by Erin R Flynn
“Are you okay with this?” I asked Dain. “And why are we not using those favors now?”
“I am.” Dain was quiet a moment but then shook his head. “Now isn’t the time to cash them in. I know not why but I know that.” He gave Enzo a suspicious look. “And what payment for helping us with this bigger problem? It may be longer term and more involved but it also is a hunt and in need of a puppeteer, one who enjoys that sort of work, like yourself, so part of you should thank her.”
He nodded. Food arrived and Dain handled that as Enzo studied me. I tried not to feel like a mouse being assessed for a study but for some reason that was the vibe I was getting. Enzo didn’t answer until we had food and started eating.
“I wish to see the reality TV of your life without the TV,” he explained, bouncing his head around a bit. “And with more reality.” He held up a finger when I went to ask what the heck that meant. “You are a woman who—by your own admission—has trouble understanding relationships and people on a personal level and yet has many relationships of different types and levels.”
“You would need to keep anything that you see, hear, or experience confidential and there would be written agreements,” Dain said while I tried to even think of where to start.
“Of course.”
I saw something in Enzo’s gaze I didn’t like. “Take a different insurance plan. I will give you one as I have others that if you go off the rails too far, you can break the agreement and I’ll handle you but not with this, not with the people I care for. Keep it between us.”
“How did you know?” he asked, focused on his food, his shoulders tense and clearly not liking to be busted.
“I’ve seen that look in a vampire’s eyes a few times that while no one likes oversight or a boss, having a failsafe that immortality doesn’t lead to the insanity some have for them is smart. I like it myself, as things happen so fast in our world and to such extremes, I like knowing there is someone to pull me back from the brink. I will tell you that the failsafe isn’t the best path.”
He bristled at that, his knuckles turning white around the plastic fork. “And what would you recommend for all your few years?”
“An intervention,” Dain answered for me. “If you are of sound mind enough to realize you’re going off the rails to care enough to press the button and unleash Sera on you, there’s a chance you could still be saved.”
“That is not untrue but in my mind if I went off the rails, I wouldn’t care about keeping her secrets and would taunt her that way. I cannot think if I wasn’t myself and even more egotistical I would think she would kill me just for spilling secrets.”
“I take betrayal very seriously, and so do my wolf and siren,” I warned him. “The problem is sometimes that button is a bit easy to push and there should be some hoops to jump through before hitting self-destruct. I would rather be one of those hoops.”
“Does Apollo have one of those hoops?”
“Apollo has both,” Dain answered for me. “A hoop for if he gets close and a failsafe if he doesn’t recognize he’s on the edge and falls over.”
“I want both then. Yes, I want both,” Enzo agreed.
The next bite of my pancakes went down a roughly. That was a tall and scary order to agree to when it was the scariest monster around asking. He was more powerful than me. Then I remembered what he’d said about Eva. He knew I could call in the big guns.
“All right, but that’s separate from this,” I answered as I stabbed some breakfast potatoes roughly. “That’s a different favor or whatever.” I gave him a hard look. “What exactly are you asking me for in payment?”
He sighed, setting down his utensils and wiping his mouth before crossing his arms over his nicely toned and sexy chest. “I wish to see you with each of them. Something intimate but not necessarily being intimate. I want to understand how someone as complicated as you can allow giving more of yourself or caring for people in that way with how wounded and broken you have been.”
Sadly I couldn’t disagree. He wasn’t saying I was broken forever, but I’d been broken and a lot and the pieces didn’t always fit back together they way they’d been. It was more than scars sometimes but growth plates in the way or not connecting right. I wasn’t offended.
But Dain was. I could feel his anger coming through the bond white hot to the point it shocked me.
“Of all the things people have ever said about me, why does that upset you so much when he’s only stating the truth?” I asked him gently.
“I don’t like what you’ve been through and survived being framed as flaws in a diamond where you lose value,” he answered after he settled a bit. “You are the most spectacular wonder of the world and most of them were created by the elements and being alive like a river forming a canyon or an earthquake making mountain ranges. Something happened to make them but they are beautiful because of it.”
“You really love me,” I breathed, floored someone saw me in such a way.
“More than you might ever know,” he murmured, coming over and kissing my hair. “You do not carry scars that have broken you, but the layers and the shaping that made you perfect.”
“Well, unlike Seraphine, I did not turn out that way,” Enzo cut in. “And as you have recognized, we are not as far off from each other as you would like. I want to learn and know.”
I lost count of how many shocks had rocked me in the past several days but I was staring at another one. “You want to have a real relationship, like fall in love, try to see a woman as real and equal?”
He didn’t answer but the look in his eyes was answer enough. Regret. He was finally seeing there might have been another path for him.
But what was a monster that regretted what he’d become?
10
“On a few conditions but one I need for my own sanity,” I said before we got into specifics and negations. I waited until he nodded. “You aren’t focused emulating what I do but learning.”
