by Freya Barker
His face relaxes as he wraps both me and Flynn in his hold. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Absolutely perfect. Best way to come home. Bar none.”
He bends down and plants a hard kiss on my lips.
“Man!” Flynn calls out, apparently not happy she’s not being included, and pats his cheek with her little hand. Matt grins in my face when he pulls away.
“Yes, honey. What’s up?”
“Mommy supwise?” He turns to look at the big grin on my face and the single tear rolling down my cheek.
“I think Mommy was very surprised.”
-
“Don’t go,” he mutters for the second time in as many days when I try to roll out of bed.
After a late dinner last night, I’d given Flynn a bath and put her to bed, while Matt cleaned the kitchen. Together we moved the tree into the corner by the window. It’s where Mom usually wants her tree, on top of a small sideboard. Matt’s tree is much too large, so we had to move the piece of furniture into the dining area.
Matt draped the little white lights he’d bought in the branches, but when he tried to reposition the decorations Flynn had clumped together, I insisted we keep it just as it was.
He’d been asleep by the time I came out of the bathroom. I slipped under the covers and snuggled into his side. His arms immediately curved around me but he never woke up. I drifted off moments later.
“Last day,” I softly say, turning to face him. “Half a day, actually. The bakery always closes at two on Christmas Eve and stays closed until after New Year’s.” I sit up, swing my legs over the edge. “By the way, don’t forget to call your sister. Let her know she’s welcome here for Christmas if she changes her mind about staying home.”
He’d told me about the confrontation with his father in front of his parents’ place, and his sister’s choice to wait until after Christmas to come home with him. I sympathized; he brushed it off as being nothing less than what he’d expected, but I’d brought it up again last night. I’m not sure why Leena popped up in my mind, but it may have had something to do with Matt’s excitement over Christmas. From what I gather, the holiday wasn’t exactly a warm and fuzzy affair. Matt mentioned they never had Christmas presents and didn’t have a tree growing up either. I couldn’t help but think of his sister, who would be missing all of that, so I suggested he try to get in touch with her to make sure everything is all right.
“I’ll call her,” he promises, burying his nose in my hair when I lean down for a kiss. “What time will they release your dad? I can always pick your parents up.”
“Thank you, but they have to wait for the cardiologist to do his rounds, which should be sometime after lunch anyway. I’ll head over straight after I close up shop.”
“Fair enough. Then how about I take Flynn grocery shopping? Tomorrow’s Christmas and we’re running on empty. If you bring something for dessert from the bakery, I’ll take care of dinner. I can pick up a prime rib roast. I cook a mean one.”
I lift my head, and I’m sure every single emotion I feel right now is plastered on my face. “I’ve been so preoccupied, I hadn’t even thought about Christmas dinner.” I stroke my fingers lightly down his face, almost testing to make sure he is real. “You’re amazing, do you know that?”
Matt
“Not sweepy.”
I bite down a grin. Flynn is rubbing her eyes and slurring her words, trying to convince me she’s not ready for a nap.
We’ve been constantly on the go this morning and she’s been a trooper. I’m floored how long she lasted, being dragged along in and out of ridiculously busy stores.
The only time she had a little meltdown was when I made the mistake of taking her into a pet store we passed. She fell in love with the puppies and threw a little tantrum when I tried to explain Mommy would probably be upset if we came home with one. In the end, I had to tuck her under my arm and walk to the car, where she promptly quieted down, but not before I’d received a few suspicious glares.
“When you wake up, Grandpa and Granny will be home.”
“Fo chwismiss?”
“Sure, they’ll be home for Christmas.”
“Man?”
“Yes, munchkin.”
“Sing.”
“You want me to sing?”
“Woowee.”
“What?”
“Wittle tiny.”
I’m seriously going to have come up with some other material for my repertoire. Somehow I don’t see myself singing a Christmas lullaby in the middle of summer.
That is, assuming I’ll be around to sing her to sleep in the summer.
