by Douglas Cobb
Chapter Seven
A Foreign Dignitary
Though Fuzzy Wally MacGee was, to the eyes of humans whose minds had been clouded, a Chinese Crested dog, he didn't speak a single word of Chinese. Go figure. I found this out when I asked him if he could serve as a translator for our house guest, General Yao Xing, who would be staying at our house for a week. Between us, we'd watched Mulan and both Kung Fu Panda movies about a hundred times each, so we considered ourselves to be bona fide experts on everything China related. I felt confident that when he arrived, General Yao Xing would feel right at home. With the billions of people and animals living in China as our allies, SNURFLES would soon be a thing of the past!
Who is General Yao Xing? All I knew was that he was some sort of important figure in China, some sort of foreign dignitary, that Clare was bringing here temporarily, until he could get better situated in our country. Clare was being very mysterious, and everyone was wondering about what our guest would be like. We had many questions we wanted to ask him about life in China. This would be a visit, in my estimation, that would probably be as important as when President Nixon went to China and practiced the somewhat Not Politically Correct type of diplomacy known as "Ping-Pong Diplomacy."
About a half hour later, Clare came into the house from the garage where she'd parked the car with a something bundled up in a blanket. We all gathered around her, curious and wondering where the general was, and thinking that maybe he couldn't make it for some reason. Then, she pulled the top part of the blanket back, and I saw something furry and red staring at me with big round eyes. I am not ashamed to tell you that I totally freaked out, and started roaring as loudly as I could. Whatever the thing in the blanket was, I did not want it in my house! I'd gotten rid of one scarlet-colored pest--I didn't want another one around, plaguing me!
"This is General Yao Xing, everyone!" Clare told us. "He's a red panda, or Firefox as they're also called, and he comes from China! He's very special, because there are only 11,000 to 20,000 of them left alive in the world!"
"He's cute!" Celeste said. "But why is he here? How did you get one to stay here for a week when they're so rare?"
"There's going to be an exhibit at the Centralia Public Zoo that will open soon, but General Yao Xing arrived before the people fixing up his new home at the zoo finished. The zookeeper, Mrs. Thompson, knew that I had facilities to temporarily keep wild animals, so she e-mailed me about the possibility of him staying here until the exhibit is ready. Of course, I told her I'd be thrilled to do it!"
Clare let General Yao Xing walk around for a while on the carpet. I stopped roaring, but I still didn't trust this strange ambassador from China, and snarled at him under my breath. I could never let my guard down again, especially not when it came to anything that was red or scarlet-colored, and especially not after all of the trouble The Scarlet One had caused.
How can I describe General Yau Xing? Well, he certainly didn't look like a fierce general--far from it! His body was covered with red and brown fur, and he had a fluffy tail. General Yao Xing tottered about unsteadily, like a toddler just learning to walk. This was because his front legs were, not to be rude, but short and stubby. His body was about 23 inches long, though his tail added another 20 inches to his length. His legs and belly were adorned with black fur that offered a nice contrast to the red and brown hues of the rest of his body.
General Yao Xing's head was round, and he had attentive upright ears and deep dark eyes that marked the red panda as being a mostly nocturnal creature, one active mostly at night and in the evening. His tail had a combination of alternating yellow and red rings on it, that Clare told us served as a way to help him camouflage himself in his natural habitat, kind of like a tiger's stripes do for them.
Clare also said that the rad panda's natural habitat is dense forests with moss and lichen-covered trees, and that it's an arboreal animal, that usually spends a large amount of its time climbing the trees with its curved claws. She said that he also used the claws to grasp and devour tree branches, fruits, and foliage. Yet another reason for me not to trust him--the dude was a vegetarian. He'd probably love to eat at Dexter's and Nicole's restaurant, The Vegenomical Solution. He'd fit right in with all of the other "tree-huggers" who eat there.
She then picked up one of General Yao Xing's front feet and showed us that the sole of their paws have a thick layer of fur. She told us that the thickness of the fur helped the red panda survive when the climate got chilly and they had to walk or climb on snowy and icy surfaces. It kept their paws warm like a thermal blanket.
