The Renfield Syndrome

by J. A. Saare

  “Goose,” I whispered and cringed at how broken I sounded, how childlike. Bells’s face went pale at the name, her brown eyes becoming miniature saucers.

  “Oh, Goddess. You’re her.”

  Footsteps came from the adjoining room as Goose’s voice drew closer. “Bells? I didn’t hear you. Who is it? Who are you talking to?”

  She stepped aside, and it literally felt as if I was in a bad episode of The Twilight Zone. Although he was dressed almost entirely the same—pressed button-down shirt, dress slacks and dress shoes—Goose had gotten older. Gray peppered his temples, traveling along the shell of his ear. His clean-shaven face was the same, with only a few, miniscule crow’s feet around the corners. The moment our eyes met, and recognition struck, he froze.

  His lips parted in shock, his doe-brown eyes widening in alarm.

  It looked as if he’d seen a ghost.

  “It’s me, Ethan.” I finally managed to speak, trying to find some humor in the situation. “You’re not in Kansas anymore.”

  “Oh dear God. Rhiannon.” He broke free of his trance and stepped forward. He cupped my elbows with quaking hands as if I was a figment of his imagination.

  “There’s so much I have to tell you,” I expelled in a rush, suddenly eager to unload my burden. He was real. He was here. I wasn’t in this futuristic version of Hell alone. “You have no idea of the kind of shit I’ve been through.”

  “We can’t talk. Not out here.” Goose glanced around. The moment his gaze rested on Carter, his eyes narrowed. “I don’t know what he’s doing with you, but the dog stays outside.”

  “I don’t think so.” Carter growled, and the deep, menacing sound radiated from his throat and chest. “She remains with me.”

  “Bells!” Goose called over his shoulder, but his gaze stayed on Carter.

  “I’m one step ahead of you.” Bells strode into my line of sight, and she was toting one nasty-looking rifle in her arms, holding it as if she knew exactly how to use it. “Back off, Fido.”

  Carter reached for me, and Goose yanked me into his chest. His solid and unrelenting arms wrapped around my back as the men behind Carter started up the stairs, snarling. I wanted to melt against him, but I didn’t have a chance.

  I had to remain on guard.

  “Stand down!” Carter thundered and the sounds of footsteps approaching went quiet. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. She wants your help, so give it to her. But if you think I’m handing her over so you can pass her off to one of your masters or mistresses, you’ve got another think coming.”

  “So she can become what? Another female for you to breed with? How dare you call yourself any better?” Goose had never sounded so furious. This was a side of him I’d never seen. “If she wants to stay here, she’s welcome. You’re not.”

  “With me, she’ll have a choice.” Carter spoke with malice so apparent you could feel it. “With me, she can have a future.”

  “You call this a choice?” Goose refused to let go or loosen his hold. All I could see was Bells and the big-ass gun balanced on her shoulder, her finger steady on the trigger. “What if she doesn’t want your future?”

  For a moment, I allowed myself to go soft in Goose’s embrace, thankful as hell that he was alive and had finally grown a nice pair of brass balls. Goose, whether I wanted to admit it or not, had become a security of sorts during our friendship, keeping me grounded. I never thought I’d miss him so much.

  “If you’re smart,” Goose said, “you’ll leave.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” Carter lost the growl but there was an edge to his voice, as if he were struggling for control. “We came to end her debt to the demon and go. She’s not staying.”

  “I’m aware of why you’re here.” Goose’s arms were quaking, as if the shock of my arrival was finally taking over. “I’ve been expecting her.”

  “What? You are?” I tried to pull away, ready for some answers. “How?”

  “It’s a long story.” He peered down at me, his expression difficult to read. Goose had always been serious, but this was different. My stomach churned as that intuitiveness we are all born with warned me I wasn’t going to like everything he had to say.

  “You were expecting me?” It was posed as a question, but in my gut, I knew the answer.

  He didn’t look away. “Yes.”

  “We have so much to talk about. There’s so much I don’t know.”

