by J. A. Saare
Holy fuck nuts. Disco’s maker was created by a half-demon?
I had no clue how powerful the vampire that changed Marius Dymock—Gabriel and Paine’s sire—truly was.
“Graham Tavish?”
“Victoria’s half-brother.”
Her half-brother? Shit.
“I still don’t see what I can do. I’m stuck here.”
She slapped me—hard. As I lifted my hand to sooth the sting, she snapped, “Don’t be daft. You are in possession of Marigold Vesta’s amulet. With it, you can do more than you ever dreamed possible. She will expect payment for assisting you, of course, which is why I said a price will have to be paid.”
It was an overload of information, almost too much to take. However, there was one point that continued hammering away in my mind, something I wanted beyond measure.
“I can go back? This”—I grasped the amulet under my shirt—“can send me home?”
“Finding information about your charm was almost impossible, but I managed to learn enough. If you strike a bargain with Marigold, she will undoubtedly give you what you request in turn.”
I lifted my hand, rubbing my tingling and hot cheek. “Why are you giving me this information? What do you get out of all of this?”
“For your first question, I want Graham Tavish dead. He is a being that never deserved to exist. He destroyed everyone and everything I loved. I told him he’d pay for it when he killed Joseph and he attempted to make me his familiar. I swore I’d get revenge, even if it meant living in Hell. You can make that happen. As for what I’ll get? I want a chance at a new life.”
“You think I’m capable of doing that?”
“If you return and change the events of the past, you can.”
Change the past.
Paine’s warnings of tampering with the future rolled through my mind, as well as a noticeable amount of sickness at what I had recklessly done with Paine while believing I’d never return. God help me, if what Sonja said was true, I could go home. But what would the repercussions be?
How would I tell Disco what I had done?
Jesus, I didn’t know if I’d be brave enough to confront him.
Would he forgive me for my transgression?
If not, could I still find a way to prevent him from being killed?
So many questions, so few answers.
The ripple effect, Paine called it. Changing what was never meant to be, altering the future. It was dangerous, foolhardy, and something that should never be done. Even knowing that, even considering Disco’s anger and sense of betrayal at my actions, I didn’t give a shit.
“You should know that shortly after Gabriel was killed, a shift in power occurred. It wasn’t long until Joseph was left with nothing to bargain with. He was thrust aside like a forgotten toy, his family nothing more than a plague that had destroyed the most powerful vampire in the city. Joseph never wanted to harm Gabriel. He wasn’t given a choice.”
“So you want me to return, kill a half-demon, and set the future on a different path?”
“Look around you. Is this the world you want for the children in your past? Living as cattle? Forced to subservience or face the possibility of death? I don’t see how changing the past can make things any worse. Can you?”
“No.” The response was automatic and honest. “I can’t.”
“Return to your apartment, go to your closet, and locate the box hidden in the back. Everything you need to summon a demon is there, including all the information I could find on Marigold Vesta. Do what you were intended to do. Sever the debt with Zagan, return to where you belong, and change the course of history as we now know it.” When I didn’t immediately respond, she asked, “Will you do this? Are you brave enough to take a risk with your life to save the person who loved you so much he was willing to die to learn what had become of you?”
Slowly, I nodded, the choice already made. “Yes,” I said and looked at her. “I will.”
Her grin was nothing more than gums, partially missing lips and a few teeth. “Then I will willingly accompany you downstairs and allow you to do what you must. There is something you should know, though. You can’t speak about this to anyone. If you decide to go forward, you do it alone. Ethan is tied to Victoria, and she has total control and power over him, as well as their daughter.”
My chin snapped up. “Their daughter?”
“Belinda McDaniel is the product of a seduction that forced Ethan to become a willing servant to what he detests most. By baiting him with glamour and becoming impregnated with his child, he had no other choice but to fall in line.”
“He’d try to stop me,” I mused aloud, knowing I would do the same thing given the circumstances.
“He would, and you would be killed. Everything that transpires here stays here. You cannot tell anyone.” Her endless ebony gaze met mine. “Anyone.”
I started rising to my feet, thinking ahead as I prepared to do what needed to be done. “I understand.”
Jennifer was waiting when I opened the door, half-changed. Her furred face went from furious to confused when I walked past her with Sonja on my heels. She growled, and I stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm.
“Don’t. It isn’t necessary. Trust me.”
Her baffled look didn’t stop me as we all descended the stairs—necromancer, werewolf and poltergeist. When we came to the circle, I entered it, opened the metal door, and pulled out the dirt-infested cat by the scruff of the neck. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but thankfully Sonja made things easy. She didn’t fight when I walked out of the circle and lifted the cat into the air, holding it so their eyes could meet. The moment she started to dissipate before my eyes, I retrieved the knife from my pocket.
The cat went wild, scratching at my arms, as Sonja entered its body, but it couldn’t avoid the knife that severed the artery at its throat.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Return to the hereafter from whence you came. God have mercy on your soul.”
