by Jean Kincaid
Julianne watched a quizzical look cross her friend’s face.
“Your man, he is not a man of honor?”
The very question cut to the core of Julianne’s heart. She’d thought Morning Star was talking about her uncle; instead, she’d picked up on the very root of Julianne’s deception.
“Caleb is an honorable man, Morning Star. The very best.” Sorrow ate away at Julianne. She’d cast an unfavorable image of her husband, the man she’d come to love with all her heart. Her own lies had caused this damage.
She jumped to her feet, pacing the river’s edge. How could she have done this to a man who had shown her the best things life had to offer? And he’d freely given his trust. What kind of person repaid such kindness like this?
A slight tug on her sleeve drew her attention.
“I not mean to cause friend pain.” Morning Star extended her hands toward Julianne. “Please, to have my lunch.” She offered her food as an apology.
Julianne smiled and placed an arm around the other woman’s shoulder.
“No, you eat your food. You did not upset me.” Julianne struggled to maintain an even, conciliatory tone, when she wanted to howl and cry in frustration. “I have been dishonest with my man, and I am ashamed.”
“Then you honor him. With trust. A warrior not strong if doubt his woman is loyal.”
They began to gather the clothing, silently folding, both seemingly lost in thought. Finally Julianne decided to do a bit of her own questioning. She touched Morning Star’s arm to get her attention. She struggled with how to ask the question. Finally she decided a little sign language might help her.
She pointed to Morning Star’s eyes. “Sad. Why?”
Morning Star moaned and Julianne had never seen such grief line another person’s face. She shook her head at Morning Star. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me.”
But Morning Star seemed compelled to share. She pointed to Jonathan, then pointed to her belly. Then she reached down for a handful of dirt and let it gently filter into the wind. Julianne felt a wretchedness of mind she’d never felt before. Morning Star had given birth to a baby and it had died. That’s why she had milk to feed Jonathan. Tears blinded her as she reached uncertainly for her new friend, clasping her in a tight hug. Morning Star wept aloud, rocking back and forth in Julianne’s embrace. Carried away by her own response she failed to notice the arrival of Morning Star’s husband till he cleared his throat. Morning Star ran to him and he wiped the tears off her face. He handed her something and she turned and held it out to Julianne. It was a waterskin filled with a liquid. She pointed at Jonathan then smiled sadly. She walked away with the brave.
They parted as friends, but as Julianne thought back over their visit she felt she’d lost respect in Morning Star’s eyes. She instinctively knew her new friend would never show anything other than devotion to her husband, yet Julianne had already dishonored her marriage vows with lies that seemed only to multiply.
Julianne still felt uncomfortable keeping the secret from Caleb, but she would soon have enough money to pay him back, and then could reveal what she’d been doing. If at that time Caleb forbade her from taking trips to the river alone, she would bend to his will.
Until then, she felt her only option was for Maggie to continue to drop off the laundry two or three times a week and pick it up every Friday with payment for the work done.
Julianne pulled her thoughts back to the present. She loved the time she spent with Caleb. Her favorite time of the day had not changed. It was still when her husband came home for the night.
Spring slowly turned to summer and the days grew a bit longer. Caleb and Julianne took long walks in the woods after supper. He always showed her something new. But what impressed her most was when he gave her his total attention and shared what he’d done during the day.
It seemed as though once a week he’d bring home something new for her. First, it had been Maybell, the cow. Then he’d brought home a dozen hens and two roosters. Seeds for the gardens were next, both vegetable and flower.
She’d learned her husband was quite good with a knife and wood. He’d made several more nipples for Jonathan, a rocking chair carved with the same markings as the baby’s crib and her headboard. But her favorite piece was a box.
Caleb had given it to her a few days ago as a one-month anniversary gift. She loved the ash wood. He’d carved two doves flying with a vine in both their beaks.
Was he trying to tell her that together they could make a home just as the birds built their nests? A smile touched her lips and she uttered, “I hope so.”
She’d learned also that Caleb was a man of God. He read from the Bible every morning upon rising and every evening before going to bed. And sometimes at night Julianne listened to his soft-spoken conversations with his Lord.
She felt foolish for her earlier fears of Caleb. He was nothing like the men of her past. Caleb was strong, handsome, wise and kind.
Her uncle slipped unbidden into her thoughts, gnawing away at her newfound serenity. The one time she’d mentioned him to Caleb, he’d assured her that her uncle could no longer harm her. He promised he’d protect her, and for whatever it was worth, Julianne felt secure in that knowledge. Besides, her uncle knew where she was if he was the one who had intercepted her letter from Sloan. Surely if he were looking for her, he’d have found her by now.
Even if he was trying to find her, she’d changed her name. Living so far from town and even the camp, Julianne felt sure he’d never find her even if he still searched.
She wasn’t too worried about Marcus now, either. Caleb had told her that Marcus took a job in town as a saloon bartender. She shuddered at the memory of the evil in that man’s eyes.
He was a wicked man. Everything in her being told her to stay far, far away from him. She didn’t see where that would be a problem, considering he worked so far away.