One thing about the red pandas was similar to myself--they didn't care for extremely hot climates. It was good that he hadn't come to Arkansas during the summer, as it had reached over a hundred degrees for over twenty days in a row here. I stayed inside quite a lot of the time during this record-breaking heat wave, which greatly cut back on my and PAWS crime-fighting activities. It was difficult to get pumped up to do much of anything when it got that hot for that long. Fortunately, the same went for criminals, and during this period, even they weren't as active and crime had been down.
Celeste wondered why there were so few red pandas left in the wild. Clare answered her:
"That's mostly due to poaching and a loss of their habitation. Though it's illegal to hunt them, their fur and even body parts are valuable. Some of their organs are used in traditional Chinese medicines, just like they use tiger and bear organs. It's important to keep their traditional ways of doing things alive, but it shouldn't be at the risk of some animals being totally becoming extinct."
She then took General Yao Xing downstairs to the basement and placed him in the largest, roomiest cage there, which was currently empty, except for branches with foliage on them and a water dish. We stayed and watched the red panda for almost an hour, fascinated by everything about him. But, then Clare told us that we needed to let him become used to his new home, without everyone staring at him. He'd get more than enough of that whenever the Red Panda Exhibit would be ready for him at the zoo.
We went upstairs, but not before General Yao Xing tilted his round head to the side a little, nodded it up and down once, and seemed to give me a little smile. He had a strange glint in his eyes that made me think he knew more than he was letting on, and that his sweet innocent appearance was all an act. It reminded me of the all-too-similar look that Frankie had in his eyes that hinted at his shifty evil nature.
I roared at him once just before I left the room to let him know I was on to him. It seemed that the reach of SNURFLES had extended even as far as China. Not all SNURFLES were red or scarlet, but it seemed as if the menace of the scarlet SNURFLES was much more wide-spread than I had dreamt of in my wildest imagination.
I'm not one to jump to conclusions or go off on illogical flights of fancy. Just like my fictional hero, Sherlock Bones, I let reason and logic guide me. But, one of his sayings was: "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." Since I didn't believe in coincidences, they were impossible; therefore, it must be that General Yao Xing was at our home for a reason. The only possible reason, however improbable it might seem, was that General Yao Xing was a high ranking member of SNURFLES, and that he was trying to succeed where The Scarlet One, Frankie, had failed. I suspected that it wouldn't be too much longer before yet another attempt on my life was made, and that the foreign dignitary living under our noses would be responsible for it!
I had a restless sleep that night, tossing and turning, and roaring and snarling, and Celeste kept stealing my covers. Also, I had a nightmare of General Yao Xing standing over me as I was sleeping, with a large knife in his hands, ready to plunge it into me! I woke up with a start, my heart racing, because the dream had seemed to be so real to me. I tried to go back to sleep for quite a while, but I was worried I'd have the same dream again and maybe this time I'd feel the red panda plunge the knife into me, and I didn't want that. I finally fell asleep again, but I had just be
gan to drift into a pleasant dream when the alarm went off, and I was jolted awake again.
"Cabbages and toejam!" I swore loudly.
"What's wrong, Lily-Bear?" Celeste sleepily asked me. "Did you have a bad dream?"
"I'm not a bear," I grumpily replied. "Sorry about the cursing, Celeste. But, yes, I did have a bad dream, about General Yao Xing standing over my motionless body with murder in his malicious heart!"
"Lily-Bear, he's a cute furry adorable red panda who wouldn't hurt a fly!" Celeste mistakenly said. She was obviously deluded by surface appearances, but then again, she didn't have my finely tuned instincts and she wasn't always very logical.
"He's a mad murdering killing machine!" I shouted, then added: "And my name is not 'Lily-Bear!'"
