She seemed satisfied with this answer and went back into the kitchen to help her husband.
Joseph took me to one side and whispered: “I love my daughter but she will believe any old rubbish I tell her, including that her husband is a genius. If that man is a genius, I’m the Queen of Sheba.” He roared with laughter at his terrible joke and went to greet customers at the door.
I made sure the fridge was full of sparkling wine for later and we were stocked up with plastic champagne glasses. There were no plates for sit down food. If needed, people would have to use napkins for their canapés so we could cut down on the clean-up time.
Besides, this was still a café. We weren’t looking to change that, we just wanted an excuse to get dressed up and have a little fun after all the work we’d put into the place. It was an added bonus that should the pictures make the paper, Mrs Clunting would be spitting venom for weeks.
I knew I was being petty but I couldn’t stand the woman, and I could enjoy this little victory without descending into more criminal damage.
Five of Joseph’s nephews were coming in to be waiters for the night. I left their uniforms at the cafe and hoped that they’d fit – if they didn’t it was too late to change them now.
Without Elle here there was no real reason to hang about, I could go home and get ready in my own time and meet her here later, like she said.
I’m not going to overthink this anymore, she’s just busy.
I waved goodbye to Joseph through the window as I left and headed back home to start the grooming process. My attempt to not overthink Elle’s avoidance failed instantly. I abandoned plans to head home and instead readjusted the course and went to her house.
I’ll just check in. It’s not stalking. I’ll make up some fairy light emergency.
When I pulled up to her house, I found her front door already open and three bin bags haphazardly left outside. I knocked the door to announce myself but I knew she wouldn’t be able to hear me over the loud music, coming from inside the house.
I walked down the hallway and dodged falling clothes, coming from across the bannister. I called out for Elle again but there was still no answer.
I climbed the stairs towards the sound of the music and found her surrounded by men’s clothing and boxes.
“Elle?” I shouted.
She turned around and turned off the stereo so I didn't have to roar a conversation at her.
“Spring cleaning?” I asked, tentatively.
“Kinda, yeah. I mean I’m cleaning Keith out of my life for good. Nothing serious,” she called over her shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Elle.”
“No need to be sorry, it’s not like you didn’t see it coming. He was already done with me the second he walked out the door. ‘Take a break’ my arse. He’s been playing the single man for months now. Painting the town red with his underwhelming penis. I’m sure Claire was just the tip of the iceberg.”
“I take it you didn’t talk to him about the counselling suggestion again then?” I asked.
“No, I didn’t ask. It’s bad enough I was going to look past that bullshit date night, never mind be pathetic enough to ask him to work through it. He quit on us already so I'm not asking him to stick around when he clearly doesn't want to.”
“If you still want to salvage something with him then don’t let pride stop you. Ask him, all he can say is ‘no’ and at least you know you gave it your all.”
“I hate that phrase: ‘gave it your all’. I mean why do I have to pour every ounce of myself into a relationship that he’s already given up on? I gave it my all every day; he’s the coward, not me.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry. I know you were 100 percent committed to the relationship.
“I just thought –
“Well, don’t. I don’t need anyone’s advice, I can navigate my own life. I’m my own person and I’m certainly not as pathetically lost as you are.”
The words struck a chord in my heart. I didn’t realise that’s how she viewed me. Some lost soul who needed someone to tell me what to do at any given moment.
“I know you’re hurting right now but I don’t think I deserved that,” I replied.
“Oh, you don't? Well, I don't think I should have been spending my time helping to sort out your life and helping in that café while I could have been home trying to save my own marriage, but here we are.
“I’m alone and you’re hunky dory, so why don’t you just leave. I need to keep throwing out the last decade of my life. I want a fresh start with the dead weight gone.”
I wasn’t sure if she was referring to me as the dead weight, or Keith, but I didn’t want to stay and find out. I know she had put so much energy into me and the café but she did so willingly.
She said she welcomed the distraction, didn’t she? I’m sure she was just upset and will calm down by tonight. I’ll be gracious and accept her apology then and I’m sure, by tomorrow, we’ll be laughing about it all.
“I’ll see you later, Elle,” I called.
She didn’t reply or stop her packing to watch me go.
I hated that she was hurt and I couldn’t make it better. I hated Keith and everything he was putting her through and I hated that she was pulling away and setting off down a dark path on her own. I felt useless and I didn’t know how to help.
I spent the afternoon trying to look at makeup tutorials online, until I realised I could hear Ben coming in from work. I’d lost over two hours looking at them and hadn’t even started getting ready.
“You are a vision,” said Ben. “Although why do I have to wear a monkey suit while you get to wear jeans?”
“I’m obviously not wearing these. I lost track of time.”
“I thought you wanted to be early to make sure everything is sitting right?”
“I do, I won’t be long. I’m sure I have the know-how to get this makeup malarkey perfect, just give me a half hour and I’m all yours.”
“I’m just saying, if you could shave three minutes off that total time we could start the evening off with a bit of fun?” he said hopefully.
