by Kara Hart
“His name is Alex.” I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. Alex looked at his father and smiled. There were no more cries coming from that crib.
“Why didn't you tell me?” He asked, leaning over the railing of the crib.
“How the fuck was I supposed to tell you when you ran off without any word or justification?” I was trying my damn hardest not to scream. Every organ in my body was on fire. But mainly, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear forever.
He turned around with a stressed look in his eyes and said, “Me? You're blaming me for this? Look, honey, I'm not some deadbeat. I don't know what you think of me, but this here is both our mistake.”
My jaw dropped. I was astonished. “Mistake?! Don't you ever call him a mistake. He is the best thing that has ever happened. God, I knew I shouldn't have seen you again! You're not trustworthy. You're just Liam Conway, the best football player in the world, mommy’s golden little boy. Well, let me break something to you. You're not all that special. That baby over there is one million times more special than you. He’ll probably get ten Super Bowl trophies and the Noble Peace Prize. That's how fucking special he is!”
Alex started to cry again. I walked up to the crib and picked him up, cradling him as gently as I could in the moment. I turned and walked out of the room. “Wait!” Liam yelled, running after me. He touched my arm and I hit his hand away.
“Just go home.” I whispered. “I don't want to be near you right now.”
“Just hold on for a minute. Please? Please just hear me out? Look, I know I'm an asshole. I know! But just give me a chance to explain.” He said.
I set Alex down on the couch and crossed my arms, waiting for an explanation. “Go ahead.” I said. “I'm waiting.”
“Look, I didn't know I got you pregnant. If I did, things would be very different.”
I burst out laughing, angered by his lack of foresight. “Things would be very different, huh. You mean, Alex wouldn't be here.”
He shook his head with haste, “What? No. That’s not what I mean at all. I mean, we could have figured this all out together.” He turned and looked at Alex. Tears were now forming in his eyes as well, but he was more expert at concealing them than I was. “Look at him. He's my boy. He's my baby boy.”
“He's not your baby boy. He's mine. You weren't here for the year I've been raising him. You didn’t change his diapers at four in the morning. You didn't have to deal with all the bad babysitters. You had no worries. You were just the big bad football star. Meanwhile, I'm a fucking cliché. I'm a single mother, struggling to keep this household normal. And I'm just fucking it all up. Everything.”
He placed his hands on my shoulders and began massaging them gently. “Hey, none of this is your fault. You know that? You're an amazing mother. I already know that much. I can see it in you. You're strong, beautiful, and caring. You're crying because you've given this your all. Alex will know that. He’ll understand. Trust me. Remember, I had a deadbeat dad too.”
I looked at him in his destructive eyes but quickly looked away. It was all too hard to bear. “I'm sorry. But I don't think we should see each other. It's not good for Alex.”
“I want to be in his life, Laura. If I can't have you, at least let me see my son. I'll give him everything I can. I promise. He's our boy.”
“Look, can you just leave? I can't even think about any of this now. I have a flight in the morning. Fuck, I have a flight!” I just remembered I would be going to New York tomorrow. I checked my phone email and saw the ticket and a note from my manager saying: “Safe travels. Make us proud.” None of that seemed important now. It all just seemed plastic and fake. What the hell was I doing? What was I ever doing?
“Sure. I'll leave. Whatever you want, brown eyed girl.” He got up from the couch and closed his fist tightly. “I'll be in Boston tomorrow. We have a hometown game. New York is only a few hours trip. Can I at least see you for dinner or something? We need to talk more about this.”
“Why Liam? What else do we really need to discuss? You got me pregnant, left me to fend for myself, and now my life is a constant struggle. I'd quit my job and move back to the country if I thought that would help both me and Alex. God, this is all so fucked up. What have I done? Look, why don't you just get back together with that bitch again?”
“Cindy? Jesus Christ. You really don't know me, do you? You think I'm some monster? Some monster who wants to be with some witch? Fuck, Laura. I just want you. That’s what I've been trying to tell you this whole damn time!”