After Celeste had eaten breakfast, got ready for school, and left, I asked Quentin to let me go outside, and he did. Then, I immediately flew to Fuzzy Wally MacGee's house and swiftly flew him back to mine, relating my news about General Yao Xing's true nature as we traveled. He was astonished at my revelations, and we made a point of questioning our foe as quickly as possible. I rapped on the door, and Quentin let us in, thinking nothing of it, as he was completely under my power. He walked us to the basement, and opened the door for us. General Yao Xing glared at me and Fuzzy Wally MacGee with hatred in his eyes.
"And so, we meet again!" General Yao Xing addressed us, without the hint of an accent. He spoke English flawlessly, though he hadn't let on to that yesterday.
"General Yao Xing," I said, "if that is your real name--allow me to introduce to you one of PAWS' best agents, Fuzzy Wally MacGee."
"Ah, so," the general muttered; "the famous Distractor. Your fame has spread clear across the ocean, all the way to China, and even to the remote forests where I and my kind live. It is indeed an honor to meet you, Fuzzy Wally MacStupid-Head."
"That's Fuzzy Wally MacGee," responded the Distractor. "You must be thinking about somebody else. No matter. Habla Espanol?"
"Fuzzy," I whispered under my breath, "he's Chinese, not Spanish or Mexican. He doesn't speak Spanish!"
"Si, hablo Espanol," General Yao Xing said. He had listened in to our private conversation! "I am fluent in many languages, Lily. Spanish is not the language of my country, but I do know how to speak it."
"See?" Fuzzy Wally MacGee said. "Told you so!"
I rolled my eyes at him. "Tu estas muy estupido," I said, "como el se dice."
"What was that?" Fuzzy Wally MacGee asked me. "Yes, I do like sugar with my tea, thank you--er--mucho groceries, senor!"
"Anyway," General Yao Xing went on, ignoring as best he could the Distractor, "I have a proposal to make the both of you. Please listen before you automatically say no to me. I am, as you probably surmised, one of SNURFLES' top international agents. But, I want to eliminate my arch rival, whom you know as The Scarlet One, or Frankie, so I can continue my march to becoming the leader of SNURFLES. I want to know if I can count on your help."
"Why should we help you?" I asked. "Give me one good reason we should!"
"If you help me, then we will both benefit," the general explained. "You would be getting rid of a very irritating thorn in your paw, and one of the animals on PAWS' Top Ten Most Terrible Criminals list. I would be improving my own chances of advancing my career."
"Hmmm...." I pondered, "It sounds like we might mutually benefit by joining forces against our common enemy. But, what is it you have in mind? I want to hear you'd like PAWS to help you before I agree."
After we'd listened to General Yao Xing's plan, I mentally commanded Triple Q to unlock the red panda's cage. Did I trust him? No, but as long as he didn't know that I didn't trust him, and believed that I was going along with his plans, then perhaps I could learn more about SNURFLES and defeat two enemies at once. I was willing to give it a try. This might prove to be a day that PAWS would think of as one of its most victorious days in history!
Quentin cradled the general in his arms as we headed outside, then he placed him gently on the ground, whereupon General Yao Xing promptly scampered up the nearest tree, which happened to be the oak where I first saw The Scarlet One. He reached into some hidden place at his side, and pulled out a whistle, which he blew into with a series of short but loud blasts. His signal worked; we soon could see Frankie rapidly flapping his wings and approaching us. He landed upon a branch next to General Yao Xing, and we expected that there would be a lot of fur and feathers flying, and it would be an exciting battle to watch.
"Let's get ready to rumble!" Fuzzy Wally MacGee yelled. "In this corner, it's the Frightening Feathered Marauder, The Scarlet One! In the other corner, we have the contender, the General Yao Xing, and--"
That was when General Yao Xing scampered down the tree as quickly as he'd scampered up, and Frankie swooped down from his perch to attack Fuzzy Wally MacGee. The general posed, standing on his back legs, and said: "Drunken monkey style!" He swept my feet out from under me, and I fell flat on my face. I got up, and countered his next move with a crescent kick to General Yao Xing's temple.
He dodged me, and I missed, but recovered my balance, and planted my left paw right in his kisser! "My pterodactyl style beats your drunken monkey style!" I said.
