In spite of her tears Susan began to laugh. ‘I wish I’d seen that.’
‘I kept telling Dad I wanted to come home, so after I broke the dolls he said we could and we came this morning and we saw your mum.’ Suddenly Jennifer’s expression became anxious. ‘She said you were going away. Are you?’
She swallowed. ‘I thought I might.’
‘Don’t. Please don’t!’ Once again Jennifer started to cry. ‘You mustn’t!’
Again she wiped Jennifer’s cheeks. ‘Does it matter that much to you, Jenjen?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then I’ll stay. Always. I promise.’
Jennifer smiled. Once again Uncle George called out to her. His expression was still angry. Susan expected him to march over and drag Jennifer away but he didn’t. Just remained where he was, watching. Allowing the two of them to have some precious moments together.
He wants to forgive me. He hasn’t done yet. But he wants to.
But there was someone else she needed forgiveness from. The person from whom it mattered most of all.
‘Jenjen, I want to tell you something and you must believe it. What happened with Ronnie in the woods. I never meant for it to happen but it was my fault that it did and I’m more sorry than you can know. I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you. I’d rather all the bad things in the world happened to me than even the smallest bad thing happened to you.’
Jennifer’s expression became solemn. ‘I know.’
‘Do you forgive me?’
Once again Jennifer hugged her. She hugged back, feeling the tears welling up for the second time, but once again they were tears of happiness. Taking Jennifer’s hand, she pressed it to her stomach. ‘I’m going to have a baby, Jenjen. Did my mum tell you that?’
Jennifer’s eyes widened. ‘Really?’
‘Yes. And when it’s born I want you to be its big sister, just like I’m yours.’
The smile returned. As bright as the sun. ‘What will it be called?’
‘I don’t know yet. We’ll choose the name together. And when it’s bigger we can take it to the river and the park and do all the things I used to do with you. Would you like that?’
‘Yes!’
‘I love you, Jenjen.’
‘I love you too.’
Again they hugged each other. She stroked Jennifer’s hair. ‘Now go back to your dad,’ she whispered. ‘And I’ll see you soon.’
Jennifer did as she was told. For a moment Susan remained crouching on the ground. Then she began to rise. But it felt as if she were being lifted. As if a pair of invisible hands were guiding her, pulling her shoulders back and straightening her spine.
Her father, perhaps.
And suddenly the weak, frightened person was gone, replaced by one who felt as if she could fight the world single-handed. The Susan Ramsey who knew exactly who she was and was not going to allow anyone’s narrow-minded morality make her feel ashamed.
Uncle George led Jennifer away. He turned and looked at her. She raised her hand in greeting. He didn’t wave back but for a second his eyes looked warm and she knew that he would forgive her, just as eventually she would manage to forgive her mother. It would take time but it would happen. She would make it happen.
She stood in the middle of Market Court, watching the people who walked by, many of whom were casting glances in her direction. The girl who had been in the papers. The girl who was notorious. She brushed their stares aside like insects. It didn’t matter what they thought. It didn’t matter at all.
Charlotte appeared beside her. ‘I’m sorry, Susie. I shouldn’t have called you in. I should have known Alice would say something spiteful.’
‘It doesn’t matter. It’ll take a lot more than that to ruin my day.’ She pointed at Alice, who was now walking across the Court with her shopping-laden mother, both of them giving her dirty looks. ‘Watch this,’ she said, and then, gesturing to Charlotte, raised her voice. ‘Why are you staring at her, Mrs Wetherby? I know she’s going to be a bastard’s godmother and that’s terrible but it’s not as terrible, as being a self-satisfied, judgemental cow like you or a spiteful, vindictive bitch like your daughter, now, is it?’
Mrs Wetherby turned crimson, as did Alice. Both quickly turned away. ‘Bye-bye,’ she called after them. ‘See you soon. Missing you already.’
Charlotte let out a shriek. ‘Susie!’
‘Oh, Susie what?’ She rolled her eyes. ‘They asked for it.’
‘And you certainly gave it to them.’ Charlotte began to laugh. ‘Pity there weren’t any cowpats lying around you could have thrown Alice into.’
‘It is a pity. I think I’ll buy a pet cow so in future I’ll always have some to hand.’ She saw Alice looking back and gave a mooing sound. Once again Alice hurriedly looked away.
Charlotte took her arm. ‘Can I tell you something?’
‘What?’
‘I’ve missed this Susie Ramsey. You don’t know how much. I hope she doesn’t go away again.’
‘Not a chance. She’s back and she’s going to stay.’
Charlotte kissed her cheek. ‘Good.’
Colin was striding towards them. ‘Sorry,’ he told Susan. ‘I had to pay for our drinks.’
‘Don’t apologize. If the offer’s still open I’d love to come to the pictures and to hear your friend’s group.’
He looked delighted. As did Charlotte. ‘Come back to my house. I can give you your present.’
‘I can’t now. I need to see my mother. There are things we need to talk about. But I’ll see you both later.’
‘Definitely.’
As she made her way home she remembered Charles’s words when he had told her that she had to go on fighting.
You’re strong, Susie. Every bit as strong as your father once told you, and a bit more besides.
She hadn’t believed him then but she believed him now. She had strength. She had brains and looks. She had friends like Charles and Charlotte and she had Jenjen. She had everything she needed to make a good and happy life for herself and her child, and no one on earth was going to stop her doing it. If she had to go on fighting, then so be it. She was not afraid of what the future might hold. She would accept whatever battles came her way.
And she would win.
Apple of My Eye Page 38