by HJ Bellus
“You’re blind.” Quinn stomps over to me.
Her cheeks are reddened with heat and anger. I hold the blanket out and let her curl up underneath it. She’s had her own spells of anxiety and angry outbursts coming to grips about the outcome of her daddy.
“That was a nice one.” I comb my hand over her hair, pulling it back from her forehead.
“But that jerk ruined it.” She crosses her arms in front of her, not ready to make nice.
“Popper, you never gloat or brag when it comes to fishing. Just enjoy the catch.”
“I know,” she huffs. “Papa Wally always told you that.”
“He did.” I smile, loving the fact Quinn knows her Papa Wally even though she never met him.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Her voice grows serious and determined.
“Of course.”
She turns in my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck. “It’s not really a secret.”
“Go on.” I rub her back.
“Barrett makes my tummy feel like there’s butterflies in it. You know like Daddy’s butterfly kisses on my cheeks. Then he pisses me off, Momma.”
Love.
“It’s okay, baby girl.” I squeeze her in my arms. “This is the same place I fell in love with Bentley and I had those same feelings.”
“Momma.” She pulls back from me, horror in her wide open eyes. “That’s disgusting.”
“Your daddy makes me feel that way every day.” I brush her bangs off her forehead. “It’s okay.”
“Yuck, I hate it and he’s weird.” Quinn turns her head to gaze back down to Barrett.
I smile all too well, knowing what those fluttering sensations mean. Quinn overcomes her dilemma when Barrett snags a big one. She races down to her grandpa, wanting in on the action. Jed was spot on…she’s just like me.
Jed sinks next to me on the bench. The simple tossing of a football with his son has wiped him out. His chest rattles up and down. Jed’s breathing rattles every pore in his body as he fights to pull in oxygen. It’s my worst nightmare. But he wanted to live and live is what he’s doing.
“Momma made fried chicken for dinner.” I lay my head back on his shoulder.
“Sounds amazing.” Jed wraps his arms low around my waist.
I know it’s all bullshit. He has no appetite, but indulges anyway. We stay wrapped up in one another, watching our daughter fish and our son toss the football with Banky. The night floats by wave after wave. Each second ticks by and we absorb everything from our daughter who is all twitterpatted over Barrett to our son tossing the football with Caleb.
Jed nibbles on his chicken at the dinner table. He does his best to keep up with his kids and family. I don’t nudge him on or encourage him to eat. Jed is doing what is best for him right now and that’s enjoying his family.
“How was your day, family?” Quinn asks, stuffing a spoonful of mashed potatoes in her mouth.
It’s Quinn’s thing. She asks the same question every single night at the dinner table even on the days we’ve spent every hour together. Fender goes first.
“Awesome. I love it here.” His eyes grow misty. “I loved playing catch with Dad.”
Caleb scoffs, but we all ignore him. My heart is not only shattering for myself, but my nearly thirteen-year-old son who is devastated.
“I have no doubt if you keep throwing like that you’ll be the starting QB your freshman year of high school.”
Fender beams at that.
Momma and Dad follow suit, sharing the highlights of their day. They’re all centered around my kids. I reach under the table, find Jed’s hand, and squeeze it. He’s cold, his fingers bony, and trembling. He leans over and kisses my cheek.
“My day was fantastic.” I squeeze his hand again. “I caught the biggest fish at the pond.”
“Momma, you aren’t supposed to brag,” Quinn warns me.
I shrug my shoulders. “Facts are facts.”
My entire family shakes their heads at me, amused.
“Mom made my favorite meal for dinner, I got to watch my dad teach Quinn all of his fishing tips and tricks, and the best part was witnessing Caleb take a header in the pasture.”
The table erupts in laughter. Caleb was running a play from his college days and out of nowhere went down. He nursed his shoulder for half the day. It was one of those times you shouldn’t have laughed, but none of us had any self-control.
“Hey, I was just making sure you all were paying attention.” Caleb takes a bite out of the crispy fried chicken. “Today was damn near perfect. I’m missing a wife, but besides that I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Once my plate is cleaned and Jed has picked at his mashed potatoes, Momma encourages us to leave the table. We tuck the kids in and then I follow Jed down the hall. I don’t guide him or hold his back as he makes his way. I let him make it in his own time.
“Baby.”
I turn to see Jed standing near the end of the bed. I go to him to be pulled into his chest. He runs his fingers over the charms on my necklace. I cup his cheek and stare into his rich whiskey colored eyes that don’t shine any longer.
“Yeah,” I reply.
“How does a hot bath sound?” he asks.
“Perfect.” I kiss his chin and then go about starting the hot water.
Jed begins stripping out of his clothes and once he’s done, he takes care of me. First my shirt goes up and over my head, his trembling fingers unclasp my bra, and then my yoga pants and panties are pushed down. I wrap my arms low around his waist, pulling him into me. Flesh to flesh; I feel every beat of his heart. I refuse to cry, ruining any moment we have left.
Jed leans down and kisses the top of my head. “My day was perfect. It couldn’t have been any better, watching my two children enjoy life and having you wrapped up in my arms. It was perfect.”
I peer up at him. “Mine, too.”
