“I’m not going to Mexico, Van,” she said, sounding like she thought it was a completely ludicrous idea.
“Why not?” I asked, willing her to turn around, since she still wouldn’t look at me. “It’ll be fun. The resort is amazing. It’s right on the ocean, and they have this really great restaurant that has good chicken – or pork – or both.”
What the hell was I saying? Chicken and pork? Jesus.
But even my idiocy couldn’t get Elisa to smile.
“I don’t want to go because you’ll be there, which makes it pretty much the last place I want to be,” she said coldly.
“Ouch,” I said playfully, pretending to roll with the punches, even though that stung, just like all her zingers did. “Why do you hate me so much?”
It was a rhetorical question because I knew the answer. I’d screwed up, but I was also firmly in the mindset that mistakes could be forgiven. Why wouldn’t she forgive me?
“I don’t hate you,” she said passively as she moved five feet to her right so she was standing next to the cement wall, looking up at something above her head.
I followed her. “Then be my friend.”
“No.”
Great. We were back to her favorite word again.
I sighed in frustration. “Why not?”
“Just because I don’t hate you doesn’t mean I like you, Van,” she said, sounding like she was talking to a kindergartner. “We’ve already been over this, and honestly, I’m sort of tired of repeating myself day after day. It’s getting a little pathetic.”
Damn, she really was content on diminishing any part of my manhood she could reach. Calling me pathetic? That was bullshit? It wasn’t like I was desperate. I could literally have any girl I wanted – except Elisa, but that was beside the point. Girls drooled over me nightly and shouted out that they loved me from the audience. I was named one of People’s ’30 Hottest Musicians Under 30’. I wasn’t pathetic. But I was determined.
I knew what I wanted, and I was going after it. And quite honestly, the more Elisa vehemently pushed me away and treated me like crap, the more I refused to relent.
But then again, she knew that about me. She knew how determined I could be when I wanted something, how hard I’d work for it, and how much of myself I’d give up if I had to. Maybe that was why she kept pushing me away.
She’d been hurt by what I’d done. I got it, and maybe because of that, she wanted me to prove to her that this wasn’t some game I was playing. Maybe she wanted to see that I truly had changed and that I was a guy who was worthy of her.
I could do that. I could prove to her how much this wasn’t a game. It was full-on real.
But until she was willing to let me in enough for me to show her it was real, we were going to be stuck on the same merry-go-round we’d been on for the past month. I had to change that. I had to make her see that even though she didn’t want to admit it, we had chemistry, and we had a connection. There was something between us that had always been there, that had always drawn me back to her. No matter how many other options might have been in front of me, I always went back to Elisa.
I knew now that that was why I’d wanted her to be my girlfriend two years ago. I could have hooked up with a different girl each night, but I didn’t want that. I only wanted her. And that had scared me. I just couldn’t see everything I was feeling for her for what it really was at the time.
But now it was so clear, and it was all I could think about, so much so that it was consuming me. I’d embarrassed myself for a solid month. I’d shamelessly put myself out there for her to kick, and she had, but I hadn’t backed down. It was because I still wanted only her. And I wasn’t going to let her get away again.
“You’re wrong,” I said softly, as I subtly moved into her personal space, crowding her enough that the sweet scent of her hair filled my nostrils.
I hadn’t been this close to her in years, and I realized how much I’d missed it. Everything in me was telling me to grab her and kiss her, but no matter how much I wanted that, I knew it wasn’t what she wanted – not yet at least.
No, her body language was telling me just how much my presence was unsettling her. She tried to move back, but the wall wouldn’t let her go far.
“Leave me alone, Van,” she grumbled.
“No,” I said softly, using her favorite word just for spite, but in a way that I hoped would affect her. “I need to say one thing.”
“You’ve said enough,” she said firmly, her body rigid as I inched even closer.
“No,” I said, my voice a breath of air washing over her bare shoulder. “I haven’t, because you still can’t stand being near me.”
“Nothing you say will change that,” she said, but I distinctly heard her voice falter.
My proximity was getting to her, just like being close to her was completely getting to me. We were back in the same place we’d been in three weeks ago outside her bus, and I was so glad to be back there. She’d been so cold to me ever since then that I’d been starting to think our interaction that night had been a figment of my imagination.
“Now that’s where you’re wrong,” I said softly, and I watched her jaw tighten and her eyes close.
It was exactly the reaction I was hoping for. She was steeling herself against everything she was feeling, but I knew it wasn’t working as well as she hoped it would.
“Fine, say it,” she said through gritted teeth.
“You were the best thing that ever happened to me,” I said, like it was the simplest thing in the world.
And since I’d realized it, I knew it pretty much was. I was finally admitting it out loud, throwing my cards on the table, and praying that she didn’t punch me.
Agonizing seconds ticked by while I waited for some sort of response from her, but I was getting squat. Finally she took a deep breath, and I held mine, hoping she didn’t slay me, hoping for the best, hoping I had a shot in hell of redeeming myself after all this time.
