by Jaci J.
“Bitch, keep fuckin’ dancin’,” he yells at Lala. Her eyes are wide and scared shitless as she looks at me. This whole scene is so fucking wrong.
Her little shit of a boyfriend starts shoving at my chest, barking out all kinds of shit in my direction. How stupid. My fist meets his face and all hell breaks loose.
Bouncers, patrons, and my brothers are all up in my face, but all I can see is Lala standing up there on that stage, letting all these assholes get a good look at her. They’re looking at what’s mine, goddammit. The little fuckwad is screaming at her to keep fuckin’ dancing, then telling me how he’s gonna fucking kill me while he holds his bloody nose.
“Lala,” Her eyes find mine again and she looks upset as fuck. Tears are streaming down her cheeks, making her eyes a brighter blue.
“Rampage. You gotta cool your shit, man,” Tank says, grabbing me around the top of my shoulders.
“Fuck this shit. Get your ass in the back, you stupid cunt,” Lala’s little friend screams at her. I watch her cower back. Fuck that.
Making a grab for him, he jumps up and behind Lala. Her eyes look straight at the floor. When she finally looks up, I try to search for something – anything − in those blue eyes.
“Lala, c’mon. Let’s go, okay?” I want to get her the fuck out of here. Why the fuck won’t she come to me?
She doesn’t move. She won’t look at me anymore. The little fuck grabs around her arm and starts to shove her toward the back with two big fucks covering them both.
“Please Ryan,” I hear her yell and I want to fucking kill him. Crush his windpipe, kill him. Rip his body apart and let him bleed to death, kill him.
“Shut the fuck up. Get in back ‘n change, bitch. You’re dancin’ again.”
What the fuck is she doin’? Why the fuck won’t she talk to me?
“Lala!” I watch him practically drag her off the stage, shoving her through a door and she’s gone. No look back, no explanation. Not a motherfucking thing. She’s really just gonna go with that asshole? Fuck it. Fuck this whole fucking thing.
I leave that strip club so fucked up I can barely walk or talk. Fuck that bitch.
****
“C’mon, Red. Someone’s gonna suck my dick tonight, and since you like to be the slut you are, you got the job.”
Red starts running to catch up to me like the desperate fucking bitch she is. She makes me sick, but what I just had to watch makes me even sicker. Making our way through my bedroom door, she starts stripping off her clothes ‘til she’s completely naked in front of me. I watch as she comes to me, pulling my shirt up over my head and licking my neck. I’m not making out with the bitch so I tell her, “The only thing I want you to do is get on your knees, pull out my dick and suck it. I don’t wanna talk, I don’t wanna fuck, I just want you to suck it like the good little slut you are.
She looks surprised and disappointed, ready to say something when I give her a look that stops her in her tracks. She looks pissed off, but does as I tell her. She pulls out my dick and begins stroking it to get me hard. When that doesn’t do the job, she starts licking around the piercing in the tip, then sucking it into her mouth, and she sucks. I’m too big for her to take all the way, but I don’t give a fuck. I grab the back of her head and shove my dick to the back of her throat, making her take what she can and then some, but it’s still not deep enough. I’m sitting on the corner of the bed with her between my legs, fucking her mouth while I stare at the wall. The more I force my dick down her throat, the more out of control I feel. I wanna nut and get this over with, but I need the release, and I need it bad. I’m not nice. I pump in and out hard and fast, not feeling bad about being so forceful, but I know this is the kind of shit this bitch likes. She’s had a lot of practice and she’s rubbing herself the whole time, getting off on it.
It all happened so fast. One second I’m coming down Red’s throat, feeling that empty satisfaction of shooting out my load when I hear voices getting louder as they come through the hall. Before I can get up to tuck my shit back in my pants, my door is thrown wide open. Not one thing about what either one of us are seeing right now is right. It’s so beyond fucked up.
I shove Red backwards, pulling my pants up and shoving my dick in as I make my way to Lala. Red’s in the background running her goddamn mouth, but I don’t give a fuck.
Lala starts to leave, but not before I grab her arm and pull her to me, “I’m sorry, Rampage,” she says. I have been dying to hear that voice for weeks now and here it is, but it’s not the one I want to hear. Her voice is broken and scared.