We ease into the tub, Jed first and then I nuzzle into between his legs and relax back onto his chest. The chest that has caught me so many times over the years. It’s offered comfort and protection in a way nothing else ever could. Jed laces his fingers in mine and we sit in silence just like we did so many years ago during our coffee dates. It’s our love song and always will be. The silence comforts me.
Jed begins breathing heavy. I turn around to see him nodding off. I swivel in his lap until I’m facing him and cup his face. I lean forward and kiss his lips. Once, twice, and then three times before he wakes up. Tears begin to roll down his cheeks.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“Never forget I love you, Marlee.”
“I won’t.”
“It’s getting close.” He snaps his eyes shut. “Can you get the kids? I want them with us tonight.”
I nod and whisper, “Yes.”
I get Jed in bed then get dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a Boise State hoodie. He snags me by the wrist before I’m able to get too far away, pulling me down to him.
“Kiss me,” he whispers against my lips.
When our mouths meet we kiss hard and passionate, pouring everything into the simple action. Jed fists a handful of my hair, bringing me closer to him. We kiss as if it’s our last one.
I pull back breathless and pad down the hall to get our kids. I let all of the tears fall, not even worrying about brushing them away. Quinn snuggles into her dad’s chest and Fender climbs in on his other side. I lean on the door jamb to his room filled with so much love and sadness my body quakes.
“Everything okay?” Martha wraps her arms around me. I don’t turn to her.
“Hey, I didn’t know you guys got in.”
“Just about thirty minutes ago. What’s going on?”
“He wants his kids with him tonight.” My voice hitches on the last word. “I think it’s time.”
My shoulder catches Martha’s tears. We stand united, watching Jed kiss his kids and tell them how much he loves them over and over.
“Go be with them. I’ll let everyone else know.�
� Martha kisses my cheek and is gone.
I don’t want to go to the bed. In the back of my mind, it’s like if I do I’m giving Jed permission to leave. Each step is heavy and shatters my heart.
“Momma.” Quinn turns her head and pats the bed. “We got you.”
I smile weakly and climb in behind her. Jed reaches over Quinn for my hand and he laces his fingers in mine. The room falls silent for long beats of time. Quinn breaks it with the first words to “Amazing Grace;” it’s always been her favorite song. Jed joins her, the two singing with conviction, rattling my soul. They sing song after song together until Jed’s voice fades off.
It was our last kiss.
Our last night.
My heart had to learn to beat for a new reason.
Epilogue
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” -Bryant H. McGill
May 10th
Dear Diary,
Today Fender turns eighteen and graduates high school. My adventurous son will soon be heading to Boise State on a football scholarship, majoring in Accounting. He’s crashing around the house, humming the tune to “Patience” by Guns N Roses. It makes me smile remembering my first love, Bentley. It’s eerie how many damn signs there are. The universe will never let me forget.
Love gave me life. Heartache gave me a new beginning. Life has left me a battered soldier with no armor to hide behind. I don’t regret any of it. My endings have never been happy, but I’ve learned the love stories leave me with several chapters to read over and over forever. They’re mine. Imprinted on my skin. Through the darkest of days, I found God again. He gave me my son, Fender, my daughter, Quinn, and the love of two of the greatest men to ever walk the earth.
A day doesn’t pass that I don’t think of them and the love stories we shared. I wouldn’t change a thing. They made me into the woman I am today.
Love,
Marlee Foster-Bryant
Obituary of Jed Lucas Bryant
Jed Lucas Bryant of Moore, Idaho, passed away surrounded by his family members on the twenty-third of July. He left behind the love of his life, Marlee Foster-Bryant, and their two children, Fender and Quinn Bryant.
He lost a long battle with Appendix Cancer, but cherished every single day God graced him. Jed Bryant is known to the world as the king of country music. He blazed trails for upcoming country stars. The amount of awards he received are too numerous to count.
However, Jed wanted it to be known his greatest accomplishments in life was falling in love with Marlee, building their home with his own two hands, and mostly his two children.
“I lived. Had it all. And it ended. It’s now my time to fly with the angels. I’m looking forward to meeting a few of them.” –Jed Bryant
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HJ Bellus is a small town girl who loves the art of storytelling. When not making readers laugh or cry, she's a part-time livestock wrangler that can be found in the middle of Idaho, shot gunning a beer while listening to some Miranda Lambert on her Beats and rocking out in her boots.
Craving Midnight by A.M. Hargrove
Acknowledgments & Playlist after excerpt
Craving Midnight by A.M. Hargrove
She’s a starlet with secrets. He makes scandals go away. Together, they’ll make sparks fly…
Midnight Drake’s squeaky clean reputation has suddenly taken a nosedive. She’s horrified after she wakes up naked from a drugged stupor, but the worst is yet to come. She just found three sex videos of the night she has no memory of on her phone. Midnight wonders if the videos will be leaked to destroy her career…
Harrison Kirkland cleans up Hollywood’s sordid messes for a living, and he’s never met a scandal he couldn’t contain. But when he’s assigned to fix the sultry Midnight’s problems, he never expected to get dragged in after her…
Behind Midnight’s diva exterior, Harrison discovers a mysterious woman with a web of secrets he can’t untangle. The deeper he’s pulled into her world, the stronger his desire for her grows. If he’s not careful, the next heart that’ll need fixing… will be his…
Craving Midnight is a red-carpet ready contemporary romance novel. If you like steamy chemistry, flawed characters with compelling secrets, then you’ll love A.M. Hargrove’s pulse-pounding story.
