He just wanted to feel like he wasn’t alone.
Moving to the outskirts of the lawn, Zander watched the group as they interacted with each other.
Dark-haired men with blonde-haired women, blond men with dark-haired women, dark-haired both men and women, a woman with blue and pink in her hair, and a Native American couple made up the majority of the attendees. They laughed and talked in small groups which called out sporadically to each other, commenting and then going back to their conversations.
As the crew joined in the gathering, the family made room for them, engaging them as if they belonged there. And honestly, their crew did because they were open about what they were. They were hired by Drake as ranch hands to help run the ranch. They didn’t have ulterior motives to win the heart of the youngest and join the family. They didn’t have secret lives as one of the richest men in Montana who could probably buy a family, instead of trying to secretly win one over.
No, the crew fit in. Zander didn’t fit. Zander had never felt like more of a fraud. He wasn’t one of them but he wasn’t one of the crew either.
Along the side of the house, beside the back steps and under the railing of the deck, long tables had been set up with buffet-style stainless-steel serving dishes and lanterns hung to light the way.
Hannah’s curvy shape and long-braided hair stood out as she worked by herself, not talking with anyone or standing with a man. No one approached her or sought her out. She worked busily at the table, glancing once or twice toward her family, but then looked back to her work.
She was alone, as if she too didn’t belong.
Fixing that became Zander’s mission instead of dwelling on what he couldn’t change. Making his way across the lawn toward her, Zander smiled dismissively toward the two people who moved as if to speak to him. They were friendly and he was more than interested in getting to know them, but not right then. He had to take the chance open to him to strike up a conversation with the woman he was going to marry.
He moved up beside her, leaning in to grab the next pitcher from the collection she was moving from one of the tables to the other.
She jumped, startled at his presence when she turned. Something crossed her gaze that bordered on suspicion, but, to Zander’s relief, she shook it off. Hesitantly, she smiled. “Um, hi.” Unable to stay away from her, the breeze moved around her face, making stray strands of hair to dance around the curve of her jaw and slant of her neck.
“Hi.” Zander didn’t care if Nathan was wrong about Hannah. Zander was attracted to her and there was something between them he couldn’t deny. She came with the family and that meant she had a lot of value. But even more importantly, she lit something inside him he’d never thought would be possible. He wasn’t going to let that go.
Carefully, Hannah placed lemon wedges in the pitchers of ice water. She licked her lips, glanced at the other people standing around and then spoke cautiously, like Zander might run away or something. “I’m taking your advice.” She couldn’t smother the joy spreading across her face in a smile.
Zander furrowed his brow. “Oh? My advice?” He couldn’t remember much of their conversation besides the fact that she’d kissed him and he just wanted her to do it again. But he’d meant what he said – they needed to know each other better. He wasn’t going to cheapen what he wanted with Hannah. He wouldn’t disrespect her that way.
Call him old fashion, but that was no way to treat his future. If he’d been alone, he would laugh. He didn’t want to cheapen their relationship, but there he was lying about who he was. He couldn’t wait to tell her the truth and get the weight off his shoulders and his heart.
“Yeah, silly. I’m going after what I want.” She placed a pitcher and then turned back to Zander. “Nate would be surprised.” She blinked back the sparkling in her eyes.
Zander drew away. What did she know? The mention of Nate threw a wrench in things. He didn’t want to lie about that, but how was he going to confess everything to her now? His chances would flush down the drain. He was getting drawn tight into a web he’d created. He hadn’t thought things through and it was becoming more and more evident.
She stopped setting out the dishes and turned to look lovingly over her family, her expression tinged with regret. “He left and never really saw me, you know? He’s only ever known me as his little sister. He didn’t see me grow up while he was so wrapped in the stress around Emma’s sickness... and then her death.” She nodded toward the group. “He missed out on all of this. We went from nine cousins to so many more. We even have good friends that aren’t technically family but that we consider closer than blood.”
“That had to be hard.” Zander didn’t look at the family, he watched the empathetic woman before him. The one Nathan had missed out on knowing.
Lifting her chin, Hannah shrugged. “Nate took the loss bad. He left us because he couldn’t handle it. Of course, it’s been hard for him. I wasn’t trying to say it wasn’t.”
Zander lowered his voice and stepped closer to Hannah. “I mean hard for you, Hannah.”
She didn’t move away from him. She quieted, matching his tone, sadness moving to soften her features. “Yeah, it was. I’ve changed. I wanted Nate to see me for so long and then I realized I wasn’t proud of who I’d become. I wasn’t even sure who I was. But now... I’m not little Hannah anymore. I’ve had to survive, you know? I’ve had to figure things out for myself and I don’t want this right now. Not that I don’t want it ever, I just... I need a break from it, too.”
Relief flooded through him that she still wanted what her family represented. Zander smiled, understanding more than she knew. “Yeah, I get it.” He did. He’d only looked at the Montana Trails from Nathan’s perspective. He was starting to see the family was filled with dynamic individuals who happened to make up a unit. He’d thought of them as a unit instead of individuals.