Julianne looked down at little Jonathan as he slept in her arms. He had grown quite a bit in the last month. The baby was lucky to have a man like Caleb as his uncle. She carried him to his crib and laid him down.
The entire cabin smelled of the roast duck cooking in the oven. She sniffed appreciatively then looked about her home. Her home. She exhaled a long sigh of contentment. Everything was perfect. Well, almost.
Her gaze moved to the bag of laundry that taunted her from the far wall. There’s your problem, her conscience accused. Maggie hadn’t come by to pick it up yet, and Julianne couldn’t stand to look at it anymore. She needed to get it out of sight, out of her home. She’d find a place outside, where it wouldn’t constantly remind her of her deceitfulness and where Caleb was sure not to see it.
Julianne ran her index finger over the carving of the wooden box. She felt it fitting to save the money she’d earned from doing the loggers’ laundry in the box her husband had made just for her. Once that debt was paid, then the deception would come to an end, and she would be the true wife Caleb deserved. Lies and sin, that same little voice of conscience nagged.
She carried the box to the table. Julianne sat down and opened the lid. Her fingers shook as she counted the money. She had washed clothes several times a week for a month now and each man paid her a dollar a week. There were fifteen men, so thanks to Maggie’s idea, in a few more weeks, she’d have enough to pay back Caleb. She gave Maggie money to buy her laundry soap and occasionally Maggie picked up items Julianne needed to cook with, but for the most part she had saved every dime. They could use the money to start the apple orchard Caleb dreamed of someday owning. “Won’t he be surprised?” She spoke quietly to herself so as not to wake the baby.
From the corner of her eye, the wash taunted and accused. Julianne sighed. The laundry wasn’t going to walk outside by itself. Placing both hands firmly on the table, she pushed up out of the chair. She had no intention of permitting a sack of laundry to create such havoc in her life. She scooped up the bag and headed for the front door.
The cow bawled. The sound trav
eled on the late afternoon air. Julianne propped the bag against the back of the cabin and hurried to the barn.
“Caleb’s late again this evening, Maybell. I guess it’s just you and me.” She looped a rope over the cow’s head and pulled her out into the center aisle to milk.
Maybell stood, patiently observing while Julianne got the bucket and stool. Her tail twitched from side to side. Julianne sat down on the stool and began the milking.
* * *
Oh, supper was going to be good if the smell that greeted him was anything to go by. His tired senses revived a bit as he entered the cabin. It had been a long day. He looked about the empty house. Disappointment assaulted him. He’d been looking forward to seeing Julianne.
Jonathan woke up with a cry, his movements rocking the cradle at the foot of Julianne’s bed. Caleb moved toward it. Julianne seldom let the baby out of her sight.
He figured she was in the barn milking Maybell. It wasn’t the first time he’d come home late and found her there. With her outside, he’d have a chance to hold his nephew.
Caleb smiled down at the baby and picked him up. Jonathan immediately stopped crying, his eyes focused on Caleb’s face.
Carrying the baby back to the rocker, he bumped the box causing it to fall off the table. Its contents scattered across the kitchen floor, and he gasped at the amount of coins and bills.
“What in the world…?”
Holding the baby in the crook of one arm, he bent to pick up the money. Where had it come from? Doubts about his wife formed with each piece he picked up.
His thoughts winged back to the day she’d arrived at the camp. Sloan had accused her of stealing his money. Had she? Was he holding the stolen money now?
What did he really know about his new wife? Over the past month he’d told her everything there was to know about himself but she hadn’t revealed much information at all.
Was Julianne the thief Sloan had made her out to be?
He put the money back into the box. She’d left it out in plain sight. Maybe his wife planned on telling him about it tonight.
Caleb closed the lid on the box and sat in the rocker. It wasn’t right. The box had been facing the other way. He stood up and positioned it just the way it had been and then settled back down in the rocker with the baby.
Would she tell him where she’d gotten the money? He prayed she would.
He didn’t have long to wait. Julianne brought the bucket of milk through the front door.
Her eyes darted from him to the oak box. Caleb’s heart sank as she set the milk on the counter then scooped the box up and carried it into her room.
She chattered as she did so. “How was your day, Caleb? When I left Jonathan was asleep. I hope you didn’t find the little tyke crying.” She left the bedroom and hurried back to serve the evening meal.
Caleb listened and watched her move about their home. In disbelief, he realized she wasn’t going to mention the money. “No, I think I woke him when I came in.” He stood to his feet.
Julianne finished setting the table. “Here, I’ll take him.” She held out her arms for the baby.
“I’ve got him.” Caleb pulled his nephew closer.
Suddenly, he didn’t trust her, and the knowledge pained him. He’d thought they were growing closer, but how could he trust her when she revealed nothing of herself to him?
Chapter 11
Over the next few weeks Caleb watched the money grow in the little wooden box, and with it grew distrust of his wife. Where was the money coming from? What did Julianne do to get it?
Didn’t she understand the meaning of the box and the carving he’d etched into it? If they were ever to be a real husband and wife, she would have to be honest with him. Why didn’t she understand that?
Julianne acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary. She fixed meals, took care of Jonathan and kept their home clean. But could it really be called a home if there were secrets between husband and wife?
