by J. A. Saare
“If you keep me waiting much longer, I’m coming out there to get you myself,” Disco called through the door.
I wrapped my fingers around the knob, holding my breath.
When I accepted that there was nothing else I could do, I opened the door and stepped inside.
Chapter Nineteen
I didn’t have a chance to brace myself. The moment I entered the room, I was flipped around and pressed against the door. A hard shove forced it closed. Disco trapped me against the wood, his chest flush against my back, the firm ridge of his cock pressing into my ass. His breath was cool against my neck as he bowed over me, rubbing his nose against my throat.
“You have a lot to answer for, love. I can’t decide if I want to take you to my bed and bust that perfect ass of yours”—his hand came down, cupping my right buttock—“or rip off your clothing and take you here and now against the wall.”
“We need to talk.” I wanted to cringe when I heard my voice, as husky and thick as a cigarette-toking phone sex operator. There was no way he’d take me seriously like this.
“We’ll talk when I’m ready, not before.” He shoved his body into mine, using enough force that I had to move my head to one side to avoid smashing my nose. “You’ve brought out a dark side of me, something I’ve tried to keep in check. When you vanished without a trace, I swore I’d show you what it would mean if you tried to leave…” He took a deep breath and said, “I’ve always wanted to know how far our trust goes. I think it’s time I found out.”
“Disco…” I tried to recall why it was so important that we talk. I couldn’t go to him after what I’d done. That would only make things worse. But with him so close, so tempting, after I’d thought I’d never see him again—it was impossible to think clearly.
“What did you call me?” He bit my earlobe, hard enough that I hissed.
“Gabriel,” I quickly corrected myself, mortified that I sounded as aroused as he obviously wanted me to be.
“That’s right. Tonight, I’m calling the shots. No more games, Rhiannon.”
He pulled away with vampire speed, leaving me shivering against the door. The loss of his presence was haunting, another reminder of how much I wanted to be with him again.
Shaking my head, I struggled to keep my desire at bay. “We need to talk.”
Returning with the same impressive speed, he slammed me against the wood, wrapped his fingers in my hair, and forced me to look at him over my shoulder. In all our time together, he had never been this dominant. I gulped as his golden-blue gaze settled on my lips.
“I’m going to take a step back and you’re going to turn around, take off your clothes while I watch, and come to me. I’ll get your answers when I’m ready for them.”
Holy shit. He was completely serious.
Even as my heart sped up in alarm, my panties became wet. I wanted this even if a part of me was frightened of it. Before I could mull over the change in my lover, he did exactly as he said he would. I braced my hands on the door to keep from sagging when he moved away from me. My legs were shaking, my entire body growing hot. I turned slowly, until I faced him, and brought my hand to the bottom of my shirt.
Two sides of me warred. In my heart, I knew this was wrong. You didn’t have sex with another man and return to the bed of your partner. Disco—Gabriel—had a right to know. Unfortunately, judging by the heat in his eyes, he wasn’t in a talking mood.
The necklace came off with the sweater, and I tossed them into a heap on the floor. Next went my boots, which were followed by my jeans and socks. All that remained was the underwear Bells had given me—plain and white—without the lace Disco loved to tear apart.
“Beautiful as ever,” he murmured. “Come to me.”
I felt as if I were under a spell of some kind as I complied with the order. It was impossible to look at anything but Disco, who had unbuttoned his shirt to reveal his fully healed chest. He stood motionless and watched me approach. When I was within inches of him, he held up his hand, waited until I stopped, and started unbuckling his belt.
“On your knees.”
This wasn’t entirely new. I often liked to shock Disco when he was in his office by locking the door, going to my knees in front of his chair, and teasing him with my lips and tongue until he draped me across his desk and made love to me wildly, without restraint. However, he’d never asked for or demanded that level of intimacy.
Until now.
A portion of me, that faithful and wholesome part of myself that was slowly dwindling away to nothing, told me it was wrong even as I did as he asked. He had to learn what had happened and what I’d done. He had every right to turn me from his bed, to reject me from the haven of his arms. I should have given him the opportunity, but I was too weak, too fragile, too damned eager to feel the comfort of his skin against mine, the coolness of his breath, the whispered words of love he would give me that I didn’t deserve.
His cock was hard, arching toward his belly, when he unzipped his pants and revealed himself. I didn’t have to be told what he wanted. As I moved between his thighs, I reached for him with my free hand. Though hard as granite, his flesh was as smooth as satin and as soft as silk. I brought him to my lips, parting them as I darted my tongue along the slit in the mushroom-shaped tip.
“Look at me, love.” His voice was husky with desire, the words laced with adoration. The hard edge to his tone was gone, and I wanted to wrap my arms around his thighs and hold on tight.
Our lovemaking had never reduced me to tears, and I knew if I broke down and crumbled, he would want to know why. So I focused on just how relieved I was to be with him again, of just how important this moment was. A sacrifice to keep him with me had been made, and I would be damned if I was going to allow myself to be denied one last time in his bed.