I haven’t really thought much beyond tomorrow, to be honest. There’s too much going on. There are moments I feel like I slipped down the rabbit hole, dropped into someone else’s life. It’s so far removed from my daily routine—unfamiliar—and yet I enjoy every second of it.
Still, the reality is I came here with a purpose—to help my sister spread her wings—and that involves going back home to Portland. Even if it means I have to leave this little beauty and her mother behind.
Fuck, it’ll hurt. It hurts just thinking about it, but Tana will eventually head back home as well, and I’ll be waiting.
“Pweeze?” Flynn’s little hand pulls at my sleeve.
“Okay. Close your eyes and I’ll sing.”
I’ve barely sung a verse and she’s asleep. Pulling the covers up to her chin, I press a kiss to her forehead and tiptoe out of the room, pulling the door shut behind me.
Heading downstairs, I pull out my phone. Twice this morning I’ve tried to call Leena without any luck, and now again there’s no answer at the house. Granted, this time of year there is no shortage of church social events or services. It’s most likely what they’re doing, but I’m still a little uneasy.
I’m just putting the rub I made for the roast in the fridge when the front door swings open.
“It’s beautiful!” Mrs. Romer is the first one in the door and she makes a beeline for the tree. I’m surprised, I thought she didn’t like real pine. “It actually smells like Christmas in here,” she exclaims with a wave of her arm.
“We’ve been telling you that for years,” Mr. Romer grumbles, leaning heavily on Tana’s arm. She catches my eye and winks. “I wish I’d known I have to be half dead for you to get one, I would’ve had a heart attack years ago.”
“Oh, hush, old man. It wasn’t me who got it. Let’s get you out of your coat and settled on the couch.”
“Matt got the tree, Dad,” Tana fills in. His eyes shoot to me.
“You’re still here?”
“Dad!”
“Maxim, behave!”
I bite down a grin when I see one of the old man’s eye close in a wink. The old coot likes stirring the pot.
Mrs. Romer, who now insists I call her Betty, seems to be on board with my plan for a roast, sniffing appreciatively at the rub she fished out of the fridge. I get the sense she’s not comfortable with me taking over the entire meal, though, so when she says she’ll handle the sides, I don’t argue.
The afternoon passes quickly, especially once Flynn gets up from her nap. She’s wired. Not even a rerun of White Christmas—apparently a tradition in the Romer household, which almost succeeds in putting me to sleep—puts a dent in her energy.
“Let’s go for a drive, see the lights,” I suggest to Tana after an easy meal of leftover soup and sandwiches. “The car ride may knock her out,” I add under my breath.
“Head over to Bayfront Park. You remember the giant Christmas tree?” her father asks Tana before turning to me. “Duluth is known for its holiday lights, did you know that?”
“I did, actually. Never had a chance to see them for myself, even though I grew up around here, so this will be a check on my bucket list.”
-
Bayfront Park is the first stop, and we actually park the car and walk around. I carry Flynn, and Tana slips her hand in mine. Anyone looking at us would see a family out on Christ
mas Eve.
Another check on my bucket list. One I never thought I’d be able to scratch off.
By the time we leave the park, Flynn’s little head is resting against my shoulder, her eyes almost closed. I drive through a neighborhood Tana points out, but when I’m about to turn down another street and do a quick check of the back seat, I see the little girl is fast asleep.
“Look,” I softly prompt Tana, when my phone buzzes in the cupholder. Not wanting to use the handsfree and wake Flynn up again, I quickly pull to the side of the road and answer, startled to hear my sister’s voice.
“Matt? I need you to come get me.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Tana
It’s already closing in on ten thirty when we pull up in the driveway of a rather plain house. There are a few cars parked along the curb on the otherwise quiet street. The only things showing the time of year are the two lit stars hanging in the home’s front windows.
Waves of tension are coming off Matt, whose hands have been white-knuckled around the steering wheel. He hasn’t said much since he hung up the phone.
