As she drove away, she saw Zane watching her leave, a frown on his face, his brow creased with concern. He cared and at the moment she didn’t. Not about anything.
* * *
The pain Zane glimpsed in Kim’s eyes pierced through him, but there wasn’t anything more he could do. He would repair her home, and he would be here for her. But she was pushing away, shutting down.
No, he’d never had his house burn nearly down, but he knew what it was like to hit rock bottom and just want to hide in the darkness, to hope that nothing else happened to shove him down even more. The only way he’d crawled out of that hole had been through the Lord. He’d finally realized years ago he couldn’t do it alone. He had to lean on God.
Please, Father, help Kim to see You are the answer to her problems. You are her strength in times like this.
* * *
Evening descended all around Kim as she sat on Ruth’s back deck, the darkness giving a chill to the air. She pulled her sweater around her, relishing the quiet and peace after dealing with a parade of people offering their prayers and condolences. Most had been optimistic, especially with Zane’s company rebuilding the upper level. Even their insurance agent had talked with her father and reassured him that he would prod the company to move fast on this claim. People had brought clothing for them to use and money to help them through the situation—money many couldn’t spare because of their own trials since the hurricane.
Kim pushed to her feet and walked to the edge of the deck, leaning into the railing, her hands clutching the wood. She didn’t want to be responsible for others going without because of her and her family. Hope had gone through so much in the past months.
I’m asking again, Lord. Why? What am I doing wrong?
The sound of the back door opening and closing drew her around to face Zane, the light from the window revealing his solemn expression.
“Your dad said you were out here. He seems to be all right. I’m glad.”
“That won’t last. He’s putting on a show for Ruth.” Each time she had talked with her father, Ruth had been near, but she intended to talk with him in private later tonight. She needed to be sure he wouldn’t fall apart again. “He was that way right after the hurricane, too, putting up a front for everyone.”
“Did Cody come by today? He said he was going to.”
“Yes, while I was gone. He stayed about an hour.”
Zane moved toward her. “It might not hurt for you to talk to Cody.”
“I’ll be okay. It’s my family I’m worried about.”
“So, the house burning doesn’t bother you?” He positioned himself next to her and stared out into the backyard, away from the light shining onto the deck.
She couldn’t see his facial features well and wondered if he’d done that on purpose. “What do you think? Of course, it bothers me, but I can’t allow myself to give in to those feelings. Someone has to hold the family together.”
“But what about you?” He tilted his head toward her, throwing his profile into the light. “You aren’t allowed to feel sad, angry, hurt?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth. That this is killing you. You are at a loss. You’re struggling and need help.”
“No one can help me. What I’m feeling is what I’m feeling. You can’t change that.”
“You’re right. And I wouldn’t. You need to have those feelings, work through them and move on. That won’t happen unless you acknowledge them. Give them over to the Lord. Fighting the circumstances and Him can be too much for one person.” He turned toward her, cutting the gap between them in half. “I love you, and I’ll be here for you when you need me.”
The words of the last sentence washed through her, leaving in their wake fear of adding more hurt to what she was experiencing. He’d left her once. What was to stop him from doing that again when something didn’t go the way he wanted? She was afraid any more rejections would pull her apart at the seams. For Anna and her dad, she couldn’t afford to make any mistakes.
She backed away. “No, don’t do that.”
Chapter Thirteen
“Don’t do what?” Zane asked, watching Kim pull herself up as tall as she could.
“Don’t love me. We had our chance. The time for us is over.” She spun on her heel and hurried toward the back door.
“Kim.”
She kept going into the house. The banging of the screen door sent a jolt through Zane.
What in the world had possessed him to declare his love at such a bad time? He’d wanted to wipe her pain away. He’d wanted her to know she wasn’t alone, that he would be here for her. He’d wanted her to know he’d fallen in love with her all over again even against his better judgment.
But to Kim it was too late for them. Maybe she was right. Their time had been years ago, and he’d blown it back then. Now he had to live with the consequences.
“Zane, what’s wrong with Kim? She flew through the living room and out the front door, saying she was going for a walk.” Keith strolled out onto the deck. “Normally that wouldn’t concern me except for how she’s been behaving today and the look on her face.”
“What kind of look?”
“Oddly if I had to say, a mixture of anger and sadness. I’m just glad Anna decided to go to her room and didn’t see her mother like this. Is there some bad news you aren’t telling me about the house? You said it could be repaired.”
“It can. And no, I haven’t withheld anything from you.”
“Then what happened?” Keith leaned back against the railing.
“I told your daughter I love her.”
“And that caused her to run out the front door?”
“I guess so. She thinks our time is over, and maybe she’s right. I don’t know anymore where she’s concerned, but don’t worry. I’m still going to do the best job with your house. My father has taken a personal interest in making sure it is restored. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d better get home. I’ll have to make arrangements tomorrow for a full crew to work on Bienville.”
