Westside Series Box Set

by Monica Alexander

  I was in tears the first time I called her, feeling so ashamed of not being able to stay in control. Hearing how panicked I was, she told me to leave the club immediately. Then she met me at a diner that was open late, and we drank coffee and talked until almost dawn.

  The only thing that helped me get through that night, and several similar ones that followed throughout the six months after that, was knowing I had Mandy to call. She knew exactly what I was feeling. I wasn’t alone. I had someone.

  Phillip didn’t have that, but he needed it. He might not realize it now, but he would soon enough. That was why it was more important than ever for me to find a way to connect with him. I just needed to find something that would make him see that I wasn’t the enemy, that I really did have his best interest at heart, and that he could trust me. It was a tall order, but somehow I was going to find a way to prove all that to him.

  First I needed to get him in a place where he couldn’t walk away. He’d been doing that too easily since the tour had started. I needed to find a moment when he couldn’t escape.

  That was why I was standing outside his dressing room. Westside had just come off-stage, and I’d heard him tell Dillon he wanted to shower before they went out. Dillon seemed to be his go-to friend for nights out, since Dillon’s girlfriend, Meredith, was back in Los Angeles. She was a guidance counselor at a private school, so she couldn’t travel with the band.

  Cam’s girlfriend, Andi, and Van’s fiancée, Elisa, both worked on my team, so they were on tour with us. I’d heard Phillip grumbling to Van that he was a lame asshole when Van had wanted to go back to the hotel with Elisa two nights earlier when we’d stayed overnight in Santa Barbara. Now that we were in San Francisco, I’d heard Van and Elisa talking about going out to dinner after the concert. Phillip had scowled at his best friend, but he hadn’t said anything. Then he’d turned to Dillon to see if he was up for going out. Dillon had shrugged and said, “Sure.”

  So I knew I only had a small window of time to corner Phillip. With that in mind, I pushed open the door to his dressing room, glad to find it empty. I could hear water running in the shower and walked brazenly into the bathroom.

  “Greg?” I heard Phillip say.

  I didn’t answer him. I just coughed, my heart starting to pound more rapidly in my chest. I knew he wasn’t going to be thrilled to see me.

  “Dude, I’m showering,” he said, sticking his head out from behind the curtain. “Can’t a guy get–” He froze when he saw me, looking confused for a few seconds before he just looked pissed. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”

  “Hey Phillip,” I said casually, even though my heart was in my throat.

  “Get out,” he snapped.

  “I was hoping we could talk,” I tried, knowing exactly how he was going to react.

  “No,” he said quickly, his scowl growing deeper.

  “You know, if you keep making that face, you’re going to look old before you turn thirty.”

  The lines between his eyes softened a bit as I said that, almost as if he was surprised I’d taken that route.

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “You’re a good looking guy right now, but no girl’s going to want to screw you if you look old before you’re time.”

  Although the corner of his mouth twitched enough for me to notice it, instead of a smile, his expression twisted into a sneer. “Yeah, I don’t see that happening.”

  “Actually, it might. You keep creasing your skin like that, and you’re going to get little lines and wrinkles.”

  His mouth turned up slightly at the corner. “Well, then it’s good that I’m rich and can afford plastic surgery.”

  With that, he disappeared back behind the curtain.

  I sighed and tried another tactic to break the ice. “So, you’re from Florida, right?”

  He didn’t answer me.

  “Phillip?”

  Still no answer.

  “Fine, if you’re not going to talk, I will. I’ve only been to Florida a few times, but it always seems so hot. I’m not sure how you handled it. Although, I guess the beach is nearby. You surf, right?”

  He didn’t say anything, but I heard the cap of the shampoo open and close.