“Just. Leave.” I said. I was too depressed to think, too confused to even utter more than a few words.
“Fine. But I’m calling you tomorrow before practice. And if you don't answer, I won't be on that field. I'll be on a train to New York City.”
I put my hands on my temples and sighed. “Goodbye.” I said. That's when he walked out. There was no turning around this time.
Liam
Well, that was the fucking worst night of my life. How could she not tell me I had a son? A son! It was hard to tell whether or not if I was mad or proud. He was a cute little thing, that was for sure. He had her eyes and my nose. He probably had our knack for being a total champion.
Alright, I was pretty damn proud, despite what his mom wanted from me. She claimed she wanted me to get out of her life for good. But I knew that I couldn't just give up. I had to keep trying on this. It was far too important. I was willing to go all of the way too. If she wanted me to quit football for him, I would. I was prepared to do anything to be that kid’s father.
I flew back to Massachusetts and immediately started to prepare for the next game. I met with all my trainers, agents, managers, and coaches – all within a day too. I had a lot on my plate and the sadistic thing was, I actually kind of liked it. My phone rang. Laura! I thought.
I grabbed it and checked the screen. The name CINDY flashed bright as sin on the screen. Fuck me. I mumbled. I hit the green call button and answered it. “What now?” I asked.
“Seriously?” She replied. “You're really going to keep treating me this way? I've called you over 50 times, Liam. 50! You'd think you'd give me a call back by now.”
“After the fifth call you should have realized I don’t want anything to do with you. Come to think of it, after I told you I didn't is when you should have realized that. Now what the hell do you want?”
She gave a cold cackle into the phone. “I just wanted to talk to you, sweetie. How have you been? I'm in Los Angeles and it is beautiful. Wish you could come to the beach and fuck me in the water like you used to.” She said, moaning.
“We never used to do that, Cindy. Come on. Why are you in LA anyway? What business do you have there?” It was weird for her. She never left Dallas.
“I came there for you, sweetie.” She laughed. “I wanted to see your big game. I knew you'd make a comeback. You always do.”
That took me off guard a bit. “You flew to Los Angeles to see me play? Are you crazy?”
“Shut up, Liam. Your cruel jokes are never funny to me.”
“I'm not joking. I'm serious, I want to know. Are you crazy?” I asked her. I didn't have time for this. I needed to call Laura or she might actually believe that I'm a dead beat father.
“No, I am not crazy. I think you might be. How could you fuck that girl?” She asked me. I nearly dropped the phone, smashing it to bits.
“What are you talking about?” I said through my clenched jaw.
“Don't play coy with me, Liam. I saw her watching you up in the box. I saw you point to her on the field.” She said.
“You're fucking insane.” I wasn't holding back anymore. This time she had gone too far.
“You want to know what I think? I think she's a dumb whore who plays hard to get to keep you around.”
“Great. I don't give a shit about what you think. Leave me the fuck alone.” I spit angrily into the receiver.
“You'll be sorry.” She simply said. “If you ignore me.
You'll be sorry.”
I turned red and nearly blacked out. Me, sorry? Fuck her. Fuck that audacity. “Don't call me ever again.” I said. I hung up the phone and nearly punched the wall in front of me.
I took a few deep breaths, counted to ten, and finally cooled myself off. Just think of Laura, I thought to myself. She was the answer to everything.
So I called her. I just hoped I wasn't to her what Cindy was to me. I hoped her hatred was temporary, even if I understood her extreme resentment. I would prove to her that I was the one, and I'd be the best damn father in the world to him.
She answered the phone and whispered, “Hi.”
“Did you get them?” I asked her.
“Yeah I got them. Very beautiful. Did your assistant send them over? She must have spent some money to get them shipped by morning.” She said sarcastically.
“No.” I laughed. “I got them hand picked, just for you. My driver dropped them off at your door early in the morning. Anyway, how was your flight? You made it in okay?”