Caleb finished dressing and headed downstairs. His gaze landed on Julianne. She stood in a blue calico dress with small blue laces at the front. The blue brought out the sky color in her eyes. He’d never seen the dress before. Where had she gotten it?
“You look handsome this morning.”
The compliment took him by surprise. He watched the color fill her cheeks before she turned back to preparing breakfast.
He listened as she hummed happily. Funny, the more the money grew, the happier Julianne became, and the more miserable he felt. They needed to talk about it. Caleb decided that after church he and his wife were going to discuss the contents of that box.
Caleb walked over to where Jonathan played in the crib. The baby smiled up at him happily. He couldn’t stop himself from looking toward the box.
The box he wished he’d never made, the box that held the money and filled his heart with doubt.
“Breakfast is ready, Caleb. Would you bring Jonathan with you when you come?”
“Come on, little fella.” He scooped up Jonathan into his arms and went to the table.
After he said grace, Julianne asked. “Do you think one apple pie and one peach cobbler will be enough dessert, Caleb?”
“It’ll be plenty. Those men will just have to be happy with what they get.”
Julianne took Jonathan from him. “I know, but they do so love my pies and cobblers.” She sat down with the baby and gave him his bottle. “I should have baked more.” They had continued the meal on the grounds every Sunday after church for several reasons. It helped feed those who didn’t have enough, and it gave the few women in the settlement a much-needed time of fellowship.
“Why didn’t you?”
He watched her study the baby’s face and chew on her bottom lip.
“I was busy with the baby and lost track of time.”
A frown marred her delicate features. Caleb could tell the lie tasted bitter in her mouth. He wondered what the real reason was for her not baking more. Did it have anything to do with the money?
“He hasn’t been fretting like he did in the beginning, right? Seems like he’s finally adjusted to the milk.”
To his amazement, Julianne flinched at his question and moved restlessly. A warning voice whispered in his head. His misgivings increased by the minute.
They ate in silence. The food tasted like sawdust in his mouth. He finished the meal then picked up his Bible and led his little family to church.
* * *
Julianne hated the silence that surrounded her and Caleb. She hated lying to him. But she hadn’t known what to say. It was no excuse, and she knew it. Lying was wrong no matter the reason.
But how could she tell him Jonathan’s tummy accepted Morning Star’s milk without telling him how and where she met the Indian woman and why she accepted the skin bag of milk each time they washed together?
Caleb helped her down from the buggy when they got to the church. She held his gaze as he set her down on the hard ground. His eyes begged her to tell him the truth but she couldn’t.
“I’d think you two would have stopped staring into each other’s eyes by now.” Maggie stood behind them.
Julianne sighed unhappily when Caleb pulled his gaze from her and smiled at the older woman.
“Now, Maggie. She’s my wife, and I can stare at her all day, if I’ve a mind to.” He turned to the wagon and reached for his Bible and Jonathan’s bag.
“Well, I guess you can at that.” Maggie hugged Julianne. “That pretty blue sure makes the color in your eyes pop out.”
“Thank you, Maggie.” Julianne fussed with Jonathan’s blankets as she followed the older woman into the church.
She couldn’t stop the grin no matter how hard she tried. A vision of her eyes popping out and rolling around in the dirt caused her to chuckle out loud.
The laugh caught in her throat when Caleb dropped his arm from around her shoulder and greeted the pastor. “Good Morning, Reverend. What do you have in store for us today?”
“I’ll be teaching on the Garden of Eden and how one lie caused the fall of mankind, and how the sin of omission is still a lie.” The preacher shook Caleb’s hand.
“Sounds like a good sermon. We better hurry and get a seat.” Caleb placed his hand in the center of Julianne’s back and gently helped her into the church.
She was thankful for his support. She wasn’t sure her feet would have moved forward if not for him.
Lying.
Why lying?
Did the pastor know of her sin? Was it possible?
Did everyone know she had lied to her husband? Not just about washing the men’s clothes, but also the fact that in the beginning her intentions were purely selfish. She hadn’t cared that Caleb had an infant to raise—she had planned to use the money she made to buy her freedom from marriage to him. Wasn’t lying by omission still as bad as an outright lie? Though now she planned to help him grow the orchard, did everyone suspect the money had been her escape route? She couldn’t tell Caleb about Morning Star unless she told him about washing the men’s clothes. What a tangled web of lies. And now she suspected everyone knew she had lied to her husband. Was still lying to him.
The service started with songs and prayer. Julianne tried to fill her mind with the joy of singing. But then the preacher entered the pulpit and told everyone to turn in their Bibles to Genesis three verse four. Her palms turned sweaty, and her heartbeat quickened.
He read the scripture aloud for those who didn’t have Bibles. “And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die.”
Julianne stared down at Jonathan. The top of her head felt on fire. Was the preacher looking at her? Was everyone looking at her?
The preacher continued. “Because of that one lie, Eve disobeyed God. She and her mate, Adam, fell from God’s grace.”
His voice continued on. Julianne tried to think of something else. She knew she was lying to her husband. She didn’t need to be reminded of it by a preacher. Sorrow, deep and painful, tore at her heart.