  “I never learned to surf,” I continued. “I grew up in L.A., and a lot of my friends surfed, but I didn’t. I was always afraid of sharks. Have you ever seen a shark?” That time I didn’t wait for him to answer. I knew he wouldn’t, so I just kept talking. “I’m not sure what I’d do if I saw a shark. I know they say to punch it in the nose, but is that really something you’re consciously thinking about when you’re face-to-face with all those rows of razor sharp teeth? I mean, I’ve seen Jaws, and I know that shark was kind of like a shark on steroids, but I’d imagine the reality seems just as terrifying. It’s not something I’d ever want to experience.”

  “Funny, I was just thinking we should go surfing,” Phillip said sarcastically.

  I took the bait. “Really?”

  “Yeah, if we did that, I could wait for a shark to come by and throw you in his direction. Maybe that would shut you up.”

  I felt my jaw fall open, honestly not sure if he was serious or not. Without even thinking, because I was fairly sure he would be inclined to use me as shark bait if given the opportunity, I took a step forward and pulled back the shower curtain with a dramatic flourish.

  “You’re an asshole,” I growled at him, remembering only after I got a glimpse of all of him, that he was completely naked.

  Of course he was naked. He was in the shower. And, oh shit, I was not prepared for just how good he was going to look without clothes on. He was all lean muscle and sculpted abs, and when he was dripping with water, it just made the effect ten times more impressive. I hated that my brain involuntarily went to a place that made me think things I didn’t want think where Phillip Lawton was concerned. He might have been a complete asshole, but as he stood before me in all his naked glory, I couldn’t deny that he was also an incredibly sexy asshole.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he asked me, not bothering to cover himself.

  “Oh shit,” I muttered, letting the curtain fall closed as heat flooded my cheeks. I had a feeling that image was going to be burned in my brain for life – and that wasn’t exactly a bad thing. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m sure you are,” he said sarcastically.

  “I am,” I insisted. “That was uncalled for.”

  “This whole experience is uncalled for,” he snapped as I heard him squirt conditioner into his hand. “You just can’t take the hint that I don’t want your help. I don’t need you, so quit trying to be my friend.”

  “You do need me,” I insisted, trying to restart my mindset and not keep picturing him naked.

  “I don’t,” Phillip said definitively. “Not at all. I know Damon asked you to babysit me, so you think you have some obligation to my well-being, but you can forget about that. I don’t need a nanny. I had enough of them growing up, and I realized a long time ago that I’m better on my own.”

  “That’s bullshit, and you know it,” I countered, focusing on the task at hand that I knew was going to be harder than I’d ever thought.

  “No,” he said sharply, “it’s the truth. My truth. You don’t know me, and even though you think you have some sort of idea of what I’m feeling because we both liked to get high once upon a time, you’re wrong. You’re completely wrong, and you need to remember that, so unless you happened to have liked what you saw when you pulled back the curtain and suddenly feel inclined to come in here and give me a blow job, you’d best be on your way.”

  I narrowed my eyes at the shower curtain, glaring at Phillip through it, even though he couldn’t see me. God, he was such an ass.

  “Fine, I’ll go,” I said, ignoring his pig-headed invitation. “I’ll just leave this vial of coke on the counter for you. I’m sure a few bumps won’t kill you.”

  Then for good measure, I pulled a silver tube of lipst
ick from my bag, that ironically looked almost identical to the coke vial I used to have, and set it on the counter with a clunk. My back was to the shower when I heard the water turn off and the curtain slide back.

  “Don’t leave that in here,” Phillip said a few seconds later, his voice steely and cold.

  I looked over my shoulder at him to see that he’d wrapped a towel around his waist. “Don’t leave what?” I asked innocently as I tried to ignore his chiseled abs.

  “What you just said you have,” he said, probably unable to say the word out loud. He pointed toward the vial. “That.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, playing dumb.

  “Sabrina, come on,” he pleaded, and I could hear him weakening.

  “Come on what?” I prompted.

  “I’m sober,” he said begrudgingly, and I heard unease in his voice. “You know that.”