Zane made it to the back door when Keith’s words stopped him. “Thank you for all you’ve done. I was so wrong all those years ago, and my daughter hopefully will discover that.”
But that might be too late. Zane kept the words to himself as he strode through the house and left.
* * *
Later that night, Kim let herself into Ruth’s house and started toward the staircase.
“Kim, is that you?” her dad asked from the living room.
“Yes.” She went to him. “Is everyone else in bed?” She checked her watch and noted it was ten.
“Yes, but I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to make sure you were all right.”
“I’m fine. You shouldn’t stay up because of me. I went for a walk and ended up in town at the café.”
“You’re walking a lot lately.”
“It’s good exercise.” And a way for her to work off her anger.
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
“I guess. What do you need?”
“For you to sit down.” Her father waved his hand toward the chair across from him.
She took it, perching herself on its edge. “Did something happen while I was gone?”
“No. With the election soon, Ruth and I were going over our last-minute strategy. I don’t think she has anything to be concerned about, but she worries, anyway. Worry can be tough on a person, don’t you think?”
“Well, yes.” She studied her dad’s unreadable expression. What was he up to?
“Cody is teaching me that. I think you should talk to him. He’s a good counselor.”
“Why aren’t you upset about what happened last night? You sound so calm.”
“Again Cody. He’s helping me to put the situation in perspective.”
“But our home? It will be months before we can return to it.”
“Zane assures me he’ll work as fast as he can to get it repaired. He thinks he
can have part of it ready for us in six to eight weeks. In the meantime, Ruth wants us to stay here.”
“You’re okay with that?”
“I’d rather do that than stay in a trailer. Wouldn’t you?”
“I’d rather have our house back,” she blurted out before censoring herself. She didn’t want to stir up her dad.
“That’s not an option.”
“And that doesn’t bother you?”
“What do you want me to say? Yes, it bothers me. Can I do anything about what happened? No. I couldn’t accept what occurred with the hurricane, which made my health decline. I’m not going to do that again. I can’t control everything. I admit that. That doesn’t mean I like it. It just means I’m going to stop fighting that fact. Let it go, Kim.”
She came to her feet. “I’m trying. It’s not that easy.”
“I agree, but you’re the only one who can decide that for yourself.”
“I’m going to bed. There’s a lot to do tomorrow.”
She sought the refuge of her bedroom she was sharing with Anna. While she got ready for bed in the semidarkness of the nightlight, she couldn’t understand why she seemed to be the only one in her family upset about the fire. So much of their belongings would have to be thrown out. Weary, she sank onto the mattress next to her sleeping daughter. She was tired of starting her life over—when Zane left her the first time, when she married Scott and then again when he walked out, and when the hurricane hit. And now the fire threatened the one stable aspect of her life the family had managed to retain over the years. Bienville. How could she pick up the pieces and start anew?
* * *
Tuesday evening, Kim reluctantly attended the watch party for Ruth’s mayoral bid at the Bay Shore Hotel. She certainly didn’t feel like celebrating after the insurance adjuster had given her the news she had expected. The age of their house made it impossible to get replacement costs for damaged areas. She would continue to negotiate with the company, but whatever amount they settled upon wouldn’t cover everything they needed. If she accepted Zane’s help, which he insisted on giving, she would be tied to him—indebted to him.
In the ballroom, the festive atmosphere urged her to forget her problems for the night, but then she spied Zane across the room, looking handsome in tan slacks, a light blue shirt and a darker blue tie. He was leaving tomorrow for Nashville and to discuss his project with the Christian Assistance Coalition. In her gut, she knew he would get their approval and be called away from Hope. That was why she needed to keep her distance. She could never leave Hope.
Maggie stepped next to Kim. “Ruth is about to make her victory speech. It’s about time. It was obvious hours ago she would win.”
“She’s being cautious—probably my dad’s influence. He once knew a candidate who declared himself the winner too early and lost the race.”
“Ruth needed his expertise. This past month there’s been a buzz about town concerning her.”
Kim’s gaze searched the crowd and lit upon her father standing with Ruth. “Yeah, Dad did a great job. I don’t think he ever thought about running a campaign.” Since he’d begun working with Ruth and talking with Cody, her father had changed. He still had tremors and got frustrated, but he was so much calmer. Instead of hiding at home, he put himself out there with others.
“Which is a good thing. This will make it easier for you.”
Kim peered at her cousin. “Easier?”
“To move on with your life.”
“Move on? I’m doing what I want. I love teaching. And we’ll get Bienville repaired and move back into the house. “
“What about Zane?”
Kim scanned the area and noticed a few people nearby who could overhear their conversation. “There’s nothing to say.” She turned toward the front of the ballroom where Ruth mounted the stage and stood behind the podium. “Ruth’s about to speak.”
“You aren’t going to get off that easy. We’ll resume this later,” Maggie whispered next to Kim’s ear.
