by Toni Blake
“Sorry I haven’t been around lately—my folks prodded me into a last minute trip to Florida to visit your parents.”
She flinched. Her mother had left a message on her answering machine to call, but they’d been playing phone tag since then. “Why?” she blurted.
And Jeremy laughed. “Nothing to panic about, Anna. My parents and yours are friends—in fact, there are a few other Destiny transplants in the area where they live, too. You should get down there sometime—your mom mentioned you haven’t come to visit yet.”
Anna nodded. “I know. I keep saying I’ll come, but remodeling the inn has kept me from making the time.”
“Cute little beach town,” he said. She’d seen pictures and it looked wonderful. And his tan explained the more-handsome-than-she-remembered part. “It was good to unwind and relax for a few days. But I’m glad to be home—and I’m hoping you’ll go with me to the big Fourth of July picnic out at Ed and Betty’s farm.”
Anna went numb. Other than meeting Betty on her first day working here, she barely even knew the Fishers, but she’d gone to their place for this same event last summer—because everyone did. And now Jeremy was asking her to go again—tomorrow. The bookstore had been quiet lately, and she hadn’t seen Tessa and Lucky, or she probably would have heard about Jeremy’s trip—and also been reminded about the Fourth of July picnic. But since she hadn’t, the whole thing caught her off guard.
“Um, wow,” she said, at a loss. Because the Duke thing was temporary, right? And before the Duke thing had started back up, she’d been determined to like Jeremy. Because he was a great guy. And it made all kinds of sense. And even if she didn’t want to think about it, Duke would be gone one of these days—whether from her life altogether or just from her bed—and what then? “I, um . . .” But crap, she still didn’t know what to say.
Jeremy laughed good-naturedly. Which she thought was kind, under the circumstances—he’d asked her on a date and she was acting like a dope. “Tell you what,” he said. “Sounds like maybe your plans are up in the air, so how about this? You can call me tomorrow if you decide you’d like to go. Or just meet me there. I’m a flexible guy. How’s that sound?”
Too, too nice. He was such a good guy. “That sounds great,” she said. “And sorry I’m so . . . up in the air, as you said.”
“Not a problem, Anna,” he replied with another gorgeous smile.
And after he walked back out, the little bell on the door jingling up above his head, she couldn’t help asking herself a question. Am I being smart or crazy? Jeremy was a sure thing—for right now anyway. While Duke was a wild card. And she knew that, in the end, she had little chance of winning the game they were playing. He held all the cards, after all.
As she drove home a little later, she continued thinking it through. You know he’s going to leave you again. Whether it’s tomorrow or next week or next month. And it’s all pretty perfect right now. And even the fact that they worked so hard at keeping things light was fine, truly fine. She liked light and fun as much as anyone, and frankly, light and fun was easy now because she felt as if they’d already waded together through all the hard parts. But he’s still going to leave you. Because he’s a troubled man. And you can’t fix somebody, or heal somebody. You can be there for them, you can contribute to their happiness—but you can’t fix them inside; Duke has to do that himself. And no matter how good things seemed right now, Anna just didn’t know that he would. Because his troubles ran deep.
How much of yourself are you willing to give to a man so wounded? How much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice? And no matter how cool and confident you are, no matter how light and fun things feel right now, how much of your heart will he take with him when he goes?
So don’t be foolish. You owe him nothing. In fact, going to the picnic and fireworks with Jeremy tomorrow night would probably be a good break, and a good reminder that there was life beyond Duke Dawson. It’s really not healthy for you to spend so much time alone with him anymore anyway. You’ll be attached to him when he leaves. But if you get out some, if you keep your options open, then it’ll be a lot easier when you wake up one morning to find the bed empty or come home one night to find the house dark.
Anna approached Half Moon Hill deciding that she would call Jeremy and tell him she’d love to go to Ed and Betty’s with him tomorrow night.
And then she pulled in the driveway and glanced over to see Duke standing beneath the maple tree smiling at her. Next to Cathy’s old swing, which he’d apparently found in the attic and just hung up.