“Stay in the car,” he says as he gets out, not even waiting for my acknowledgment.
Like hell I will.
Scrambling out of the car, I open the back door, pluck a sleeping Flynn from her seat and turn to the house. Matt is standing halfway down the path, glaring at me with his hands on his hips.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he bites off when I reach him.
“If you think that after having my back this past week through every conceivable crisis, I would let you walk into that house alone, you haven’t been paying attention. This can’t be a relationship where one gives and the other takes—we are either partners in this, or we have nothing.”
I stand my ground, even when he growls with frustration and runs his hand through his hair.
“My parents can be cruel. I don’t want you exposed to that,” he finally whispers.
“From what I gather, your parents are assholes, but that in no way reflects on you. You are the finest man I know, and if your sister is anything like you, I already know I will love her too. Now let’s go get her.”
I resolutely step around him and march up to the porch, where he stops me with a hand on my arm. Reaching out, he takes Flynn, lifting her onto his own shoulder before he pins me with a dark look.
“Love her too?”
It slipped. I was hoping he missed that, but apparently not. “Yeah, well,” I sputter. “We’ll get to that later.”
“Damn right we will,” he grumbles, grabbing my hand with his free one as he pulls me up the steps.
A severe looking, older man opens the door. It’s not hard to tell where Matt got his looks: the man would be handsome if not for the angry scowl leaving deeply grooved frown marks between his eyebrows. Matt has laugh lines instead, and those make him beautiful.
“Didn’t I tell you you’re not welcome here?” His rough bark startles Flynn, who lets out a whimper. “You’re interrupting a family event. You are no longer considered family.”
“I’m not here for you, Father. I’m here for my sister.”
“You no longer have a sister.” His father steps out on the porch, poking a finger in Matt’s face.
It gives me a chance to peek inside where a small group of people is gathered, all looking at the door. The one person who stands out is a young woman in a plain white cotton dress with tears running down her face. Oh, hell no.
“Like hell I don’t,” I hear Matt fire back, as I quickly slip around the men facing off, and march boldly into the house.
“Leena?” I walk straight up the sniffling girl, ignoring the mumbled protests around me. “You don’t know me, my name is Tana and I’m in love with your brother. Do you want to stay here, or do you want to come with us?”
“Leena!” An older woman, who can only be the mother, pushes me out of the way and gets into her daughter’s face. “You have a husband waiting for you at the church, don’t you dare walk out on your responsibilities. Go with these people and your soul will be soiled. Your God is benevolent to those who live a life of worship and clean of sin, but he will strike you down if you cross him!”
The woman’s voice has been rising throughout her tirade, and I’ve had enough of the religious zealot.
“Do you want to come?” I ask the girl again, sidestepping her mother and holding out my hand. “Matt is waiting outside.”
That last addition broke the seal, because she firmly clasps my hand and lets me pull her from the house.
“You leave this house, you’ll never set foot here again.”
Leena releases my hand and turns to her father. “Your loss.”
I would’ve applauded her comeback, if not for Flynn, who has woken up during the altercation and stares with big eyes and trembling bottom lip at Matt’s angry father. Before she can bust loose, I quickly step into her line of sight and put a comforting hand on her back.
“Are you ready to go home, Peanut?”
I try not to react to the derisive snort behind me, as I look up and try to will Matt to turn his eyes to me instead of shooting fire at his father.
“It’s a sad excuse of a man who’s willing to take another man’s rejects for his own.” I can feel Matt freeze solid in front of me, as his sister lets out a sharp hiss, but the man is not done yet. “You could’ve redeemed yourself, you know? Taken on the ministry that was planned for you. A man who can’t father offspring is not good for much else in the eyes of the Church.”