“Well, thanks I guess. They don't make up for everything that's happened, but it is a sweet gesture. Flight was fine. I'm missing Alex. Where are you right now? Aren’t you supposed to be preparing for the game tomorrow morning?” I could hear the sounds of the city blasting into the phone. I wished I was with her, walking through Central Park, eating dinner with Alex and her in Little Italy. Those were the real things that mattered in life. Family and happiness. Not football games and partying. No, suddenly those things didn't seem all that fulfilling anymore.
“I practiced all day today. I'll be fine. I just needed to hear that sweet voice of yours, baby.” I said. It was the damn truth too.
“Don't call me baby. I have to go. The producer’s here, Call me tomorrow or something. After your game.”
“Okay, baby. I'll be seeing you soon.” I hung up the phone and made my way to the locker room. Practice was starting and, whether I liked it or not, I had to keep that winning streak going.
Laura
The producer picked the restaurant. A fancy Italian joint in the heart of Brooklyn. It was wonderful. We sat in a clean corner of the outside area and I couldn’t help but feel like I was right at home.
“So, you ready for your own show?” He asked me. He was a pudgy bald man with a thick nose. His eyes were round and full, and beads of sweat hung on his forehead like morning dew. He wasn’t my cup of tea, but he was the producer, so I had to play nice.
I leaned forward and made sure not to break eye contact. “Jacob, I’ve got my own show now. I imagine this will be something of the same, just with more content. Right?” His eyes left mine as he gazed at my tits. If this wasn’t an important business meeting, I would have slapped him for it. “Are you listening to me?” I asked him, getting annoyed by his silence.
“What? Oh yes!” He had regained his sense of self and replied, “Well, honey. It’s not exactly the same. This is another stepping stone for you. Yes, there will be more content. But with more content comes more responsibility. If you feel good about this, I feel good about this. Got it?”
“Well, I don’t feel good about this.” I said. He raised his eyebrows. “I feel great about this. We’re going to fucking kill this, Jacob. Don’t even worry. It’s all smooth sailing from here on out.” I said. He looked relieved. The real truth of the matter was that I had no idea if the show was going to be successful. But you had to dress it up for these guys or they wouldn’t take you seriously.
To the men of industry, women like me are just a pair of tits and a nice ass to sit on their faces. Well, I wasn’t going to be pigeonholed. This was my new show and I saw it as building my career. By the time I got to Jacob’s age, I would fucking run the company and I’d do it better than him or any other man could.
“Good, good.” He replied, gulping down his red wine. He grabbed a cigar from his pocket and lit it up. “Is this okay?”
“Do whatever you want. Make yourself comfy. This is your city, after all.” I said, smiling.
Moments later, the dinner came out. Fresh lasagna, a side of meatballs, and breaded chicken covered in delicious marinara. It wasn’t exactly the wine and dine type of dinner I was used to but I grabbed a small portion of each and dug in. I had a hard week and now it was time for some comfort food.
Inside, something caught my eye. A television was playing loudly and people were yelling at the screen practically every 30 seconds. “What the hell is going on in there?” I asked.
Jacob turned and gasped. “Ah shit! I forgot. Patriots are playing the Giants! I got 4,000 dollars riding on this damn game.”
I looked over his shoulder at the TV. I could barely make out the score. 21-14, Patriots lead. On the screen flashed Liam’s face. “Oh, God.” Jacob mumbled. “That asshole. You know, he’s a real prick. Cost me a lot of money.”
“That’s why you hate the guy? Because he cost you a lot of money?” I asked him, getting slightly defensive.
“Honey, it’s not just me. All of New York hates the guy. It’s like I said. He’s a real prick. You’ve seen him in interviews, right?”
I nodded, feeling my blood pressure rise. “Yeah. I’ve seen him.” I paused, trying to think of the right words to say.
“And what do you think?” He asked me, very concerned like.