  His expression softened, and for a moment, I could see the Goose I’d become close to. He was one of the few people I trusted. Someone I allowed myself to lean on and believe in.

  “You’re right,” he replied. “We do.”

  “I don’t mean you or yours any harm,” Carter said, intruding on our moment, and I felt him place his hand on my shoulder. “I gave her my word I’d protect her, and I’m not breaking it. Everyone else will stay outside.”

  “Bells?” Goose asked evenly.

  “He’s telling you the truth.”

  Goose released me and guided me to the side. “Come in.” Then, turning to Carter, he warned, “My daughter and I are directly tied to Queen Victoria DelCrux. You know what will happen if you cross a line. She’ll cross the water and claim your head.”

  The lack of mention of Paine and Queen Victoria DelCrux computed first.

  Back in my time, Paine was Disco’s second, which meant he and Goose would have remained tied unless something had happened.

  Then the other whammy sank in.

  I studied Bells, taking in her familiar features—the eyes, the hair, the smile, even the preppy clothes.

  Well, fuck me silly. Goose was a father.

  I hadn’t thought Mr. Prim and Proper had it in him.

  As Goose closed the door and we walked into what was once his office, I noted the changes in his residence. A wrought-iron staircase was now placed in front of the bookshelf, the dizzying spiral leading to a perfectly rounded hole in the ceiling that took you to a second floor.

  The décor had changed as well.

  It was more lived in, homier somehow.

  Goose reverted to the man I knew, the consummate gentleman, even when facing the fucking surreal. “Can I get you anything?”

  Carter released my shoulder and took a spot in front of the entranceway, crossing his arms, and stood before us like a fucking stone barrier. His entire body posture screamed “don’t fuck with me”.

  Christ.

  “I’ll take a shot of answers.” I started pacing, my thoughts chaotic. “So much has happened. I don’t know where to start.”

  “You don’t have to.” Goose walked to the wall and removed a picture, revealing a safe. “I already know.”

  I stopped, going still as I lowered my arms. “How could you possibly know? I’ve just gotten here.”

  “You’ve been gone for over a hundred years.” He opened the safe and removed a small box. “That’s given us more than enough time to learn what happened.” He turned and pulled the box to his chest, studying me. I didn’t like how somber and pensive he looked. “Do you know about anything that’s happened in your absence?”

  “Let’s see.” Placing my hands on my hips, I assumed the pissed-off female pose known centuries over. “The world went and fucked itself up?”

  Instead of the indignation I was so used to, Goose actually grinned. “Ever the smartass. I’ve missed that.” He shook his head and walked to me, extending the box as he neared. “Here.”

  “What’s this?”

  He hesitated. After he cleared his throat and looked at me. “I’d have preferred to do this differently, but I don’t think we have the time. These are Gabriel’s remains.”

  I let go of the box, wanting to believe I’d heard him wrong. The rectangular piece of wood dropped to the floor with a heavy plop and settled at my feet. The room started to go round and r
ound, the multiple books on the shelves seeming too close and then too far away.

  “Get that away from me,” I choked out the words, staggering back, feeling sick.

  Disco couldn’t be inside a box hollowed out to create the likeness of a coffin.

  A six-foot-plus vampire would never fit inside it.

  I pictured him, remembering how he’d been.

  He was larger than life in my eyes.

  The thought of him being reduced to something so miniscule made me violently ill. My knees went weak, and I swayed. Lifting a hand to my mouth, I tried to fight the nausea rising from my stomach, determined not to vomit and make an absolute ass of myself.

  Goose wrapped his hand around my forearm to steady me, his grip firm and his voice soothing. “It’s going to be all right.”

  “Rhiannon?” Carter questioned.

  “She’s in shock.” I heard Bells say, but couldn’t find her inside the room.

  I was unable to get my bearings, seeing everything yet nothing at all.