“And I waited and lived on in a sort of ecstatic dream.”
Gaston Leroux, The Phantom of the Opera
Twenty-one
Anna felt as if she were in a sun-drenched haze as she crossed the yard in a summery dress and sandals to greet him.
“What do you think?” he asked, still grinning. And oh Lord, the man was sexy without even trying.
“I . . . think it’s amazing.”
This made him balk slightly. “I wouldn’t go that far. Just slapped a coat of paint on it and put on some sturdy new rope is all.”
How could she explain? “It’s . . . Cathy’s,” she said. “The girl who lived here. She wrote about it in her diary.”
Duke’s jaw dropped and she could see that even he was a bit affected by this news. “I found it in the attic when I was up there working on the windows, but . . . never thought about where it had come from. So it’s that old, huh? Been here since the fifties?”
She nodded. “Her boyfriend pushed her on it. It hung from this very tree.”
They both looked up into the thick green leaves. “Probably from this same branch,” he speculated.
And she nodded. “That’s always how I pictured it. Hanging exactly like this.”
Anna stood on one side of the swing, Duke on the other, and they looked at each other between the two thick twists of rope. And she knew that Duke felt the same magic in the coincidence that she did. The wonder of it passed between them wordlessly as her skin tingled.
“Thank you,” she said. And then she leaned over the swing and kissed him. “For hanging it. It’s the perfect touch for the yard.”
Their eyes met again amid the fresh connection this brought them. And it was like when they’d made love in the yard, almost in this very spot—she didn’t quite want the moment to end. Because as Cathy had shown her—it was all so fleeting.
And then Duke said, “Take a seat, Daisy,” and pointed to the swing below them.
She said nothing—just turned around and sat down on Cathy’s swing. Then she lifted her feet up and Duke began to push her. And the evening air smelled sweet with the scent of the roses by the house as a golden butterfly fluttered past beneath the tree. And Duke’s hands, each time they touched her back, felt sturdy and strong. And Anna imagined the joy Cathy had experienced in this very spot all those years ago while the boy she loved stood behind her, lifting her higher and higher.
Life was fleeting, but maybe there were some things that didn’t change much.
The following day, they worked together putting up the new trim pieces Anna had so diligently painted. She let Erik out—and tried to be responsive to his affectionate meowing by occasionally reaching down to pet him between carrying pieces of trim to Duke. Though at one point when she almost tripped over the cat, she looked down to say, “I’ve come to like you a lot, but seriously, you’re so needy. You could stand to work on that.”
It was the kind of day Anna liked best—hot and sunny and blue-skied, but dotted with enough puffy white clouds that whenever she started to think it might be getting too hot, a cloud floated in front of the sun to deliver some shade. More of Cathy’s records played inside, and music spilled through the open windows while they worked.
Later, as the sun began to dip toward the tree line, Duke grilled hamburgers from the freezer while Anna tried her hand at baked beans, and she also made deviled eggs. They cut up a watermelon she’d bought at a
roadside stand a couple of days ago and soon sat on a blanket in the backyard eating their summertime feast.
They took their time, going back for more watermelon and some cookies Anna had gotten from the bakery in town, and quickly found themselves in that ethereal space where darkness was falling but you could still see everything around you. The light chirps of crickets filled the air, and lightning bugs began to blink in the distance.
She’d bought the gas grill thinking it would be a nice option for her B&B guests, but—thinking of the meal she’d just finished—Anna found herself deciding it seemed silly to offer a grill without a picnic table or two at which to eat. “I should pick up some lawn furniture,” she mused, looking around the large but mostly empty backyard. “Tables and chairs, maybe a lounge chair or two. Bet I can get it cheap when fall comes. Just like the grill last year.”
“Yeah, probably can, but . . .” Duke cast her a look she couldn’t quite interpret as he took the last juicy bite of a watermelon slice, then dropped the green rind on his plate and set it aside.
