just two days before Christmas, he felt like a caged animal. Pacing inside his father’s barn, he sought to relieve some pent-up energy. It was early afternoon and the snow had fallen deep, covering everything in a blanket of white. Otherwise, he’d go outside for a long, brisk walk.

  Now, even the contented lowing of the milk cows couldn’t soothe his jangled nerves.

  He loved her. He knew that now. He couldn’t get her off his mind. He loved her but he couldn’t have her. And the pain was almost more than he could bear.

  He stared outside the open door. When he exhaled, he could see his breath on the air. The pristine glow of new-fallen snow seemed surreal and lovely. It was a good day to stay indoors. He had no reason to go into town.

  As promised, he’d gone to Julia’s home early the day after the grand opening of her store. His mother had told him of its success. She’d also told him that Marva Geingerich had recognized Sharon from when they both lived in Ohio.

  She’d told him Sharon was raised Amish.

  Suddenly, everything made sense. Sharon’s protests when Julia had accompanied him to church. Her refusal to join them at any Amish events. Her look of disgust whenever she saw him.

  Sharon didn’t want an Amish life for her daughter. In order to abandon her family so she could marry an Englischer, Sharon must have hated her faith. And yet, it couldn’t have been easy, turning her back on everything in her life to be with the man she loved. Martin didn’t want that to happen to him and Julia.

  He’d been beyond disappointed when Julia didn’t greet him at the door that morning. Instead, Sharon had presented him with a letter. He’d never forget the chill that swept over his body as Sharon handed him the envelope, then closed the door in his face.

  He’d sat inside his buggy and ripped open the letter to read the pages. The message was simple and to the point. Julia didn’t want to convert to his Amish faith. She expressed her joy and gratitude for him teaching her so much about Jesus Christ but asked that he not see her anymore.

  He’d crumpled the pages in his fist, filled with such frustration and grief that he could hardly stand the pain. All his life, he’d been taught four key precepts: be slow to anger, slow to take offense, quick to repent and quick to forgive. These principles had governed his entire life. But now, he longed to cast them aside. To yell and scream and cry.

  He loved Julia and wanted to make her his wife. He couldn’t stand to lose her, yet that’s exactly what had happened. The news of what her mother had done didn’t diminish that love. Nor did it mean he didn’t miss Julia like crazy. After all, it wasn’t her fault that her mother had abandoned her faith. But he was a strong man. A man who loved God. And now, he must honor Julia’s wishes even if it wasn’t what he wanted.

  “Sohn, it’s too cold out here in the barn.”

  He jerked around and found his parents standing in the doorway. It was his mother who spoke. She wore her warm, woolen shawl draped over her shoulders, a fretful expression on her face.

  “Why don’t you komm into the house where it’s warm?” David asked.

  Martin turned away. His parents were the last people he wanted to see right now. “I’d rather stay here.”

  “You’re pining for Julia, aren’t you?” David asked.

  A rustling came from the hayloft overhead but Martin paid it little heed. His thoughts were in turmoil. All he could think about was Julia.

  “Ja, I miss her very much,” he said.

  “That’s understandable. You love her,” Linda said.

  He couldn’t deny it but he didn’t acknowledge what his parents already knew. Surely the love he felt for Julia and the pain of losing her showed on his face.

  “Even so, you must not see her again.” David’s tone was soft and sympathetic.

  Hearing these words spoken out loud caused a panic like he’d never felt before to rush over Martin. His throat felt tight, his ears clogged. It was as if he were under water and couldn’t breathe. He was drowning and couldn’t save himself.

  “But if she has an earnest heart and truly wants to know more about our faith, we have an obligation to teach her,” Martin argued.

  “That time has passed, sohn. She has told you she doesn’t want to convert so you must let her go. The Lord has something better in mind for you,” David said.

  Like what? What could be better than Julia? Nothing!

  Martin looked to his mother for support. Surely she understood what he was going through. Her eyes were filled with tears, her face creased with sorrow but she didn’t say a word. From her past examples, he knew she would never go against her husband’s word. Not on something as important as this. And not if it meant she would lose her eldest son.

  “You fear I might leave my faith in order to marry Julia,” he said.

  It was a statement, not a question.

  “Ja, we know how strong love is. It can pull you in the wrong direction. But you must fight it, sohn. You must remain solid in your faith. Nothing can be stronger than your relationship with Gott.” David spoke passionately, with all the love and conviction of a
good parent trying to save his eldest child.

  Strands of hay fell from above, wafting through the air. A low murmur of timbers hinted of movement in the hayloft and Martin thought a barn cat must be up there, nesting in the warm straw.

  “I promise if you will hold firm, all things will be made right again. The Lord will bless you,” David said.

  His mother nodded in agreement.

  Martin slashed his hand through the air. “Spare me your promises. I love Julia. She is the choice of my heart. And now you’re telling me I can’t have her.”

  Martin was a grown man. He should be able to choose whom he would wed. But he also knew he must not challenge his church elders or his parents. To do so could put him in the position of being shunned by his people. Something he would rather avoid at all costs. But in his heart, the thought of never seeing Julia again left him feeling sad and empty inside. He couldn’t stand to live without her. He couldn’t!

  David stepped over to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. “Sohn, we know you care for her. We all do. But she is Englisch and has made it clear she won’t be baptized into our faith. You must not see her again. Do you understand?”

  It took a long time for Martin to respond. And even as he said the words, it didn’t ease his burden. “Ja, I understand.”

  “Ne! Ne!”

  The cry came from above. Hank appeared suddenly, poking his head over the edge of the hayloft. As they stared in shock, he scrambled down the ladder. He stood before them, strands of hay sticking to his hair, gloves and coat. He must have been up there listening all this time.