I knew Jennifer was watching me with a mixture of shock and awe, feeling her stare even as I did what had to be done. When the cat finally went still in my arms and small droplets of blood coated my shirt and hands, I gently laid it on the ground and began collecting my things. It took longer than I’d have liked to locate the gun that had fallen down the stairs.
When I stood, I felt the weight of Jennifer’s stare. I didn’t look away as I placed the weapon in the small of my back. This was it. There was no time to contemplate what I’d done, or to access all of the data I’d been given. I had to retrieve the information Sonja had promised, learn what I needed to do, and take things from there.
It was time to start making preparations.
It was time to get my ass back home.
Chapter Thirteen
By the time I arrived at Paine’s apartment, I had managed to get my chaotic emotions under control. It hadn’t been easy, not with Goose’s questions regarding the exorcism, his disbelief that it had gone so easily, and his endless information on a solution to my demon dilemma. If that wasn’t enough, Jennifer’s constant staring told me she wanted answers of her own. As if I didn’t have enough shit to worry about.
Tossing the bag I’d forgotten to return to Goose onto the couch as we entered Paine’s apartment, I turned to Jennifer, who remained on my heels. “Go get something to eat. I need a shower.”
Instead of waiting for her acknowledgement, I began the trek down the hall toward the bathroom. It wasn’t until I was almost there that it dawned on me that I needed new clothing and every single garment I had been given was tucked safely inside Paine’s bedroom.
I knew he was awake. I felt our emotional connection slam firmly into place the instant I opened the door. He was as shaken and uncertain as I was—struggling with himself and his need for a repeat of the night before—while also entirely aware that I n
eeded time and space. I didn’t think it was possible to magnify my guilt, but as was usually the case with me, I was wrong.
He was fully dressed and seated in the lounge chair in the corner of the room when I stepped inside. His brooding, hurt expression was one I didn’t really want to see. My stomach twisted, making me feel sick. I wasn’t aware he had the power to affect me so profoundly.
Clearing his throat, he looked at my bloody clothing. “How did it go?”
I knew I had to keep the pertinent details to myself, so I answered truthfully but with a careful omission. “Better than I thought. The entity put up a fight, but I was able to contain it.”
He nodded, although I knew he wanted to say more. I walked to the bag in the corner of the room to get fresh clothing when he informed me, “We need to talk.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I didn’t want to talk right now. At least, I didn’t want to talk about what he wanted to. There was already too much anger and resentment inside of me, too much pain. I didn’t regret what I’d done for him, or what had occurred between us. He deserved to have one moment of happiness, even if the cost meant my own. However, I knew that a repeat would extend past the blurring lines of black and white, into territory I didn’t want to think about.
“About?”
“Don’t, Rhiannon. I know you feel as if last night was a mistake, but don’t pretend it didn’t happen.”
How could I ever? “I’m not,” I responded evasively. “I’m just exhausted. Facing a deranged creature from Hell will do that to you.”
“I didn’t want you to go without me.” His anger was unmistakable. “You should have waited until the sun went down.”
“It would have been dangerous to go at night. Demonic entities draw energy from the darkness. Going this morning probably saved my ass.”
He rose from the chair and crossed over to me. I tried not to become tense as he drew me into his arms and pulled me against his chest. “Were you hurt? I can smell your blood.”
Shaking my head, I relaxed. “I had to use my blood to seal a circle.”
“We didn’t do anything wrong, you know.” He kept his arms snug around me, preventing me from pulling away. “Last night was not a mistake. It was meant to happen. Regretting it in the light of day doesn’t change anything.”
God. If only he knew. “I know that. I just need some time to sort things out. This is happening way too fast for me.”
“I understand, and I know you’re worried about severing your debt, which is why I’m trying to give you space.”
His emotions swarmed me again, and I couldn’t prevent the habitual response to lash out. “If you want to give me space, you’d close the mark between us and give me breathing room. It’s impossible to think when I have to deal with how we both feel right now.”
He released me and suddenly the mark was completely gone. “I wasn’t aware it bothered you.” He put distance between us, walking toward the other side of the room. “You should have said something.”
Sighing, I crouched to retrieve the clothing I’d come for. “Disco never left the mark open between us unless it was necessary. I’m starting to understand why.”
“He had more familiars than you, Rhiannon.” Paine sounded frustrated. “This is a first for me.”
Stilling, I peered over at him. “I wasn’t aware of that.”
His dismissive shrug annoyed the hell out of me. “Time passes, those beholden sometimes die. A life among vampires isn’t exactly safe for a human.”
“And you’ve never had someone beholden to you?
“No.” His unrelenting stare tore through me. “I haven’t.”
“How is that possible?”
Now he seemed uncomfortable. “I can’t touch people, remember? Creating a mark forms a bond. That means you require the closeness of the person you’ve claimed. It’s natural for us. I didn’t know Gabriel kept his feelings so distant from you, although with his ability, it would make sense.”
