“Is she going to be okay?”
“Hopefully, but she needs lots of rest.”
I nodded, and left so she could get rest. Plenty of it. I wasn’t anyone who should be impeding her recovery.
Shortly after, on a Tuesday morning during school, I began to have dull pains in various parts of my stomach, and generally felt like shit. By the end of the day, the pain migrated further down my abdomen and was suddenly sharp, doubling me over as I walked into the house. Dad and Hadley were instantly on me. Suspecting that I had appendicitis, since my dad has had it before, he took me to the emergency room, where I was put through some tests, diagnosing me with acute appendicitis. I was admitted to the same hospital as Kat. We were in the same building again and I still couldn’t talk to her. After the medicine stopped the swelling, and a majority of the pain, I was released two days later.
Throughout my own recovery, I did a lot of thinking. I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to lose Kat in my life. Even if I feared her spurning me, I almost lost her entirely. I had to hold onto her somehow. Any way I could.
The moment I saw Kat in the hallway her first day back to school, I walked over to her, landed my Colts hat on top of her head, and gave her a gentle hug from behind. Hearing her soft gasp, she seemed shocked and so did her friends. Yet again, I was even astonished by my own actions, but it was part of my new initiative.
“How are you feeling, Kit Kat?”
“Better.”
“Good. I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.”
The smell of her hair and having her in my arms was too fucking much. I gave her another light squeeze before letting go. I wanted to tell her more than that, but I was at a loss for words. I really did miss her. A lot was an understatement.
I didn’t tell her I went to see her in the hospital, because I didn’t think it was a big deal that I had. I also didn’t want her to know how much of a chicken shit I was.
On my 17th birthday, I got the best gift ever. I was at my locker when Kat grabbed my arm, sliding her hand up and down my bare skin. Her brown eyes sparkled as I stupidly stared into them with awe. Except for the one time in the car, she never initiated any touching.
“Happy birthday, Sonic.”
I stuttered, “Th-thanks.”
My arm hair, as well as the hair on the back of my neck, instantly stood on end, along with my dick. I had to move my fucking books down in front of me as I leaned against my locker, practically in a catatonic stupor. Her skin on mine… I’d never been so affected like that. Touching her knee in the car was nothing compared to what she just did.
The last day of school also happened to be Kat’s 16th birthday. I wanted to give her something, but not the keychain, and since I didn’t want to show her how much I’ve been obsessing over her, I didn’t buy her anything, staying casual about it. However, seeing Kat at her locker that morning, I was anything but casual. Going over, I picked her up, giving her a twirl around, making her squeal, before setting her down.
I whispered, “Happy birthday.”
“You remembered?”
“Yeah…”
Kat’s smile lit up the fucking hallway. “Thank you!”
Her reaction was astonishing and it left me wondering if I was wrong about stepping up our friendship. For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to kiss a girl.
“I hope you have a good summer.”
“You, too, Kit Kat. I’ll call you.” I wanted to.
“I’d like that.”
But I didn’t call her. Her birthday had me in a tailspin. I wanted her to touch me more. Everywhere. I wanted to yank her back to me, and beg her to touch me again. Yet, I couldn’t. That one good thing happening would lead to many bad things happening.
Watching Kat walk away for three months strangled me. I only had one year left in that school with her and I felt helpless because of my self-imposed limitations.
Since I had passed my driver’s test, I had to get a job to pay for my gas and insurance. I got a part-time summer job stocking shelves at Blake’s, a small grocery store where my sister worked. We carpooled when we could, but most of the time, we worked different schedules, so I had to drive my dad’s truck, or he had to drop me off if he was using it. I worked nearly every weeknight and then most of the weekend, but working only so many hours, since I was a minor.
The summer dragged on. I spent my days working, or hiding in my room.
A few weeks before school started, I saw Kat leaving Blake’s with someone I suppose was Brenda. I wanted to chase Kat down to say hello, but then I didn’t want her to ask why I hadn’t called.
Seeing her that day, tore at something in me. I wasn’t accomplishing any realistic goal by telling myself we couldn’t be together or that I’d get bored of her. I wanted her. The feeling was overwhelming. Being away from Kat didn’t help to clear my head; it only made it more fucked up. I wanted to taste her lips, feel her breasts heaving against me, and her hot breath panting my name over my skin.
Even if I decided to make concessions, I still held back with one stipulation. I wanted Kat to want me. I was going to put myself out there all I could, but if she didn’t respond, then I’d have my answer without her saying the words.
I was going on a mission to make her want me.
By the time school had started back, I was ready to up my game, but on the first day, I began doubting my plan.
I needed help.
I could’ve asked Dash, since he was polluted with female attention and might have advice to give. I had considered it and vowed to kick his ass if he laughed about it, but even so, as I was busy with work or football practice, he was also busy with working the books for his dad’s club, or doing his track and field shit after school. Unfortunately, that also meant that if I tried to kick his ass, he could outrun me any day. Bastard.
