“Coffee and donuts?” I questioned, making her look up at me with a warm smile on her face.
I figured she’d snagged one of the donuts I’d bought the day before. I’d had a craving, so Marshall and I had stopped on the way home from the airport. I’d only eaten two, and he’d had one, so the other three still remained. That was good to know considering I was hungry.
“Good morning,” Elisa said sweetly as she set her cell phone down next to her and beckoned me over with her now free hand.
I smiled as I walked the few steps toward her, leaning over to give her a kiss and sort of not believing I was allowed to do that. But I was, and when she deepened the kiss, making for the start of a very good morning, I let myself get lost in the realization that if I did things right, I’d get to do that every morning for a long time.
“Good morning,” I said when I pulled away.
I settled on the arm of the chair and snagged her untouched donut, taking a large bite.
“Hey, that was mine,” she complained.
I grinned around the bite I was chewing and held the donut out to her. She took a dainty, incredibly sexy bite and looked up at me with glaze dotting her lips. I leaned over and kissed it off after I swallowed, the sweetness only enhancing the kiss.
“I missed you this morning,” I told her. “My bed was sort of cold without you in it.”
“Sorry. I couldn’t sleep,” she said around a sigh.
“Everything okay?”
I was instantly worried that she’d changed her mind, that she didn’t want to risk her job, and that she was going to tell me that although she liked me and we’d had a great night together, she couldn't be with me, not right now.
I watched her shoulders rise and fall. “I was just thinking about what happened last night, you know, with Amy.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, glad she was talking about the other thing that had happened the night before and not the most important thing – at least the most important thing to me. I didn’t like that she and Amy were fighting, but I also knew it wasn’t the first time.
“You guys will get past it,” I assured her.
She nodded. “She’s not answering my calls. I tried her twice, and I got her voicemail both times, so then I texted her, but she hasn’t responded.”
“She’s probably still sleeping. It’s Sunday morning. It’s what most people are doing – except those of us who are still on another time zone, I suppose.”
That earned me a smile. “Is that why you’re up so early?” she teased me, knowing I liked to sleep in.
I shook my head. “No, I just wanted to see you before you had to leave to go to the airport.”
She reached out and threaded her fingers through mine. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “I don’t think you realize how cool this is for me. I’ve been pretty much fantasizing about all of this for too long – having a real conversation with you, kissing you–”
“Having your way with me, multiple times,” she teased.
I grinned. “Yeah, that too. I’m only human, and you’re wicked hot.”
“I’m actually a little chilly,” she said coyly. “I could use the warmth of a big, strong man.”
“Oh yeah?”
She nodded as she tugged on my arm. When she scooted over, giving me just enough room to squeeze in beside her, I slid down onto the chair and pulled her over so she was half laying on me, her head on my chest.
“That better?” I asked her.
She looked up at me and smiled. “So much better.”
“I’m glad I could oblige.”
“I like this chair. It’s so comfortable.”
“It’s my favorite chair ever,” I joked, but that was starting to be true. “Give Amy some time. She’ll call you.”
I felt Elisa nod against my chest. “I hope so. I hate fighting with her.”
“I know.”
We sat in silence for countless minutes, my hand sliding rhythmically up and down her arm, the cool breeze blowing around us, the sun starting its climb into the sky with the marine layer blocking out enough of it that there was still a chill in the air.
“Are we doing the right thing?” Elisa asked me, her eyes shifting up to meet my gaze as I looked down at her in question.
“Are you having second thoughts?” I asked, trying not to sound alarmed.
I knew how she felt about me, so any fear she had wasn’t stemming from that. It was the things that were out of our control, but I still wasn’t going to let her back down. We could do this. We could be discreet. I’d do everything in my power to make sure we were.
“No,” she said, but she didn’t sound convinced.
“Lis, I get that you’re afraid someone will find out, but trust me, they won’t.”
“You can’t know that,” she said as she rested her head against my chest again.
If I had my choice I’d keep her there forever.
“No, I can’t one hundred percent know it, but I can tell you that I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that no one finds out about us.”
“It’s only five months,” she told me, and I started to agree until she finished her thought. “Can’t we think about being friends until the tour’s over?”
“Are you joking?” I spat out, realizing I’d said it with the least amount of tact possible, but no way was she seriously asking me that.
Elisa looked up at me and shook her head. “No, I’m not. I just think it’ll be easier.”
“On who? Not me. I would pretty much place it in the same class as torture. I might have been able to do it before you kissed me, before last night, but now, no way. Lis, I want to be with you, and I can’t even tell you how awesome it feels right here, right now. To have that taken away, well, let’s say it would flat out suck.”
Elisa laughed, her chest rumbling against my stomach. “You’re so dramatic. I guess I should be flattered, but don’t you think your thought process is a little extreme? It’s only five months.”
“No,” I defended. “I don’t think I’m being extreme at all. Tell me what you were doing five months ago.”
