by S. M. Butler
“Doesn’t that make you Tweedle Dumb?”
“Don’t push your luck, Battles. Pretty sure that’s you, actually. I was smart enough not to get involved with a woman.”
He had me there, not that I would have changed anything if I could. I loved Devyn. And maybe, just maybe it was time to show her that.
I stood up and dropped a twenty on the table. “I’ll see you ‘round, Murphy.”
“Tell Devyn I said hi.”
“Hell no. I want her to like me.” I heard Murphy’s low chuckle as I turned and left the bar.
Twenty minutes later, I pulled my truck into the driveway. The house was dark. She’d gone to bed. What’s worse was she’d gone to bed without a word to me. Maybe I deserved that.
I unlocked the front door and was greeted by silence and darkness. In an eerie way, it reminded me of the dream I’d had the first night. Except when I hit the stairway, there was no blood soaking into the carpeted steps. There was no painful moan.
Everyone was safe here.
I slipped into the bedroom, hearing the soft breathing from my wife in the bed. I knelt down beside the bed, where I could see her face, even in the moon’s light. I lifted my hand and lightly stroked her soft cheek. Her eyes fluttered open. “Brody? What time is it?”
She tried to peer bleary-eyed at the clock, but I shook my head. “Late.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Everything.” I sighed. “You know that I love you, right?”
“Sure.” She yawned. “Is that what you woke me up for?”
“No. Yes. Kinda.”
Way to be decisive, there.
“I thought we were going to be honest with each other.” She sat up in the bed, readjusting the pretty camisole with the lace border.
“Okay.” I nodded. “That’s fair. I’m an asshole, Devyn. I’ve been so wrapped up with work and finally being home and trying to be a father for the first time that I forgot about you.”
“Brody…”
“I made you think twice about being married to me. And that is unacceptable. Because I’d never let you go, Dev. I really wouldn’t.”
She smiled, and touched my cheek. “Come to bed, Brody. You’ve been drinking. I can smell it on you.”
“Only enough to have courage to tell you the truth. Truth is… I stopped drinking an hour ago and just stared at my beer. Because I wanted to be here with you, and I was too damn stubborn to do it like I was supposed to do it.”
She shook her head. “Will you come to bed now then?” Perhaps she saw my hesitation. I wasn’t sure if she was dismissing me or giving me an answer. She let out a sleepy breath. “Last night, we both were pretty ugly to each other. And I missed you so much. I was so jealous.”
“Of what?”
She hesitated this time, her eyes lowering to her hands. “This is going to sound stupid.”
“Tell me.” I covered her hands with mine.
“Of Riley and Jackie.”
I blinked.
“I know. It’s stupid. To be jealous of two year olds. But you were trying so hard to make yourself part of their lives. And I loved that. Don’t get me wrong… but it felt like I wasn’t there at all.”
“I never meant for that.”
“I know. Just… come to bed, okay? We can talk tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“For reals. I’m exhausted. I scrubbed the tiles in the kitchen counter and I’m so tired.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Because I clean when I’m angry.”
Just another thing I hadn’t known about her. She didn’t use to do that. At least, not when we were kids. But I was fast realizing that I didn’t really know Devyn the adult. Between BUD/S and boot camp, and this last deployment, we’d actually been together as a married couple for only a little over a year. And somewhere in that time frame, Devyn had grown up.
I got ready for bed as quickly as I could, and slipped into the sheets with her, pulling her warm body against mine. My arm wrapped around her, my hand resting at the base of her rib cage. She snuggled her ass against me, and miracle of miracles, my dick didn’t go insta-stiff. Tonight wasn’t about sex, or anything like that. Tonight was about rest, and being close to my wife.
We had some things to work through, sure. There wasn’t a couple out there that didn’t. Lying there in the moonlight, my eyes fluttered shut, and I passed into the night time in silence.
Devyn
When I woke up the next morning, Brody was already up. He’d made coffee and a quick breakfast. I got the girls out of their cribs and changed them into clean clothes. We didn’t talk much when I took the girls downstairs. Breakfast was quiet, with the exception of Riley’s happy singing. It was at least an easy silence, not riddled with the tension of our fight the day before yesterday. But neither of us found the courage to speak of it again.
We’d both said things that maybe we meant, but shouldn’t have said. Both of us were misunderstanding each other, but neither of us knew how to fix it. But Brody had taken the first step last night, when he’d come home. He’d put himself out there, so the least I could do was do the same for him.
“I have to go,” Brody said. “Master Chief called a big briefing this morning.”
“Okay,” I whispered, focusing on cleaning Jackie’s face rather than look at him.
But he had other ideas. He hooked my chin and forced my head up. “Hey. We’re going to talk tonight, yes?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
He smiled, so much like the Brody I remembered. He kissed me sweetly. It was quick, but lingering as he pulled away. Somehow he always managed to make my heart go hippity-hop. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I had a thought. “Hey.”
He turned back. “Yeah?”
“Jane’s coming over for lunch today. She said she’d be happy to watch the kids so we could do grown-up things.”
He smiled at him, brightly. “Sounds like a great idea.” I grinned. Brody left a moment later.