His eyes flashed shock. “You worry I’m a sociopath who cannot truly feel emotions and will act my way through a relationship.”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t think so, but I’ll be honest that I don’t want to know you that well. I spent a lot of time learning by watching and immersing myself for undercover work so I get playing the role but I played it on bad people. I would have a problem knowing I might set up some woman who maybe would fall for you to find out it was all an act or game.”
He nodded. “That is truly not my goal. Beyond that, I cannot say I will never fake anything. We all do. I do not wish a relationship that I am placating. I’d rather go back to what I was and had.”
“Good enough for me.”
“I have one,” Dain said, meeting Enzo’s gaze with his own determined one. “You take Seraphine as the idea of woman you might look for but not the woman you want. You wish to play or even have fun as Apollo does now and again, I would not object as I saw how you were with her just now. But he is crystal clear he will never wish to be with her as anything more.”
Enzo smiled but I was shocked.
“He could never have me as he would want me,” I reminded Dain.
“Yes, and he just admitted he might be open to changing what he wants or looks for in life.”
“If Seraphine is of the same opinion,” Enzo agreed.
I couldn’t meet his eyes, nodding. “I am. I’ve said before I don’t want to be your prey or the woman you think of in that way. Playing or fun is fine, but you lack something in a man I could ever wish to be real with.” I mentally winced, wondering if being around him was smart when I was off my game.
“And that is?” His tone was not happy I’d admitted that.
“The desire to make amends for what the monster has done,” Dain answered for me. “We have all done wrong or bad things but anyone close to Sera strives to do better and make up for the bad they’ve done. You might want to change course or reassess your life, but you have lines of hers you leap over and wo
uld never think to make amends.”
“That is not completely untrue and I say this not to change your mind on being closer to you but for your worries I am a sociopath.” He waited until I met his gaze. “This is not to be repeated, ever.” He looked relieved when I nodded, probably because he believed me. “There have been many, many times I’ve had to be monstrous and took care of the innocents hurt in the process.
“A father that needed to be killed or handled and I did not leave the family destitute because they no longer had a father. I knew the horrors that could befall such families, especially long ago. I cannot say I’ve always fed on those horrible before willing feeders or blood bags, but I did take such matters into account and I have always tried to see the ripples from what I have done.”
That was better than most of the “good guys” I knew.
“I understand.” And I did. I could be completely oblivious at times and the ripples ate at me later. It was actually nice even “bad” people paid attention. “So you want to see me with each of them?”
He shrugged. “A date, yes. You are in a tumultuous time and I would learn a lot about how such issues are handled in real relationships, not reality TV. Let’s be honest that even nonfiction is told from a different perspective than reality either to sensationalize the mundane or turn the subject into the hero. I want to see real.”
“It wouldn’t be real if you were sitting there,” Dain reminded him
Enzo gave him a look not to be daft. “I understand but I can hear just fine from the other room. She has security cameras or webcams I can watch through. I am not asking she put in two-way mirrors all around for me. It will take me at least a week or two to start handling this situation as it is deeper and worse than she fully understands even. Let her have quiet stay-dates or whatever the term is with each one.”
“Could she tell them later?” Dain asked after a few moments of quiet to settle with that. “They could see it as a betrayal.”
“I’m not against that,” he accepted. “I would not want it known to be me but there is no reason later she cannot tell them someone was worried and checked in as you have or they have with you when there are issues. Or a friend was having a similar issue and wanted an example.”
That wouldn’t be what we said but I nodded. He basically didn’t want them to know it was him. I could work with that. Others wouldn’t think I’d ever call on him, willingly at least.
We hashed out details and Dain very meticulously laid out certain caveats that protected my side and everything Enzo would learn. It wasn’t like people were going to be giving their life story on one cozy date.
I cleared my throat when they were done, wanting to add something that might shock Dain. “I also want to explore more. So I want us having sex but you knowing it’s for both of us to explore, including you feeding me. We’ll get an array of blood from the club for you.”
“I have to drink right from the person to get information from it,” he told me, addressing one of my concerns. “I can also shut it off but I do not know with your power.”
“Thanks for being honest.” I met his gaze and saw a heat that I liked and I hated I liked it. “Do you agree?”
His lips twitched as he looked me over, inhaling slowly. “Yes, Seraphine, I would love to fuck you during my stay. You could have listed it as a concession.”
I shrugged. “Lying to you would be stupid as you reward generosity.” I stared at him over my coffee mug. “Plus, I want to play, which you might not always be up for the way I want but you promise to try.”
He nodded. “Why don’t you show me more of this young monster while your husband goes for the contracts?”
“And you can see it without me,” Dain muttered, sounding like he didn’t like that.
“Only when she allows me. I can’t root around, much like she cannot.”
