Dreams Unspoken

by R. J. Layer

  Jo sat down. “Thank you for the jacket and the compliment.” She settled back into the couch. “All dressed up and no place to go.”

  Maria pulled off the boots and put on her shoes. “Speaking of which, do you have big New Year’s plans?”

  “I’m not sure yet.” It was too much, Jo knew, to hope that she could somehow ring in the New Year with this beautiful woman beside her. “You?”

  Maria busied herself putting the boots back in the box. “Kat’s keeping Matt so Jack and I can attend the big New Year’s celebration at the Regal Hotel in the city. You know, dinner, dancing, the champagne toast and hotel room for the night. It’s one of those package deals. One of the perks he gets through his job.”

  Jo felt all the air being sucked from the room. God, she told herself, Maria’s a married woman and she’s going to spend New Year’s with her husband. Has lust so skewed my view of reality I think Maria would chuck her family life to spend a night celebrating with me?

  “We should get going.” Maria suddenly seemed uneasy.

  “You don’t have to,” Jo responded, but her words lacked enthusiasm.

  Jo held the puppy while Maria helped Matt on with his coat. “What are you going to name her?

  Maria touched the ball of fur in Jo’s arms. “I think…Rosie.”

  “Rosie, huh?”

  “Yes, Rosie and Jake.” She smiled. “It sounds cute together.”

  Jo gave the pup a rub on the head before placing her back in the box. “Rosie it is.” She walked them out, holding the door for Maria after she buckled Matt in.

  “Well, if I don’t talk to you before, have a Happy New Year.”

  Maria brushed her fingers over Jo’s hand on the top of the door. “You too, Jo, and thanks for today. We really enjoyed it.”

  Jo stood in the cold, watching until the taillights disappeared.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jo only accepted Kate’s New Year’s Eve invitation in hopes it would provide a distraction. She was upset by the thought of Maria at a hotel with her husband. She didn’t think she’d ever felt this way before, but she recognized what it was. “It” was jealousy, plain and simple. She talked Kate into meeting at Kate’s place. She intended to drive her own truck to the bar so she wouldn’t be stuck anywhere without a means of escape if she needed it.

  She followed the directions to Kate’s. It turned out she lived in a tiny cramped apartment in a complex of a dozen identical buildings. She felt suffocated just standing inside the door waiting for Kate to get her coat. She had swallowed her angst and slipped the ring from Kate on her pinky, knowing it would be the only time she’d ever do it. She was wearing her signature worn blue jeans, the simple blue V-neck sweater her mom gave her for Christmas and her favorite gift, the leather jacket from Maria. It still carried the faint smell of Maria’s perfume. When she’d put it on earlier, she’d thought of Maria and wondered where she was. She shook the thought from her head. She was determined to forget about Maria any way she could, if just for the night. Only after they stepped out into the parking lot did she let Kate know her plan.

  “What if you happen to drink too much?”

  “I’ll worry about that if it happens,” Jo replied.

  Kate didn’t seem pleased, but she gave Jo another thorough once-over, jingled her keys and said, “Okay, follow me.”

  “I’ve never seen this place so packed,” Kate commented when they claimed the only open stool at the bar.

  Kate was buying and ordered a beer for herself, but Jo, wanting a quicker way to a buzz and forgetting about Maria, ordered Kentucky bourbon neat. It did the trick. By the time she finished the drink and Kate asked her to dance, it sounded like the best thing going. Something about Kate seemed more appealing than usual this evening, and Jo wasn’t unhappy about being with her. She chased the bourbon with two beers rather quickly and felt the happiest she remembered in quite some time.

  Shortly after the second beer she made her way to the crowded restroom. Unbeknownst to Jo, Kate followed. The second Jo opened the stall door to exit Kate flashed her badge and stepped in front of two other girls.

  “Official business, ladies.” She pushed into the stall, blocking Jo and closed the door behind her.

  “Is there a problem, officer?”

  Kate took hold of Jo’s jacket lapels. “There should be a law against looking as hot as you do.” When Jo only smiled, Kate whispered, “You can’t believe how hot you make me.”

  Jo touched her lips to Kate’s ear. “Really?”

  Kate took Jo’s hand and slid it slowly between her legs. “Really.”

