by Eden Summers
“Yeah, I do.” I return his glare. Fury to fury. Madness to mindlessness.
I cared for him so much. Without knowing, without understanding, he’d become my world. And now I don’t know how to breathe in the vacuum.
“I think you’re pissed because I stole a car. Wrecked that car. But more importantly, because I disturbed you on your date.” I’m making a fool of myself. I can feel it. The heat in my cheeks is a glaring indication. I’m just thankful the faint glow from the living room is the only illumination through the shadowed surroundings.
He scoffs. “I don’t even know where to start with that load of ignorant bullshit.”
“Start by telling the truth. Start by acknowledging how worthless you made me feel.”
“Excuse me?” His brows pinch in a lethal frown. “I made you feel worthless?”
“Yes. Why wouldn’t I feel that way when you left to have sex with a stranger when you already have a professional fucking whore living under your roof?” My voice raises with every vehement word.
“What the fuck did you just say?”
My cheeks flame hotter, the shame scarring me.
He stalks forward. “Don’t you ever talk about yourself that way again.”
“Why not?” I stand my ground, trembling in fury. “Fucking is the only job I’ve had. It’s all I’ve ever been good at. The only thing I’ve known. Yet, for some reason, I’m not enough for you.”
“Stop it,” he warns.
“You know it’s true. I don’t know why you can’t admit it. I can do your cooking and cleaning. You can even waste your time watching stupid movies with me, but I’m not good enough to fuck.”
“I said, ‘stop it,’” he snarls. “I’m not joking.”
“You did this,” I accuse. “You’re the reason I ran, because apparently you can’t get away from me fast enough.”
I throw Sarah’s words at him, hoping he’ll finally admit the truth. Or at least stop being angry at me.
The opposite happens.
His jaw tenses. His hands clench. He keeps stalking forward, towering over me until I’m forced to backtrack into the wall.
God, I wish I was scared of him. Even just a little bit. But the intense emotion taking over me is something different. Something starved for attention.
It’s hatred.
I hate how much I feel for him.
Hate that he doesn’t feel it back.
“You’re right. I couldn’t get away from you fast enough.” He looms over me as I press into the cold plaster, foot to foot, almost nose to nose. “Because you’re in my fucking head, Penny. You’re under my goddamn skin. I can’t help you when I’m like this.”
Every inch of me thrums, wanting to attack and succumb in equal measure. “I’m sorry I’m such a burden.” I grind my teeth. “But I’ve been saying that from the start.”
“Stop.” He growls the word, so close to me. So painfully, agonizingly close his breath brushes my mouth. “You drive me fucking crazy.”
He stares at me, the intensity climbing into my chest. Every part of me reacts. My heart. My pulse. Everything except my mind which goes blank.
I’m dumbstruck over what to do, caught speechless under the heavy weight of yearning.
I want too much from this man. His guidance. His attention. I want it all.
“Mindless,” he murmurs as he swoops forward, smashing his lips against mine.
I gasp into the kiss, my palms instinctively pushing his chest, my nails digging deep to stop the attack. But as fast as my panic arrives, it flees, allowing a crazy clarity to sink in.
My pushing turns to grabbing. My digging fingers cling. I scramble to find a stronghold to withstand the madness, yet all that remains is warmth and frightening exhilaration.
He punishes me with his mouth, his hands clutching my hips.
I’ve been forced to kiss before. But I’ve never kissed like this. Never when my body demanded more connection than the force could provide.
I should hate this. Instead, it feels like home. I revel in his warmth. I succumb to the hard press of his chest against mine and the determined lashing of his tongue.
Then, as forcefully as his kiss arrived, it vanishes.
He retreats. One step after another. Again.
Revulsion consumes him just like it did the last time. I can see it.
I slump back against the wall, my fingers raising to my lips as if the touch will soften the burn. “Did you do that to shut me up?” I ask, breathless.