I hold her face up toward me and she doesn’t look good. I know I didn’t leave her looking like this. There’s no makeup, no long smooth hair. She’s wearing a white, zip up sweatshirt with the hood up and blood down the front. Her hair is matted to her cheeks and hanging down the sides in a wild mess. She’s wearing a pair of my black baggy sweats that she must have taken when she left. What the fuck did I leave her to? Why didn’t I just take her instead of leaving her with that fuckstick? I couldn’t look past my own ego to see she was in trouble. She obviously didn’t make the choice to stay and have this done to her if she didn’t feel she had to.
I’m thinking all these things while I stare at her, not saying anything. One of her eyes is black and blue, damn near swollen shut. It’s only been a few hours since I saw her, so it shouldn’t be this fucking bad… not yet. Her lip is split in two places, both deep and bleeding pretty bad. The blood is slowly gliding down her chin, down her neck and into her sweatshirt. The skin around her neck and shoulders are red, purple, black and blue. She was obviously being choked by more than someone’s goddamn hands.
FUCK!
“Get out!” I growl at Red. I’m gonna lose my shit and I know it. It’s slipping away and I can’t grab it fast enough. I can feel my shit going real quick and it’ll be Red who catches it if she doesn’t get the fuck out. My eyes stay on Lala, but she is trying to look away from me. She flinches and takes a step back when I yell. Goddammit. “Red. I said get the fuck out,” She stands there, hands on her hips, but-ass naked. Bitch isn’t going without a fight.
“What?”
“Out!” I can’t stand that Lala went through this kind of shit tonight, only to come to me and see me getting my dick sucked. I fucked this shit up so bad. I’ve made her night even worse.
“I’m sorry, Rampage. I don’t know where to go… I need you.” Lala whispers softly, looking me straight in the eyes as tears pour out of hers. I feel that shit to the depths of my dead, black heart. The need in her words eats at me. She needed me and I left her. I let that shit slip. I should have stayed. I should have made her come with me. Fuck, I should have beat that motherfucker to death and forced her if I had to, but I didn’t. I hate myself. I was pissed at her and getting my rocks off ‘cause I was pissed at her, while she was getting the living shit beat out of her. “Yeah baby, I’m here.”
Lala walks around Red and me. Red is still naked and looking stupid standing there. I can’t blame her for this shit since I’m the one who dragged her in here so I could get off, but I should only have to tell her to leave once.
I watch Lala walk right to my dresser and pull out a shirt. She doesn’t even give a second thought before unzipping her sweatshirt. She’s not wearing a goddamn thing under it. She tosses it on the floor with all my dirty clothes and I have to look away. There are bruises everywhere, all over her body. So fucking bad.
“I get you fucked her, but who the fuck does this bitch think she is? She doesn’t belong here, and she sure as shit doesn’t belong in her with you now. She left and I’m still here. I don’t share, Rampage.” Red yells at me. Really? Who the fuck does she think she is? She’s club gash, everyone gets a piece of her shit. She’s got me fucked up.
“Do not make me remove you from my room, bitch. I said get the fuck out.”
“Fuck this stupid cunt. She’s nasty. Look at her bruises and shit. She a fuckin’ junky or some shit? What the fuck is she even doing here
?”
I completely lose it… Again. Before I know what I’m doing, I’ve got Red pinned up against the wall by her neck, “You ever talk about her like that again, I. WILL. KILL. YOU. I’ll put a bullet right between your motherfucking eyes, kill ya.” I shove her ass out the door while she’s crying and screaming at me.
Everyone is standing in the hall staring at me. I find the eyes of the only person in this place, besides Lala, that I care about and what they think of me, and she’s staring daggers at me. Sis hates me. I fucking hate me. Slamming the door, I turn around to Lala. She said she needs me, so I’m here to take care of her.
She’s under the blankets and wrapped up in the sheets. I feel fucking sick about what was goin’ on in this room before she walked in, but it’s the only place I want her. This shit is so wrong. She doesn’t care and I think that’s the worst part of it all. She’s so broken she doesn’t give a fuck that she’s in a bedroom that I was just getting my dick sucked in. Seeing her looking so out of touch with what’s happened scares me for her and myself. Seeing her like this breaks something in me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be whole again.