Taking a seat in the back of my new economics class, Amie Stoltz took a seat in front of me. She was in my homeroom, so we knew each other and she was always friendly.
Leaning forward, I chatted her up, and quickly poured out my predicament to her, I was so desperate.
“What can I do to make her notice me?”
“Make her jealous.”
“How do I do that?”
“Flirt with other girls in front of her. If she has feelings for you, that will piss her off and she’ll want to mark her territory.”
“Really?”
“You could also fake a girlfriend.”
“Do what?”
“Make her think you’re dating someone else. It’ll at least get her to ask you about it. You then would ask her if she’s jealous. Then, you tell her you’re actually single. She’ll want to snatch you up before you really do find someone else.”
“You think that will work?”
“It’s worth a try.”
“Who could I get to be my decoy?”
She gave me a wide smile.
From being in her homeroom, I knew Amie had a longtime boyfriend who was in the Navy and stationed overseas. He also had gone to another high school, so he wasn’t known around our school. This really could work.
“Amie, will you be my fake girlfriend?”
“You’re so romantic, Jared.”
So, that’s what I did.
I lured Kat to a school dance so that she was my audience when I slow danced with Amie and a few of her friends. Kat watched me the whole night, but didn’t say anything to me about it on Monday.
I needed to push it further.
I gave Amie my spare jersey to wear, hoping that would spur Kat. I then strategically told Amie where to stand so Kat would see her. When that still didn’t get a response from her, I stood close with Amie, out in the open, to make sure Kat saw us together. When I finally caught her eye, she hurriedly looked away. I also noticed that Kat wasn’t making any effort to say hello to me after that. I thought for sure I was onto something. I just had to push her to the tipping point.
Seeing her in t
he gym before a school rally, I walked up from behind and put my arms around her. I hadn’t done that in so long and it made me realize how much I missed her close to me. It also forced me to remember why I had a tough time doing it. Her sweet perfume was like a sledgehammer to my resolve.
“Hi, Kit Kat.”
“Hello.”
My mouth was close to her ear and I wanted to run my lips over her neck, taking in her taste and scent. If I stayed like that any longer, I would’ve been fully erect and rubbing my cock against her ass.
Not that I didn’t think about ever doing that.
Every damn day.
She didn’t say any more than that and her body was rigid—not like mine. Hers was a distant aloofness and I got the feeling she didn’t want me touching her, so even though I knew I had to, for the sake of public decency, I reluctantly stepped away.
For days, I tried talking more to Kat, but she still didn’t want to give me a second of her time. That was agonizingly obvious when she suddenly disappeared from the normal places we ran into each other. I had my timing down to a science, just so I could see her for five seconds after my biology class. Therefore, when it turned into days on end, I knew something was wrong.
That Friday, before the tardy bell rang, signaling the start of 3rd period, I hung outside her classroom like a snake waiting to strike its prey. When she hurriedly rounded the corner, I hooked her arm and reeled her to me. Her eyes flew over my face as she gulped for air. I asked her what was wrong, hoping she’d tell me she was jealous, yet she didn’t say that. She didn’t say anything, really. My face was a breath away from hers, not because I was mad, but because I was so close to kissing her, wanting to lose fucking control with her right in that hallway for anyone to see. What the hell was wrong with me?
The day I got out of English to catch a glimpse of Kat at lunch, turned into nothing less than a shock for me. I saw her, but I didn’t see her with a bunch of girls. I saw her walking next to a guy—a guy whose face I wanted to slam into a locker until his teeth crumbled. The rage I felt was new and hard to swallow. I was trying to make her jealous with Amie, but I hadn’t anticipated she’d not be affected by it at all, or for her to run to someone else. This was backfiring. I was beyond frustrated, yet I still refused to give up the need for her to want me.
It was imperative that she wanted me.
When I confronted her about the fucker, she denied he was her boyfriend. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her I was teasing her, but failing. I wanted to tell her I wanted to be her boyfriend. I wanted to tell her…so much. However, I still couldn’t. Again, I was in the position of having to let her go without resolving a damn thing.
I had to let her escape without us really saying anything to each other. As usual.
By my 18th birthday, things were extremely strained between us, to the point that we were barely speaking to each other. I had eased up using Amie as much, since my ploy wasn’t working.
So fed up with the clusterfuck we were in, I wanted to have it out with Kat. I spent my entire English class writing her a long note, laying it all on the line, telling her there was…something…going on between us, and that she had to feel it, too. Thus, leaving the ball in her court for her say she wanted me. That part was crucial. I was going to give her the note before she went into class, but she’d have to come to me afterward if she did want me. I didn’t care if we had an audience, or if we were going to be late for class. I was going to get my answer and my Katriona Merrick that day.
Before class was dismissed and I had to meet Kat to give her the note, I was so fucking anxious. My leg bounced like a jackhammer breaking concrete. Unfortunately, Dash sat next to me, witnessing my crunching nerves.
“What’s your problem, Jericho?”
“Nothing. Who says I have a problem? I don’t have a problem.”
