Katrina: “Then your entire list is out. How about we go with mine? Like Frog Suck. Or Goochland.”
Jackson: “You know you’re going to get some mayor or governor upset about that. Not as bad as an entire country, but still.”
Ben couldn’t make sense of it—at all. He leaned farther back in his chair. Maybe he wasn’t hearing things right. Now they were talking about food, he was sure of that. He was even more confused.
Katrina said, “Well then the entire Taco Bell menu is out. No Chalupa. No Crunchwrap Supreme. He’d get sued.”
Jackson was quiet for a time. Then he answered, “We better go with dogs then. I don’t think the American Kennel Club would sue him. Especially if we went with a dog like a pug. No one like those dogs.”
“Yeah, but saying ‘pug’ doesn’t sound real cool.”
“Then I’m stumped,” Jackson said.
“Me too,” Ben said as he turned around. It wasn’t necessarily his intention to join the conversation, but he was past the point of curiosity. He needed to know what they were talking about. And he needed to know if their conversation was the norm for high school kids; he didn’t like feeling obscure and disconnected.
Both Jackson and Katrina looked a little startled that Ben had joined the conversation. Would a typical person apologize for eavesdropping? But instead of saying that he was sorry, he said, “I couldn’t help overhearing,” even though they weren’t necessarily speaking very loud, “but I have no idea what you are talking about. No idea at all. I’m completely lost.”
“Oh,” Katrina said. She looked embarrassed. “We were, uh … talking about …”
“Swearwords,” Jackson finished.
“Swearwords?” Ben asked. That made no sense, whatsoever.
“Or alternate swearwords,” Katrina said. “It was an English assignment.”
Oh. So it was a high school thing. No wonder Ben wasn’t getting it.
“Our English teacher was railing on the way people speak, sighting the unoriginality of swearwords. Everyone says them, without even thinking about what they are saying,” Jackson said.
“So we were asked to come up with new swearwords. Ones that still work in context, but aren’t as offensive,” Katrina said.
Jackson picked it up again, “Swearwords are basically divided into three categories. And whichever swearword a person uses most represents the area that person struggles with.”
“Three categories?” Ben asked. It had to be way more than that.
“Group number one,” Katrina said, “Would be all things relating to Deity.”
“There’s a lot in that group,” Jackson said. “Including ones relating to damnation and such.”
“Group number two would be all things related to … poo, essentially.” Katrina blinked and continued, “Any bodily function.”
Ben laughed. He could think of quite a few that fit in that category as well. “And the third?” he asked.
Jackson cleared his throat. Katrina played with her earring. Her cheeks were flushed again. “Procreation.” Jackson finally said. “Anything in regards to that.”
Ben laughed again. “Sex. Is that word banned as well?”
“Should be,” Jackson said. “Its liberal usage represents the moral degradation of society. But that wasn’t really on the assignment.”
Yeah. Ben didn’t really know what to say to that. Had he just been censored for using a word that was forbidden half a century ago? Were these two way old-fashioned? Maybe they were part Amish.
“When you divide swearwords into these categories, it gives you a psychologist’s insight into others lives. A person who drops the ‘F’ bomb most likely isn’t finding any luck in that area,” Jackson said.
Ben could think of a few of his friends that enforced this point. It made him chuckle.
“And anyone overusing the ‘S’ word would likely be eating too much fiber,” Katrina said.
Ben laughed out loud at this point. He knew he’d never think of a person in the same light after they said the “S” word. He’d be wondering how often they had to run to the bathroom.
Katrina smiled at him, her face vibrant and excited. “So we each came up with a list of alternate words. Most of us had themes. Like mine were all names from American towns. Frog Suck, Goochland, and Hoople.”
“Those are real towns?”
“Yep. Wyoming, Virginia and North Dakota, respectively.”
“And those fit into the three categories?”
“Use your imagination,” she urged.
Jackson joined the conversation. “Mine was based on famous people. Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hugh Hefner.”
“I have to imagine what categories those fit into as well?”