“Van, leave me alone,” she said softly, almost pleadingly, which made my heart ache because I knew she didn’t mean what she was saying.
“You don’t want that,” I told her, knowing I was right.
“Yes, I do,” she said firmly.
She wasn’t going to cave – not today. She was so damn stubborn, and I knew I was coming dangerously close to pushing her over the edge. I had to back down.
“Fine, but at least admit that I get to you,” I said as gently as I could.
“You don’t,” she said, completely unconvincingly.
I leaned closer to her. “I do, and you know it,” I said, and then I backed away, wanting to give her the space she thought she wanted.
I’d done enough, pushed her far enough, and now I was going to go. But I wasn’t going to go far. Now that I knew all wasn’t lost, I wasn’t about to give up.
“You don’t,” she said again, when my back was turned and I started to walk away.
She liked to do that. I had a feeling she felt braver when she didn’t have to look me in the eye.
“I know I do,” I told her as if there wasn’t any room for an argument, not bothering to turn around. “I’ll be around when you’re ready to admit it.”
I had a feeling she was fuming, and although I would have loved to see that, I didn’t want to piss her off further. I was finally starting to chip away at her, and I was going to relish in that – at least for a little while.
Chapter Eight
Elisa
It was late, and I was exhausted, so right after the concert I’d come back to the hotel room I was sharing with Keri. Thankfully we didn’t have any promotional events planned, so I was off the hook from an obligation standpoint. Westside was throwing a party at a club in downtown Austin, since it was our last night before we had a week off, but I wasn’t interested in going.
Van would be there, and I’d had enough of him lately. He wouldn’t let up on trying to talk to me and convince me to be his friend, which I thought was
complete bullshit – especially after what had happened the day before. He hadn’t acted very friend-like when he’d pressed up against me and told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. It was in that moment that I knew for sure what I’d suspected all along. He didn’t want to be friends. He wanted to get in my pants.
And I got it. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, there was no denying that there was chemistry between us. There always had been. We’d never had any problems in that area, and I remembered all too well just how intense things could be between us when his body had been flush against mine. It didn’t help that he smelled incredible, and I could feel the heat from his body wrapping around me like a blanket.
My insides had practically been on fire, and all I’d been able to think about was him pushing me up against the wall of the arena and kissing me until I couldn’t see straight. But I knew I didn’t want that. Deep down, I knew I should stay away from him. Regardless of how great falling back into bed with him for a night might actually be, it was such a bad idea.
Van didn’t do commitment, and I wasn’t in a position where I wanted to casually date someone – especially him. I’d done that, and I’d hated it. The last thing I needed was the kind of relationship we’d had two years ago where I had to worry constantly about who else he was seeing. It just wasn’t for me.
If nothing else, that experience taught me that I liked commitment, and Van Salvatore was a guy who barely knew the definition of the word. Even now, two years later, he was still the same guy, dating someone but keeping his options open. I didn’t believe that he’d changed. I really didn’t, and because of that, I couldn’t go there. I couldn’t give in and let anything happen, regardless of how attracted to him I still was.
I honestly wished I had no feelings for him whatsoever, but that just wasn’t the case, which meant I had to keep my guard up when he was around. When he was as close as he’d been the day before, all rational thoughts seemed to disappear, and I had to fight like hell not to cave. I was afraid I might not be able to continue to do that. Van knew me too well, and he knew exactly what to say to make my convictions falter.
I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to stay strong forever, and I was fearful of what would happen if I did give in. I knew I’d get hurt. It was inevitable. And I hated knowing that. So even though Keri had begged me to come to the party with her, I’d said no, because I knew Van would be there. I figured the fewer encounters we had, the less of a chance he’d have to wear me down. Avoidance and distance really felt like my only options.
Aside from that, I was kind of excited about my big plans to watch something mindless on Netflix and call it an early night. We’d been going non-stop for the past month, and it was wearing on me. I was glad to be going home for a week to recharge.
I’d just gotten comfortable in bed, had ordered a decadent piece of German chocolate cake from room service, and had queued up Love Actually on my iPad when my phone rang. It was late in Austin, but it wasn’t so late in L.A., so I wasn’t surprised to see my sister calling.
“Hey Ames,” I said cheerfully. It had been at least a week since I’d heard from her.
“Hey,” she said around a sigh, sounding exhausted.
“Is everything okay?” I asked as I eased back against the pillows I’d propped up at the top of the bed. “You sound tired.”
“Yeah, I am. This semester is seriously kicking my butt.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Anything I can do?”
I figured there was very little I could do, considering math and science had never been my fortes, but I knew offering would go a long way.
She laughed lightly. “Sure, can you explain to Troy that I’m pre-med and although I’d love to spend all my time with him, it’s not physically possible? Cause that would be great.”
“Is he giving you a hard time?” I questioned, my big sister sixth sense suddenly on high alert. Since I didn’t know Troy, I wasn’t sure how seriously to take what she’d said.