  She could feel Kate’s heat and she had had enough to drink that it stirred her own desire. Jo stroked her as her lips pressed firmly to Kate’s. Kate grabbed onto Jo’s hips, shoved her tongue in Jo’s mouth and rode her hand. A moan escaped Jo’s throat before she could stop it. She pulled back.

  “Not here.”

  Kate rocked against Jo’s hand. “My place isn’t far.”

  Jo pulled her hand from between Kate’s legs. “You got something to drink there?”

  “We’ll pick up something. Let’s go.”

  It was obvious to Jo that she was in no shape to drive—or to do what she was probably going to do with Kate. But dammit, she was tired of always being sensible and responsible. What could it hurt? She’d deal with, well, whatever…tomorrow.

  Kate assured her that her truck would be safe and she’d bring Jo back for it. On the way back to her place, she bought beer at a convenience store and Jo opened and drank one. They stumbled through the door a few minutes after eleven o’clock and Kate pinned Jo to the door the second it was closed.

  “Whoa.” Jo held up a hand and backed Kate up. She raised the beer in her other hand. “Buy a girl a drink before you try an’ bed her.”

  Kate took a step back. “Sorry. I’ve just been waiting so long to touch you. Let’s sit down.” She motioned to the couch.

  When midnight rolled around, something made evident by the noise and commotion outside, Jo raised her bottle. “Happy New Year.”

  Kate repeated the wish and after they both sipped some beer, Jo leaned over and kissed her. Jo was feeling like she could go through with it. Besides, she reminded herself, the woman she’d been lusting after for the last eight months was sharing a romantic night at a hotel in the city with her husband. Maybe sleeping with another woman was the best way to get over her infatuation. At least that’s what the alcohol was telling her.

  Kate’s response to Jo’s kiss was to take both their bottles and place them on the table, then straddle Jo’s lap. And when the confines of the couch became impossible, she stood and took Jo’s hand.

  “Let’s do this right.”

  Jo swayed a bit as she stood and quickly slipped her arm around Kate’s shoulder to cover her state of inebriation, allowing Kate to lead her to the bedroom. Jo eagerly tugged at Kate’s clothes until she was naked, dropping her own in a pile beside the bed. She lowered Kate to the bed and straddled her body. Their bodies rocked in a rhythm. Jo closed her eyes and let a fantasy she knew she shouldn’t be having play through her mind.

  * * *

  “Hello.”

  Maria was completely thrown by the unfamiliar voice answering the phone and glanced at her screen to confirm Jo’s name.

  “Hello…” The voice said again.

  “I’m calling for Jo.” Maria responded.

  The mystery voice said, “Sure, hold on.” Then Maria clearly heard, “Baby, you’ve got a call.”

  Maria’s stomach lurched.

  “Jo baby, wake up.”

  Maria wanted to hang up, but it was too late. Jo would know she called. Oh God, Jo’s in bed with a woman, and I’m…I’m upset about it. By the time she convinced herself to hang up and call later, when she felt more together, it was too late.

  “Yeah, hello.” Jo’s voice came groggily through the phone.

  Maria took a breath and closed her eyes. “Jo, hi!” She forced happ
iness into her voice that she didn’t feel. “I’m sorry for waking you. You obviously had a great night celebrating.” She winced, knowing she sounded like she was checking up on her.

  “It was—”

  “Listen, I called to wish you Happy New Year. I won’t keep you. You’re out and enjoying yourself…I’m glad to hear it. Go back to bed. I’ll talk to you again soon.” She hung up before Jo could utter another word and turned her phone off so Jo couldn’t call her back.

  So, Jo was in bed with a woman she spent the night with. Why on earth would she care about talking to me?

  Maria felt like throwing up. Her hands shook noticeably as she haphazardly threw their things into the small suitcase. Jack had gone to settle the bill and get the car. She was to meet him downstairs in fifteen minutes. This had been the first moment she had alone to call Jo, and now she wished she hadn’t. The saying, “What you don’t know can’t hurt you,” Maria hated to admit, was so true. She ran to the bathroom and threw up.