“Ha, well. Let’s see. He’s sexy, powerful, an incredible player, and yes he’s a dick sometimes. But he’s one of the best the sport has seen. You can’t exactly argue against him.”
He looked surprised. A spaghetti noodle hung out his mouth. He burst out laughing. “Sweet-cheeks! You crack me up. You really do, you know that? I think we’re going to make a great team, you and I.” He laughed.
“Me too, Jacob. Hey, do you think we should have him on the show?” I asked, feeling daring.
“What? Who?” The customers inside roared with cheering as one of the Giants secured a first down.
“Liam Conway. I think he’d make a really good guest. We could have an interview. Maybe follow him on the street. We could call the segment ‘A day in the life of Liam Conway.”
He looked bored. “I’m serious!” I said. “Think about it, Jacob. It would be great. We could bring him out to Brooklyn. We’ll have him go to the most New York establishments and see how he interacts with business owners and people on the street.”
“It would be a disaster.” He said with a straight face.
“Exactly! Imagine the ratings bump. People either love or hate Liam. And no matter what side you’re on, you’d be watching my show. Right? Don’t try and tell me you wouldn’t be glued to your damn television, Jacob.”
On the television, the subtitles read: “And Conway does it again! He's brought the Patriots to victory! What a throw!”
“Well, I guess I’d tune in for that…” He mumbled. “I still don’t know if it’s such a good idea. Let’s see how the first few episodes do and then we’ll talk.”
“Aw, c’mon Jacob. Please? For me?” I pouted my lips, leaning over the table. He couldn’t resist my charm. He had to oblige.
I actually agreed with Jacob for the most part. It was kind of a stupid idea. But the ratings would be good enough for the networks to be cool with it and since I knew that Liam would come to New York or Los Angeles to talk about Alex regardless, I might as well make it more about business than anything else. I was still pissed as hell at him.
“I don't know, Laura. It's like I said, just wait a minute and see how the show does…” He mumbled.
I grabbed my phone from my purse and started dialing. “I'll tell you what, Jacob. Since you don't think it can be done, let’s ring him up and see if he's available. If he isn't, then we’ll throw the idea away. But if he is, let’s negotiate. If I can bring him down to a good number for you, what's the harm? It's just a guest.” I said. He still looked hesitant, but I brushed it off and dialed anyway.
The phone rang against my steady and patient ear. If I was forced to see Liam again, I might as well have some fun with i
t, right? Finally, after the 5th ring, he answered. “Hey, sorry, I'm in the locker room. What's up? Did you watch the game?” He asked me. It was hard not to laugh, as I felt the wine warming up my face and body.
“Yeah, I kind of watched it. But I have bigger eggs to fry right now. Hey, so real quick, I have a question for you.” Jacob was shaking his head and wiping the beads of sweat off his forehead with his napkin. He began motioning for me to hang up. I put my hand out and clasped his, whispering “Stop it.”
“Alright, busy girl. What do you need from me? Anything for my babe.” He said. What an arrogant prick.
“First of all, I'm not your babe. Second of all, how would you like to be on my new show for half your asking price?” I smiled at Jacob who was now confused to high hell.
Liam coughed loudly. “Half? Sounds like a terrible deal. I'll take it.” He said.
“You'll do it? Great!” I yelled. Some of the guest turned to look at me.
“Yeah, of course I'll do it. Does this mean I've earned some points with you? Can I see my son yet?” He asked.
“Don't start with me, Liam.” I whispered, cupping my phone. I glanced at Jacob who now looked more bored than anything. “Thanks for doing this. I'll text you my address, can you be here in three days?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think I can work something out. We’ll have a couple days together.”
“Don't press issue.” I laughed and hung up the phone.
I turned and looked at Jacob. “So what’s for dessert?”
Liam
Days had passed and the game was becoming easier and easier to play. All I had to do was channel my innermost desires and play as if they were on the line. Right now, Alex and Laura were the two things I would fight for. If I didn't have them, I had nothing. I truly believed that.