  I picked up the lipstick tube and turned to face him. “So am I.”

  “Then why do you have a vial of coke?”

  “Why is it making you so nervous that I have a vial of coke?” I questioned, keeping it visible and watching as his gaze kept shifting between it and me.

  He glared at me. “Look, I don’t want that shit in here.”

  “Why not?” I asked, already knowing the reason. I just wanted to hear him say it.

  “You know why.”

  “I do? But I thought you said I didn’t know how you were feeling? I thought you were insinuating that I had no idea how you’d probably kill for one little hit, just to take the edge off, but that deep down, you know that one hit will lead to more, and before you know it, it’s three days from now and you have little to no recollection of how you spent your time? How could I possibly know what that’s like?”

  “Just leave, Sabrina,” he growled.

  I smiled. “You want me to take this with me when I go?” I asked, waving the vial in front of him.

  “Yes,” he said through gritted teeth.

  “Maybe I’ll have a little taste first,” I said nonchalantly. “Maybe I’ll let you see what it feels like to know that bliss is just one sniff away, let you remember the elation that comes with knowing the high is coming, that as soon as it hits your bloodstream, everything will be okay again. You want to see that?”

  “No,” he said tightly, swallowing hard.

  “I think you do,” I said, as I slowly, just to tease him, started to uncap the lipstick. I could feel his eyes on me as I slid the top off and looked into the nearly empty tube. “I love this feeling.”

  Then I twisted the tube, made the lipstick surface and gave my lips a quick sweep before twisting it back down, recapping the tube and shoving it back into my bag. Then I looked up at Phillip and smiled. He was looking at me with a dumbfounded expression as water dripped from his dark hair.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked after several seconds of silence.

  “What do you mean?” I asked innocently.

  “You’re supposed to be my sponsor, and you’re teasing me with fake coke? What the fuck is that about? Don’t you know how twisted that is?”

  I smiled. “Of course I do, but how else was I supposed to get through to you. At least now you’re ready to admit that you aren’t as okay as you pretend to be,” I said, pushing off of the counter. “You’re an addict, and you’re still coming to terms with what that means for the life you lead. I get it, and I can help. Let me know when you’re ready to talk. I’ll be around.”

  Phillip’s mouth was open as he continued to look at me in shock, probably not expecting me to be so crafty. I knew I played sweet and innocent most of the time, because I liked that side of myself, but I also had a dark side, and sometimes I had to use it. I lived in a cutthroat world where sweet and innocent got you jack. If people knew they could walk all over you, they would. If they crossed me, I made sure they knew damn well that they’d regret it. And now Phillip was in on the joke.

  “Have a good night,” I told him as I turned to leave the bathroom.

  “What the hell?” I heard him mutter as I walked back into his dressing room.

  A few seconds later, he appeared behind me.

  “Stay sober tonight,” I reminded him.

  “Seriously?”

  “Of course,” I said, because that was my endgame. I wanted him to stay sober, and now I knew he wanted that too.

  His eyes were wide, and his nostrils had flared. “That’s going to be pretty hard when all I can think about now is exactly what you said in there.”

  “You want to get high?” I clarified.

  “Hell yes,” he said definitively.

  “Then maybe you should stay in tonight,” I suggested, knowing that was probably a smarter move for him anyway – at least at this stage in the game.

  “No, I want to go out.”

  “So go. You’re an adult. I’m not stopping you.”

  He looked confused for several seconds before he said, “What do you want from me?”

  “The same thing you want,” I told him, stripping away all premise and being as honest as I could.

  “Fuck you,” he spat. “You have no idea what I want.”

  I took a deep breath. “Phillip, I’m on your side. I know you can’t see that, but if you’d quit pushing me away, you’d realize that I’m only trying to help.”

  “You have a real funny way of showing it,” he scoffed.

  “Okay, fine. I probably took things too far. I admit it. But I didn’t see another way to get through to you. I promise I had good intentions. I have good intentions. You’d realize that if you gave me a chance.”