Even though I had the girls there, the house still felt lonely without him. I finished giving the girls breakfast and went through my morning routine, cleaning up the after mess of the girls’ breakfast, getting them changed if they needed it, and finding something for them to do where I wouldn’t have to hover over them. Riley was the real culprit in these instances. She was always exploring. It was when she got quiet that I worried.
It was maybe thirty minutes before my doorbell rang while I was finishing up the dishes in the kitchen. I dried my hands on a kitchen towel and hurried to the door. The tall blond-haired guy at the door was instantly recognizable.
“Chris! What are you doing here?”
“Hi, Dee!”
I launched myself into Chris Hardy’s arms. I’d known him a while now, since I’d stayed with his family for a year after my dad split. His arms surrounded me, squeezing tightly. I loved his big brother hugs.
“About time you visited me. Brody’s been back for a week. I assume you came back with him.” I pulled back, my hands on his shoulders as I looked him over. Unlike Brody, his demeanor hadn’t had quite had such a drastic change. His dusty blond hair was as short as Brody’s ebony hair, with vivid blue eyes that pegged him as a Hardy. His twin sister had the same look to her, naturally, but hers weren’t nearly as haunted as Chris’s were.
“I did. Did you doubt me?” He pretended to look offended.
“No. I knew you’d be back. You promised me you’d bring Brody back.”
“And I did,” he said, but his million dollar smile slipped from his face.
“Well, get in here,” I demanded, pulling him in the house. “Couch. Now. Talk to me. How are you?”
He sat down on the couch obediently. Jackie gave him a “who are you?” look but otherwise he was ignored by the two as they watched their movie.
“I’m good. Actually, I wondered how you were doing, with Brody home now?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Did he send y
ou here?”
“No.” Chris shook his head. “He didn’t.”
“Really?”
“Honest! But damned if he wasn’t the biggest stick in the mud last night. Because he was worried about you.”
“I don’t want to talk about Brody.” Actually, that wasn’t true. I wanted to talk about Brody until the end of time, if only so I could work out my own thoughts.
“And that’s the problem, isn’t it? You used to chew my ear off about Brody when you guys first started dating.” I bit my tongue, because otherwise, I’d have started in on him. It didn’t seem right to talk about my problems with Brody without bringing them up to Brody first.
“Things change.”
“So do people,” he shot back. “Two years overseas does change a person.”
“You haven’t changed.”
“I have. A lot. But luckily, my immature and boyish charm has remained.” Chris flashed me a grin. I glanced into his eyes. They weren’t as haunted as Brody’s could get, but there was a little something in there. This was what happened when good men kept secrets. Even if they were necessary secrets.
“Have you heard from Addison lately?”
He broke eye contact with me. I followed his gaze, and realized he was looking at the twins. I supposed my twins might remind him a little of him and his sister.
He shook his head. “Nah. She’s in France, studying art or something art-like this semester. I don’t want to bother her.”
“You wouldn’t, you know.”
He shrugged, obviously not happy with the turn in subject. He and Addison had been super close growing up until he’d left for boot camp and BUD/S training. She’d stayed at home for a few months, from what I saw, but without Chris there to anchor her, she left not too long after him.
“We’re talking about you here, not me.”
“Why can’t we talk about both?”
He sighed. “Listen, Addison is busy, and I don’t really have anything to tell her. At least, not until the current operation is over.”
I chuckled wryly. Didn’t that just take the cake? “You could just say hello.”
His brow furrowed, his eyes darkening. “I understand that you and Brody aren’t doing too hot, yeah?”
“Did he tell you that?”
“A little birdie did.”
“Is he the birdie?”
“Obviously not. He’s not a little birdie.” He said it like that was the most obvious fact in the world and I was stupid for not knowing that. Typical Chris. “I put two and two together last night when he was practically crying into his beer.”
“Chris, it’s just so hard,” I leaned my head against the back of the couch. “I love him so much. I don’t know how to fix this.”
“I know you love him,” Chris said. “A lot of SEAL marriages end in divorce, and I don’t want that for you, Dee. You deserve so much more. But Brody’s in a unit that will deploy a lot more than a normal SEAL team. He’s going to end up gone a lot. We’re in the middle of a major op that will potentially take years to conclude. This isn’t going to ease up. It’s going to get worse.”
That thought was terrifying. Brody was barely home as it was now. For the last week, there were briefings and training ops and who else knew what that he had to leave for. He’d come home to sleep, and most of the time, he wasn’t even doing that because of the nightmares. “Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to scare me off?”
“No. I’m trying to get you to understand.”
“Understand what? What do I do?”
“Wait for him.” Chris cleared his throat. “You never talk to any of the other wives. They have this whole support system in place. They could help you with this.”
“I don’t feel right around them.”
“You’re a little younger than most of them, yeah.” Chris sighed. “I know it’s none of my business, but you’re as much my sister as Addison is. I worry about you.” He leaned forward. “You know, Brody talked a lot about you. He’d check his account online and watch those videos you uploaded for him of the twins. I can’t tell you how many times he’d play them.”