“Three minutes? At least make it worth my while. If you behave, you might be entitled to a quick fumble next week.”
“I’ll take it!”
I loved when he was in a good mood. It was infectious and my own mood was made instantly better by being around him. I couldn’t shake the feeling of hurt by my interaction with Elle but I was going to force myself into a jovial mood – even if I had to plaster enough lipstick on me to rival a clown.
Tonight was months in the making and I wasn’t about to let a silly misunderstanding, like her ripping out my heart, spoil that.
My parents came over to sit with the boys for the evening. The kids loved it when they babysat. It usually meant a later bedtime and a ‘secret’ sugary treat given, after we left.
When I was finished getting ready, I braced myself for the passive-aggressive comments on my dress from mother, as I tried to tame my hair. I hated wearing my hair up, I was always convinced I looked more like a man with it brushed back from my face but I hoped the sweetheart neckline on my green gown would be enough to prevent people mistaking me for one.
“You look beautiful,” said my dad from behind me. He kissed my cheek as I pinned the last tendril of a curl in place.
“You really do,” added my mother.
“Thank you!” I couldn’t hide the shock from my voice at her disarming compliment. Perhaps retirement was mellowing her out, or perhaps I was high on the fumes from the hairspray.
“Don’t sound so shocked, Amy, I am your mother. I am capable of giving compliments when they're deserved. I just don't want you to become one of those Americans who think that everything is ‘amazing’.”
I’d waited decades for a compliment from her, and it didn’t disappoint. Now I was ready to take on the crowds of people and ignore the building tension caused by my social anxiety.
I can do this.
&n
bsp; We didn’t arrive as early as I’d hoped and the place was already busy with members of Joseph’s extensive family. Members of the community groups, that used the space on a weekly basis were already there, too, and regular customers were all pilling in to celebrate with us.
I wondered if Mrs Clunting would show up, and make a scene, but I was more concerned that Elle wouldn’t be there at all.
Joseph was delighted with the turnout and said he was going to do his speech soon before people ‘got too fat and drunk on his free food’.
I hadn’t planned on saying anything, public speaking was something best left to much more confident people. I was happy enough to clap and help bolster his confidence if he was nervous.
“Have you seen Elle?” I asked.
“No, she is probably late. That girl is always late.” He waved off my concerns and went back to mingling with people I didn’t know.
Ben appeared, beside me, holding two glasses of fizzy wine. “No booze tonight for me,” I said. “I tend to get over-excited and set people on fire.”
“One glass won’t hurt, and I hid the matches around the house days ago. Have you found Elle?” he asked.
“No, I’m sure she’ll show up. It’s not a big deal,” I lied.
“Then why have you not stopped searching through the crowd since we’ve got here?”
“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous. I want to make sure she’s ok.”
“She’ll be fine, just relax and enjoy the achievement here. You’ve done what you set out to do: you’ve ‘freed the fuck-ups’ and given the middle finger to Smug Club. I’m proud of you,” he added.
“You are? You don’t think I’m completely ridiculous for declaring war on a parent and toddler group?”
“Maybe a little, but look how happy you’ve made everyone here. Besides, they started it.”
I scanned the room and saw what he meant; everyone was looking very dapper in their finery. I knew, at one stage, Joseph hated the idea of hosting a night like this – especially without charging anyone – but I noticed that he was smiling and even had an arm around Michael’s shoulders.
Miracles do happen.
Joseph took to the stage and recalled how I’d first fallen into his coffee shop and into his life. He talked about how he’d spent the last few months being bullied into almost every business decision since that day. I blushed as he sung my praises and tried to hide behind Ben when he asked me to come on the stage to receive a present.
“You coming into this shop was predestined by God. I know this to be true, Amy Cole. I am thankful every day for that, as are my family and so is every person that walks through this door knowing they have a home away from home even for thirty minutes. You and Elle did that.
“Speaking of Elle, where is she?” he called out into the crowd, but no one came forward.
“That girl is always late,” he laughed. “She is a tornado and I love her like a daughter – a horrible daughter that I never wanted!”
The crowd chuckled and I could make out one particularly shrill laugh coming from the back of the room.
It was Elle.
She was still dressed in the sweatpants and T-shirt from earlier, but now, she was drunk. She downed the last of the bubbly from her glass and dropped it on the floor.
“Whoops, sorry Dad!” she called from the back.
The crowd started to part as she walked up to the stage. She gave mock waves to people she didn’t know and did a ‘what’s your problem?’ face when they didn’t wave back. The atmosphere became uncomfortable with every step she took.
This can’t be good.
“Eh Dad you’re not meant to have favourites, where’s my present and pat on the back? Especially as I did most of the work,” she said, in a sing-song voice.
“Of course, Elle, I have your present here. Like I was saying, I am so thankful for these two women walking through the doors and turning my business around.
“We are all a family now and I can never thank them both enough,” his voice broke with emotion so I squeezed his hand to reassure him that I felt the same.
