Westside Series Box Set

by Monica Alexander

  We’d just finished a late dinner, and I was hoping the night wasn’t going to end when I walked her to her room. I’d gone ahead and booked a two-bedroom suite for her and Gavin on the floor below ours where most of our crew was staying, and since I knew Gavin was asleep, I figured inviting myself in wouldn’t be out of the question. A little conversation on the couch might lead to more – if I had the balls to make a move.

  I’d been dancing around the idea all day, finding myself happier than I’d been in a long time just from being in the presence of two of my favorite people. I hated that I would have to say goodbye in the morning, and I knew it would be easier if the promise of something more was on the horizon.

  “But it’s been fun,” Leah said, offering me a smile.

  “I’ve had a good time,” I agreed as the elevator arrived and we stepped inside. I hit the button for Leah’s floor but not mine and considered it a good thing when she didn’t question why.

  “Me too,” she agreed. “I think I needed this more than I knew. Work’s been a little stressful lately, and I’ve been putting in some long hours. It was good to have a break and just hang out with Gavin for a change.”

  “What about me?” I asked, nudging her in the side.

  She smiled. “Of course it was good to hang out with you,” she said, practically rolling her eyes. “It’s always good to hang out with you, Phillip. It’s just too bad Kelsey couldn’t come. I can’t remember the last time the three of us were together. It’s been way too long.”

  I nodded, as we stepped off the elevator, knowing that was my fault. We should have all been together for Christmas, and I’d gone and fucked that right up.

  “Maybe we can figure out a way for us all to get to together soon,” I told her.

  “That might take an act of God,” she said around a laugh as she fished out her key card. “Between your schedule and Kelsey’s, it’s hard to nail you both down.”

  “We’ll find a way,” I assured her, and then I slipped my hand into hers. “Although a part of me is kind of glad that Kelsey couldn’t make it this weekend.”

  I watched Leah’s gaze shift to our joined hands, and my heart pounded as her eyes lifted to meet mine. I wasn’t sure what I expected to see there, but what I saw wasn’t it.

  “What are you doing, Phillip?”

  She knew my gesture wasn’t one of friendship. For the first time in years, it was more than that.

  “I’m not really sure,” I told her, my voice sounding hoarse.

  I could see Leah’s chest rising and falling as she looked up at me. Her soft blue eyes carried too many questions that I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer.

  I felt like my heart was going to beat its way out of my chest if I didn’t do something soon. So I pushed down every bit of fear that I felt consuming me and leaned down, pressing my lips to Leah’s.

  I’d kissed her before, many times, but it had always been in a drunken heat of passion. It hadn’t been like this, where I suddenly felt myself ready to surrender everything I knew for a girl who’d been my rock for too long. Maybe it was that I knew how well she grounded me, and when I felt like I was going to slip away, Leah was who I called. Or maybe it was that I was mature enough to finally see what had been right in front of me for years.

  The silence in the hallway was deafening as Leah and I stood suspended in time, and I realized that she wasn’t kissing me back. But before I could deepen the kiss and coax her into knowing it was okay to just let go, I felt her hand on my chest, pushing me back. It was gentle, just a nudge, but it told me what I needed to know. She didn’t want me to kiss her.

  I pulled back and swallowed hard, my gaze on my shoes, afraid to even look at her. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

  “Phillip,” she said softly.

  I didn’t respond. Instead I found myself wondering if it would be possible to teleport back to my suite so I didn’t have to face what had just happened. I had a feeling I’d ruined everything.

  “Phillip, look at me,” Leah said, her index finger guiding my chin up so I was forced to look at her.

  But I still couldn’t meet her gaze. I shifted my attention to the right of her head, focusing on a tiny blemish on the doorframe.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled again, and I started to turn, the desire to bolt away from the scene of the crime practically consuming me.

  I just had to go. I needed to get away. I needed to be alone, and I needed to forget.