Tears welled up in my vision. “He did?”
“Damn straight. It was obnoxious. He was the proud daddy, always showing off his kids.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Do you love him?”
I frowned. “Of course.” Loving him was never in doubt. Continuing to live with him was what I questioned. Wondering if he missed me at all.
“I can’t tell you much about his job. You know that. He can’t either.”
“I know.” Boy did I know. And while it drove me up a wall, I had to respect that. But it didn’t mean I had to like it.
“I do know that he adores you, and the twins. I’ve never seen a man so dedicated to coming home.”
“I made him promise me he would.”
“Well, he’s here. And he’ll be here for a while, but not forever. He’s a SEAL. It’s his job. I hate to be the bad guy… but you’re going to have to understand that.”
“I know that, Chris. I’m not stupid.”
“He adores you. He adores Riley and Jackie.” The pause in Chris’s speak caught my attention.
I glanced at him. “But?”
“Your job is just as important as his. You never hang out with the SEAL wives. And you should.”
“We’re back on that? I told you, Chris. I don’t feel right around them. And I don’t know any of them.”
“It’s a small community.”
“I know.”
“Maybe if you did, you could find this an easier adjustment. I mean, Master Chief’s wife is real nice. So are some of the others.”
“Why do I feel like you’re chastising me?”
“I don’t mean to, but you and Brody are like family. Especially you, and I don’t want you to be unhappy.”
“I wish you were really my brother. I’d like to think things would have been different if you were.”
“As far as I’m concerned, I am your brother. And if Brody does something to hurt you, I’ll kick his ass.”
I couldn’t help myself. I snorted. Chris was a big guy, just as tall as my Brody. But he was leaner. Brody had more developed musculature. Chris was wiry, though, which wasn’t necessarily an advantage… it was just different. But if I had to choose, I’d have laid my money on Brody to win that fight. Not that I would ever tell Chris that.
Chris and I moved on to other subjects, and spent the next hour just talking, catching up before he had to go back to the base. I hated that it was so easy with Chris and that with Brody it was so much more difficult to just talk. But after sitting with Chris for that long, it made me realize that the one thing that Brody and I hadn’t done was talk.
~*~*~
Brody
Most of the team was in the briefing room when I got there, except Master Chief Collins hadn’t shown up yet. Naturally, this was the cue for Urban and Bonham to toss paper footballs back and forth across the table. Murphy was reading something in the folder, his feet up on the table. Hardy wasn’t there yet.
“Hey, Battles!” Urban tossed a paper football at my head. I caught it before it struck me. “Play with us.”
I threw it back to him. “Nah, I’m good.”
Urban’s face was almost a pout, if his eyes hadn’t rolled up. “You’re no fun anymore. If that’s marriage, count me out.”
I laughed. “No woman would have your snarky ass, Urban.”
“Good morning, my little minions,” Master Chief Collins said as he entered the room. The guys hushed instantly as Cadence Long came in the room. “You boys remember Miss Long, yes?”
“Mornin’ ma’am.” Bonham said, nodding to her.
“Good morning, gentlemen.” She took a seat next to where Master Chief stood.
“Got the data from the last raid decrypted. Miss Cadence Long was most helpful in getting it fast tracked for us from the NSA.”
“Thank you, Master Chief. It was
n’t hard. The NSA is just as dedicated to stopping international arms dealers as anyone else.”
Master Chief plugged his laptop into the projector and turned the machine on. He glanced around the room. “Where’s Hardy?”
“Here!” Hardy strode into the room. “Sorry I was late. I was visiting a friend.”
“Is that what they’re calling hookers these days?” Urban grinned.
Hardy flipped him off and flopped in the seat next to Murphy. “It was actually your mom, Urban. She said to tell you hi.” Urban growled and pushed the chair back, but Master Chief waved him back to his seat. Urban grumbled, but he sat back down.
“All right, you guys. Settle down. We have a lot to get through today, so let’s get started.”
They settled into the briefing, Master Chief taking the time to walk them through what they already knew. Simon Giroux was a faceless mask they hadn’t yet uncovered, but he was the head of an international arms dealing operation. His business spread over every continent and he had his fingers into a lot of pies.
None of this was new to me. I’d spent the last two years working on finding and bringing down Giroux. We’d uncovered that he had three grown sons, and one daughter. We had photos on all the sons, but not the daughter. She was far more careful, and just as paranoid as her father, it seemed.
“Now, Miss Long will be taking you through the rest of the information.”
Long stood up and switched places with Master Chief. “We think that Giroux might have contacts pretty high up in the US government. The last few raids, they’ve known your team was coming. Which means, either the people giving the orders are Giroux, or there’s a mole on your team.”
“That’s outrageous!” A chorus of protests filled the air, mine included. Was she seriously suggesting that one of our own would betray us? It couldn’t happen. We were a brotherhood.
“Quiet!” Master Chief shouted.
“What, like a Senator or something?” Urban spat out. “Because we know it’s not us.”
Master Chief shook his head. “We’re unsure at this point where the leak is. We’re working on it. So, it’s become necessary to separate SEAL Team Thirteen from the military.”