  Keeping an unbreakable grasp on my arm, Goose retrieved the box and lifted it. He pressed the piercing edge of the wooden container into my stomach. I glared hatefully at the cursed object, wanting to destroy it to ease the heavy weight in my chest. Taking the box would mean throwing away my dreams, my hopes. I would be forced to crush my own fucking heart, restart it, and live life as I once had—as an emotional zombie.

  Lifting my head, I gazed into Goose’s compassionate, understanding eyes. “Don’t make me. I can’t.” How did I explain that by accepting his offering, I was admitting Disco was really and truly gone? “Don’t.”

  He didn’t relent, pressing the box into my hands. “You can. This is what he wanted.”

  It was as if I was on autopilot, doing what made sense to my mind but not my heart. I gazed down at the intricately carved wooden box and trailed my fingers lightly along the carved indentions. I wanted a redo. I wanted to go home. I wanted to tell Disco the three miniscule words he’d waited to hear for too fucking long because I was too much of a coward to say them.

  I’d come so close to revealing what I felt the morning I left to take a trip to the grocery store, just before I’d returned home and found myself face-to-face with Zagan. I’d made a deal to erase Disco’s debt. I had intended to tell Disco before I left.

  I had wanted to give him what he longed for most.

  As I’d stared into his brilliant golden blue eyes, I had almost found the courage to reveal just how much I cared for him. But God help me, like the coward I was, I had hesitated. We both knew how I felt—it was the proverbial elephant standing in the center of the room. Even when he’d voiced his feelings, and I’d felt a warm flood of happiness in my chest, I’d remained quiet. I had been driven by the fears of a girl who continued to exist in the woman who had outgrown her.

  Bitterness swept through me and, for the first time in a long while, I hated the drunk driver who killed my family, the State of Florida, and my former foster father and childhood destroyer, Ray Shaw, more than I ever had in my life.

  Now I would never have that chance—to love, to cherish, to share the warmth and comfort of the most intense and indescribable emotion with another—and the finality of it seared into my soul. A portion of me that had only found new life was smothered forever and would no longer be able to breathe.

  I accepted the light weight into my hands, walked into the large living room with bay windows that allowed me to see the sinking afternoon sun outside, and sat on Goose’s posh leather couch.

  “Give us a moment,” Goose said quietly as he followed me.

  I glanced up in time to see Bells take a right into the kitchen and Carter return to the entranceway of the house. The leather sank as Goose took a seat beside me, and he started to talk, telling me how he knew about me, my disappearance, and my arrival. But I wasn’t ready to talk to Goose. There was too much pain, too soon following my loss, so I listened instead and processed a story that seemed improbable.

  Almost two weeks after my disappearance, Disco had been set to meet his close acquaintance and fellow vampire master, Joseph, to discuss business in the city. Disco had been distracted, upset and difficult to talk to. Joseph, being the absolute conniving bastard I remembered all too well, had used that knowledge to his advantage.

  “Gabriel never saw it coming,” Goose said. “He was so concerned about you that he dropped his guard.” He inhaled raggedly, as if he needed to build up his courage for the next part. “I was with him when it happened. I was with him when he went.”

  Looking directly ahead, into the setting sun, I braced myself. “Tell me.”

  “Joseph came with Sonja and one of his family members so his intentions wouldn’t be obvious. We met at a warehouse near Brooklyn, the one Gabriel purchased just before you vanished. It wasn’t supposed to be anything special, a swapping of information. As soon as we entered, Gabriel knew something was wrong. A prominent family from Vermont showed up. They formed an alliance with Joseph, which meant one family too many in New York.”

  “So they killed him.”

  “Not without a fight. Gabriel challenged Joseph. The city is large enough to house multiple families, but it’s always been the unspoken rule that this territory belongs to Gabriel as it was passed down from his maker.”

  Turning my head, I met Goose’s gaze. “What happened?”

  “Joseph accepted and Gabriel laid into him. It wasn’t pretty. Gabriel had grief and rage on his side, and he used it. I’ve never seen him like that before. People believe the demon that comes from vampirism doesn’t arise in once mortal hosts, but after witnessing the destruction he caused first hand, I’m not so sure.”