“No. I will tell you. Because mine make sense,” Jackson said. He jabbed his knee into Katrina’s leg. He was making fun of her. This was more like the typical sibling relationship. “Genghis Khan thought he was omnipotent. He sought for ultimate control and power. So obviously he had a problem with Deity. Vlad,” Jackson cleared his throat, “this one is nasty, I know, but Vlad impaled somewhere around 100,000 people, and the point of entrance was ….” Jackson cleared his throat again. “So obviously this man had bowel troubles. Of the worst imaginable kind.
“And finally: Hef. No explanation needed. He’s a nymphomaniac.”
Ben saw the correlation between Jackson’s swearwords and the specified categories. Katrina’s—he still didn’t get it. He probably shouldn’t have said that though. Katrina went on the defensive, telling him that she got extra credit in Geography for her report on towns that could be cusswords. And she listed a few more: Idiotville, Yaak, and Tupelo. While they were funny names for towns, they didn’t necessarily rank as great swearwords.
Jackson didn’t give Katrina any praise for getting extra credit. “I’m sure I could have gotten extra credit in History had I asked for it. But I didn’t need it. I already had an A plus. And just because you got extra credit in a different subject doesn’t make your report any more noteworthy. My report scored higher than yours, period.”
Ben watched Katrina closely. She seemed like she dismissed Jackson’s criticism as quickly as it left his mouth. Ben thought of the childish saying “I am rubber you are glue …” and he imagined that Katrina had used that phrase plenty against Jackson. And actually meant it. Good. She wasn’t a hypersensitive female. Chalk up another desirable attribute.
“Anyways,” Katrina said with animation, “we were discussing how new words make it into the English language.”
“Usually, it takes someone of prominence and influence—such as yourself—to make a word popular,” Jackson continued. “Once a word is introduced and a few others begin to use it, it catches on like wildfire and becomes a common expression. What we were doing earlier—when you so rudely eavesdropped—was,” Jackson stopped speaking long enough to smile. Ben was caught off-guard by the sarcasm, but then he smiled too. Jackson went on, “discussing which word would be a good one for you to use …”
“Hypothetically speaking,” Katrina interjected. She looked a little embarrassed. “You know, we were just toying around.”
“He knows that, Kat. It’s not like he’s worried that he’s going to have to start saying ‘frog suck.’ We were just toying with the idea that if you wanted to Webster a word, you could.”
“That’s kind of cool,” Ben said. Actually, it really was. He’d never thought about it before. He could be responsible for the next cool slang word.
“But, as we were discussing it, we realized that none of our words would work,” Katrina said. “Ethnic groups would get offended and such.”
“So we were stealing words from our classmates. One guy did his entire paper on the Taco Bell menu. One girl used dog breeds. But out of all the words that our class came up with, we can’t really find one that would work—without causing a controversy.”
“We would have to come up with something new,” Katrina said, “ya know: if it’s s
omething you are serious about doing.”
Ben looked around the studio. Most people were still at their tables, eating. He didn’t have anything better to do, so he may as well play along. At least for entertainment’s sake. “Yeah. I’m game.”
Jackson pretended to put on a hat, fastening some kind of imaginary band underneath his chin. “Okay, thinking caps on.” He looked at Katrina encouragingly.
She rolled her eyes and said, “My brain is already big enough. I don’t need a thinking cap.”
These guys were a little weird. But in a good way.
They spouted out random words, everything from diseases to brands of clothing. Nothing sounded right.
“What if it’s not a swearword?” Katrina eventually suggested. “What if it’s something like ‘sick.’ If we are using a word in a good way, we don’t have to worry about offending people … and getting sued.”
Maybe that was all they needed: a shift in directions. They started thinking of words that would mean cool or awesome. But it seemed over-baked.
“How about if we went more specific,” Ben suggested. “Like a word that would describe a hot chick.” He didn’t know why he said that one. It’s not really what he was thinking. Then again, he was sitting here talking to Katrina. He would go as far as to say that she was hot. And she was a chick. So there ya go.