“For the love of sanity, Penny. You’ve got no idea what’s going on here.” He rakes his hands through his hair. “Don’t you get it? This is why I left.”
He stalks back toward me, body tense.
I shrink into the wall, a little nervous. A little scared. But it’s not of him. Never of Luca. I’m frightened of how much I want him.
“This is exactly why I had to get out of here. Because you’re still petrified of me.” He shoves his hands against the wall at either side of my head, caging me, the rapid rise and fall of his chest animalistic. “Because all I can think about is wanting you more than my next breath, yet you scamper away from me.”
“I don’t scamper—”
“Yeah, you do. And you should, because what I want to do to you is far from good, Penny. I want to fuck you within an inch of your life. If I had my way I’d shatter all your progress by taking what I want. What I need. So don’t for a goddamn second think I want you out of here, because having you near me is all I’ve wanted from the moment I laid eyes on you.”
I suck in a sharp breath. Unblinking. Unmoving.
He chuckles. Grins. Neither are kind. “See? Now do you understand?”
No, I don’t. It doesn’t make sense.
“You’re lying,” I whisper.
“No, I lie every time I keep distance between us. All I want is your body on mine. I lie when you go to bed at night and I pretend I don’t want you sleeping beside me. I lie every goddamn day pretending I’m not obsessed with you because I know I’m not good enough, gentle enough, fucking calm enough.”
He creates a whirlwind of emotion inside me. A tornado I’m stuck in the middle of. “You’re not making sense.”
He grinds his teeth, his shoulders bunching. “I ran because I can’t quit noticing how incredible you are. You might be oblivious to your gorgeousness, but believe me, I’m not. I’ve had a front-row seat to the recovery of the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I get tortured on the daily by her strength. By her fucking unshakable determination to get up every time she’s knocked down. And as fucking perverted as it feels after what you’ve been through, my dick takes notice, too.”
I lean further against the wall, attempting to distance myself from my confusion.
“So forgive me,” he snarls, “if I thought it was best to try and take the edge off with a stranger because it’s crystal clear I can’t have you.”
I can’t reply. I can’t even shake my head. All I can do is swallow over the heat licking my throat.
He holds my gaze for long moments, those eyes narrowed with spite.
I want to pour my heart out to him. To tell him how I feel. But I don’t understand it myself.
I don’t want sex. The thought of it scares me. But I want him.
I crave his protection. His praise. I want to have him close to me.
He shoves from the wall and turns to stalk away, each step creating a painful chasm between us.
“Please, Luca.” I shudder out a breath. “Don’t walk away from me again.”
He stops, his shoulders slumping. “It’s not like I want to. Believe me, it’s my only choice.”
“Why? Because I’m damaged?”
He tilts his head to look at me. “No, shorty. Because I’m falling in love with you. Because despite how fucking stupid that is—how inappropriate and unreasonable—I love every fucking thing about you. And that shit isn’t healthy for either of us.”
I pull back, my head hitting the wall, my
gasp audible. He doesn’t love me. He couldn’t. And I’m not sure I want him to anyway.
Love means loss.
It gives power to my invisible enemies, and makes me weak.
But the invigoration… it’s euphoric. Tear-inspiring happiness tightens my throat, threatening to suffocate me.
“Finally, you understand.” He turns his attention back to the hall and starts walking. “Now you’ll know why I’m keeping my distance.”
“No. Stop” I push away from the wall, my demand adamant. “What if I feel the same way?”
He doesn’t speak. Doesn’t move.
“What if, Luca?”
I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know much of anything anymore. But what I do know is that he’s my rock. He’s the shore to my crashing waves. The steadying ground beneath my tumultuous storm.
“Will you answer me?” Slowly, I approach, each step increasing my exhilaration and vulnerability. “What if I feel the same way about you?” I walk around him to meet those shadowed eyes. My heart hammers in my throat as he remains silent, his mouth set in a straight line. “Please answer me.”