As he filled a plate with the rest of the Montana Trails cousins and sat amongst them, Zander had the sensation that was the way things could be. He could sit beside Hannah because that was where he belonged and the men would ask him questions about ranching or he’d ask them in kind questions about... whatever, because they’d be family.
He firmed his decision to continue taking his own advice and go after what he wanted.
He just had to figure out how.
Chapter 11
Hannah
Hannah glanced at Zander throughout the evening. She couldn’t help it. There was something between them she couldn’t define and the link drove her nuts. She’d opened up to him about things she’d never said to anyone. She had never met anyone that was so easy to talk to like Zander and she had a feeling that when he said he understood, he really did. He was someone she could trust and Hannah didn’t have a lot of that in her life.
She had trusted that her life would be normal with parents always there and they’d died.
Emma had come into her life and Hannah had trusted that Emma was going to be okay. She’d trusted the medical professionals to save her sister-in-law who had become like a surrogate mother.
She’d trusted Nate to always be there for her and he’d left.
Embarrassing herself with Zander with the inappropriate kiss hadn’t been the end of the world. He hadn’t even brought it up which made her feel even safer with him. She could trust him with her mistakes.
Another plus was that she normally was looked over because Drake was the boss or Stefanie was prettier or whatever reason there was. Zander wasn’t doing anything to ignore her and the attention was nice.
Her cousins would never agree to let her date a ranch hand, even if she did admit her attraction to him. If she couldn’t admit it to herself, she certainly wouldn’t utter a word about it to her cousins.
As the other men broke down the tables, Hannah carried some empty platters inside. Zander followed her, carrying in half-filled pitchers and looking around the large kitchen.
Hannah placed the dish on the counter and turned, tak
ing the pitchers from Zander. Her fingers grazed his, sending a tingling awareness through her. Like she needed help on that end.
She was already very aware of him. What she wanted was to not be aware of him. Was that possible? Could he be less of a gentleman? Could he be less trustworthy? Something, anything that would make him less appealing. At that point, anything was acceptable.
If he came through with information on Nate, he’d be more like a hero in her eyes and then her heart certainly wouldn’t be safe.
That terrified her.
“I hope you have a good night, Hannah.” Zander’s green eyes twinkled as he studied her face. He leaned over, careful not to invade her space, but also close enough she could feel his presence and not ignore him.
Would he kiss her? How well would they have to know each other before it would be okay? She almost sighed at the sight of his dark lashes and deep green rim of his irises focused on her. He could hypnotize her in seconds.
Hannah worked on breathing normally. She nodded, her voice breathless no matter how hard she tried to be normal. “You, too, Zander.”
Except she wasn’t going to sleep. Not that night. Not when she had so many what-ifs running through her mind, so many possibilities for a future that conflicted with each other.
Zander didn’t need to know that his interest in her stood in the way of her future plans. He didn’t need to know that she didn’t want to be a friend, but she also wanted to know about Nate and... what if she wanted more than just a platonic relationship?
^^^
Not sleeping that night would have put it mildly. She rubbed her eyes at the table, stifling her yawn as Stefanie left the table after breakfast and headed outside, muttering something about helping Drake. Yeah, Hannah had seen the kitchen. Stefanie didn’t want to do the dishes or finish cleaning up from the night before.
Thankfully for Hannah, she didn’t normally mind and that meant Stefanie would leave and not overhear what Hannah had planned. Hannah would return to cleanup as soon as she made the calls she wanted to make.
Seeing Zander the night before had emboldened her further on her course of action. Being afraid was okay. She had to believe her dream was worth facing fear and nerves.
Pulling out the paper with the information she’d gathered on her last computer session, Hannah called the Culinary Institute of North Dakota, picking at the cuticle of her thumb while the phone rang. She could still hang up. She didn’t have to commit to anything. Her stomach was nervous like she expected her brother to answer the other end of the line.
“Culinary Institute. This is Amy.” The woman was friendly from the beginning. Her voice sounded like she was smiling already.
Hannah’s nerves faded. “Hi, my name is Hannah Rourke. I was wondering about the application procedure and if you already have a waiting list for the fall?” Might as well get those likelihoods out of the way from the beginning.
“Hi, Hannah! I’m so glad you called. We’re getting ready to cut down to summer office hours, but this works out perfect. We actually are on a semester rotation so we take new students every six months. We’re also a very small school, because unfortunately not a lot of people know about us or want to live in North Dakota.” Her tinkling laugh brought out a chuckle in Hannah. Amy continued. “That being said, we’re offering daily tours and we’re actually in the process of accepting applications right now. Do you have an email address? I can send you the application link. Once you complete the online application, you’ll get an automated email with the tour schedule and another link to reserve your spot. We have multiple tours running through the next six to eight weeks. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of options to choose from.”
“Wow, thank you. That’s a lot of information.” Hannah relayed her email address. “I look forward to your email.”
“I’m sending it right now. I look forward to meeting you, Hannah.” Amy hung up, leaving Hannah with an optimistic feeling growing inside her.