Jackson immediately agreed that they should find a new word to describe hot chicks. Katrina rolled her eyes. “Oh. Come. On.” She was forceful in her opinion. “Like there’s not enough of those words already. Fox. Babe. Hottie. Bombshell. Fine. Should I keep going?”
“Yeah, but all those are old. Dated. Passé. Should I keep going?” Jackson said.
“And you are boring. Dull. Uninteresting. And I will keep going. Lame. Stup …”
Ben saw Jackson jab Katrina with his knees again. This time it wasn’t as playful. Ben felt like he was watching a tennis match with all the back and forth comments between Katrina and Jackson. And the match was good: Ben couldn’t tell who was winning.
So Ben and Jackson continued brainstorming. Katrina grew mostly silent. Ben could tell she wasn’t happy with this topic. Every once in a while she would interject a word, like mule or lederhosen. Always something random and completely off-subject, as if she wanted to be the farthest thing away from helpful. Which was probably her intent. She had already said that she would be no part of making another derisive name for women.
“It has to be something that connotes beauty, elegance … softness,” Jackson said. Finding the perfect word proved to be harder than Ben had imagined. After Jackson said this, they both sat in quiet contemplation.
With Jackson’s redirection, Ben started thinking about fabric. Soft, velvety fabric. And then he had it. “Suede!” Ben said.
“Perfect!” Jackson exclaimed. Then he started using it in sentences. “Oh, look at that girl over there: isn’t she suede? … Did you see Elizabeth Cardon’s newest movie? She is so suede.”
Ben spoke up, adding more sentences to the queue. And as he talked, he realized that the term could be enhanced. “Oh, and if she’s extra hot, like a supermodel, you could say she’s ultra suede.”
Jackson sat up straight in his chair, like he was getting excited about this. His eyebrows seemed to sit up excitedly as well. “And if she’s just kinda cute, she’d be micro suede.”
Ben laughed. That was perfect. He hadn’t thought that far yet. But he quickly thought of this one: “And if she’s a plastic hottie, then she’d be …”
“Faux suede!” both he and Jackson said at the same time.
Katrina rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair, folding her arms. “Nice guys,” she grumbled. “I’m going to come up with some terms for guys. We’ll see how you like it.”
“Like what, Kat?” Jackson asked. “Boogertown if they’re a geek? And Yazoo City if they’re hot?”
“No.” She looked a little offended. “It will be better than that. And way better than yours.”
Ben wanted to laugh at her juvenile response, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to tick her off. She was ultra suede, after all. He wasn’t going to say that to her though—at least not yet. “Those really towns too?” he asked. He hoped to show her that he wasn’t making fun of her like Jackson was.
“North Carolina and Mississippi,” she answered.
“I really need to get out more,” Ben said. And then he stuck up for her, “Yazoo’s actually not that bad. How ‘bout you use that one for guys and I’ll use suede for girls. We’ll see whose catches on quicker.” He just meant to encourage her, but he saw from her reaction that he had said the wrong thing. It’s not like she was someone who had any kind of platform. Or any kind of fan base. He’d forgotten who he was talking to. She was just an average teenager. A nobody. She couldn’t make a new slang word popular. Ben wasn’t used to hanging around nobodies. Everyone he knew was a somebody. They, like Ben, could make any slang word popular. Katrina couldn’t.
“Right,” she said with her eyebrows scrunched a little. She wasn’t accepting his challenge. Why would she?
Ben needed to change subjects. Actually, he needed to get out of here. So he made up some excuse about having to go back to costuming for some final fittings. He stood to leave. Jackson asked him something about the storyboard … again. Ben told him that he’d take a look later, when he had a spare second. Meaning that the storyboard shouldn’t take up more than another second of Ben’s life.
Ben noticed that Katrina looked less vivacious than she had at the beginning of the conversation. He felt a little bad for putting her off. “Hey, you coming back tomorrow?” he asked her.