“We’ll be fine,” I told Dain, knowing this was part of the test and Enzo’s fun. I smiled to let him know it really was. I sighed when he left, knowing he would hurry. “Don’t take offense. It’s not like he’s worried to leave me alone with you—”
“He saw part of what you went through and doesn’t like you reliving it.” He stood, holding out his hand to me. “I will be as gentle as I can, I promise. As I said, I prefer to be the only monster you are afraid of. More than that, I wish you to call on me again as few ever truly give me what I want.”
I snorted as I accepted his hand, letting him pull me off the stool and following him into the living room. “That’s because you’re surrounded by people who take themselves too seriously. There was no reason not to give you it, but people won’t because it’s what you want. The price wasn’t too high, you weren’t asking for anything outside my morals, and it will be fairly easy to give. Why not?”
“Sometimes I don’t know if you’re naïve or maybe smarter than all of us.”
“I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive,” I admitted as he sat. He pulled me to sit but then moved me so I was straddling his lap. “How do we do this?”
“Just like your ring blocks you from people, you power blocks me from seeing when I want. Let go. Open yourself to me and show me what I need to see firsthand.”
“Answer me one thing first.” I waited until he nodded. “What were you before you were a vampire?”
“You are very astute when you pay attention,” he murmured as he cupped my face and pulled me closer. “But I don’t think I’m ready to tell you that much yet. Will you trust me to save your people and sanity even if you don’t know?”
I nodded, running my hands over his chest before kissing him. “Don’t make me regret it, Enzo. I make a much better friend than enemy, as you’re about to see.”
“Oh? Is there something you left off what you showed your husband?” he teased me, frowning when I didn’t answer. “You naughty girl. Show me.”
I nodded, letting him in and showing him how I fought back against Murray too. I wasn’t proud of it but several times I’d fucked with his equipment in training. I’d taken cheap shots to his body that would hurt him and his times while thanking him for his extra “help” as clearly the Navy didn’t teach me anything as he thought I needed it.
Which pissed off several trainers who were former Navy.
And I even implicated him a few times in undercover corruption cases he wasn’t working on. There were probably lots of Andrew Murrays but the FBI went to its own house first. Always.
“I might have brought more of this on us than I let on,” I confessed as I swallowed down what that did to me.
“That is possible but from what I saw, the man has been fixated with you from the moment he saw you. I understand the fascination,” he muttered. “What else have you done?”
I shrugged. “Nothing much. I had a few contacts or handlers make some calls to women he was seeing as payback for a sexual harasser the FBI didn’t care about. He lost a fiancée that way. I’ve done the same. There’s a girls’ club if you know where to look even if it’s not as big or desired as the boys’ club.”
“I understand.” He went to say more but suddenly his attitude changed and my top was gone, his hands on me as he kissed me. I flinched as I heard the door but he held me to him.
“Councilman, I didn’t know we were expecting you,” Carter said from the doorway.
“I was called upon,” Enzo chuckled, massaging my breasts as he stared at Carter.
“I thought we weren’t telling people,” I muttered. “And I don’t know what’s going on here, but the testosterone is ridiculous.”
“I know how to feel when someone’s cloaking and Councilman Dubois’s signature when doing it,” Carter explained.
“And the testosterone was Carter telling me the last time I saw him to stay very, very far away from you or I would have problems that might not take me down but would disrupt my affairs enough I would not like it,” Enzo added. He burst out laughing when I gave Carter a shocked look. “You did not know?”
“What did I
say about going behind my back on things?” I asked Carter.
“I wasn’t hiding it,” he promised. “I actually started to tell you a few times but you didn’t want to hear his name or any of the council after Sousa visited, remember?” He looked relieved when I sighed. “I do not like his interest in you.”
“We’ve come to an arrangement her husband is making me sign, magically binding even. I can show her interest, play if she wants, hope she calls on me to make deals, but never, not ever, try to pursue her for more.”
“I don’t know how to handle the situation this time, Carter,” I told him, shaking my head when he opened his mouth to argue. “He’s not asking for anything I didn’t want to give. If anything, he’s going easy on me as he likes the perks of being my friend or at least included like Apollo does.”
Enzo snorted, sounding amused I’d figured that part out as well.
“Your lack of faith in me is hurtful,” Carter whispered, looking away from me.
“You misunderstand your Mistress,” Enzo chuckled before I could reply. “She values you so much she won’t risk you as part of the collateral damage. It’s not whether you could handle it or not, but she doesn’t want to get you so dirty.”
“Is that true?” Carter still wouldn’t look at me.
“Yes, plus Enzo has different connections and protection you don’t. You work for the FBI now, Carter. You screw with this and you could end up with more than a pink slip depending how this will all go.” I let out a slow breath. “It’s bad and this is bigger than Murray. Plus Murray is smart. I’m not saying smarter than you or me but he is smart. This isn’t the first act of the play. I know it’s not.”
“I’m already a known player then,” he sighed.
“Yes.” I swallowed a yelp when I was suddenly away from Enzo and in Carter’s arms. “What was that?”
“He doesn’t need to touch you like he owns you around me. You looked shocked at what he was doing so I’d guess it was for my benefit.”