by J. C. Burke
Good night Me. xx
It was almost midnight when my mobile rang. But I was still awake. I’d been lying on the bed for hours just staring at nothing. This time it was Calypso’s number on the screen.
‘Hello.’
‘Holly?’
‘Hmm.’
‘Are you pissed off with me?’
‘Why would I be, Calypso?’
‘You are mad.’
‘How, how would you feel if …’ I couldn’t hold it in any longer. ‘If, if you just suddenly had Jess or Scott on your mobile?’
‘Hol, can I get a word in? I’d been at Miranda’s ’cause we had to do some dumb Biology project together,’ Calypso sighed. ‘You know what a loser I think she is. How can you think I’d do that to you?’
‘It felt really, really bad hearing Miranda’s voice.’
‘Did … did you speak to her?’
‘No, I didn’t speak to her,’ I snapped.
‘Oh.’
‘I’m not that stupid, Calypso. I just heard her pathetic, fluffy voice and it made me feel horrible.’
‘I’m so sorry, Hol.’
‘You know, Calypso, I should be asking you if you’re pissed off with me.’ I was mad and I was on a roll. ‘I didn’t hear from you all weekend. I sent you an email …’
‘Our modem or something is busted,’ she explained.
‘You could’ve sent me a text.’
‘I had no battery, Hol. That’s why I had to text you from Miranda’s phone. Honest. I’ve been panicking all weekend about you.’
I contemplated reminding her that there was such a thing as a landline phone, but chickened out. I didn’t want to risk pissing her off more as there was something important I needed to tell her.
‘Calypso, I’ve been thinking about, about …’ To be honest I hadn’t been thinking about it since the Miranda moment, but before that it was all I’d been thinking about. ‘Please don’t think I’m piking.’ That’s what I’d been worrying about. ‘It doesn’t mean that I’m not being a good friend.’ I was terrified that’s what she’d think. ‘But … I’m hopeless at this shoplifting thing.’ There, I’d said it. ‘I know you think I am too.’
‘Noooooo,’ she almost shrieked. ‘No, no. You’re not …’
‘I am.’
‘No! No, you’re good.’
‘Calypso.’
‘You’ve got to do it, Hol. I’m relying on you.’
‘Please don’t say that. It makes me feel bad.’
‘But I am.’
‘I can’t do it,’ I groaned. ‘You were right. It’s not working. I guess I just couldn’t accept it then.’
Silence.
‘You don’t want to do it ’cause you’re mad with me about Miranda,’ Calypso was almost whispering. ‘That’s the real reason, isn’t it?’
‘No.’ Well, it had made the decision a little easier but I wasn’t going to say that. ‘No. It’s not.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Calypso was sounding like she was about to cry. ‘I, I thought you trusted me. I thought we were best friends. How was I to know doing some dumb project with Miranda would’ve caused all this fuss, and make you decide you didn’t want to do the plan anymore? I, I would’ve, well, I don’t know what I would’ve done ’cause it’s not like I had a choice about who my project partner was going to be. The teacher put us together. I had no say in it. As if I would’ve picked her. I mean, is that what you think of me?’
‘Um.’
‘It is, isn’t it? Hey? It is, isn’t it?’ Her voice was cracking badly and I felt about one centimetre tall. ‘I thought you trusted me, Hol. I thought we were besties. How could you think I’d have anything to do with Miranda? Not after what she did to you. Remember I do know something about how that feels.’
‘Well, why am I only doing the shoplifting thing?’ I blurted. ‘Why don’t you let me get Jess and Scott back instead? Please.’
‘No!’ Calypso shrieked.
Silence.
‘Look,’ I began in a calm voice. How was I going to get out of this without looking like a complete cow? ‘It’s not the Miranda thing that’s changed my mind. I’m just such a loser at this shoplifting revenge plan. I haven’t even got past Step 3 yet.’
‘I thought you did well on Friday. You managed to check out her dressing room. I was going to suggest you were ready for the next step.’
‘You don’t have to say that. I know that’s not what you really think.’
‘Now you’re saying I’m lying?’
‘No!’
‘Then why don’t you believe me?’
There was a long pause. Why wouldn’t Calypso let me off the hook? I thought she’d say, ‘Hol, it’s fine. I understand. Drop the shoplifting plan. It’s not worth getting in trouble for.’
Instead I heard, ‘Hol, I think you’re ready to slip a few things into her bag. You are so up to the next stage. I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean it.’
No! I wanted to cry. Don’t make me!
‘I’m not sure,’ I mumbled.
Extricating myself from this was going to be even harder than I planned.
‘I thought we made a pact. As far as I remember you agreed to carry out the revenge plan.’ Calypso’s voice was clipped. ‘Obviously it didn’t mean as much to you.’
‘It did. I mean, it does.’
‘So?’
‘So …?’
‘So how am I supposed to believe that now? Huh, Holly? How?’ I could hear Calypso breathing through the phone. ‘I guess the real reason is that you’ve obviously made new friends in Sydney.’ Her voice had changed too. It was almost like a low growl. ‘No, I suppose I don’t matter anymore. How could’ve I been so stupid and told you all those private things?’