“Um, no,” she said. She was already smiling again. “Jackson said I could only come once.”
“I … we have a really big family,” Jackson explained. “Everyone wants a turn. She can’t take another turn, or someone else will miss out.”
“You’re family can’t be that big. Just bring her back. There will still be time for everyone else. We still have a good week of shooting.”
Ben had a thought as he left. Maybe Jackson’s family was like the Duggars. Then there wouldn’t be time for everyone else to come. But he didn’t care if someone else missed their turn. He wanted to see Katrina again.
Chapter Three ……
“Your sister’s pretty cute.” Ben’s statement came out of nowhere. It was totally off-subject. He was supposed to be looking at the storyboard, but obviously he was thinking about her instead.
Ben must have noticed Jackson’s disapproval, because he amended, “Does that bother you? You probably have guys crushing on your sister all the time.”
“Yeah, way more than I would like.” Jackson kept his tone flat, not wanting to give the secret away.
“But you’ve gotta see it too … even though she’s family. Don’t you think she’s cute?”
A nervous laugh escaped from Jackson. He stole a glance at Kat. She was talking with some of the crew over by the break table. Making instant friends, like always. “I dunno,” Jackson shrugged. “She’s just Kat.”
Just then, Katrina laughed at a joke. She threw her head back and the room filled with the sound of laughter. Jackson again glanced at the scene by the break table. At that exact moment, Kat’s eyes danced across the room in his direction. But she didn’t look at him. She looked at Ben. Then shyly she looked away.
Jackson tried to bring Ben’s focus back to the storyboard. But Ben was more intrigued with what Kat was doing. His eyes had this far-off twinkle. “She’s adorable,” Ben said. It seemed more like an escaping thought than an actual article of conversation.
Jackson had tried to discourage Kat from coming back today. But it was like trying to keep flies off a turd. Jackson worried about the secret. He didn’t want to keep it up a second time. Kat could only pretend to be his stepsister for so long. Neither of their parents had even been divorced.
Trying to sustain the lie had been his worry before they arrived at the studio today. But when
Ben sought them out immediately and spent a good fifteen minutes talking to Kat—while Jackson tried to discuss the flow with the director—Jackson knew that they had another problem. Ben liked Kat. Who would’ve thought?
Jackson wished he could have heard that conversation between Kat and Ben, but he didn’t need to listen to know that there was plenty of flirting going on. Every time he looked over at them, Kat would be laughing. Like Ben Wilder was so funny. Right. And he saw Kat reach out and touch Ben a few times. Those friendly, I’m-totally-engrossed-in this-conversation, arm pats. But did Ben know that she would probably never wash her hand again? She would go around, holding that hand up, saying, “This is the hand that touched Ben Wilder.”
And even more frustrating was the fact that Ben seemed like he could have cared less about the problem Jackson saw with the second half of the video. In fact, when Ben had finally come over to look at the revised storyboard, he had said, “I don’t see the problem.”
Didn’t see it? Jackson had been up all night worrying about it. He’d seen every hour pass on the clock as he fitfully tried to sleep.
Jackson re-approached the problem by pointing to the exact two frames on the storyboard. He said a silent prayer that Ben would takes his eyes off Kat long enough to see the problem. “This is where it doesn’t make sense to walk backwards. The lyrics in these verses all have the connotation of moving forward. Learning from the past. So I think we should have a few scenes of you walking forward through time. Just to balance it.”
Ben’s finger was on his chin. Jackson was happy that Ben appeared to be deep in thought. “I don’t know if I like the imagery of moving in two different directions. But maybe … it might make more sense with a few of the verses. We’ll toy with during edit. We can reverse the image in those scenes if we decide that it works.”
Not exactly what Jackson wanted to hear. Especially since Ben had said just yesterday that wanted everything authentic—and that some of the scenes had objects that wouldn’t translate well if flipped. Jackson wanted it settled: he wanted it to look perfect on paper. How could they shoot it perfectly if things were still up in the air? He said something like that to Ben.
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