by Nicole Helm
They picked out the art supplies, focusing on the task rather than all those pesky thoughts and feelings, and as they moved toward the front of the store with Christmas music piping through the speakers, Summer felt edgy and uncomfortable. Far different from the feeling she’d initially had this morning of being jumpy and excited.
She didn’t want complex, hard thoughts. She’d run away from all that. Left it behind. Montana was supposed to be a fresh start and happiness, not confusion and questioning how well-adjusted she was.
They got everything they needed, and Summer talked Thack into some extra Christmas lights and a gingerbread house kit she could do with Kate one afternoon. The more she faked the cheer and the more she hoped she would feel it instead of the constricting tightness in her chest, the less she actually did.
They stood in the checkout line, and Summer hummed along with the speakers. “Joy to the World.” She wanted to feel that joy or peace or truth or something. Joy was being here, helping Thack create a great Christmas for the little girl she enjoyed so much. Peace was her caravan, being in charge of her own life. And truth…
What on earth was her truth? The question haunted her as Thack paid for the items, and she paid for the little wand for Kate. Her thoughts took up so much mental space that she wasn’t even paying attention to Thack as they walked into the freezing air of the parking lot.
“Um, so I was thinking that…” He pulled open the covered truck bed and began to place the items inside. “We could…” He closed the trunk and adjusted his hat on his head, most expressly not looking at her. “We could go out to lunch.”
Summer froze. “Lunch,” she repeated dumbly. Lunch? The two of them?
“Unless you’re busy, of course. I can drop you off at Shaw and—”
“No!” She tried to rein in her voice before she continued. “I’d love to go to lunch.” Because as confused as she was, she couldn’t help but wonder if this invitation wasn’t, well, what she’d been fantasizing about.
Because it had nothing to do with Kate or Christmas or working for the Lanes. He was asking her to lunch. Just her. There was no way she could turn that down.
* * *
Thack had no idea what he was doing. Not in inviting Summer to lunch and certainly not in sitting across from her at a table in a fairly nice restaurant. Sure, it wasn’t fancy, but as it wasn’t McDonald’s, it was about the nicest place he’d ever been in.
Seriously. What the hell was he doing?
He’d made a specific effort to ask her out to lunch. Her. Nothing dressed up in a favor or doing it for Kate. This was about him. And her. Having lunch. Together.
He felt like one of the men turned to stone in Kate’s stories—stiff and frozen and completely helpless.
So, they sat in awkward silence. Him too still while Summer fidgeted endlessly. It seemed an important contrast, though he couldn’t work out what was important about it.
They ordered and sat. Silent. Silent. Awkward.
“This is ridiculous,” Thack muttered, leaning forward and resting his forehead on his palm, his elbow on the tablecloth pulling the water glass with enough force to spill some over the edges.
Summer laughed and some of the tension eased, because her laughter always felt like sunshine. Never snarky or mean, always joy.
“It’s just lunch,” she reassured him. Or maybe she was reassuring both of them, because she didn’t appear to be any better at this than he was. “Just conversation. Because we’re, well, friends. Right? We’re friends now?”
He stared into the warmth of her gaze—more hazel than either green or brown. “Right,” he managed to say.
Because being friends was important, and more, he thought maybe he needed that “friend” step before…
Aw, sweet pickles, the fact of the matter was that he liked her and was attracted to her, and he didn’t know what to do with that anymore. Heck, he never had. Michaela had been the first girl he’d ever asked out, ever dated. She’d been it for him, simply because time had gotten away from them.
Then there hadn’t been time. He didn’t know how to dive into this whole hog. He didn’t know how to flirt or date, so maybe friendship was a good first step.
“So, did you always want to be a rancher?”
He glanced at his hat sitting on the seat next to him. “I think so. It was always a foregone conclusion I’d help Dad run the ranch. There were a few years when I thought maybe I’d go be a rodeo star first, always with the plan to come back, but Mom got sick and passed away, and it… Well, it was never as important to me after losing her.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Everyone always is.”
“It’s hard though, growing up with just one parent. But, for as much as you and your father can sometimes argue, it’s obvious he’s really supported you.”
Thack smiled wryly. “He has. It wasn’t easy at first, after Mom. She’d always been his anchor or his balance or something, and he kind of fell apart there for a while. It was hard on him to lose her.”
“Hard on you both.”
“Sure.” He shrugged, never comfortable when people offered platitudes. He’d heard them since he was a teenager. One would think he’d get used to them, but all they did was remind him of what he’d lost. If he got mired too much in that, well, he’d turn into Dad. “When we found out Michaela was pregnant, Dad pulled it together. I needed him to.”
Summer chewed on her lip, and he knew he should tell her. He should tell her what had happened to Michaela, open up in that way he tried never to do, no matter how many times the therapist in those first few years had told him he needed to open up.
He didn’t want to be open. He’d seen Dad opened up and strewn about after Mom, and he refused to be that. Especially six years after.
“That’s all depressing stuff. What about you? Did you always want to be a…” Crap.