She stared at the family picture Stefanie had put up from a year or so ago. All of the cousins had been present. Even Jareth had shown up when he didn’t like pictures. The only one missing was Nate. That was it. Just Nate.
Hope sprang inside her where it didn’t belong. If things worked out at the school in Mersdin, did that mean she was meant to be over there? Maybe she was the one who would be able to bring Nate home. The youngest reeling in the oldest. Hannah leaned forward and rested her forehead on her forearms crossed on the table in front of her.
Too bad she couldn’t ask her mom what to do.
Heaving herself up from her melancholic thoughts, Hannah gritted her teeth. She was determined. No more hiding behind the safety of Bella Acres and her family. She was going to get herself out. Pulling out the laptop, Hannah refreshed her email every thirty seconds until three minutes later when the email showed up from Amy at the CIND.
She opened it slowly, reading every word voraciously. The woman’s enthusiasm screamed through her written words. Hannah was grinning by the time she had finished reading. The link at the bottom before the signature line would take her to the application page. She stared for a moment, her smile fading as excitement filled her.
Don’t think about it, Hannah, just do it! Clicking on the link, she filled out the application and hit submit.
The complete ease of the entire process struck her as unfathomable. The last application she’d filled out had taken forever, by hand, and had required that she mail it in.
Her email dinged while she studied the confirmation page. Tilting her head to the side, Hannah furrowed her brow. Had she already been rejected? At least it was faster. She pressed her lips together to smother her discouragement and clicked on the email.
Instead, she’d received a confirmation of application receipt with the option to schedule a tour any time in the next two months. Two months. She could pick a time to visit the school and see what she thought.
Sitting back, Hannah took a deep breath. When it felt right and things went smoothly, that’s when they were meant to be. She had the feeling in her gut that she was supposed to be on the eastern side of the state, that she was supposed to go to that school. She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face, aching in her cheeks.
She couldn’t tell her family yet, but she had to tell someone. She was so excited and didn’t want to wait until her acceptance was a certainty. She couldn’t break the news to her family until it was actually news to tell. Once she was accepted and she enrolled, nothing Stefanie said would be able to sway her. She’d deal with the financial aspects when that came, but she was a hard worker and she didn’t mind working after school hours.
What had she done? She wasn’t even sure on funding yet. How would she ever be able to pay for school? She knew nothing about the area that the school was in, but she liked the attitude of the admissions officer and it was closer to where Nate was supposed to be. Taking a deep breath, she rallied.
She could do it. She’d deal with the financial aspects when that came, but she was a hard worker and she didn’t mind working after school hours.
If it was meant to be, what could go wrong?
Hannah rushed outside, abandoning the dishes piling on the counter. She had to tell someone and right then, she had to tell Zander. The submitted application was almost like a successful hunt. She had to talk about it right then.
She rushed out to the barn. Had Drake said where the men would be that day? She couldn’t remember, but the barn would be a good place to start.
A soft whistling called her deeper into the barn, closer to the animal stalls and the open paddock in the back.
Hannah moved to the side of the doorway, watching as Zander moved lithely with a flat-nosed shovel from end-to-end, swinging the load to the side onto the trailer with ease.
Without a word, Hannah grabbed gloves and a shovel hanging on a hook beside the double-doors and moved in beside him. Smiling at the stuttering in his whistle, she mucked alongside him. His whistling conti
nued but almost as if he was smiling.
Side by side they finished the rest of the stall floor in about thirty minutes in companionable silence – except for the whistling and the occasional chuckle as they crossed paths.
Panting lightly, they moved together and took a seat on one of the benches set to the side for boot securing. Pulling a handkerchief from his pocket, he handed it to her. “Here, I’m surprised you’re out here.” He looked her up and down, his shock evident.
“Why? You think girls can’t work?” Hannah pushed his bandana back to him and pulled the one she habitually carried in her back pocket. She wiped at her damp forehead, grinning. Of course, hard work wasn’t going to dim her excitement. Instead, just being around him made her even more excited to tell him, the anticipation sweeter than anything.
What if he made fun of her? She was nervous, even though she knew she had nothing to worry about. She could trust him. She had trusted him already.
All she had to do was take the leap.
Chapter 12
Zander
Hannah obviously had something on her mind and she grew more pensive the longer they sat in quiet.
Maybe she thought Zander was a sexist, which he wasn’t. But how did he prove that? He rubbed his loose bandana across the back of his neck and then lifted his gaze to her. “I’m not biased against women working, on the contrary. I find it refreshing. The only reason I was asking was because this is your home. Drake has people, like me, hired to do this stuff. Do you have to work?”
“Do you mean, do I have money?” Hannah huffed. “Nope, I don’t have money and this isn’t my place, not technically. It used to be my parents’ and then they died and left it to us and then Nate had to sell it and Drake bought it. It’s not our family home anymore. I just live here.” She slowed down and twisted her lips to the side then half-smiled. “If I had my own place, though? I’d be out working, too. No one is going to take care of your home the same way you would.”
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