Ten minutes later, Ruth stepped down from the stage into the midst of well-wishers congratulating her on winning. Kim’s father stood next to Ruth—like they were a couple. Was he moving on? For years after her mother had died, he’d been lost without his wife. Was Ruth and Dad’s friendship blossoming into something more permanent?
Kim glanced to her side and noticed Maggie had gone. When Kim turned back, her gaze collided with Zane’s. He threaded his way through the people in the ballroom until he stopped in front of her.
Without preamble, he discussed his plan for the house repair. “Now that we’ve got the go-ahead from the insurance adjuster, I’m starting tomorrow first thing. We’ll get the house reroofed first before working on the interior.”
She lifted one corner of her mouth. “It seems like you just did that.”
The hard edge to his eyes softened. “Yeah. Before long I could do it in my sleep.” He averted his gaze for a few seconds then met hers. “I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon for Nashville. Dad will be in charge of the crew, so if you have any questions, talk with him.”
Good. Since Tom had been repairing Bienville, they had come to an understanding. She respected him for pulling his life together and for his skills working on the house. He had an eye for bringing out the historical appeal of a place. Their once adversarial relationship had evolved until now she could call him a friend. At one time, that would have surprised her. “I will.”
“Kim, we should…” But he didn’t finish what he was going to say. Instead, he nodded once then moved away from her.
She almost went after him, but what would she say to him? I care for you? I love you? No, she couldn’t. Years ago, when he left her, she’d thrown herself into a relationship with Scott and that had ended badly for not just herself but several others in her life. Her judgment had been skewed because she had looked to another for a solution to her problem. She wasn’t going to do that now. What if she was wrong about Zane? She couldn’t make that kind of mistake again. She had others to consider besides herself.
* * *
“Anna has already been complaining that this is her last year to enjoy searching for candy at the church’s Easter egg hunt,” Kim said to Kathleen in Broussard Park across the street from Hope Community Church on Sunday after the service.
“Kip said almost those exact words. Do you think they’ve been talking about it?”
Kim glanced at the pair hunting for the eggs near the basketball court where the older kids were searching. “Yes, and it doesn’t surprise me. They’ve been spending a lot of time together since we’ve been staying at your mom’s.”
“You know our parents have a thing for each other.”
Kim chuckled, surveying the crowd across the park. Ruth and her dad stood side by side holding hands. “Hard not to see it. I feel like their chaperone.”
“And I’m glad or we could have a scandal before Mom even takes office in April.” Kathleen laughed.
“I’m thrilled she won the election. She’s done so much for us, especially my father.”
Shielding her eyes, Kathleen angled toward Kim. “I could say the same thing about your father. Until he became her campaign manager, she was doing things halfheartedly. He inspired her and gave her what she needed to become enthused about running for mayor. He’s got a gift and insight into campaigning.”
“Yeah, I feel like I’m getting my dad back. I’m glad he’s happy with your mother.”
“So, what about you?” By stepping in front of Kim, Kathleen blocked her view of the festivities of a hundred children running around trying to find treats before the others. “I’ve seen you and Zane together. You can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for him—like when you and I were in high school.”
“It’s more complicated now. I have to think of my daughter and Dad.”
“Zane is wonderful with my children.”
“He once told me he didn’t want to have children. I know that his relationship with his father
is much better now, but I don’t…” She couldn’t finish the sentence because she didn’t really know how Zane felt since he and his father had become closer.
“Being a parent, as you well know, is scary. No matter what he says, he’d do a great job—” Kathleen pointed toward the park “—and Anna adores him.”
Kim peered at her daughter talking with Zane. Her Easter basket was full, overflowing with chocolate and candy. Anna kept bending down and picking up pieces that fell out of her basket. Zane directed her toward the sidelines while the other children continued hunting. But Anna didn’t seem to mind. She laughed at something Zane said, set her stash on the ground then sat beside it to begin eating her treats.
Kim had made it a point to avoid him as much as she could. When she did see him at her house checking the progress of the work, she would start to dream about what could have been between them. With a shake of her head, she looked away from Zane.
“His dad told me he’s partnering with the Christian Assistance Coalition to start his foundation for housing needed in areas of destruction. His life is going to be very busy. I won’t be surprised if he moves away. Zane is a hands-on kind of guy. I don’t see him turning it over to just anyone to oversee,” Kim said, more to convince herself than Kathleen.
“What’s holding you here?”
“I love Hope. I’ve lived here all my life. Dad needs me.” She threw out one reason after another, but the words didn’t really ring true to her. “Anna loves it here, too,” Kim said, throwing out one last argument but keeping the real one deep inside.
Kathleen studied her for a long moment. “I see you’re trying to fit everything into a nice little box. Life is so much simpler when it doesn’t suddenly change.”
“Like with the hurricane?”
She nodded. “One day we had a beautiful small town on the Gulf. The next day our house washed away or took in water. I lost almost all of our possessions when my house was swept away.”
Love Runs Deep (New Beginnings Book 7) Page 17