“Jill of all trades?” she offered with one of her sunny smiles that he was beginning to realize hid something. What, he wasn’t sure, but they didn’t have that warmth she so often gave him and Kate. “I… My mother was very strict, I guess you’d say. There really weren’t many dreams she allowed me to have.”
His chest tightened, because the woman before him seemed so effortlessly a dreamer, but maybe that’s why she responded so well to Kate. She understood that, understood how it could be tamped down.
“Okay, so we’re sad sacks. Tell me something happy. About you.”
She grinned, holding up both her arms and moving them so her bracelets jangled. “I get to make all my own decisions now. I painted my caravan blue and purple. I decorate my own place. I come and go as I please. I get to be part of the Shaws, and…”
“Part of the Lanes,” Thack finished for her, because as much as she hesitated saying that, it was becoming true. “I hope you know you’re far more than an assistant to us at this point. All of us.”
Her lips curved, something shy in how she glanced away, her cheeks turning pink. “Who knew you could be so nice when I first met you,” she murmured.
“I’m not even sure I knew it myself. I’d been…isolating all of us, I guess. Trying to maintain control to keep everyone safe. You’ve been a breath of fresh air. One that allowed me to pause enough to realize how…tightfisted I’d gotten.”
“Well, I’m happy to loosen—”
Before she could finish whatever she’d been about to say, his phone rang. He frowned at the unfamiliar number. “I’m going to have to answer this just to be on the safe side.”
Summer nodded, and he hit Accept before offering a greeting.
“Hi, Thack. I’m sorry to bother you. It’s Gabriella.”
“Oh hi, Gabby.” Thack didn’t know what to make of his second cousin calling him out of the blue. Even though she was a doctor in town, they’d never spent much time together.
“Your
dad called me, and I came out to the ranch because he was having a rough go of it.”
“He called you?” Thack’s stomach sank. If Dad had actually called Gabriella in a medical capacity, things had to be really bad.
“I think he needs an overnight stay.”
“In the hospital?”
He didn’t glance at Summer until she rested a hand on his arm. She always seemed to be doing that, those easy touches of, well, he wasn’t sure what it was. Sympathy partially, comfort mostly.
“He needs a better breathing treatment than I can give him at the clinic, and I think he needs to have a checkup with his specialist about adjusting his medications. Of course, he’s fighting me on this, but—”
“I’ll be right there.” Thack was already to his feet before he noticed Summer was gone. When he looked around the restaurant, he saw her smiling and nodding with the waitress who’d taken their order.
After a few seconds, she walked back to him. “I canceled our order, and she’ll comp our drinks since it’s an emergency.”
“But—”
“It is, isn’t it? You said hospital?”
“Yeah, Dad. He needs… He has emphysema, I don’t know if you knew that.”
She shook her head, linking her arm with his and leading him out of the restaurant. “I knew something was wrong, but not that specific.”
“He’s refusing to go to the hospital, but he needs to go.”
“Then we’ll head back to the ranch, and you’ll convince him to go. Simple as that.”
Simple as that, except it wasn’t simple at all. Thack was gripped by fear, by the reminder of what happened when he loosened that iron fist of control even a little.
He’d gotten off the ranch, tried to do something friendly with Summer without thinking about Kate or Dad or the ranch, and here he was, rushing to another sick family member, hoping time wasn’t running out.
If that wasn’t a sign, he didn’t know what was.
Chapter 13
Mr. Lane ended up spending only one night in the hospital. Summer forwent all her duties with the Shaws to help. She stayed with Mr. Lane while Thack took and picked up Kate from school, and she helped with all the meals and housekeeping Thack would allow.
Things had changed since their awkward lunch. In the first few moments, she’d thought maybe friendship had the potential to lead somewhere. As confusing as that was, she wanted it.
But in the last few days since Mr. Lane had come back home, Thack’s awkward but sweet earnestness had been replaced with a kind of terse sternness that reminded her of those first few days with him.
She knew he was worried about his father, stressed about Christmas and keeping up with Kate and ranch duties, but no matter how she tried to excuse him, she couldn’t get over the fact that something in him had gone cool.
Not quite cold, but something had dimmed. She knew it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.
Summer stirred the chili she’d put together in the slow cooker before turning back to Kate, who was at the kitchen table putting together the gingerbread house. Translation: sneaking as much candy as she could into her mouth instead of onto the house.
“You’re not going to have anything left for the shingles,” Summer admonished, sliding back into the chair next to Kate.
“Eating it is more fun,” Kate said with a grin.
It was hard to argue with that. Kate swirled her finger in the frosting, staring through the open doorway from the kitchen to the dining room. The Christmas tree stood in the corner, bright-white lights twinkling.
Summer had put it on a timer yesterday after Kate complained it was never on, and she’d set out the two boxes of colored lights she and Thack had bought those few days ago, but he hadn’t taken the hint or had been too tired to put them up.
“Can’t we just decorate the tree without Daddy? He’s so grumpy when Grandpa’s sick.”
Summer didn’t know how to explain to Kate that her father’s grumpiness was a side effect of his worry. A worry he took on too much and held too tight and let burrow too deep.
