I ignored his question as I opened the door to get out. “I’ll see you guys in the morning. Chris, can you be back here at eight-thirty?”
“Sure thing, Cam. Call me if you need me to come by sooner.”
He knew as well as I did that there was a chance I’d get rejected and sent away immediately. I hoped that wouldn’t be the case.
“Where are you going?” Van asked me.
“Don’t worry about it,” I told him as I slammed the door behind me.
I heard the window roll down behind me, but I didn’t turn around. I folded my arms over my chest to ward off the cold as I made my way to the front door.
“Cam, seriously, what’s going on with you?” Dillon called after me.
“Nothing,” I called back. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I thought I heard him say something to Van, maybe explaining what he thought I was doing, but I was too far away to hear anything over the wind blowing off of the river a few blocks away.
Instead of offering any additional explanations to my friends, I focused my attention on the array of buzzers and searched for Andi’s last name. It was after one in the morning, so I doubted she was awake, but I pressed the buzzer for her apartment anyway. I didn’t get a response, so I tried again.
“Hello?” came a sleep-soaked voice that didn’t sound like Andi’s. I figured it was her roommate, Hannah, who I’d never met before.
“Uh, hi. Is Andi home?”
“It’s one in the morning,” Hannah said sharply.
“I know. I just need to talk to her.”
She sighed. “Is this Cam?”
“Yes.”
I wondered if it was a good sign that she wasn’t all that surprised that I’d be knocking on her door in the middle of the night. I wondered what Andi had told her when she’d gotten home.
Hannah didn’t say anything else, though. She just hit the buzzer, so I grabbed the door before I lost my chance. I turned to see Chris driving off and my bandmates still looking at me like I was insane. I probably was.
I trudged up the stairs and arrived at Andi’s front door to find it slightly ajar. Hannah was nowhere to be found, and her bedroom door was closed, so I assumed she’d gone back to bed. I slipped inside and closed the door behind me before I crossed the small space to Andi’s room.
When I opened the door, I found her asleep, looking so peaceful, but on her nightstand I could see wadded up tissues that let me know she’d been crying – because of me, no doubt. I was such a jackass.
Not sure what I should do, I sat on the edge of her bed, feeling it depress beneath my weight. Andi must have felt it too since her eyes fluttered opened. She looked confused for a few seconds before she registered that I was in her room.
“Cam?”
I nodded. “Hey.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, her slight accent always a little more pronounced when she’d just woken up.
“I needed to see you,” I said, my voice sounding hoarse. “Tonight was bad. I just . . . I needed to see you.”
I knew there was a good chance she’d tell me to get lost, and if she did, I figured I deserved it. I’d go quietly if that happened. I wouldn’t push her.
She eyed me for several seconds, probably debating if I even deserved her sympathy after how I’d treated her.
“Come here,” she finally said as she sat halfway up.
I practically fell into her arms as she wrapped them around me, holding me close. I buried my face in her neck, inhaling her familiar scent and let myself get lost there for a few blissful moments.
“I’m so sorry,” I muttered against her skin.
“It’s okay,” she said softly, her hand sliding rhythmically up and down my back, making me feel comfort I hadn’t known in a long time. I hadn’t even known I’d needed it.
“It’s not okay. The way I treated you – I was scared, and I took it out on you. I was a jerk, and I’m so, so sorry, Andi.”
“Is Phillip alright?”
I nodded. “He’s okay. They took him to rehab a few hours ago. He’s going to be pissed when wakes up, but at least he’s alive.”
“You saved his life.”
“I know.”
I rolled away from her and onto my back, gazing up at her ceiling. I remembered being in her room for the first time when she’d jokingly told me she’d ordered a poster of me for her ceiling. That seemed like a lifetime ago.
Andi turned on her side and pressed against me, her arm draping over my stomach, her head propped up on her hand. She didn’t say anything, though. She just watched me, and I kept my gaze on the ceiling, watching the light from the street make shapes across it.
“I had to see you,” I told her. “I couldn’t leave things the way they were. I’m sorry it’s so late. I know you have to work tomorrow.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” she said softly, and relief coursed through me.
I shifted my gaze over to her and caught a glimpse of the tissues on her nightstand. “But I made you cry, didn’t I? I hurt you.”
“Yes,” she said softly, her intense brown eyes focused on me. Even in the dark I could see sadness behind them.
“I’m sorry, Andi. Please know that I didn’t mean to hurt you. It sort of just happened.”
“I know,” she said around a sigh. “I guess it was just the icing on the cake.”
I sighed. “Tonight was so bad. I have no idea how I got so many things wrong, but I did. I would honestly understand if you wanted me to leave and never call you again.”
Andi gave me a small smile, relieving me of the agony of waiting to see if she was going to write me off after what I’d done.
“Cam, tonight pretty much felt like nine kinds of wrong, but I don’t want you to go. Having you here is the first thing about tonight that feels right. I’m glad you came over. I was worried about you. Are you okay?”