I gazed into his golden, aquamarine-colored eyes with the solid border of black that offset them like jewels as I took him into my mouth. He remained still, though he groaned when my lips surrounded him. Flicking my tongue along the underside, I accepted more of his length, using my hand to attend the area I couldn’t take even if I relaxed my throat and swallowed.
“I’ve missed you so much, Rhiannon. You have no idea of how terrified I was. I’ll expect you to tell me everything I want to know when this is over, but first, I want this with you. I need this with you. I need to know that you’re here—truly here—with me.”
I bobbed my head, a nod as well as a way to pleasure him, and was thankful he didn’t say anything when I broke eye contact to hide the tears that came to my eyes. He didn’t know it, but I needed exactly the same thing. To know he was safe. To know he was here. To know that despite all the wrongs I’d committed, I had ensured he would survive to see another day that, God willing, included me.
I felt the sweetness on my tongue that I was familiar with, a sign of his control, and began to suck harder as I went up his length to the tip. He loved to be on the edge, riding the cusp of orgasm. Like this, I challenged him to keep control when he didn’t think he could, forcing him to give all of himself to me. It was a game of cat and mouse since I’d learned just how long I could keep it up, devouring him with my mouth until he finally forced me away.
“You won’t win this time,” he grated, as if knowing my thoughts, although I was aware the mark between us and his power to see into my mind weren’t being used. “I’ve waited too long for this. I’ll keep you like this until you can’t take it any longer.”
Upping the ante, I sucked harder, rubbing the length of his cock with my tongue. His hiss told me I’d hit the right spot, so I continued doing it as I moved up and down, over and over again. Each time I ran my fingers along the wet skin left over by my mouth, keeping him on the precipice. I thought it would be enough. However, as the minutes passed, and my jaw became sore, I knew it was a test. He wanted me to break first, to become the slave to what he desired.
>
“Uncle,” I whispered and released him, panting.
“Good. Now for me.”
He moved with the speed I’d missed so much, lifted me into his arms, and carried me to the bed. He placed me on the mattress and I placed my head against the pillows. When he kissed me, there was nothing but the two of us, caught in the throes of passion and need. A desire to connect, to cement what we shared, to grasp it tightly and never let go.
“I love you,” I said for the first time during our lovemaking, desperate that he be aware of it.
“I’ve always known that,” he murmured as he placed kisses along my neck, paying special attention to his mark at my throat, and removed my bra. “I knew it would just take patience and time. Something I have plenty of.”
He had no idea just how true I hoped those words were.
Before I could dwell on that, he was moving down my body. Gabriel enjoyed breast play, spending plenty of time on each mound, until they were pink and sensitive. As he nipped, caressed and stroked my nipples, he knew I wanted more. Turnabout was fair play, and he wanted me to cave again, to beg for what I wanted.
“Please, don’t torture me,” I moaned, writhing beneath him.
For a split second, I feared he would torment me, returning to the man who’d thrown me up against the door and demanded my submission, showing me exactly what he’d suffered and then some. Then his mouth surrounded my right nipple, and I wrapped my hands around his blond head, urging him on. He sucked, bit gently, and soothed the sting with his tongue. As he did so, he used his free hand to attend the other side, causing me to gasp and quake, until I was bucking against him.
He chuckled, released my breast, and began a descent I enjoyed all too much. I sighed as his tongue laved my navel, spent time on the scars along my stomach, and became tense in anticipation as he parted my thighs and began to settle between them. Although my panties were thin cotton and not lace, he had no problem tearing them apart with a violent tug. With my eyes closed tightly, I braced myself for the heavenly feel of his tongue, knowing nothing else compared.
Strangely, there was only one cool lap against my flesh, one solid touch of his tongue from bottom to top, when he froze. I opened my eyes, confused and achy for more, and met a livid stare I was totally unprepared for. He was off the bed in a flash, staring at me as though I were a total stranger, his glorious blue eyes flashing a bright shade of teal.
“What the fuck have you done, Rhiannon? Or should say, who the fuck have you done?”
Oh God. Oh shit.
“I warned you we needed to talk. I need you to understand.” Struggling for words, I mumbled like a moron. “It’s not what you think.”
“It’s not?” He paced across from me, breathing hard. “Then why do I taste the blood of another within you?” He stopped as he faced me. The hatred in his eyes caused me to die a little on the inside. “Don’t bother lying to me. The scent of the claiming from another vampire is impossible to mask.”
“Please, listen to me. I need you to—”
“Don’t you dare add trust to that sentence, not if you know what’s good for you. I did trust you, remember? I listened to every word you had to say, including your declarations of love. Two weeks without you, and I’m behaving like a pussy-whipped virgin, ready to bare my soul, only to discover you are not the woman I thought you were.”
I sat upright, covering my breasts with my arm. “That’s not fair. You haven’t heard me out.”
He was on top of me in an instant, snaring my hands above my head, keeping me trapped. “I heard Sienna out. I listened to her weak excuses and pleas because I wasn’t strong enough to see past the face I loved to the traitor she had become. I almost destroyed my family.”
“I am not Sienna.” It was impossible to keep my own anger in check.
“No, you’re not. At least Sienna was faithful.”