Summer wished she had an answer to that. Because as much as his coolness had hurt her feelings, she still felt for the guy. She still wanted to soothe and help him. Bring back the man who’d asked her to lunch.
“Your dad is really busy, and I think he’d be really sad if we decorated the whole tree without him.”
At Kate’s despondent shoulder slump, Summer couldn’t just leave it at that. “But how about this? I’ll help you put up the colorful lights, and then you can pick one ornament, and one ornament only, to put on the tree.” And if Thack got mad about that, well, she’d give him a piece of her mind.
Even if the thought of giving him a piece of her mind made her gut clench uncomfortably. Honestly, what about this whole thing didn’t?
Kate was already scurrying over to the tree. Mr. Lane had disappeared into his room about ten minutes ago, claiming he had to make a private phone call.
He’d been doing progressively better. His new medication really seemed to help, combined with more consistent oxygen-tank wearing. He was still a little weak, a little gray, but he was on the road to recovery.
Summer didn’t know why Thack either didn’t see it or didn’t think it made a difference in how he should act.
Maybe what Thack thinks or does just isn’t any of your business, a little voice in her head whispered.
A voice that sounded a bit too much like her mother for comfort.
Kate went over to the ancient CD player that sat on the table and had been pumping a steady stream of Christmas carols. She pushed Play, grinning happily when the Chipmunks started singing about Christmas.
It was hard not to get caught up in the holiday spirit. Summer was pretty sure both she and Kate had gingerbread frosting in their hair, and Summer had snuck a few pieces of candy too, fully feeling the hit of sugar before dinner.
Summer patiently helped Kate get the strings of multicolored lights around the fake tree. She wondered why Thack didn’t have a real one. Caleb had already planned to take her out onto Shaw property and let her pick a tree to cut down since Delia wasn’t up to tramping about in the snow just yet.
Maybe she could find a little real tree for the Lane house when they did that. Something Kate could make ornaments for.
“I love the pink ones,” Kate said on a dreamy sigh. She slanted a glance at Summer. “What about two ornaments? One for me and one for you?”
“This is your tree, Kate. You and your grandpa and your dad’s.”
Kate pouted at that and Summer felt bad for saying it, for pointing out she was separate. But she had to point it out to someone, or she might start thinking she actually belonged. Then how would she feel when Thack gave her the cold shoulder?
“One ornament, sweetie.” Summer carefully opened the box marked ornaments and helped Katie up on a chair so she could see into the box.
“Oh, this one.” She picked out an angel ornament made of what appeared to be pearl with gold trim.
“Daddy always calls this one Mommy’s angel,” Kate said reverently, taking all the care of an old woman as she walked over to the tree and slid the hook onto a branch. “It’s my favorite.”
Summer shouldn’t have been shocked that Thack had the timing to come inside at that point.
“It’s my favorite too, Kate,” he said, his voice gruff but warm. For his daughter, for their memories, which Summer most assuredly wasn’t a part of.
She didn’t even know what had happened to his wife. Michaela. But he’d obviously loved her. Losing her had left a mark.
Thinking of how much he’d lost made her heart ache and made her soften that much more toward him because she knew he was only trying to hold on to what still remained.
Summer straightened. “I
told her she could put on one. Just…one.”
Thack nodded and walked over to Kate, brushing a gloved hand over her hair. “I know you’re anxious, Katie Pie. How about tomorrow night we make a special plan for hot chocolate and Rudolph and decorating the tree?”
Kate skipped away from the tree. “Can Summer come?”
She wasn’t sure what in his expression changed at that request, but Summer knew she didn’t like it. “I c—”
“Summer is always welcome,” Thack said before she could get out an excuse.
Summer is also right here, she wanted to say. Right here wondering what the hell is wrong with you.
“Where’s Dad?”
“He just went to his room to make a phone call.”
Thack nodded. “I have a few more chores to do. I know it’s getting late, but I hoped you could stay for another hour or so.”
“But aren’t you going to eat?” she asked, more of her frustration melting into worry.
“In a bit. Just a few things to tie up. You all go ahead. If I get caught up tonight, I’ll knock off early tomorrow just for our Christmas party, okay?”
Kate happily agreed, but Summer couldn’t get over the feeling that something was wrong, even as Thack disappeared back the way he came.
“Why don’t you go talk to him?”
Summer swung around, hand flying to her heart. She hadn’t heard Mr. Lane come back in the room.
“Talk to him?”
“He needs a sounding board. I think you’d be a good one.”
Summer blinked at where Thack disappeared. Sounding board? That she could do, but she had her doubts about how much he’d let her.
“Let’s eat dinner first,” she said, forcing a smile. Maybe if she ate, she’d figure out what to say.
* * *
Thack knew his father was rapidly recovering, but even a few days later, he couldn’t get over taking him to the hospital.
How many times had he visited his dying mother, and then his dying wife, in that very hospital? How many more times would that be in his future?
He was struggling to cope with it. All the freezing, controlling techniques he’d used for the past few years were failing him.