“Yeah. Convincing. You’re going to set off the Richter scale with your leg bouncing. Girl trouble?”
“Nope. None.”
“Uh, huh. Is Hadley single?”
“What the hell?”
I irritably scowled at Dash, but at least it stopped my leg for 10 seconds.
Kat had chemistry class during my lunch hour, so I headed down to her classroom. I leaned against the open door, impatiently watching everyone walking toward me. Finally, when Kat turned the corner, I smiled, but it soon crashed to the floor. Around her shoulder hung an arm that wasn’t mine. It was some douchebag’s, and they were smiling at each other. Mid-hallway, they stopped and he hugged her, kissing her forehead. My hand clutched the door, willing it to break before I did. However, it was too late. Pissed off beyond anything I’d ever felt, I swung the door, making it loudly bounce off the bank of lockers next to the room, before storming down the other end of the hall to the cafeteria, not stopping until I was outside.
She had said she didn’t have a boyfriend, but that was months ago. Had I wasted my time? Did I even have a prayer of her going out with me? She didn’t want an us.
She didn’t even want me.
I was finished. Done.
Two days before her 17th birthday was the last day of school for my senior class. Before I left the building on my final day as a high school student, I found Kat and asked her if she was going to miss me. I don’t know why I did it, because either way, I really didn’t want to hear the answer. I just had to see her one last time.
When she said she would miss me, I didn’t believe her. She didn’t seem to want me while I was there. Why should she feel any differently about me not being there?
I forced a smile and promised her I’d call her in a few days.
Right.
Before I questioned her about her boyfriend, and about what the hell we’ve been doing for two years, I turned and walked away from Kat Merrick.
I was wrecked for months—for years—over her, and I never wanted to suffer through something like that ever again. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
I won’t.
It happened just like I knew it would if I got involved with Kat, being more entangled with her than any of my past girlfriends. I knew she’d do exactly what I was afraid of and someone ended up getting hurt. Me.
After I left her, I swore I’d never let another female rip my fucking soul out, like she did to me. I never told anyone about the one-sided tug-of-war I had with Kat. Not Dash, my dad, Hadley, or Rio. No one knew.
“Jared, what’s wrong?” Kat’s voice rattles me and I glance back to her face—a face I didn’t even recognize five minutes ago, not that she made it easy with all the makeup she has on or her sunglasses hiding her blue eyes, which really aren’t blue.
Dash obnoxiously laughs and says, “I think you shocked my man into last week.”
She says, “Believe me. I was shocked when he showed up at my mom’s. I thought I was seeing a ghost.”
“Jericho? Yeah, he can be scary sometimes.”
Their carefree joking and the encroaching crowd around us are too much for me to take. Kat had changed the course of my life and now she was back to fuck it up even more. She’s all I thought about, day in and day out, for my last two goddamn years of school.
And I’ve tried to forget her every day since.
I open my mouth to say something, but I’m still speechless. The only thing I can manage is, “I gotta get out of here.”
Taking a step back, I push through the crowd, leaving Kat behind me.
Again.
CHAPTER 7
“Are you going to tell me what happened at the marina?” my dad annoyingly probes.
I cross my arms and restlessly shift my legs. “Are you going to tell me how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?”
“Jared.”
Teetering on frustration, I sigh and turn my head to look out the window. “Nothing happened. I got bored and left.”
“You seemed upset to me.” I hate that he’s so perceptive, or a lucky guesser. Not sure which one, but I hope it’s the latter.
/> With a testy laugh, I scoff, “Yeah. Upset that I wasted my time there with Calder.”
He gallingly counters, “Because you have so many other pressing engagements to attend?” I’ve been awake for approximately 13 minutes, and my dad is already getting on my fucking nerves. He must be seriously trailing behind in meeting his weekly nagging quota.
“If you absolutely need to know, I do have other things going on.” Sadly, I don’t. Every night, we eat in an uncomfortable silence or even worse, endure his small talk. Jesus. If I have to hear any more about this week’s weather fronts, storm patterns, and record lows, I won’t be held responsible for blocking all his local stations, including The Weather Channel, before throwing his remote controls onto the expressway during rush hour.
After this tedious, evening routine, I clear the table and tell him I’m going to bed early. I’m not a kid anymore. I’m 30 years old. He’s giving me zero room to breathe. I’ll gladly take someone putting a pillow over my face if it’d mean I struggled less.
Of course, he continues, “I wasn’t the only one who wondered where you went last night. Dashiell was wondering what happened to you.”
I frown at the window. “Maybe Dashiell needs to find a hobby or new friends.”
Dad chuckles as he turns onto Brenda’s street. “I don’t think he’d know what to do without you, you’ve been friends for so long.” He pulls alongside the curb, behind Lange’s blue pickup.
“Too long,” I grumble, getting out of the truck. Shutting the door and stepping back, I spot a certain black Subaru parked further up the street. Fuck. I was hoping he wouldn’t show up, instead choosing to sweep up sequins from a stage.
The Keys to Jericho Page 10