“Ah now isn’t that an awesome sight?” said Elle. “We’re all such a happy family. I’m so glad to hear it because Dad I’m moving home. You see, my husband is a dick and has left me up shit creek,” she laughed.
“Elle?” I asked. “Let’s just go sit down and get some coffee.”
“Is that you Amy? I can’t see you over that push-up bra you’re sporting. I know you’ve pushed them out so no one thinks you’re a bloke with your hair up,” she said, too loudly, as usual.
Speaking directly to the crowd she added: “She thinks she has a big moon face but I don’t think she looks like a bloke, a pig with lipstick more like it. Ah come on, I’m clearly joking. I’m simply here to make a lovely toast on this very special occasion.”
Please don’t do this.
She grabbed the glass out of Joseph’s hand and raised it towards me.
“To my best friend, Amy. To the woman who is so totally clueless and repressed she almost ruined her life – but instead, she ruined mine.
“To the woman who takes her husband and children for granted so much, she’s more than happy to run out the door any evening so she can talk shit to me about how crap things are.
“To the woman who wouldn’t know a genuine problem if it hit her in the face and to the woman who keeps talking about how bad she’s got it when she has a life most people would kill for.
“Spoiler alert, Princess, you’re full of it. Get your act together and piss off.”
She finished off Joseph’s drink and handed the empty glass back to him.
“Later, losers.”
She pushed through the crowd and went out the door. I stayed where I was in a stunned silence and tears streamed down my cheeks.
Somewhere close-by, Joseph was shouting for the music to start. I could feel Ben put his arms around me and take me over to the side of the room. He began wiping away my tears and I pushed his hands away.
“I’m fine, stop fussing,” I said.
“You’re not fine, no one would be fine after that. It was completely uncalled for and I should have given her a piece of my mind.”
“For telling the truth?”
“That wasn’t the truth, Amy. You are not any of those things. You have depression, it has made things difficult for this last year but we are getting through it.
“You have not been the cause of her marriage ending so don’t, for one second, believe that.
“Keith was already trying to hump strangers, from the Internet, while still married to her, that’s what ended it.
“I love you, I’m going to get you something to eat and you’re going to enjoy the rest of your evening because you deserve it. Just because she’s said that when she’s bitter and drunk, doesn’t make any of it true.”
He left to corner one of the waiters for tiny canapés but it was too late for me.
I was already soaking up every word Elle said and feeding the inner bitch with fundamental proof that I was, in fact, everything that she accused me of.
I could feel the fog getting thicker and I wanted to get out of there and never see any of these people again.
Chapter 30
It had been a week since the launch night. Elle’s outburst aside, we had some nice pictures on the website and there was another write-up in the paper which made the place sound like a hotspot for young families.
I resisted the urge to text Elle. To be honest, I just didn't feel up to receiving more abuse. She hadn't shown up at Joseph's since that night and I managed to avoid any locations that she would be likely to appear. It was very stressful avoiding someone – someone who is probably actively avoiding you at the same time.
A ball of anxiety was sat in the pit of my stomach ever since and it hadn’t gone away. I was doing my very best impression of someone who wasn’t bothered about their public humiliation from a loved one, but on the inside, I was in turmoil.
It was the perfect breeding ground for ‘The Bitch’. She was louder than ever. I tried to ignore her as much as I could during the day but it was at night when she really did the damage. I tried sleeping tablets to knock her out but, a week later, I was still unable to sleep.
It was a losing battle and by day eight I gave up.
I couldn’t get out of bed. I was aware that Ben was talking to me about eating but I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. I was lost to him, I was lost to everyone.
I didn’t bother looking for my phone, there was nothing on it to interest me and I couldn’t face the thought of drinking water.
I don’t know how long I lay there but the curtains remained pulled and all I managed to do was blink. My eyes were burning with tiredness but I couldn’t rest my brain long enough to sleep. My stomach was sick from the abuse I was saying to myself internally but I couldn’t stop it. The record was on repeat and I hadn’t the strength to turn it off long enough to rest.
Ben had tried to guilt me into getting up to see the children because ‘they missed me’.
It didn’t work.
He tried the softly, softly husband routine and on one occasion he even attempted tough love but all tactics were met with the same blank look on my face.
I wanted to scream and shout and shake myself, but I couldn’t physically move. I couldn’t even lift my head to apologise to Ben; I just continued to stare into the darkness.
The pity party was in full swing and I was the guest of honour. I lost track of time, soon I couldn’t even tell if it was day or night.
“Amy?” a familiar voice called from the darkness.
“Mum? I’m not really up for visitors,” I said, as I gathered the duvet around myself like a cocoon.
What was he thinking letting her, of all people, in to see me?
“Amy it’s time to get out of bed,” she said.
“I can’t.”
“My fearless daughter can do anything, she’s just a little lost right now but that’s why I’m here.”
I started to cry.
The floodgates opened and I was not sure how to stop them. I was already dangerously dehydrated to begin with, never mind adding this unprecedented emotion to the mix.
Amy Cole has lost her mind: The perfect laugh out loud, feel-good comedy (The Amy Cole series Book 1) Page 24