“You don’t think I should?”
In response, he gave his head an undeniably sexy tilt. “Nah, it’s not that. Guess I was just thinking . . . the blanket is nice for now.” And with that, he playfully pushed her to her back, met her gaze with those seductive gray eyes, then kissed her.
Okay, he was definitely right—the blanket had its merits.
She began sinking into his sweet, hot kisses, her arms twining around his neck, when booming sounds in the distance interrupted them, made them sit up—in time to see a bright burst of pink and green fireworks in the distance.
And she gasped lightly—remembering Jeremy. And that she’d never called him. Or even thought about going tonight. The truth was—the moment she’d seen Cathy’s swing yesterday, she’d forgotten all about the picnic invitation, as well as the man who’d so kindly issued it.
As more fireworks lit the sky miles away, Duke said, “Must be from that farm everybody goes to on the Fourth of July.”
“Betty and Ed’s,” she murmured. “I’d almost forgotten what day it was.” She and Duke had cooked out, made a picnic of their own, but they’d never once talked about it being a holiday.
“Surprised you aren’t down there at the big celebration,” he said.
“I was invited.” She still felt rather dazed by the realization.
“Why didn’t you go?”
They’d both continued watching the fireworks, but now Anna glanced over at her lover, feeling sheepish inside. “I forgot.”
The man next to her raised his eyebrows, his expression teasing her. “Forgot?”
So then she admitted the truth—to both of them. “Guess I had better things to do.”
“Hanging out here with me?”
She nodded. “Is that okay?” Then she turned her eyes back to the neon-lit sky. “Or is that too deep for you, Mr. Dawson?”
Next to her, she sensed more than saw his shrug as he said, “Nah, it’s okay, Daisy.” Then he reached over to hold her hand. “It’s nice.”
And as she sat there soaking up the moment, she couldn’t deny knowing that fireworks from a distance with Duke thrilled her way more than they would close-up with Jeremy. Her heart be damned.
Anna manned the bookstore one afternoon a few days later when Amy and Tessa came in talking about the Fourth of July picnic. And Amy yelled to Anna, who was shelving new mystery novels out of her sight, “Where were you that day? I just assumed you’d be there or I’d have checked to make sure someone invited you.”
And before Anna could even answer, Tessa chimed in from one of the easy chairs, where she sat with coffee and a book on parenting she’d bought to give Rachel. “Oh, don’t worry, I know someone invited her—my brother.”
“Oh!” Amy said happily. Yet then she must have remembered again that Anna hadn’t come. “But then . . .”
Anna briefly shut her eyes, feeling like a horrible person—before exiting from between the two tall shelves. She looked to Tessa. “I’m so sorry if I let Jeremy down. I meant to get in touch with him. I just . . .”
Amy and Tessa both looked at her—not with any sort of accusation in their eyes, but she still felt a bit on the spot.
“I fell asleep.”
Amy balked. “That early? On the Fourth of July?” Though she went on, letting Anna off the hook. “But between here and your house, you work so much, so I guess it’s understandable.”
Just then, the bookstore door opened, admitting Cara Collins, a teenage girl Amy was friendly with, so she turned her attention to her. “Cara—hi! The books you ordered came in yesterday—let me get them for you.” And as Amy and Cara stood chatting near the counter, it gave Anna a chance to speak with Tessa privately.
She lowered her voice to say, “Again, I’m so sorry, and . . . I didn’t really fall asleep. It was . . . Duke. We’re back on again, I guess you could say. At least for now.”
And to her surprise, Tessa smiled and shook her head. “That’s okay. Jeremy’s a big boy, and though I do like the idea of you two together . . . when I saw you with Duke the night you came over, well . . .”
Anna let her eyes open a bit wider. “Well what?”
Tessa’s face took on a dreamy, romantic look. “I just thought I saw something special there, that’s all. So maybe it’s meant to be. You know, destiny in Destiny.”
And Anna didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. She wanted Duke to be her destiny—but she knew he didn’t feel the same way, or that he wouldn’t let himself.