  Damn, I wished I could take something that would make me forget it all. And even though I knew how wrong it was, I could feel the pull in my bloodstream, the all-out need to let go, to turn myself over to the dark side, because I knew with just a few pills, I could find my bliss.

  And I was ready to go there, to make the call, to get what I needed. I was ready to give it all up, everything I’d worked for and promised I’d do, and told myself I was strong enough to handle, I was ready to toss it all out the window. Because I’d already screwed everything up with Leah, one of the few people who actually loved me for me. Why not say to hell with everything else?

  Then Leah’s hand reached for mine, and in a second, I was tugged back to the moment. I was facing her, looking down into her eyes. She wasn’t mad. I’d expected her to be mad or disgusted or to feel violated, but all I could see in her eyes was the same expression I’d seen for months – care and concern. I realized then that regardless of what I felt, Leah didn’t see me like I saw her. She was my friend, and she cared about me, but not like I cared for her.

  She was worried about me. She could probably even see the need I felt to escape burning in my eyes, and she knew I was on the brink. She wasn’t tugging me back so she could tell me it was okay, that she’d just panicked, and that she wanted me to kiss her again. No, that was the farthest thing from her mind, and it had been replaced by the need she felt to mother me, to take care of me, to make sure I didn’t fall off the deep end.

  “Don’t go,” she said softly.

  “Why?” I asked, my throat feeling tight.

  I knew what I wanted to hear, and I was pissed that I still had a glimmer of hope burning inside me. Leah was never going to say what I wanted her to say.

  “Please, Phillip,” she begged, not answering me, probably because she knew I wouldn’t like what she had to say.

  “Leah, I can’t do this,” I said, pulling my hand from hers. I ran it back through my hair. “I get it, okay. I do. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone there.”

  “What was that exactly?”

  I sighed as my chest started to constrict. “That was apparently a mistake. I guess I just read things wrong, I’m sorry.”

  “So, you like me?”

  I shrugged noncommittally, but I knew she could read the truth on my face. It was obvious how I felt.

  “I – I didn’t know you felt that way.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yeah, well, I do. So there you have it.”

  Leah nodded. “For how long?”

  “A few months, I guess.”

  God, I did not want to talk about this.

  “Oh,” she said, blinking a few times. Then she looked up and met my gaze. The regret I saw in her eyes told me what I already knew. “I’m so sorry, Phillip.”

  I knew the blow was coming, but I still wasn't prepared. As soon as she said the words, it was like she’d slammed a boulder into my chest, crushing my airway.

  “I figured,” I said, forcing the words out, afraid I might choke on them.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, concern for me deep within her eyes. It almost made things worse.

  “I’m fine,” I said, although we both knew I was far from fine.

  “Why don’t you come in for a bit,” she offered. “I could make us some tea.”

  I shook my head, knowing that as much as I’d wanted her to ask me inside, a pity invite wasn’t what I had in mind.

  “I can’t,” I told her as I took a step back.

  “Phillip, please don�
��t do anything drastic,” she practically begged me. “Please.”

  “I have to go,” I told her as I started to walk back toward the elevators, already trying to figure out who I could call so I could get something to make the pain go away.

  “Phillip!” Leah’s voice said firmly from behind me.

  I stopped, but I didn’t turn around.

  “Do not do something stupid,” she said fiercely. “Please. I know you’re mad at me. I know you’re hurt, and I get it, but think about all the people in your life who love you and everything you could lose. Don’t do it.”

  I closed my eyes, the shame I felt in that moment burning in my gut. As soon as she said the words, I knew why Leah could never love me. To her, I was a fuck-up, a druggie, and a loser. Regardless of my fame and fortune and success, I’d always be the guy she had to pick up off the floor and dust off. I would never be good enough for her.

  And of course, she knew what I was thinking. She always knew. She knew how goddamn weak I was and how easy it would be for me to slip back to my old ways. That was why she didn’t want me.