Lala
“Not gonna do this shit any more, Lala,” Rampage says softly into my hair as his rough hand runs lightly and carefully up and down my bruised ribs. Sadly, they don’t hurt like they should. It feels like my body has grown accustomed to the pain. To his statement, I just shake my head no and cuddle closer to him, trying to put it out of my head. I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I will, but not right at this moment. I just want to lay here for a while. Enjoy this for a moment longer before it all comes crashing down around me again.
Seeing Rampage with Red hurt like a motherfucker, but I wouldn’t tell him that. I’ve heard the stories of why clubs keep gash around, so I guess I never expected him to be faithful to me. We don’t have anything so I have no say in what he does, especially if I’m not around. I would be delusional to think he would be faithful, and I accepted that from the beginning, but it did hurt, especially having to see it with my own eyes. Regardless, I wanted to stay with him. Not for protection, but I wanted him so bad. Maybe I’m here because I really am fucked in the head. I don’t know what a relationship is, especially a normal one. It could be the toll life has taken on me, making me ignorant to a lot of shit.
Yeah, I’ve become that sick, sad women. I just want to be safely tucked away from all the bad shit out there in the world, and I would do anything for it right now. After getting the shit beat out of me this time, Ryan left me alone to hook up with one of the dancers, but I think it was a ruse the girls cooked up to get me out of there. They got me out the back and handed me over to a friend of theirs. When he asked where he could take me, I said here. He didn’t question me and did as I asked. I wish I would have asked his name, but I thanked him and the girls for helping me. No one’s ever put their necks out for me before, and I wish I could repay them.
I needed Rampage, and I needed this place. I have nothing, and I’m not being dramatic. I have nothing, but I’ll take this right here. I’d lie, cheat, and steal to get this, to feel this comfort. His bed is my safe place. I just wanted him and I would have taken him anyway I could have gotten him. I will take whatever he is willing to give me.
We lay together for hours, the low hum of the TV in the background and the lights off. I’ve replayed my words in my head over and over again, trying to find just the right thing to say to make this whole mess sound less pathetic. Nothing ever sounds right when you say it out loud, especially when you’ve never done it before.
“I met him when I was little,” Instantly his arms tighten around my waist when I start to talk. I hear him take a deep breath, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s giving me time. “He was nice at first, a friend, I guess. I moved around a lot, making it hard to make friends. Being from the wrong side of the tracks didn’t help me in the friend department either, so when I met him, he was nice to me and I instantly liked him. My mom and his Dad were together, off and on for years, but no matter where we moved, they were there… he was there. My mom was always drunk or high on drugs, and I had no family. I was looking for someone to share things with because I was tired of being alone. We were young, but our friendship turned into a relationship. Things were okay at first, but it all changed when something happened that made me and my mom run.
I tell him everything that happened after the day we ran, but I don’t tell him about what made us run. I know I should probably tell him, but I don’t. I don’t think I trust him enough to tell him such a thing. Only three people know, and two of them are dead.
As the words leave my mouth, I start to feel lighter and really fucking tired. I let most of it go. Closing my eyes, I focus on Rampage’s rough hand lightly touching my side, while his other hand plays with a piece of my hair, lightly wrapping and unwrapping it around his finger.
“Fuck, Lala. I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry for everything.”
I’ll take that.
****
Waking up, I’m alone and cold. For a minute I’m a little lost, but when I try to open my eyes, it all comes back to me. Rampage, Ryan, the club, and most of all, the pain, all come screaming back. I remember everything. My face aches while my jaw is sore and stiff. My eye fights to stay shut, but I fight harder. Finally getting it open, it begins to water and sting. Everything is blurry and dull, but I can still see. Thank fucking God.
Looking around, I don’t find Rampage anywhere in the room and his side of the bed is cold. A nagging fear grips me and the need to find him has me slipping on my sweats and heading for the door in a hurry, ignoring the pain that comes with every movement. The hallway is dead and quiet. I find the same thing in the common room, but the front door is wide open.