  Frowning, I shook my head. “I don’t understand. If he was so strong, how was he killed? He should have destroyed anything in his path.”

  “Sonja.” Goose placed his hand atop mine. “The moment Joseph’s strength waned, he compensated by drawing on hers. When Gabriel realized that Joseph would kill her to win, he hesitated. It was a small opening, but it was all Joseph needed. He’d hidden a silver spike in his coat and by the time Gabriel realized what he intended, it was too late. But…” Goose’s fingers squeezed mine. “That’s where things get odd.”

  “Odd?” All things considered, odd was the understatement of the century.

  “Vampires can recover from any wound, but those caused by silver, especially when it’s directly to the heart, can be fatal. As Gabriel lay dying, Zagan appeared.”

  I jumped from the couch and threw the box on the cushion. I whipped around to face him. “That’s not possible! He can’t return unless summoned or if a debt is owed to him.”

  “Technically, the debt was still owed,” Goose said carefully. “You were no longer here.”

  “How do you know?” I demanded, becoming hysterical, pacing as I screamed, “How do you always know? I’m the one living the fucking experience and you still know more than I do! Do you have any idea how fucked up that is? Do you have any clue how it feels to survive like I have? Living in the dark?”

  “Calm down and listen to me.” Goose’s own patience was spider-web thin as he towered over me. His brown eyes darkened and his lips thinned. “I found out everything because Zagan taunted Gabriel. He told him that he would offer one last bargain before he died. If Gabriel would let you go, then Zagan would remove the spike, heal the wound, and their debt would be settled. Or Gabriel could die and Zagan would reveal what had happened to you and ensure your safe return. I’m giving you one guess as to which Gabriel chose, and the first doesn’t count.”

  “Oh God.” I couldn’t mask the anguish in my voice.

  An invisible vise squeezed my chest and heart—crushing, intense and brutal.

  I was livid, hurt and angry at myself for being the most stupid person ever to grace God’s creation. It had all been a trick. A fucking demon’s game. I’d
fallen for it like the ignorant human Zagan believed I was. I tried to imagine Disco, betrayed by those he trusted most, only to be turned on in his darkest hour by the very demon responsible for my disappearance.

  Blissful, delicious anger wrapped around me, forcing aside the pain, encasing me in something familiar and welcome. I wasn’t sure how I’d manage it, but no matter what it took, I’d see Zagan suffer. I’d make sure the fucker got his due and then some.

  “He told Disco what he’d done?” I asked.

  Goose nodded. “Before Gabriel died, he made me promise that when you finally returned that Paine and I would take care of you. Zagan didn’t specify when you might return, so it’s been a waiting game. We’d almost given up.”

  “Where is Paine? Why isn’t he here?”

  My question was interrupted when Carter appeared, his expression grim.

  “We’ve got to go. We’ve stayed far too long. The sun is already setting.”

  “I’m not going anywhere with you,” I told him coolly. “I’m not sticking around that insane place that you—”

  When his shoulder made solid contact with my abdomen, it knocked the breath out of me. I gasped, unable to breathe as he pushed Goose to the side and strode for the door. It only took a few long strides before we were outside. His cronies immediately called out to him, ready for orders.

  “Let’s move!” Carter shouted and everyone did.

  “Goddamn you!” I shrieked and clawed at his body as I kicked at his back. “Don’t do this. I don’t know what I need to do! Put me down. Right now!”

  Carter replied, “We’ll figure it out.”

  “Figure it out, my ass! Put me the fuck down!”

  “You should think about this,” Goose yelled from the doorway. “You’re playing with fire.”

  Carter climbed into the back of the van, heedless of Goose’s warning, and someone closed the doors. The engine cranked, gears were shifted, and the vehicle took off. I fought Carter with everything I had as he shifted me in his lap, landing a solid fist to his jaw and a few heel-kick blows to his shins. The space was limited, and he held me so closely I couldn’t get good distance, but his grunts and curses were music to my ears.