“You’ve changed, Krissy. You’re more mature - less impetuous.” He looked at her and smiled. “I waited for two years while I thought you were gone. I can wait some more,” he said. She smiled. “And you may be right about starting fresh without expectations.”
“Thank you. I don’t know how long this is going to take, but I promise you I will let you know when I figure out what’s going on in my head.” Will nodded.
“I’ll try not to pressure you,” he said. “I take it you’re going to want some time alone?”
“Not necessarily alone - I was alone for two years. I just may need some space,” she said. “I’m also going to need support from the people who care about me, and honestly, I don’t think I’m going to be able to do this without you in my corner. Is that okay?”
“You come to me for whatever you need,” he said and stood up from the chair he had pulled next to her bed. He took his coat from the hook on the back of the door and walked back to her. “You know how to find me.” He touched her shoulder and kissed her forehead then walked away. As he opened the door, he turned to her and smiled. “Remember, I love you.” She smiled at him and wondered how he could love someone he didn’t even know.
Chapter Twenty
Kristine was mid-sentence on the computer screen when her doorbell rang. She hurried to finish her thought before she got up from the desk. The bell rang again.
“Who is it?” she called as she hit the save button. The answer made her stop in her tracks.
“Jack,” said the voice on the other side of the door. Her mind jumped from reason to reason as to why Jack Rawlings was standing at the door of her condominium. She went to the door and opened it with a smile. The sight of him standing there made her forget her composure, and she hugged him. He was wearing a black t-shirt tucked into dark jeans. His face and arms were tan.
“Hi,” she said as she pulled away. “How are you?”
“Fine,” he said politely.
“How are you really?”
“Pretty good. My wounds are healed, but I’m still in physical therapy. They have me pushing papers for awhile at work - only part of it’s because of my injuries, though.”
“They’re pretty mad at you for disobeying their orders when they took you off my case, huh?” she said as she backed through the door. “Come in.” Jack stepped into the entry hall, and she shut the door. She walked past him, and he followed her into her condo.
“How’s the hand?”
“Good,” she said holding it up and turning to him. “Nasty scar, but I almost feel it’s a badge of honor at this point.” She stopped walking when they were in the living room and pulled her hair away from her forehead. Her hair was now streaked a balance of Kristine brown and Megan blonde. It was longer than Megan’s, too. “I can cover the worst scar on my face with my hair.” He stood there for a second looking at the scar, and then his eyes moved to her eyes for a moment before she looked away.
“It’s a nice face,” he said softly as he walked around her and looked over the condo. “Nice place. Must have cost a fortune,” he said looking around.
“Thanks. I sold a book and the movie rights.” She decided not to tell him about her anonymous donation to an organization that helps battered women start over or how she was going to do some work with them when she finished the book. “Oh, you’ll probably get a release form from the lawyers. I’m writing it now on a pretty tight deadline, actually. The advance was pretty nice, and I get the byline - or whatever they call it when you’re an author of a book,” she said with a laugh. “It’s hard to change the jargon.”
“And what about a job after the book is finished? Will you go back to the paper?”
“I don’t know yet. I most likely won’t go back to the paper. Believe it or not, I may even teach again, but I haven’t made any decisions yet.”
“So, you’re writing a book, and you had time to unpack?” he asked looking around again. She wondered if he was looking for something specific or if being an agent made him take in surroundings more than the average person.
“Funny - dead people don’t have many belongings,” she said and sat on one of the sofas in the living room. “There wasn’t much I wanted from my old place. I bought some furniture, but most of the drawers and closets are empty.” He sat down next to her.
“Starting over again, huh?” he said seeming to understand.
“Yeah - that’s exactly what I’m doing. This time it isn’t so bad, though. I have my friends and family around,” she said. “Speaking of friends - how’s Tara Butmacher?”
“Who? Oh! Tara Tierra,” he said with a sly smile. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the rest of what he had to say. “I have no idea. She hung out at the hospital almost daily for awhile, but then she probably decided she didn’t like all those sick people. She left a voice mail on my phone a couple of times, but I kept forgetting to return her call. I guess she feels some sort of obligation to us since she rescued us.”
“Yeah, that’s why she visited me so often,” she said sarcastically. “I don’t think her motives were quite so heroic.” He just looked confused for a moment then smiled as if he had been let in on some sort of secret. She suddenly felt like she had betrayed her best friend. “Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
“No. Thanks,” he said. “So, speaking of friends and family - how’s Will? Which one is he again - a friend or family? I don’t see his and her coffee mugs or any other sign of him around here.” She smiled.
“Will and I are still trying to figure out what we want,” she said. “Of course he’s been here, but he doesn’t live here.” She decided to change the subject before he could ask questions about Will she didn’t want to answer. “By the way, why are you here? I haven’t seen you in months - since that day in the hospital. I thought maybe you’d contact me when you got out. I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you again, but it was… I don’t know. I guess it was just hard to see you for some reason.”
“I understand. Why am I here? That’s a good question,” he said. “I just wanted to see how you were doing and whether you’re okay. And…” He stopped. “Uh… How are you doing? I mean, beside the physical scars. You’ve been through a lot.”
“I’m doing well, or at least I am most of the time. I still have a lot of nightmares and some trouble sleeping,” she said adding the last part for honesty’s sake.