I was first to English so I took the desk at the front. It felt strange not having to watch Jess anymore. Now I could sit anywhere I wanted. Perhaps losing myself in English was the thing to do after all. Anything, if it worked. The faster the term went the faster I was back in Melbourne.
But now that I wasn’t carrying out Calypso’s revenge would she still be my bestie? Would she? If only I could be sure. Maybe she thought I’d let her down. Maybe I had. I was no expert at this friendship thing. Our phone call hadn’t ended well. Calypso said she wasn’t mad, she was hurt. But she sounded mad. In fact she’d scared me a bit when her voice went all deep and growly.
Jess took the desk right next to me. That was so typical. Just when I didn’t have to observe her anymore. I glanced around the room. Of course the only vacant desk was the one next to me. That was typical too. NEW GIRL! NEW GIRL! The fluoro sign around me flashed. KEEP AWAY. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO TALK TO HER.
While I’d been occupied with Jess I hadn’t bothered about the ‘new girl’ syndrome. But here it was; back in my face like it had never left.
‘So!’ Mrs Gideon beamed at us. ‘You all re-read Act One over the weekend?’ Echoes of ‘yes’ and ‘yep’ and ‘sort of’ bounced around the room.
‘All right then,’ she laughed. ‘I get the picture. Now what I want to do this morning is look at Act One in the context of our lives today. Let’s start with looooooove talk.’
‘Oohs’ and ‘aahhhhs’ lifted and fell.
‘In Act One, Scene One we saw the men return from battle. Now remember: they’d just spent a lot of time together. They’re pretty comfortable around each other. Now think about the boys you know.’ She bent over Jess’s desk and winked.
‘Ooooooh’ lifted the ceiling again.
‘Imagine they’ve just spent a lot of time hanging out together. Bonding. What do you think these blokes find themselves doing?’
‘Surfing,’ a voice from the back called.
‘Possibly, Melissa,’ Mrs G replied. ‘How about sitting around gossiping about their girlfriends, their …’
‘Guys don’t gossip,’ Melissa snorted.
‘Oh yes they do,’ replied Mrs G. Jess was nodding like a moron. ‘Jess thinks so.’
‘F
or sure,’ Jess answered. ‘All the time.’
So Jess Flynn was not only the teacher’s pet. She was also the class expert on the opposite sex.
‘In the time of Much Ado about Nothing, the men folk spent long periods together during wars and battles. Today it’s different, thank goodness. Think about your fathers, your brothers; what are some of the ways they might spend time together now?’
Answers came flying from all directions.
‘My dad goes on fishing trips with his mates.’
‘Mine goes on golf weekends with his.’
‘My dad doesn’t haven’t any mates,’ I whispered to myself.
‘They go to the pub after work.’
‘But they talk about footy. Not girls and stuff. I thought we were meant to be talking about love.’ Melissa was still exercising her right to free speech. ‘It’s girls who crap on about love and boyfriends.’ Melissa was good. I’d noticed she was a bit of a loner, but it didn’t seem to bother her. Maybe she could be my friend. ‘All you ever hear in this school is who likes who, blah blah.’
‘Okay. So some of you disagree that males today talk about things like they did back in Much Ado?’ Again Mrs Gideon was working her magic on the class. ‘Remember we have females in the play: the great friends and cousins, Beatrice and Hero. So let’s look at how girls talk about love. Maybe you’ll agree on that.’
Someone at the back was clapping their hands. Talk about getting overexcited. I had to admit, though, it was the most entertaining Shakespeare lesson I’d ever had – I was just not sure if we were learning anything.
‘Jess,’ Mrs G said. ‘How do you and your friends talk about matters of the heart?’
‘Um,’ Jess giggled. ‘Well, say for instance, if I like someone I’ll tell my closest friends. Sometimes you need them to do some research; you know, like if the boy’s available or not.’
‘So in the context of our play you’d be enquiring whether or not that certain someone was betrothed?’
‘Yes,’ nodded Jess. ‘That’s important in our day too. If he already has a girlfriend then you cross them off your list.’
‘You little liar,’ I wanted to shout.
‘And would you enlist your friends to help set you up?’ asked Mrs G.
‘Only if who I liked was available!’ Jess took the stage. All ears and eyes were on her as she made her little ‘fidelity’ speech. This girl was some delusional freak. It was like she actually believed what she was saying, and worse than that, all the other idiots in the class, excluding me of course, swallowed every word of it. How gullible can you get?
When morning tea came I had nothing to do. The library wasn’t open, as the break was too short. I wandered around trying not to look too much like a no-friends loner.
Lunchtime was excruciating. There was an allocated twenty-minute eating time before the library opened. I found a bit of shade and quietly ate my noodles. A little group consisting of Nadene ‘no-friends’ and some other randoms smiled at me. I gave them the ‘don’t come near me’ glare that always worked a treat.
As soon as the ‘you can stop eating now’ bell rang, I grabbed my stuff and headed towards the library. By about school number nine I had figured it was the way you walked to the library that mattered. A quick, small-stepped scutter with the head held low said: ‘loser, nowhere else to go’. Whereas a slow, casual, foot-dragging saunter said ‘the last place I want to be is the library but I haven’t done the assignment that’s due in twenty minutes’. Of course my walk was the latter; and I’d had years to perfect it.