  “I don’t even know you,” he growled.

  “So get to know me. I’m not a bad person. I’m not trying to scheme you. Hell, I don’t even really like you, but I can see you need help. I’m willing to be your friend, your sponsor, your confidant, whatever you need.”

  I watched him grind his jaw as he contemplated what I was saying. “I don’t want this,” he said, but I could tell he was close to caving.

  “Me either, but here we are. Let’s at least try. What do you have to lose?”

  Several long, silent moments passed before he finally spoke. “Fine. But not tonight.”

  “Whenever you’re ready,” I told him. “Just come find me.”

  I figured if I let him feel like he was in control then it would be easier for him to swallow his pride and let me in. I had no idea if it would work, but I figured it was worth a shot.

  Phillip didn’t say anything else, so I turned to leave, figuring I’d said enough. When I was at the door, I thought I heard him say something, so I turned around.

  “What was that?”

  The words I hadn’t understood at first were starting to make sense in my mind, and I was fairly certain he’d said a sentence with the words ‘fuck’ and ‘buddy’ in them. I really hoped that hadn’t been what he’d said, but I had a feeling it was.

  “Nothing,” he said quickly. “Don’t worry about it.”

  I smiled. “Remember when I said I don’t really like you?” I asked him, not waiting for him to respond. “If not, then you should. You might get other girls to fall into your bed with little to no effort, but that’s not going to happen with me. I don’t do casual sex, and I’d never do it with you, so you can erase that thought from your head right now.”

  Phillip smirked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Sabrina.”

  He was such a liar.

  “Of course you don’t,” I said, exercising my own ability to throw out sarcasm. “See you soon.”

  “Can’t fucking wait,” he said with mock-cheer.

  Yeah, me either.

  Chapter Six

  Phillip

  “Were you on the phone with Leah before we left,” Dillon asked me.

  “Yeah, I was,” I confirmed, not sure why it mattered to him.

  “That’s the third time this week.”

  I felt my brow furrow. “Who are you, the phone police? How many
times have you talked to Meredith this week?”

  “Mere’s my girlfriend,” he said pointedly. “What’s your excuse?”

  “Leah’s one of my best friends,” I countered. “What does it matter how often I talk to her.”

  Dillon took a sip of his drink. “I was just making an observation,” he said with a cocky smirk.

  I glared at him, annoyed at what I knew he was thinking. “It’s not like that with us, man,” I told him.

  “And why not?”

  “Because we’re just friends,” I said firmly.

  “Yeah, but she’s insanely hot. Both her and her sister. Haven’t you ever thought of tapping that?”

  “Fuck off,” I said, wishing I had a more eloquent come back for him.

  The truth was, he’d hit a nerve. For the past six years, I’d had a firm just friends rule where Leah was concerned, but for the past few months, ever since I'd visited her in January, a part of me might have started to wonder if there might be something more between us. It was a thought that I’d been forcing to the recesses of my mind, because it seemed so implausible. I didn’t even want to think it, but every time she called to check on me and we spent an hour on the phone, the thought returned.

  I knew she was worried about me, and calling was her way of validating that I wasn’t about to fall off the deep end, but I couldn’t help but wonder if there might be more to her frequent check-ins. Or maybe it was all in my head. Either way, for the first time in years, I’d started to think about Leah in less than friendly ways.

  I didn’t know what that meant, and I figured it was just a passing fantasy, but either way, Dillon's comment had pissed me off. He didn’t get to speak about her that way. I didn’t care how true his comment was. And it was true. I’d thought of ‘tapping that’ more often than ever before over the past few weeks, and I was like an excited kid just thinking about the fact that I was going to get to see Leah in a few days.

  “Hey, I was only joking,” Dillon said jovially. “It’s not like you’d have a chance with her anyway. She’s way too wholesome for you.”