“That’s not fair,” I repeated, “and you know it!” I used all my strength, trying to fight my way free, and realized without the pendant I was a sitting duck.
“Isn’t it? Look at things through my eyes. I was almost killed because of you, because I can’t keep my head on straight as far as you’re concerned. Then you miraculously show up, with powers you’ve never possessed, and you’ve been bedding down with another. What other lies do you want me to hear? What other things would you say to make me soften toward you more than I already have? Was that your intention? Did you and your lover hope to gain some control over me and use it as a bargaining tool?” His merciless gaze was impossible to look away from. “You wasted your virginity if that was your goal. You just made the biggest mistake of your life.”
“Goddamn you, listen to me!” I screamed even as I started to cry, weak in the face of my own fury. I thought I knew what a broken heart was, but I was wrong. What I’d suffered before had been grief, something painful but possible to endure. This, on the other hand, felt as if my very soul was being ripped apart, obliterated in such a way it would be impossible to completely piece the woman I’d become back together again.
“I can’t believe I allowed myself to be in this position again. There was just something about you that I couldn’t shake, a vulnerability that I couldn’t turn away from. Was that a lie too?” He glared at me, and I could see not only anger, but misery etched all over his face. “Wasn’t it enough that you brought a vampire to his knees?”
“Please.” I softened my voice, trying to reach out to him as lovers who shared everything were supposed to. “Let me explain.”
My tender tone flipped an invisible switch inside the man gazing down at me, changing him from tormented to livid. “I don’t have to let you explain, remember?” I’d never seen the look in his eyes before, as if I’d been completely cut out, permanently amputated from his heart. “I can get every ounce of information I want without it.”
The last time Disco had taken my memories, it was a pleasant feeling, as if butterflies were swarming in my mind. I’d been told his ability was more powerful than I imagined, more terrifying, but I didn’t believe it.
Shame on me for not listening.
I wailed, a scream unlike any in my life, as he invaded my mind without consent, taking access to all of my thoughts and memories. Once the door was opened, it was like watching a movie, only it was my life shown in flashes. I couldn’t stop it or slow things down. As we neared the memory of my parents’ deaths, I screamed again—louder this time. I wasn’t afraid to confront what had happened to those I loved. It was what came after that I didn’t want to see.
He made his way forward despite my thrashing and weak swings aimed at his head, through memories both sweet and horrific, until there was no part of me he didn’t know inside and out. As he reached my arrival in New York and the first time we met, my screams had become pitiful mews and I’d stopped lashing out with my fists, my inhales so strangled I thought I might stop breathing. He continued, relentless, past our times together, our history, and then he was at the moment I made my debt with Zagan.
As he accessed the memories of the future, I went slack beneath him, too weak to fight, too drained to care. He studied each memory closely, and I felt him shaking violently when he came to the one moment that created an impenetrable wall between us. I didn’t know how he felt when he learned the truth. My mind was an absolute wreck, unable to focus on one memory or thought. Unexpectedly, the hands at my wrists became pliable. I could have ripped away if I wanted to, but I didn’t. Instead, I allowed him to see the rest, to know of every single thing that had transpired to bring me here, to this moment.
When he finished, he remained as he was over me. He was looking at me. I could feel the heaviness of his gaze on my face. I stayed in the same position he’d placed me, crying silently with my eyes closed. He moved away, but I didn’t have the will or strength to care. I stayed exactly as he’d left me, broken and bleeding on the inside, my heart carved out.
I had always assumed being raped meant your body had to be forcibly taken against your will. I had no idea the very same thing could be done via the mind. I felt violated in ways I couldn’t yet conceive. Images from the past bled with ones taking place in the present and it was too much.
Too fucking much.
The bed shifted as Disco moved from me, and I listened, sobbing softly, as he adjusted his clothes. As much as I didn’t deserve what he had done, a part of me felt like I did. I knew better than to enter his bed without telling him what had happened. I had played with fire, deciding to sate my own wants before considering the feelings of another. I’d accepted my hand even as it was dealt, unaware it was a losing one.
After I heard him buckle his belt, I felt him standing at the end of the bed, watching me. I couldn’t scrounge up the courage to look at him. It was the strangest thing. The man I loved was one I now despised. I wanted to kiss him about as much as I wanted to rip him apart with my bare hands. He was nothing but a liar—someone who gained my trust only to destroy it.
Even as the thought came, it was followed by the softness that had blossomed inside of me over the last couple of months. That gentle, womanly portion of me wanted to have faith, to believe that it had all been a huge mistake. He was upset and had done something totally out of character.
Was it right to feel this way?
Was it okay to hate someone you cared for so deeply?
Guilt hit, hard and fast. It took my breath away, causing me to gasp.
For a moment, I thought Disco would come to me, but then the mark between us was closed, leaving me in a free-floating abyss of my own thoughts and feelings. It was then that I realized the guilt I felt was his, bolstered by my own feelings of remorse.
He regretted what he’d done.
He was horrified he’d lost control with me.
“I’m going to call a meeting with the family to discuss things and give you time to pull yourself together.” His voice was hoarse and laced with shame. “I’ll come back and we can talk.”