The concern in her voice chipped away at my guilt, lessening it. She wasn’t mad at me. Her hand was resting on my stomach, and I hadn’t realized how much I was craving her touch until I had it. This girl was everything to me, and I’d almost ruined what we had.
I sighed, my breath sounding shaky. “I’ll be alright. I’m just sorry you had to witness what you did. Trust me when I tell you that I had no plans for you to see any of that. Had I known Phillip was going to overdose, I would have cancelled our date,” I said sardonically.
“You had no idea that was going to happen, Cam,” Andi said softly, soothingly. She knew I was upset, and she was trying to make me feel better. I honestly loved her for it. “I would have been really upset if you cancelled. I was so excited to see you.”
“I was excited to see you too,” I said, because I’d been literally counting the minutes. “I’m just pissed that Phillip ruined our night. The worst part is, I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. Phillip’s been pushing his limits for too long, mixing and experimenting and being reckless. I should have intervened, but I didn’t want to be a dick.”
Andi’s hand slid up to my chest. “Hey, do not blame yourself for his mistakes. He’s an adult. What happened tonight, that’s on him.”
“I know, but I can’t help feeling guilty. I knew what he was doing. We all did.”
“Well, the good thing is he’s going to be alright. He’ll get the help he needs, and it’s because of you that he has a second chance.”
“You’re right. I know your right.” I laughed nervously. “If only his timing wasn’t so shitty.”
“It wasn’t the best,” she agreed. “But I’m not sure there’s ever a good time to overdose.”
“All I wanted was to show you a nice time tonight,” I said, looking over at her. “I wanted it to be special, a night that you’d remember.”
“Ah, that makes sense.”
“What makes sense?” I asked warily, wondering what she knew that I didn't.
She shrugged. “Tonight. The restaurant, the fanfare, the champagne, the weird food.”
> “You didn’t like it?”
Andi bit her lip. “Do you want the truth?”
“Yes.”
I figured what could be worse than the truth.
“It wasn’t really my scene.”
“So, you didn’t like it?”
“I’m not saying that. The food was actually great, but it just wasn’t where I expected us to go. Last time you were here, we were pretty low key. I just figured we’d do that again so we could maximize the time we had together.”
“So, you’re saying a seven course dinner wasn’t the best way to do that,” I said, realizing she was right, and I was an idiot. “Would you have preferred it if I swung through the McDonald’s drive through on my way to pick you up?”
I was completely joking as I mentally kicked myself for being a moron and not knowing her better. But when she smiled, it kind of made me feel whole again.
“I actually love McDonalds.”
“Andi, I wasn’t going to take you to McDonald’s on a date.”
“You could have. I would have been fine with it. It’s not about the place or the food. I just wanted to see you. I would have much preferred eating takeout on the couch than anything else. I don’t need more than that, not with you.”
“Yeah, but you date older guys. I’m sure they’ve taken you to nice restaurants before.”
“They have, but you know what, when I have to focus on which fork to use and worry about what I’m eating and whether my manners are appropriate, it’s never as much fun. And I have so much fun just being with you, Cam. It’s easy, and I love that.
“Yeah?”
I let my head drop onto her shoulder, feeling a little defeated that I couldn't get shit right. Was it really as simple as she was saying?
“Cam, you don’t have to try to impress me. I like you for this,” she said, tapping two fingers against my chest, right over my heart. “It’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen, and that was why I was excited to see you tonight. Everything else – dinners, shows, flowers, champagne – they’re just an added bonus to the great guy you are.”
“I’ll try to remember that for next time,” I said, looking up at her hopefully. “If there is a next time.”
“There will be,” she promised me. “Had you not come by tonight, I might have had a different answer for you, but that’s not something you have to worry about now.”
“I had to come. I couldn’t just leave things open ended and walk away. I like you too much.”
“I like you too,” she said softly as she laid her head on my shoulder.
I reached up and took her hand that was still resting on my chest and laced my fingers with hers, just content to be close to her.
“Cam, can I ask you something?” Andi said after several moments of silence.
“Sure.”
“How did you know what to do tonight? To help Phillip?”
I sighed, figuring this would come up. “My brother overdosed twice when he was in high school. The first time I saw his friend make him throw-up, and the second time I did it for him.”
“Does your brother have a problem with drugs?”
“Not anymore. He was involved with the wrong people for a while, but he got his life together a few years ago. He’s been clean since.”
“That’s good. Drugs can be scary.”
“They can.”
I’d seen firsthand just how scary they could be too many times. Preston had almost died in my arms just like Phillip had. It was why I never touched anything but alcohol.
“I didn’t grow up in the best neighborhood, and I saw a lot of shit I never wanted to see. I’m not proud of it, but it is what it is,” I said, shrugging.
“I remember you telling me that. Was it really that bad?”
I nodded. “Yeah, it was. I lost three friends in high school. One from a gang-related stabbing, one from a drug deal gone wrong, and one from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I had friends that went down bad paths and never got back on track, and I watched my brother almost become one of those people.”
“But you’re okay,” she said. “You didn’t let any of those bad influences get to you.”