“Don’t do this, shorty.” The plea is barely audible. “The last thing you need to deal with right now is cleaning up the mess once your brother kills me.”
A loud knock sounds at the door, the banging thunderous.
“On cue,” he drawls. “See? Deck already has a sixth sense for these things.”
I reach for Luc, my fingers brushing his in a brief swipe before I lose confidence and drop my arm back to my side. “Sebastian will stay out of this.”
“No, he won’t. And he shouldn’t.” He waves a hand between us. “This is never going to happen. It can’t.”
I whisper out a scoff. “How poetic—the man who rescued me from someone who gave me a lifetime of something I didn’t want is denying me the only thing I crave.”
“You don’t crave me, Pen—”
“Don’t tell me what I crave.” I step closer and he stiffens. “You have no idea how I feel for you. How I’ve always felt for you. I never knew it myself until you walked out on me.”
“I didn’t walk out.”
“You did. You left me.” This time, I don’t falter when I reach for his hand. I grab it tight, entwining our fingers. “With a psychopath and his doting sidekick.”
There’s a flash of a smirk that quickly fades. “Pen…”
“I need you, Luc.” I tug him, attempting to drag him closer. He doesn’t budge. “Are you going to make me beg?”
His nostrils flare as I keep tug, tug, tugging.
Finally, he stumbles forward, his foot sliding between mine, and we’re chest to chest, hip to hip. A growl rumbles in his throat as those gorgeous lips reclaim my mouth, this time in a kiss that’s slow. Controlled. As if he’s worried I’ll break.
I don’t.
I awaken.
I luxuriate in him, shedding another tormented layer of my past while in his arms. He helps me escape my mental anguish with gentle swipes of tongue and a possessive hand at my hip. He makes everything right. Yet, I can’t stop hearing the taunting devil on my shoulder. I’m tormented with his treacherous, haunting words.
This bliss won’t last.
15
Luca
Another hammering of the front door reverberates down the hall.
Fuck.
I pull back to stare down at her, fucking besotted as I cup her face. “If we don’t stop, our next milestone will be my funeral.”
She nods. “Okay. We stop.”
The front door opens, the approaching footfalls siphoning my buzz.
“Shit. He’s coming. Stay in here.” I make for the hall, finding Torian sauntering toward me.
“Don’t have a coronary,” he drawls. “I ordered the others to go home. I thought you two could use the time alone.” He keeps walking, bypassing Penny’s bedroom.
“Right…” I give her a brief placating smile as I close the door and follow him. “That doesn’t explain why you’re still here.”
“We need to talk.” He turns into the living room, walks straight for the coffee machine, and starts to make himself a mug. “Could you have picked a more complicated conquest?”
“She’s not a conquest.” I keep my distance for his safety’s sake, and rest my ass against the end of the nearby dining table.
“Fine. Fuck buddy. Piece of ass. Whatever you want to call it.” He grabs his filled mug and takes a sip.
“It’s been a long day, Torian. Don’t push me.”
He smirks. Slow and demeaning. “I seem to remember you telling me not to stick my dick in dangerous places not too long ago, but I’ll save you the reciprocated speech because there are more important things to discuss.” He starts toward me, taking the seat at the opposite end of the table. “I didn’t inform the others about the shooter yet. I wanted to get answers first.”
“What shooter?”
“She didn’t tell you? What were you two doing in there if not discussing the harrowing ordeal she just faced?”
“Cut the shit.” I grab the chair before me in a death grip. “What shooter?”
“It’s best to get the news from her. I barely know the details. What I do know is that she got pulled over by a local traffic cop, mentioned my name in an attempt to get help, and when the officer didn’t take the bait, she asked to speak to Agent Anissa Fox of the FBI.”
Shit.
I knew back in Greece that telling Penny about Anissa’s identity was a bad idea, but I hadn’t been able to stop myself.