I watched her think. “Well, it was the beginning of January, so I was working on approvals for some new merch for Syd’s website, and I was dating this guy with blond hair. What was his name? He wore glasses, but I don’t think he actually needed them, and he used a lot of big words.”
I stared at her incredulously, not believing she was going there. Of all the things she could have said.
“Corey!” she suddenly said, looking up at me. “That was his name – Corey.”
“Seriously?!” I chastised her.
“What? That was his name.”
“And that was the most important thing you were doing five months ago?”
“I don’t know. It’s what I remember. I’m sure I was also recommitting myself to the gym and trying not to fail at my other New Year’s resolutions, but I do that every year.”
I groaned playfully. “You don’t get it. The last thing I want to hear about is other guys you’ve dated. You’re killing me.”
That made her laugh. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were so sensitive.”
“Where you’re concerned, I’m completely sensitive.”
“Well, I wouldn’t be too concerned, considering I couldn’t remember his name. Besides, we barely dated. He was sort of boring, and we broke up before the month was over. God, that feels like forever ago. I’d completely forgotten about him.”
“See! That’s my point. Five months is a long time. You couldn’t even remember the guy you were dating that long ago.”
She gave me a knowing look. “That’s because he was insignificant in the grand scheme of my life. He wasn’t you. It’s not like I could ever forget your existence.”
“Damn, right. I’m just that magnificent.”
“You’re just that present,” she reminded me. “Following me, seeking me out, bugging me to no end, serenading me!”
“
That was awesome, and you know it.”
“It was insane.”
I shrugged. “I wanted to get my point across. Besides, my persistence worked. Here you are.”
“That’s exactly my point. No way could I forget about you.”
“But you’d torture me by dangling yourself in front of me all day, every day for five months and not let me touch you or kiss you. That’s just wrong.”
“Van, this is hard for me. There’s a lot at stake, and I didn't exactly plan this. It just happened. You happened.”
I grinned. “Yeah, I'm charming like that.”
“You are. You’re so charming, but this is my job we're talking about.”
“I know, but you can’t tell me that it wouldn’t be harder to completely stay away from each other, can you?”
“No, I can’t. It would be incredibly hard.”
“I know! That’s why I’m not doing it. And you’re not either. Look, Lis, I know this is a huge risk for you, and you’re taking a big chance by being with me behind your boss’s back, but trust me when I tell you that it’ll be worth it. I promise you. Just take a leap of faith, jump in, feet first and do it. Please. I promise I’ll hold your hand, and I won’t let go.”
She didn’t say anything for several agonizing moments, and then she looked up at me. “Okay, fine. I’ll do it, but only because I know I won’t be able to stay away from you.”
I hugged her closer, feeling a little thrill zing through me. “You like me,” I teased her.
“I know I do. Don’t make me regret it.”
I hated that my mind drifted back to what I’d done to her before. I knew she was thinking it too, but it wasn’t like I could erase the past.
“Things are going to be different this time around. I promise you.”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think they would be,” she said looking up at me.
I leaned down to kiss her, sealing the promise I’d made and knowing there wasn’t anyone in the world who could make me break it.
* * *
“Welcome back,” Cam said as soon as I stepped onto the bus. I dropped my duffel bag by the driver’s seat, figuring I’d put my stuff away later.
“Hey man,” Dillon called out to me.
They were sitting on the floor, leaning up against the couch playing video games, battling it out against some rebel army. Cam’s girlfriend, Andi was sitting behind them reading a book. She looked up and smiled at me.
She’d pretty much become a fixture on the bus after she’d gotten laid off from her job and had decided to spend the summer with Cam. I knew Dillon’s girlfriend, Meredith, had plans to meet up with us in a few weeks after she was done with school. She’d done that for the past few summers, so it wasn’t that odd to have girls on the bus.
I’d never really cared before, but I suddenly had a different perspective on the matter as a wave of jealousy washed over me. Although I knew Dillon had done his share of dealing with managerial bullshit – he’d actually had to fake date other people for the first year we were a band, since the label didn’t want him to be seen as being unavailable, even though he’d been with Meredith since pretty much the dawn of time. He’d eventually fought back, and they’d been a public couple for a few years. But I knew how bad it had sucked for him to have to hide his relationship.
In the grand scheme of things, his situation didn’t seem that different from mine – except for the fact that everyone on our team had known about Meredith, and they’d never openly objected to Dillon seeing her as long as he kept it private. I couldn’t even tell my best friends that I was dating Elisa.
“How was your trip?” Cam asked me, his eyes never leaving the screen as his character charged through the jungle.
It was surreal. Everything had changed while I’d been away for less than two days, but no one could know about it. This monumental thing had occurred – Van Salvatore had a girlfriend, which would have been a shock to anyone who knew me – but I couldn’t say a word about it.
“It was fine,” I told him, as my phone buzzed in my back pocket. I pulled it out to see a text from Elisa telling me she’d landed.