“No, I didn’t. I was too focused on what I wanted in life. I saw a way out, so I took it. Dillon might have been one of those guys, though, had I not pulled him away from it again and again. Mere helped too. She was a good girl from a nicer suburb. I met her when I was doing community theater one summer, and I introduced them. They hit it off, and from that point on, I knew Dillon wasn’t going to deviate because she wasn’t worth losing.”
“I can’t imagine what it was like for you,” she said softly. “I’m glad you found a way out.”
“Me too. So tell me, what else are you glad for?” I asked, shifting onto my side so I was facing her. I wanted to know more. I needed to hear it.
She smiled, knowing exactly what I was doing. “Well, I’m glad you got picked for Westside. I’m glad that you played your last show in New York, and I’m really glad I was in a bad mood and Tory tried to cheer me up with tickets to your show and that she tried to sneak us backstage. I’m glad we met, and I’m glad you turned out to be who you are. So many things that were making me miserable went away the night I met you, and I’m so glad to be here with you now.”
“Me too,” I said softly as I looked up at her, the desire to kiss her overwhelming.
She met my gaze and gave me a small smile, giving me the courage to surge forward and press my lips to hers. The comfort I found in her warmth was immeasurable, and I let myself forget about all the mistakes I’d made that night, all the shit that was weighing down on me. I let myself get lost as her words echoed in my head, telling me we were good.
Despite all the shit that had gone down earlier and all the insecurities I’d been feeling over the past few weeks, I was here with her now, right where she wanted me to be. I was in her bed, and she was tugging my sweatshirt over my head. She was kissing me, and making little noises that were driving me crazy, and I just wanted to stay there with her forever.
Our clothes were discarded, and before I knew what was happening, Andi was producing a condom that she wordlessly handed to me. I made quick work in putting it on before I turned back to her, covering her body with mine as she looked up at me with those fathomless brown eyes and sucked me right in like she did every time I looked at her.
“I’m glad I’m here with you,” I told her. “This is all I ever wanted. I just didn’t know it.”
“All you ever wanted was sex?” she teased.
I shook my head, my expression serious. “No. Just you,” I said as I kissed her and stole her words. “Everything else is a bonus.”
I let myself get lost in her, glad for something to finally pull me out of my head and put me where I felt at home. Andi’s scent, her familiar touch, her warmth, they were everything that made me feel right, and I’d been missing them since we’d been apart.
I didn’t want to think about what that meant, because it scared the shit out of me. Quite honestly, it might have been the emotion of the night, but in that moment, nothing made sense but her, us. I just didn’t know what to do with that realization.
Later, as we lay together, curled up against each other, my head was on her chest, and she was playing with my hair. I felt incredibly relaxed, all things considered. It was all her doing.
“It’s late. You should get some sleep,” I said softly.
“I don’t want to. You’re leaving tomorrow. I don’t want to miss a second with you.”
“Me either,” I said, grateful that she felt the same way.
“When will I see you again?” she asked me, and I didn’t miss the hope in her voice. It echoed everything I was feeling.
“I’m back in New York in January for our album release – January twentieth.”
“That’s a while from now.”
“Yeah, well, I was supposed to be back for New Year’s Eve, but we had to cancel our appearance due to the situation
with Phillip,” I said, wondering just how Katherine was going to handle that with the media. We’d never cancelled a show before, and it most definitely wouldn’t look good. But I couldn’t focus on that now. Instead I looked up at the girl who was willing to give me a second chance. I wanted to do better for her. “I do have a week off at Christmas, since we’re not filming then. I could easily come here.”
“Aren’t you going to go home to see your family for the holidays?” she questioned, but I could hear how she felt at the prospect of seeing me again in just two weeks. I felt the same way.
I shrugged. “I was planning on going home, but I want to see you more.”
My mom might kill me if I skipped out on Christmas, but I was desperate to see Andi, to not lose her like I feared was going to happen if we didn’t try to make this work. And after tonight, I so badly wanted to make it work.
Andi looked thoughtful for a few seconds. “I was actually going to go home that week since I’m off work.”
“So, I’ll come to Atlanta,” I offered, not quite sure if I’d lost my mind or not. Had I really just invited myself to Christmas at her parents’ house?
“Really?”
At least she seemed excited.
“Sure. I’d love to meet your mom and your grandparents and Gabe. Why not?”
“But what about me?”
I smiled. “Well, I assume you’ll be there too.”
She laughed. “I will, but that’s not what I meant. When do I get to meet your family?”
“You don’t want to meet my family,” I told her.
“Yes, I do.”
I hadn’t talked much about my family to her, so I wasn’t sure why she was so intrigued – especially after I’d just revealed to her that my brother had battled a drug addiction.
“You don’t want to come to Detroit,” I told her.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not exactly a fun place to visit. It’s why I don’t live there anymore.”
“Cam, isn’t your family going to be really upset if you don’t come home for Christmas?”
“They’ll get over it,” I said, already knowing my mom was going to be upset. My dad wouldn’t mind, though. He wasn’t really into celebratory events.
“But it’s Parker’s first Christmas. You should be there.”
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