Or . . . would he?
Because weren’t things getting better between them all the time? And wasn’t he seeming more like a man in control of himself, a man who was beating his demons?
Anna tried not to think too hard about any of this—all the time—because she didn’t want to get hurt again. But for just this one moment, she let Tessa’s words lift her heart and she allowed herself to believe: Maybe he’ll love me back.
That night on the way home, she stopped to pick up ingredients to make a pizza, thinking it would be a fun twist on dinner for her and Duke. When she arrived home, she found another note on the counter about fishing, though, and figured dinner could wait. It was a wonderfully mild summer evening, so she decided to change into shorts and join Duke by the lake. Maybe she could even learn to fish. Not that she had much interest in fishing, but she was sure if she was doing it with Duke, she’d end up enjoying it.
Duke had mentioned that the path he took to the lake led directly from the cabin, so she followed the same old trail there through the woods, enjoying the walk—the sights, the smells. The woods themselves felt so different to her than on the first day she’d met Duke—like a friendlier place, a place she’d truly connected with. Because of him.
Reaching the cabin, she knocked—just to make sure he wasn’t inside. No answer, as she’d expected. But the last time she’d been here it had been dark, and she’d been upset—and now, she felt the urge to go back inside. Maybe it was because of Cathy and Robert—being in the very spot where they’d made love would make her feel more connected to them, as well. Just like the other night on the swing. Or maybe it was about Duke, too. Maybe she wanted to see again where he’d chosen to live for a while.
Pushing the thick door open, she stepped into the dim interior, took in the scent of old wood, looked around and tried to imagine actually living here. Duke kept it tidy—his sleeping bag was neatly arranged, his few dishes clean and resting on a small dish towel beside the chipped white porcelain sink.
That was when she spotted the picture on the wall—the same faded one she’d seen while letting Duke take care of her twisted ankle nearly two months ago. But now it held much more interest for her, so she made a beeline toward it.
And as she looked closely and understood what it was, she gasped. Robert.
Just as Cathy had described, he sat in a small boat, billowing trees behind him. And though time had badly damaged the photo, she could make out
medium hair, confident eyes, and a smile that held a hint of vulnerability. His shirt was open at the neck, his hair slightly longer than she’d have expected for the era. And she could see instantly how Cathy had fallen in love with him. She even found herself reaching out her hand to touch the glass overtop the picture—some effort to be closer to them still.
Then she noticed something she hadn’t on her first visit. Two more nails, set at the right height and an even distance, making her think all three pictures Cathy had given him had once hung here. But the other two were gone. And this one had been left behind? Something about it made her stomach pinch.
Just then, the cabin’s door opened and she looked up to see Duke step in.
“Whoa—Daisy,” he said, clearly taken aback.
She still touched the picture frame even as she looked at him. “I’m sorry—I came out to see you and . . .”
“Whatcha lookin’ at—that old picture? I’ve wondered about that guy.”
“I—I can tell you about him,” she said, still overcome with emotion.
Which was when he noticed that part. “You okay, baby?”
She nodded. But then sat down in one of the old kitchen chairs. He pulled the other one out and joined her. And then she told him all about Cathy and Robert—everything she could remember from Cathy’s diary.
She concluded by saying, “And I don’t know how it ends up yet. And I could rush ahead and read the rest, sure, but . . . there’s something that makes me want to stretch it out and just sort of . . . enjoy that time along with her, make it last. In case it doesn’t.” Then she stopped, shook her head. She probably seemed silly. “How crazy is that, to be worried for someone who . . . who already found out the answer a long time ago and isn’t even alive anymore?”
“It’s not crazy,” he said. “Exactly.” He gave her a grin, a quick wink.
“I just . . . want to find out she had a happy life, that’s all.”
But then Duke reacted as . . . well, as she would expect most people to. “You shouldn’t let it get to you so much, though. It’s just an old diary—whatever happened then doesn’t matter anymore.”