“No. Not really,” she said lightly. “He just sometimes doesn’t understand why I can’t go out every night, but it’s nothing major. He’ll get over it.”
“It actually sounds kind of sweet to me,” I ventured. “It seems like he really likes you. If he wants to spend every night with you, that’s got to mean something.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right,” she said, sighing wistfully. “I like him so much, El. He’s smart, he’s so much fun to be around, and he’s so cute.”
I smiled, glad to hear she was happy. “He is – if you like the water polo player look he’s got going on.”
I heard her tsk at my teasing, but we’d always had very different taste in guys, and we’d never let each other forget it.
“So wrong,” she admonished. “At least it’s better than a skinny jeans wearing rocker wannabe.”
“Hey! That was wrong on so many levels – especially because I know who you’re referring to, and I am not into him.”
“Please!” she scoffed. “You are too. You just won’t admit it.”
“No, I’m not! Not even a little.”
“Lies. Pure lies,” she teased.
“Amy, he’s a jerk, and he’s been ridiculously annoying as of late.”
“Which you find just a little bit endearing, don’t you?”
“No! Not at all. Not even a little.”
Yes, sort of – sometimes.
I hated to even admit to myself that Van’s behavior was even the smallest bit endearing, because I was supposed to be unaffected by him. I wasn’t supposed to think he was cute or charming, because I knew deep down that it was all an act. He wasn’t being genuine, and at the end of the day, he was nothing but a selfish jerk.
“Right,” Amy said skeptically.
“I’m not talking about this,” I told her firmly.
I heard her laugh. It felt good to hear since she’d seemed so stressed at the beginning of our call. I was probably way too protective of her, but it had always been that way. She was my little sister. I’d taken care of her my whole life, and I couldn’t easily turn off that instinct.
“That’s fine, because I have to go anyway,” she said. “I just called to say hi and find out when you’d be home so I can see you.”
That made me smile. “I fly in tomorrow. You want to have dinner?”
“I can’t. Troy’s cooking for me. It’s super-sweet because he can’t cook to save his life, but he said he wanted to do it for me. Isn’t that the cutest thing you’ve ever heard?”
“Adorable,” I teased, slightly jealous that my little sister had a better love life than me. Not that I really had time for a love life, but still.
“It is adorable, and I’ll tell you all about it when I see you. Can we go shopping on Sunday?”
“If you can break away from your study schedule for a few hours, I’m in.”
“I can give you exactly three hours. Does that work?”
“Geez, are you sure you want to be a doctor?”
“Yes,” she said definitively. “I do.”
“Okay, then far be it from me to stop you. Shopping for three hours sounds great. I’ll pick you up at the house at one, cool?”
“Done. Love you, sis.”
“Love you too,” I told her, and then I hung up.
I was about to start the movie again when there was a knock at the door. I froze, wondering if it was room service already or if it was someone else – someone I really didn’t want to talk to, someone who’d likely gone out of his way to find out which room was mine and seek me out.
I was seriously too tired to deal with Van, but I couldn’t ignore the knock if it was room service. Taking a deep breath, I set my iPad down and got to my feet, sending up a silent prayer that it was my chocolate cake and not Van.
I didn’t get that lucky, which wasn’t surprising. When I looked through the peephole, there he was, looking sexier than should be allowed with his hooded blue eyes, full lips, and chiseled jaw. He was wearing the
same beanie he’d had on at the club in L.A., so all I could see of his dark hair were the ends that curled just enough to give him a boyish look.
I hated the flip my stomach did when I laid eyes on him, but in my defense, I wasn’t sure there was a woman on the planet who could deny that he was hot. I would imagine most of those women would’ve experienced a similar reaction. The only thing that set us apart was that I knew what lay beneath those good looks, so I had enough sense to keep my distance.
I’d already decided not to open the door when he said, “I know you’re in there, Lis. I heard you walk to the door.”
For a second, I debated answering him back in an accent and telling him he had the wrong room, but I knew he’d probably gotten a room listing from Grady, the tour manager, so he knew it was my room. Van was nothing if not resourceful, and if he had plans to track me down, he would have done his homework.
“Come on, Lis. Open the door.”
“No thanks. I’m good,” I called back and heard him chuckle.
“You’re so adorable,” he said softly, which made my stomach do another little flip that I tried to ignore. Why did he have to be so damn charming? And why did I have to be so affected by it?
“Goodnight, Van,” I told him and turned away from the door.
“I’m not leaving,” I heard him say, firmly but gently, and it made me stop in my tracks and turn around.
“Seriously?”
“Nope.”
“Okay, suit yourself, I guess. But I’m not opening the door.”
“Come on. I just want to talk.”
I laughed non-humorously, not falling for his games. “Right, like you just wanted to talk yesterday?”
“Exactly like yesterday,” he said, lowering his voice to a sexy growl that made my knees weak.
Dammit! I didn’t want to feel like that because of him.
“I’m not really interested in talking, but thanks so much for stopping by. Have a great night,” I said with as much false cheer as I could muster.
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