Walking outside, that nagging fear comes crashing down on me. Ryan is standing just inside the gate with his goons. He treats them like they are his guys, protecting him, when they are only his babysitters, keeping him close so he can’t get away from the debt he has yet to pay. It’s obviously some serious cash, so I know he’s here to collect me.
A shiver runs from my head to my toes and my heart begins pounding in my ears. Rampage, Tank, and three other guys stand not too far away from them. I can’t hear or see them very well, but what I do see makes my stomach drop. Gin has a bat in his hands, but he’s causally leaning on it and I know he’ll use it if it comes to that. I can’t let these guys do this, so I make a move. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m just a few feet behind Rampage. Like the predator he is, Ryan senses me. It’s like he can smell my fear. His eyes scan the area until they land directly onto me, then a slow, sick smile slithers over his lips.
“Nice of you to join us,” he growls at me. I don’t give him the satisfaction of my fear. I hold it in and stand my ground as I step away from Rampage to look directly at Ryan.
Rampage twists his head in my direction, and I watch him visibly cringe when his eyes take me in.
“Inside,” he orders in a harsh whisper before turning his attention back to the threat in front of him.
“Oh, no. I think the bitch should stay for this,” Ryan says in a mocking tone as he stares at me. He hates me so much.
“Shut the fuck up,” Rampage yells at him. Rampage’s words only make Ryan smile bigger. Ryan has always suffered from Little Man Syndrome. He talks lots of shit when he has people to back him up.
“So you thought you could hide from me here, huh?”
“Why can’t you let it go? How could I have made you hate me this much? I had no choice, but you can’t accept that. I’ve done everything you’ve told me to do. I’ve taken more beatings from you than I care to count. Grow the fuck up and take care of yourself! I just want you to leave me alone, Ryan. I’m tired of running and hiding from you. You have to let it go.”
I’m not sure why I speak, but I had to say it, but he just smiles at me. I don’t understand his sick fascination with using and hurting me.
“You are such a dumb bitch
. That body makes me the money you owe me. It’ the only thing you’ve ever been good for.” That stings, but I let it roll off. It’s not the first time I’ve heard those words, and it won’t be the last.
Spinning around, Rampage yells at me, no, he screams at me with his face inches from mine. His eyes are hard and mean when he stares down at me, “Jesus Christ! Get inside the fuckin’ club, Lailah!”
I flinch and reel back like I’ve been slapped. Not only do I get humiliated by Ryan, I get it from Rampage, too. I’m a piece of ass and now I’m Lailah to him.
“I said NOW, goddammit.” He growls at me. Blinking a couple of times, I stuff away the tears and stand straight. Turning around, I take a step back toward the door, prepared to leave this fucking place, too.
I’ve never hated my name so much ‘til I heard Rampage speak it. The way he spit it out killed a little piece of my heart. It felt like the air had been punched out of me. He treated me like his club whore Red, and called me Lailah. Fuck him, and fuck this place.
I hear a loud commotion and turn to see Ryan trying to make his way to me. In a swift, sweeping motion, Gin brings the bat up and swings it right into his stomach, toppling him over while he clutches his stomach. Gin just laughs.
“You fuckin’ him, you stupid bitch?” Ryan yells. Hunched over and in pain, his hate ringing clear in his words.
Tank grabs Ryan by the neck and lifts him up, putting them face to face, “Shut your fuckin’ mouth before I break your fuckin’ jaw,” Tank growls at Ryan from beside Rampage.
“Fuck you. That bitch owes me and that makes her mine. She’s comin’ with me.”
Fear creeps into my veins and panic beats in my heart. This is never going to end.
Ryan starts to struggle in Tank’s hold and Tank drops him carelessly onto the concrete.
“She’s mine! Told you, cunt. You’re not goin’ anywhere without me. The moment you took the only life I knew away from me, you took his place and became mine.”
“And I fuckin’ told you to shut the fuck up!” Rampage looks furious when his eyes land on Ryan again, “Keep talkin’, ‘n I will kill you!” He’s beyond furious. The muscles in his jaw are taut with anger when he speaks. His huge body is wound up tight and ready to snap, making me see a whole different person − cold and calculating, unhinged and disturbed.