“That’s enough!” I bark, swinging around to face the horrible excuse for a human being, as my poor baby bursts into tears behind me. “I don’t care what you call me...” Bouncing on the balls of my feet with fury, I wave my finger in his face. “...but don’t you ever call my child a reject. And for the record, Matt is a real man: one who protects, provides for, and treasures those he loves—and that includes my daughter, who is lucky to have him as a strong and loving father figure in her life. Not that you’d recognize one. You can take your Church and shove it up your ass!”
“Wow,” Leena mutters, as I whip past her and rush down the steps.
I don’t want to give that awful man the satisfaction of the tears which start streaming down my face. How on earth a gentle and kind soul like Matt came from these crazy people is beyond comprehension. I climb in the front seat and drop my face in my hands.
Apparently Matt and his sister are not far behind. I hear the car doors open and close but I refuse to look up. I’m embarrassed. I made a scene back there and I fucking hate drama.
Matt
I thought she’d run after getting a taste of the fucked-up nest I sprouted from. For sure after my father decided to let loose on me, dropping a proverbial bomb in the process. It’s nothing new for me—even if I haven’t heard this tirade since the day I left. Although the words themselves no longer cut me, the intent behind them still does. Especially since his objective was clearly to humiliate me in front of the two people who’ve become my world. I may not have fathered the little girl who burrows herself against me, looking for safety, but under no circumstances could I imagine treating her the way he does either me or my sister.
The last thing I expected was to see Tana swing around, her face tight with rage, and tear into him—leaving both him and me—for entirely different reasons, at a loss for words.
Leena is the first one to follow Tana when she storms to the car, but I take one last look at my father.
“A real man worships his family before his God, and the love he receives in return is his ultimate reward.” Without another word, I turn on my heel.
Flynn is shell-shocked, sniffling quietly when I strap her safely into her seat. I kiss her head and look up to see my sister’s wide eyes on us. I give her a wink. When I slide behind the wheel, Tana is crouched over, her face hidden in her hands.
I back away from the house and drive a few blocks before I pull the car over on the shoulder when I
hit the county road. Turning off the engine, I put my hand on Tana’s back and rub gently.
“My parents didn’t believe in vaccinations,” I start, my eyes focused on the deserted road ahead. “They would say that we shouldn’t stand in the way of God’s will, and if we were without sin, God would spare us illness and disease. I was fifteen when I contracted the mumps. I was uncomfortable for a week or so, but it passed. Wasn’t until two years later I learned it had more of an impact than I thought.” I check the rearview mirror to find Flynn blissfully asleep again, but my sister looks right back at me. She’s probably heard the story before, but never from me. Beside me, Tana sits up and I see the tear tracks down her cheeks, but she’s not crying anymore. Still, I reach out and brush my thumb under her eye. “Remember you mentioned Beth Oberg and I told you I remembered her?” I wait for her nod. “It’s true that my father brought her up as a threat whenever he tried to get me back in line, but what I failed to mention was I actually knew Beth. I’d met her at a church event and was quite taken with her. A couple of years older, she had a defiant edge that attracted me. Not to mention she was built. I lost my virginity to her in the cornfield behind the rectory.” Tana reaches for my hand and twines our fingers, giving me an encouraging squeeze. “When she told me a few months later that she was pregnant, I confronted my father, who laughed in my face when I told him I wanted to get married. Beth had a bit of a reputation I hadn’t been aware of, and he wanted me checked for venereal diseases by the family doctor. The doc brought up that mumps can, in rare cases, cause sterility in older boys and men. Turns out that baby couldn’t have been mine.”
“He always said it was God’s punishment for your sins,” Leena pipes up from the back seat.
“Sure he did,” Tana jumps in, turning in her seat so she can look at her. “If only to hide the fact it was his responsibility you guys weren’t vaccinated and Matt was able to get mumps in the first place.” Sliding back in place, she looks at me and lifts my hand to her lips. “Just for the record: sperm has little to do with fatherhood. Flynn’s father wanted nothing to do with her, not before or after she was born. Not everyone is made to be a father...but you are.”