General Yao Xing shook it off, and got ready to pounce, shouting: "Tiger style!" and extending his claws to scratch me. What he didn't know was that Fuzzy Wally MacGee was running straight at him, like a charging angry rhino--which, of course, he was--and my friend slammed into him and knocked him flat on the ground.
"I did good, didn't I?" Fuzzy Wally MacGee said, standing over the motionless red panda. Frankie took flight, not liking the odds so much any more.
"Yes, Fuzzy, but I think you might have done a little too good--I think you might have killed him, which wouldn't be a good thing at all. Contributing to the extinction of an endangered species is something most people frown upon, Fuzzy."
"So, what are you trying to tell me, Lily? Did I do good, or bad?" Fuzzy Wally MacGee asked, puzzled. "The little fellow's gonna make it, won't he?"
General Yao Xing moaned, and groggily got up. "Where am I? Who am I? And who are both of you?" he asked.
"It looks like he'll be okay, after all," I said. "But, I think he has a concussion and temporary amnesia, Fuzzy. He'll recover, but have a splitting headache."
"Something tells me, Lily, that when the general's memory returns, he's not going to be a happy camper!" Fuzzy Wally MacGee said.
"I think you're right, old friend. I think you're right."
Under my direction, Triple Q took the still stunned General Yao Xing into the house and made sure that he was locked securely into his cage. A battle of the ages occurred that day, but only I and Fuzzy would know anything about it. Well, Frankie would, but I doubted if he would tell anyone that he and his Chinese friend lost a fight to two PAWS agents. And, whenever, if ever, the red panda recovered his memory, I also doubted that he would want to admit that he'd failed in his mission to pass himself off as a "foreign dignitary." He sure didn't look too dignified when Fuzzy Wally MacGee slammed hin into the ground with his ferocious rhinoceros charge!
I flew my friend home, and as I headed home, I couldn't help but gloat that PAWS had finally scored a victory, of sorts, against SNURFLES. Maybe they weren't quite as invincible as they thought themselves to be.
Chapter Eight
General Mischief
By the following morning, General Yao Xing still didn't have his memory back. There's an expression that in order to make an omelet, you have two break some eggs. Well, that is how I decided to look at the present situation I found myself in; the general's memory was broken, since Fuzzy Wally MacGee's charge had given him amnesia, so I would make not an omelet but a spy out of him. Though, an omelet sounded good right about now, maybe with some fried ham and hash browns....I hadn't had breakfast yet, and my stomach was rumbling. But still, I thought there was a good chance to turn General Yao Xing's case of amnesia to PAWS' advantage, and work a little bit of general misch
ief in the process.
When I stood in front of him next, having gotten there the usual way, via the simple expedient of mind control, utilizing Triple Q's aid, I asked him if he still had his whistle.
"Whistle?" he asked. "What whistle?"
"The one you had yesterday. Check your fur, at your side; you got it from some hidden place and it came in handy, and we might need to use it again today," I replied.
"But for what? And, where am I? Why am I locked up in this cage? Who are you?"
"My, but you have lots of questions, don't you? I'm a friend, of course," I said, not telling him exactly whose friend I was; but, whatever worked to gain his trust in me I felt I was justified in telling him. "And you are only locked up in this cage because a lady who is very nice but who believes she's my owner, Clare, is taking care of you until you will be taken to the Centralia Public Zoo when the exhibit on red pandas is ready to house you. Eventually, you will be returned to your homeland of China, but just like with the pandas at the zoo in Washington, D.C., Arkansas is, you might say, "renting," you so that people here can see what a red panda looks like in person.
"And, who am I? I'm glad you asked! It shows great initiative--yeah, that's the ticket--I am Lily Quince, the leader of PAWS, or Private Army of Warrior Sleuths, that's who I am, and you, sir, are one of my agents! And, since you resemble closely another red panda, General Yao Xing, who is a member of our arch enemies, SNURFLES--the Super Nefarious Union of Rascals Formidably Linked in Everlasting Solidarity--we are using you to infiltrate their organization!