  “Go see Sabrina,” she said then. “If you want to run, run to her. Talk to her. Tell her what you’re feeling. That’s what she offered. Take it.” She paused as if waiting for me to say something, but when I didn’t, she continued. “Please Phillip.”

  I nodded my head a few times, knowing she was right. I had an out, someone who’d offered to talk me down from the ledge whenever I needed it. It was like I was at a fork in the road, and I knew there was a right path and a wrong one. Leah was telling me to take the right path. Leah, who’d done everything right, who’d become this amazing woman, who I knew cared about me more than I probably deserved. She wanted me to choose right, and even though I was bruised by her pushing me away, I was powerless not to listen to her. She was right.

  I could feel Leah’s eyes on me. I could feel her watching me, waiting for me to move away from the elevator and walk down the hall to Sabrina’s room. I knew what room she was in. She’d told me. It was the last one on the left. So that’s where I headed.

  Chapter Nine

  Sabrina

  A knock on my door had me getting up from the couch and pausing the movie I was watching. It was late, and I wasn’t sure who could need to see me so urgently, but I figured it must be important. The last person I expected to see when I looked through the peephole, though, was Phillip.

  He was leaning back against the doorframe, his body angled away from me when I opened the door. He looked effortlessly sexy in a black blazer and fitted jeans, the preppy look he wore so well in full effect. I felt very underdressed in leggings and a tank top with my hair on top of my head in a messy bun and was glad I wasn’t trying to win him over with my sexiness. It definitely wouldn’t have worked.

  “Phillip? What are you doing here?”

  He turned at the sound of my voice. “Hey Sabrina,” he said casually, like it was normal for him to just stop by my room.

  “It’s late. Are you okay?”

  He shrugged. “Are any of us really ever okay?” He paused for a second and then said, “Can I come in?”

  “Yeah, sure,” I said, answering his second question. I assumed the first one was rhetorical.

  I watched him flash me a brief smile as I stepped aside to let him into my suite. As I shut the door, I saw him make himself comfortable on my couch, bunching up a pillow that he shoved into the corner behind his back.

  “Would you like something to drink?” I asked him.

  “Whiskey,” he said, not missing beat. “Neat.”

  As soon as he said that I started to wonder if he’d decided to take me up on my offer to talk if he found himself in a bad place.

  “Did something happen tonight?” I asked him, ignoring his request as I pulled two bottles of water out of the refrigerator.

  “No, nothing happened,” he said nonchalantly when I handed him one of the waters.

  “Are you sure?”

  I had no idea if he was telling the truth. For the first time since I’d met him, I was having trouble reading him. It was like he’d donned a mask, and I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. He could have been reaching out, or he could have just been bored and needed something to do.

  Phillip shrugged. “Same old, I suppose.”

  Same old? I wasn’t sure what he meant by that.

  “Do you really want whiskey?” I asked, figuring I’d be direct.

  “Nah. I was just messing around. What are you up to?”

  “I was watching a movie,” I said, gesturing to the paused scene on the TV screen.

  He squinted at the TV. “What movie is it?”

  “It’s nothing,” I said quickly, grabbing the remote to turn the TV off. I was sure he’d make fun of me for watching a chick flick, and I wasn’t in the mood for that. I set the remote on the coffee table and took a seat at the opposite end of the couch. “So, you look dressed up. What did you do tonight?”

  Phillip shrugged. “Not much.”

  Apparently I was going to have to pull it out of him. I wasn’t sure why that surprised me.

  “Leah’s still here. Didn’t you guys have plans to go out?” I prompted, and as soon as I asked the question, I saw his expression tighten

  I knew fairly quickly that something had happened with Leah. Even though he hadn’t told me much about her, I knew she meant a lot to him. Phillip had been really excited to see her, and even in the brief time I’d been around them, I could tell she had an effect on him that no one else did. It was like he was calmer when she was around, more grounded or something.