“You know,” he said and stopped. She waited for a second for him to continue, but he didn’t.
“Know what?”
“Oh, what the hell,” he mumbled to himself. “You know, if I hadn’t been in that hospital bed unable to move, I would have been sitting next to your bed when you woke up. I would hold you while you sleep, so you would never be afraid of anything again,” he said without looking at her. Her heart sputtered for a moment. She wasn’t sure if she was surprised more by his words or the fact he looked scared. Vehicles crashing, bullets flying, hit men trying to kill him and he was afraid of her.
“And what about Will?” she said somewhat playfully wondering if he had forgotten someone was there.
“I would have shot him,” he said and then laughed. It wasn’t a funny - ha ha laugh. It was a nervous laugh. She smiled at his nervousness. “Okay, I wouldn’t have shot him, but this isn’t a joke,” he added.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ve just never seen you… well, intimidated. You’re usually so smooth and know what to say.” He sighed.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever been in this situation,” he replied. “I usually know what the hell I’m doing.” She smiled again. “God knows I’ve tried, but I just can’t stop thinking about you. Remember when you asked me why I revealed myself to you on the mountain?”
“Yes. You said it was because you couldn’t stay as hidden.”
“Well, that wasn’t the main reason,” he said. “I’m good at what I do. If I want to stay hidden, I stay hidden. I’d been watching you for a month, remember? I watched you go into the schoo
l or your apartment, and I wanted to know more. I wanted to hear the sound of your voice. I wanted to find out what went through your head when you got that far away look in your eyes.”
“You did?” She thought she should be concerned in a stalker/victim kind of way, but oddly enough, she wasn’t.
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand. I thought I was just some lost cause to you - someone you felt obligated to help. I practically threw myself at you that last night in my room when the power went out, and you didn’t take me up on the offer.”
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t make love to you based on all the lies. If I had stayed with you that night, you would have hated me for it. You never would have let me help you, and you most likely would have never wanted to see me again. As much as it killed me to turn my back on you that night, I had to consider the consequences if I didn’t.”
“Wow,” she said taking in this new information. He had put a lot of thought into their encounters, and she hadn’t realized it until now.
“I wanted to know more than what I had read in the file. I had to find out who you were.”
“And?” He put his hand on her thigh.
“And I decided you can drive me crazier than anyone I’ve ever met, but I like it,” he said with his eyes still fixed on the floor.
“Well, this definitely complicates things,” she said standing and walking to the kitchen for a bottle of water. “Are you sure you don’t want anything?” He was watching her now.
“Complicate things? How?” he asked and then followed her. She leaned against the counter and folded an arm over her pink shirt, which was tucked into her jeans.
“I didn’t think you had these kinds of feelings for me. For all I knew, you were with Tara.” She shivered at the thought. If she decided to be with Jack, she would have beaten Tara. She knew Tara was hanging out in a hospital to land the hot guy with the gun - maybe even to take him away from her. Her new life wasn’t about winning, though. It was about being happy. “I’ve just been trying to figure out how Will fits in my life. Now I have to decide what to do with you.”
“Are you taking requests?” he said and stood very near her. He smelled good. “Did you decide whether you love the guy?” She took a deep breath and held it for a minute.
“I love Will in this old, comfortable kind of way. He’s so kind and so…” she searched for the correct word.
“He’s boring,” Jack said. She felt the need to defend Will. Jack inched closer to her. Again, she wanted to move, but she couldn’t.
“Not boring,” she insisted.
“Normal?” he tried again.
“Yes. He’s kind of like gym shoes - you’re just comfortable in them, and there’s no excitement - like guns and dead bodies. You put on your gym shoes, and you know you’re going to the gym and the grocery store.” Jack laughed. “Wait, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’ve had enough excitement to last a couple of lifetimes.” Jack didn’t find that too funny.
“What am I?” he asked.
“You’re like a new pair of black pumps with straps around the ankles,” she said.
“I’m not sure I know what that means - I’ve never worn black pumps before,” he said with a grin. “Thank God.”
“You’re sexy and dangerous and you know that you’re going to feel amazing for the first few minutes. You put on the black pumps, and you don’t know what kind of a ride you’re in for. Then all of the sudden your feet start to hurt, and you don’t know if wild is what you want anymore. Does any of this make sense?”
“I’m almost afraid to admit it does,” he nodded as he spoke. “So… Now what?”
“Now I try to figure out if I’m the Kristine who wants to be comfortable or the Kristine who wants to roll the dice. Or, maybe I’m the Kristine who wants it all. I just don’t know. Quite honestly, I’m still figuring out who I am now.”
“You should have it all,” he said as he inched closer to her again. His body was touching hers now. He moved the hair away from her ear and neck and whispered, “You should have the gym shoes, the pumps and hell, some loafers or whatever they call other shoes.” She couldn’t help it - she leaned into him as they both laughed.
“Are you taking your name out of the hat then?” she asked looking up into his chocolate eyes. He stepped back so their bodies were no longer touching.
“No,” he said. “I’m telling you not to settle if it’s not one of us. I’m not going away, though. Maybe you get the pumps and find out they’re sexy and comfortable as hell if you just break them in a little.” She smiled and nodded as she tried to process things in her head. He moved the hair off her forehead, gently brushed the scar with his finger and kissed it.
This new life wasn’t going to be as simple as she had thought…
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