*This book contains sensitive subject matter that may not be suitable for all readers.
Craving Midnight Chapter 1 Excerpt
My life has finally turned around. Things are looking up. Coming to New York has always been a dream for me, and now here I am, on a photo shoot for my upcoming film no less. And this time, it isn’t for some shit role, or a porn flick being shot in the back of a dank warehouse where I would be freezing to death because the director wanted my nipples to constantly stick out. No, I’m here because of the major new contract I recently landed for the film Turned. I plan on working my ass off to prove to the world that Midnight Drake has what it takes to be taken seriously as an actor.
Gazing out the window of my hotel room, the New York City skyline is even more stunning than I’d imagined. LA is great and I love it there, but nothing beats the Empire State Building. I don’t care what anyone says. My phone rings, interrupting my musing.
“Hello?”
“Midnight, it’s Dex McCloud. Just wanted to let you know we’re all meeting downstairs in five minutes.”
Dex is the photographer. “Oh, thanks. I’m on my way.”
We’re meeting in the lobby to take some promo shots for the film. It’ll be the lead male actor, the producer, and me. I’ve never been this pumped up about anything in my whole life.
Grabbing my coat, purse, and a handful of gummy bears, I head for the elevators. The last thing I want is to be late. We’re supposed to meet by the huge floral arrangement and I’m the first one there. Points for Midnight. Glancing around, I notice lots of business types hurrying by but then there are tons of elegantly dressed people meandering around. It makes me feel slightly out of place, and even happier that I wore the outfit I chose. The conservative black pants and black sweater are perfect for where we are.
The only thing that stands out is my red lipstick. It’s sort of my trademark. I feel naked without it. Maybe it goes back to when I was young and remember my mom always wearing it.
Shoving those memories aside, I scan the room.
A man approaches me with a warm smile. He has a camera strapped around his neck, but I’m still wary. You never know with the paparazzi these days.
“Hi, I’m Dex McCloud,” he says, extending his hand. I offer my own smile and take his hand, shaking it.
“Hi, Midnight Drake.”
“Yeah, I recognized you.” His friendly tone puts me even more at ease. “Glad you’re here. I usually have to wait on everyone.”
“Ah, I hate to be late. Is Danny here?” I ask. He’s the producer.
“He should be. And so should Holt.” He checks his watch, then looks back at me.
“How long do you expect this to take?”
“Not long at all. I thought we’d go across to Central Park. I usually can get what I need in about thirty minutes. And the lighting is perfect for outdoor shots today.”
“Sounds great,” I say.
He eyes me for a moment. “You’re a lot smaller in person than on camera.”
“Oh.” I don’t quite know how to respond t
o that. Does he mean I look fat on screen?
Then he shuffles his feet and adds, “What I meant is on screen you look a lot taller. You’re actually quite petite.”
“Yeah, I always wanted to be five ten, but only made it to five four. It’s why I usually wear heels, which I didn’t today.” I sigh. “I had these illusions of becoming a famous model when I was a kid and you can see how well that worked out for me.” A weird laugh bubbles past my lips. I ended up doing B-rated movies after porn, which isn’t exactly modeling’s first cousin. I leave that tiny detail out though, because no one is aware of the porn bit. Having my nose slightly altered, ditching my brown contacts along with the bleached hair helped to alter my appearance, so no one realizes I was the former Lusty Rhoades.
“I think the modeling industry is crazy. You’re beautiful and would make a perfect model. They want their models to look emaciated. Consider yourself fortunate.”
Raising my eyes to his, I inhale the breath of fresh air that he is. “Wow. You have a very unique opinion, you know that?”
“I spend a ton of time behind the lens and recognize what true beauty is. Those poor scarecrows are not beautiful. They’re pitiful. Anyway, congrats on your upcoming movie.”
“Yeah, thanks. I’m super excited about it.”
Holt and Danny stroll up and our sweet conversation halts. “Hey, kids,” Danny says. “Thanks for flying out here, Midnight. We were on such a tight schedule with Holt’s last film, there was no way we could squeeze in a flight back to LA.”
“No problem,” I say. Holt zeroes his icy stare on me. He despises the fact I’m in the film. He wanted someone famous who could guarantee a box office hit, but he ended up with a girl who was almost unknown. His disdainful glare has me feeling like I’m a virus.
I sort of don’t blame him. He’s the sexy, hottest man of the year. He reigns as king when it comes to leading men. When I secretly inspect him, it’s easy to see why. Brown hair kissed by the sun, eyes so green they look like gems, perfect teeth and a mouth to match. The man is pure sin on two legs. And he ends up with a nobody for a costar. Nope, it’s hard to blame him one bit. But I’m going to win him over, little by little, even if I have to buy him a fucking puppy.