‘Um, Holly? Holly?’ I turned to find Jess following me.
‘Hello,’ I mumbled.
‘I don’t think you should go up there, Holly.’
‘Huh?’
‘A girl busted both her arms up there.’
‘In the library?’ I said. I imagined a shelf of encyclopedias crashing down on some brainiac.
‘Library?’ Jess repeated. ‘No, the ledge outside the Science lab. Isn’t that where you’re going?’
‘No.’ I’m not watching you anymore, I wanted to say, but didn’t. ‘I’m going to the library. I’ve, I’ve got some work to finish.’
‘Oh. Oh, sorry.’
‘Yep.’ I fake smiled her then walked away muttering, ‘It’s not always about you, Jess.’
Disaster. The library was closed for carpet cleaning. Now what was I going to do? How was I going to kill the next twenty minutes? My position on the Science ledge was now redundant, and there was no way I was crawling back to Nadene and the freaks.
There was always the canteen. Perhaps I’d spend ten minutes deciding what I was going to buy. I hadn’t used that trick in a while. The ‘going to the canteen gait’ consisted of definite, long strides that said: ‘I’m going straight to the canteen because I don’t want to waste any time away from my great group of friends ’cause we’re having so much fun.’
As I concentrated on the canteen walk, Jess’s little fidelity speech from English started swirling around in my brain. Miranda and Jess were like peas in a pod. Did they really think boyfriend stealing was just some casual pastime they could do when they were bored or something? How could Jess sit there in class thinking she could spin such crap to us?
I bet that sneak Miranda masterminded the Biology project with Calypso. I bet Joe’s finally sick of her big boobs and he’s started talking about me. Finally he’s realised there’s more to a girlfriend than what’s on her chest. That’s why Miranda’s tried to snuggle in with Calypso. She wants to try and be like me. Joe always said I was the nicest girl he’d ever met.
But underneath those swirling thoughts something else nagged in my head; something that made me stop in my shoes and gasp: what, a girl broke both her arms falling off the ledge outside the Science lab!
The minute I got home it was straight to the computer. I wanted to ask Calypso about the Science ledge accident. Like I think she forgot to mention that rather significant detail! That wasn’t the only reason. I also wanted to hear back from her. I wanted to make sure that she still liked me. That she wasn’t mad or hurt or whatever she was, anymore.
Of course, an email waiting for me – a nice big crawly one that begged me to come back and finish her plan – would be fantabulous. After today I had decided I wanted the plan to be back on! Never ever again did I want to spend my lunchtimes hanging around, alone and with nothing to do. I couldn’t go back to being that girl. Not even for a term.
There was no email from Calypso. Just utter, utter silence. I stared at the words ‘no messages’, wanting to kick myself up the bum for being so pathetic and saying I couldn’t carry out her revenge.
I signed onto MSN. Maybe the Gothic freak was around. She’d talk to me for sure. That’d kill some time. Then I could send Calypso an email without looking like I’d run home from school straight to the computer. It was bad enough everyone in Sydney thinking I was a desperate. I didn’t need that news filtering through to Melbourne too.
When I signed on Calypso was already on line. Her MSN name had changed to ‘CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh’.
Party? What party? Calypso said she wasn’t going to any parties while I was away ’cause they wouldn’t be any fun without me.
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: Hey Hol
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: Hi there.
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: U okay?
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: 2Day was horrible!! I hate this place.
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: Wat happened gorjus?
At least she didn’t sound mad or hurt anymore.
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: I was THE BIGGEST loner all lunch.
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: Wat r u goin 2 do? You still got heaps of time up there.
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: I’ve changed my mind … I wanna go back 2 our plan.
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partysh
hh says: Well Holly. U have 2 make up ur mind and stick 2 it this time. I thought we had a pact and I was really really upset when u ditched me. U just don’t understand what it means to me and I really thought u did.
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: Calypso I’m REALLLLLLLLLLLY sorry!! I didn’t ditch u it was the plan I was scared of. But this time it is sooooooooo happening. I promise. The plan is so back on. That girl is going down!
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: Dur Hol.
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: Yea that girl is gonna wish she NEVER betrayed my bestie.
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: Thanx baby. Ur the best. Love u. xx
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: Love u 2. Your name … is it true?
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: WAT??
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: WAT??
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: HOLLY WAT??
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: ANSWER!
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: R u really having a party in 4 days??
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: Yes. I don’t even want to have it but I was so down after u pulled out on me. Mum and dad sed I should have some people over on the weekend.
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: O.
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: Hol babe it won’t be the same without U. I hardly wanna hav it. But I spun out pretty bad last night … I just agreed 2 it 2 shut up mum and dad.
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: Ok. But u gotta have another one when I get back!! Minus Miranda skankface of course! Haha!!
CALYPSO … 4 days to my partyshhh says: As if I’d invite her!!!!!
HOLLY … 61 more sleeps!! (Screw Sydney) says: I was jokin.