The underlying implication pissed me off. “He didn’t keep anything from me. He respected my need for space. I don’t see what his ability has to do with that.”
“You’re wrong.”
I came to my feet with the bundle of garments under my arm. “What are you saying? That he was hiding something from me?”
“It doesn’t matter now.” Paine lowered his gaze.
But it would matter in the past? “Yes, it does. What aren’t you telling me? Why would Disco keep a part of himself from me?”
“Gabriel…” Paine paused, shaking his head. “He was a powerful person, with a powerful gift, who had to deal with a lot of things. Things you weren’t ready for. I’m sure he didn’t want to frighten you.”
Information overload, too much, too soon—yet again. I strode past the bed and started to exit the room. Paine stopped me with a hand on my arm.
“You can’t hold on to the past. Your life is here, now. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can begin to let go of your grief. Trust me on this.”
I shrugged from his hold and attempted to step past him when he blocked my escape. I looked him in the eye, no longer afraid or guilty but furious.
“What is it that you want from me?”
“What I’ve always wanted.” His lips formed a rigid line and his eyes narrowed. “There’s something you should know, something I would have eventually told you.” At my questioning look he continued, “I was going to leave. The moment the mark was established between us, it was too much for me. I planned to tell Gabriel and the family, but you were gone before I had the chance to tell you how I felt. My feelings for you were undeniable, even then. I knew they would only grow over time.”
Memories of the past surfaced, of the way things changed with Paine following my near expiration date. He was always close, always touching me in ways that were never uncomfortable but always noticeable, on the rare occasion we bumped into one another. I’d thought it was because he was grateful to be able to reach out to someone else. Now I knew it was something else altogether.
“You would have left?” The pain I experienced at the knowledge was more than I expected. If I did what I planned, it would do more than change the future—it would change everything between us.
“Seeing you with Gabriel…him having what I wanted.” He ran his hands up and down my arm. “I’ve never coveted what belonged to another. I had no idea how powerful the temptation could be. It was too painful.”
I wanted to say so much, to comfort him, to give him what he needed, but I couldn’t. Instead, I rose on my toes, pressed a quick kiss to his lips, and turned to leave the room. He didn’t allow that, bringing me into his arms and kissing me in the manner of a dying man. Using my free arm, I touched his cheek, fingers whispering along his skin, giving him what he needed.
When he would have moved to take things further, I pulled away and cupped his jaw. “I would never have wanted you to leave. Not over me. We all needed you—I needed you. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”
“You never told me you needed me.” His voice lowered an octave. “You never even indicated it.”
No, I hadn’t, but I would.
If things worked as I hoped, if I was given the chance, I would make sure he was aware of how special he was. How important. God knows I knew how it felt to be alone, apart from everyone and everything around me. Paine and I shared that in a lot of ways, which was probably why I was beginning to relate to him on an entirely different level.
“We still have a lot to discuss. I’ve managed to strike a deal to sever your debt. I’m thinking it might be a good idea to do a trade off with a demon—like Gabriel did. If I can work it right, none of us will carry the burden of the debt.”
Baffled, I murmured, “You can do that?”
He smiled thinly. “If the tradeoff is worth it, I can.”
“My debt in the place of another?”
He didn’t meet my eyes. “Something like that. If everything goes as planned. We wanted to initiate the summoning tonight, since time is so short.”
“That makes sense.” I nodded, though I was consumed by panic. If I ended my debt to Zagan now, could I still reverse the events of the past?
Paine obliterated any such thoughts when he brushed his lips across my brow. “Go take your shower. We can talk when you’re finished.”
Even without the mark, I knew he wanted to follow when I lowered my hand and turned from him, but he didn’t. I felt the weight of his gaze as I went, but I didn’t turn back. I didn’t relax until I’d reached the bathroom, stepped inside and closed the door.
When I emerged from the bathroom, Paine was gone. Jennifer waited for me in the living room. She rose from the couch as I entered. I didn’t ask where the master of the house had gone. At the present, I only had one thing on my mind.
“We’re going to have to make a trip into dangerous territory,” I told her as I slid the butterfly knife I’d kept into my front pocket. The gun was once again placed at my back, the additional clip I’d taken from the bag carefully tucked into my jeans. “And there’s something I need to ask you.”
“Okay.” She remained where she was, folding her arms over her chest.
“Do you know where the kennels are?” Referring to her home as such sucked, but it was the only term I knew that applied.
Jennifer eyed me warily. “At Victoria’s compound.”
“Can you give me a better idea of a location?”
“I’ve heard people say it was once a place called the SoHo Mews, but that could be a rumor.”
“Would you be able to find it if you had to?”
“Probably, we have strong noses and an even better sense of direction.” She studied me for a moment, shifting her feet, before she asked, “Why?”
“After I’ve finished collecting what I need, I’m going to let you go. The Lycae need to know everything. I’m sure they’ll want to find a way to return to the place you were kept and take back as many of you as they can.”