  I knew he’d spent the day exploring Seattle with her and her son. I’d had lunch with a few of the members of my band, and we’d run into them at the Public Market. Phillip had introduced me to Leah and her five year-old little boy Gavin, who had been more enamored with the fish being tossed around than anything I had to say.

  We’d only talked to them for a few minutes, but I could tell just from that brief interaction that Leah and Gavin meant the world to Phillip. I’d actually seen him laugh, which was sort of a rarity for him, and he’d even held Gavin up so he could better see the fishmongers. It seemed he had a soft spot for the kid and an even bigger soft spot for Leah.

  “We went to dinner,” Phillip said tightly.

  “That’s nice. Where did you go?”

  “Just downstairs,” he said, shrugging. “Greg was watching Gavin, so we couldn’t really go far.”

  I nodded. “I ordered room service earlier. The food was good.”

  Phillip didn’t respond, and silence descended over us as my words lingered in the air. Neither of us said anything, and I was having a hard time not asking him to just spell out why he’d decided to knock on my door at eleven o’clock at night.

  But I knew I had to be patient with him. If he’d stopped by, there was a reason, and knowing what I knew about him, I had to let him get there on his own. He’d tell me when he was ready – or not at all. The best thing I could probably do was just be there for him like I’d promised. I wasn’t his shrink. I didn’t need to know about his problems. I just needed to be a friend in whatever capacity he wanted.

  After close to five minutes of complete silence, in which I proceeded to drink almost all of the water in my bottle, Phillip finally spoke.

  “I broke my arm when I was twelve,” he said, his gaze on the coffee table. Then he looked up at me. “Right here.” He pressed his index and middle fingers to the center of his forearm that was covered by his black blazer.

  It was a completely out-of-the-blue statement, but if I’d learned anything about Phillip it was that he rarely cut to the chase. So he was either trying to distract me with an insignificant story from his childhood, or he was taking the long road to a point. Either way, I figured it was good that he was finally talking to me.

  “How did you do it?” I asked him.

  “I fell out of a tree.”

  I nodded. “That’ll do it.”

&nb
sp; “Yeah, but it wasn’t that high up. I could have landed on my feet, but I didn’t. Instead, I sort of just let myself fall. I wanted to see what would happen.”

  “That sounds painful.”

  He shrugged. “It was. But what hurt worse was that when my dad found out I was hurt, he didn’t even come to the hospital. I figured he’d come, because I was injured, but instead he told my nanny to go with me. He said he was in a meeting.”

  “Did your dad work a lot when you were growing up?”

  “He worked all the time. But that’s not why he didn’t come to the hospital.”

  “No?”

  Phillip shook his head. “Nah, he just didn’t want to deal with me.”

  “Phillip, that can’t be right. I’m sure he would have been there if he could have.”

  He eyed me skeptically. “You don’t know my dad. And at the time I didn’t really know him either. I figured he was telling the truth, that he had to work, but I found out later that he’d just teed off and didn’t want to leave his golf game. He shot two over par that day.”

  “How do you know that?” I asked him, slightly horrified by what he was telling me, even if I wasn’t going to let him see it.

  “He had a program on his computer that tracked his golf scores and determined his handicap. I had to stay home from school the next day because of my arm, so I snuck into his office and looked it up. I think that might have been the first time I realized how much he didn’t give a shit about me.” He shrugged. “But what was cool was that after school that day, Leah came over to visit me. She brought me my homework that she’d gone around and collected from my teachers. Then she signed my cast. She was the first person to do that.”

  “What did she write?”

  He took a deep breath. “She wrote, Phillip, you’re clumsy, but I still love you. – Leah. She cared about me, you know?”

  “So you’ve known her for a long time?” I ventured.

  He nodded. “I’ve known her since I was ten. She was nine, and her sister Kelsey was ten when they moved in next door to me. I was going through kind of a tough time, and being friends with them helped. It got me through the rough patches.”