“How did she know Anissa was a Fed, Luca?” The question is level, no rage, no menace despite both lurking in his gaze.
“I told her. I had no choice. She wouldn’t trust me when we were trying to gain the upper hand with Luther. She thought Anissa was a slave, and that we were involved in the trafficking.”
He takes another mouthful of coffee, those predator eyes scrutinizing me from over the rim of his mug. “You didn’t think to discuss it with me first?”
“I didn’t have time. I was in the middle of being attacked with a syringe, and if memory serves, so were you.”
“That may be the case, but you’ve caused complications. I know I don’t have to mention how important it is for a man in my position not to be associated with the Feds.”
“Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you stuck your dick in one.”
He slams his mug down on the table, the contents splashing over the rim. “Don’t fuck with me on this. Anissa is not to be discussed, not even mentioned. Wipe the name from Penny’s mind or I’ll do it myself.”
I grind my teeth. I can’t push him too far. This is my life now. He’s my general. My family. “I’ll make sure she understands.”
“Make sure you do,” he snarls. “Now there’s one more thing we need to discuss before you drag her ass out here. I told you to take care of her financially, yet she still stole from me. Why?”
I scoff. “What could she have possibly stolen?”
“Money. I’ve got a contact at the bank who’s been keeping an eye on my father’s accounts. He told me a stack of cash has been withdrawn.”
“And you’re pointing the finger at Penny? What about your dad’s informants? Or your sisters? How do you know they didn’t take the money?”
“Because I called them. Neither know how to access the accounts. I also mentioned the issue to Penny, and she didn’t deny it.”
I straighten, not believing his story. “So she confirmed it?”
“Not exactly. I’m well aware she’s not in her right mind at the moment. That’s why I need you to discuss it with her. Find out where she keeps the keycard and destroy it.”
“It’s fucking impossible. She came home from Greece empty-handed.”
“Her hands might have been empty, but did you do a cavity search? Or did you save that until you got home?” He winks.
“Fuck you.” My nostrils flare as I grip the chair tight enough to make my
fingers ache. “I’m not sleeping with her. And I’d bet good money she isn’t responsible for touching your father’s accounts.”
He shrugs. “I’ll have proof in the form of security pictures soon enough. I suggest you speak to her before then. Now get her out here; I’ve got other things to do before the night is over.”
I pause a second, unsure if I should be placing Penny in front of his barely leashed mood.
“I’ll be civil,” he drawls, as if reading my mind. “Just get her out here.”
“You better be.” I call over my shoulder. “Penny, can you come out here?” I wait for a response that doesn’t come. “Penny?”
“For your sake, I hope she didn’t steal my car this time.”
“Very funny.” I start for the hall only to be stopped by her walking into the living area.
“You wanted me?” she asks.
Without doubt.
Always.
“Take a seat,” Torian instructs. “I need to get details on what happened tonight while they’re still clear in your mind.”
She glances between the two of us as she approaches, wary yet confident. She takes the seat to my right, sitting tall, her hands placed on the table. “I can’t tell you much.”
I fling out my chair and sit beside her. “What happened?”
“I drove—”
“Where?” Torian interrupts.
“I don’t know. I was just driving, trying to get out of Portland. But I had to pull over.”
“Why?” I ask.
She shoots me a pained glance, then returns her attention to Torian. “I wasn’t in the best state of mind. So I parked on the side of the road in some sort of industrial area. Not long after, a car came up behind me. I thought it was Luc or Hunter. And because I was still angry, I didn’t even look as the man approached. I just waited for someone to order me out from behind the wheel.”
“You’re sure it was a man?” Torian leans back in his chair, still calm, still unconcerned.
“Yes. The frame was too big for a woman. He came right up to my door and tapped the barrel of a gun against the glass.”
Jesus.
Why the fuck didn’t she mention this earlier?
“Then what?” I reach for her hand and squeeze her fingers.