I smiled as I typed a response to her. I’d tried to get her to fly back with me on the private jet I’d hired – actually begged would be a better word, since the last thing I’d wanted to do was say goodbye to her so soon after I’d gotten her back – but she wouldn't do it. She’d just smiled and silenced my pleas with a kiss. She told me it was too risky. I figured I was lucky that she let me drive her back to her apartment, since it was broad daylight and someone could have seen us.
Because of that, she hadn’t let me kiss her goodbye. I’d driven away irritated, but then she’d texted me that she’d see me soon, and I started to relax a little. It wasn’t really goodbye. We were both heading back to the same place, and after we played the show in Atlanta, we’d head to Jacksonville where we’d get to stay in a hotel. I’d get to be with her again soon.
“Where’s Phillip?” I asked, looking around the bus for him.
Dillon shrugged. “Not sure. He didn’t come back to the hotel last night. We were out pretty late, and he was with some brunette chick. I think he went home with her.”
“Was he drinking?”
“A little.”
I sighed. “Is it just me or has he been drinking a lot lately?”
“I think he’s fine,” Cam said, his eyes still on his game.
“Yeah, I haven’t really noticed him getting out of control,” Dillon agreed.
I saw Andi watching me out of the corner of my eye, so I shifted my gaze to her. She nodded a few times, giving me a pointed look.
“You’ve noticed too?” I asked her, causing Cam and Dillon to pause the game to turn around and look at her.
She looked at them for a few seconds, hesitating before shifting her gaze back to me. “Look, I know it’s probably not my place to say anything, but I’ve noticed that he’s been drinking almost daily.”
“You have?” Cam asked in surprise.
Andi shrugged. “I don’t have much going on at the moment. I notice things. It’s kind of become a regular thing for him.”
“Is he okay?” I asked, worry lacing my tone.
“He seems okay,” Andi told me, but I could hear that she was holding back.
I had a feeling she was thinking the same thing as me. He seemed okay now, but he might not be if he kept this up. We all knew that he’d seemed okay before, and that was when he’d had a raging drug addiction. Phillip was a master of hiding his habits and controlling his emotions. That was what made me so nervous.
When he’d overdosed, we hadn’t known how big his problem was until it was too late. Andi had been there that night. I’d been the one to find Phillip practically unconscious, but I had no idea what to do. I’d called Cam, who’d been in the middle of a date with Andi, and they’d come over. Cam had saved his life when I was too panicked to know how to help my friend.
“Is he using again?” I asked Andi.
She shrugged. “I don’t think so, but I’m not sure. I’ve only seen him drink.”
“I’ll kill him if he’s using again,” Cam threatened.
“I’ll be right there with you,” I grumbled, not sure whether I was more annoyed or afraid when I thought of what Phillip may or may not be doing.
He was supposed to be my best friend, but he kept shit from me. He hid behind whatever substance he could get his hands on, and I knew he’d been doing it since he was a kid. I was shocked when he told me all that he’d done by the time he was fourteen. I definitely hadn’t been into the same stuff, having favored my snowboard above all else back then, but Phillip had started hitting the hard stuff early.
From what I gathered from off-handed comments and sarcastic jokes he’d made over the years, his childhood had been shit, and some pretty intense things had happened to him. He’d never told me what they were, and I figured there was a reason for that. Because of that, though, I almost worried about hi
m more. He buried shit. He didn’t deal with it, and when it became too much, he used. I didn’t want him to go down that path again. I figured I’d have a talk with him when he got back. I needed to see where his head was at.
I sighed. “Let me know if he comes back. I’m going to grab a nap before we have to be at the arena.”
“Aren’t you going to ask how yesterday went?” Dillon asked as I grabbed my duffel and slung it over my shoulder.
“What was yesterday?”
“Dude, we knocked a song out,” he said triumphantly. “It’s good. Really good. Cam and I’ll play it for you later. I think you’re going to like it. Damon thinks it’ll definitely make the album.”
“That’s awesome,” I told him, not sure how to feel about the fact that my bandmates had done something that big without me.
We’d only started writing songs for our albums the year before, but now it had become a regular thing. We’d wanted to take the sound we’d started out with and evolve it, and we wanted to be seen as credible artists, not just four guys who sung other people’s songs. Our last album had turned out so much better, since there was so much of us in it. Writing was now one of my favorite things to do. As a former English nerd and poetry geek, it was right up my alley.
“We want your input, man,” Cam chimed in, probably noticing the crestfallen look on my face. “There’s this one part that could use some wordsmithing.”
“Yeah, definitely. Let me hear it later,” I told him, glad that there was still something I could do to contribute.
I’d been so wrapped up in everything with Elisa that I hadn’t even remembered that the guys were going to use their day off yesterday to write, even though we’d been doing that pretty much since the start of the tour. We were under a tight deadline to write and record our next album by September. I knew we had recording sessions scheduled on our days off throughout the summer, since there wasn’t always ample time when we had shows four days a week. Time off was going to be a luxury once things got moving.
Westside Series Box Set Page 63