  Jo felt like she had a jackhammer hard at work in her head, but she was aware enough to know Maria wouldn’t simply hang up like that. She rolled onto her back and tugged on the sheet to cover part of her naked body. On the recent calls list on her phone she found Maria’s name and tapped it, closing her eyes against the blinding pain behind them as the phone began to ring. It went to voice mail so she left a brief message.

  “It’s Jo. I guess we got cut off or something. I’ll call you later.” She dropped the phone over the side of the bed onto her pile of clothes, then noticed Kate smiling at her from the bedroom door. “What?” Jo’s throbbing head made her growl.

  Kate crossed the room wearing a T-shirt and panties and sat beside her. “I was trying to decide what’s hottest, clothes on or off.” Jo rubbed at her temples and closed her eyes. “You’ve definitely got that whole ‘something for the imagination’ thing going for you.” She traced her finger from Jo’s breastbone down toward the top of the sheet before Jo caught her hand.

  “No way, I can’t.”

  “But I could go all day with you, cowgirl.” Kate flashed a seductive smile.

  “I feel like crap,” Jo grumbled. “That’s the last thing I’m in the mood for.”

  Kate stroked her fingers through Jo’s hair. “I’m sorry, babe. What can I do for you?”

  “Aspirin. And a beer to chase them.”

  “A woman after my own heart. Hair of the dog coming right up,” Kate called over her shoulder on her way through the door.

  Jo cringed—hoping…no, praying—that there wouldn’t be anything “coming up.” It was past ten. She needed to get home. She had responsibilities. Swallowing the aspirin with half the beer, she borrowed some toothpaste and finger brushed her teeth, then splashed her face with cold water. She looked exactly the way she felt—like crap. After running wet fingers through her hair she left the bathroom dressed.

  “Can you get dressed and take me to my truck?” she asked as she went in search of her boots and jacket. “I need to get home.”

  “You really want to take off?” Kate frowned.

  Jo grimaced as she sat and pulled on her boots. “Tucker’s off and I told you before there’s nobody to feed the horses but me. Do we really have to debate this? I need to get home.”

  Kate raised her hands. “Okay, okay, don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

  Jo held her jacket to her face before pulling it on. Even after being in the bar last night it still carried a faint scent of Maria. God, she’d slept with Kate to forget Maria. But since hearing her voice on the phone, Maria was all she could think about. As she drove home, nursing a cup of stale drive-thru coffee for her hangover, her mind drifted to Maria. She hated to think of her husband touching her. The way I touched Kate. She was disgusted with herself for jumping in bed with Kate to try to forget about Maria and then fantasizing about Maria to get through sex with Kate.

  She tried calling Maria when she got home, but again the call went to voice mail. She didn’t leave another message. Instead, she spent hours in the barn and later dragged herself to the house for a hot bath and a beer. She tried Maria one last time. When she didn’t answer, Jo left another message.

  “Maria, hi…it’s Jo. Sorry I was so out of it this morning when you called. Hope you’re having a Happy New Year. Call whenever…if you want.” She dropped the phone on the towel and slid all the way under the water.

  Maria turned on her phone after she got Matt settled into bed and asleep. She listened to Jo’s messages, Jo asking her to call. But she remembered the female voice that answered Jo’s phone that morning. She needed to figure out where all the unexplained feelings for Jo were coming from. And then figure out a way to stash them somewhere hidden and safe. She was married, albeit not happily, but they had a child. It didn’t matter that Jack was a father that didn’t care about his son and a husband that she hadn’t been in love with for years. Matt’s father hadn’t a fraction of the compassion that Jo Marchal showed for her son. Why wouldn’t she have feelings for someone else? Even a woman. She was sick to her stomach that Jo had spent last night with a woman and done things she couldn’t begin to imagine. When she was near Jo, she wanted to be closer. She wanted Jo to do to her those things she couldn’t imagine. And that scared her to death. She mumbled to no one, “What’s wrong with me? I’m straight. Straight women don’t want other women.”

  But she did.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Weeks passed and Jo received only one returned call message from Maria that said she was sorry to have missed Jo. And so Jo started calling daily. Maria never answered, but Jo was tenacious, leaving a message every time to please call…if Maria wanted to. She couldn’t fathom why Maria didn’t want to talk to her.

  Kate started coming by the farm more regularly, but Jo managed to keep things at arms’ length. She knew they needed to have a talk about New Year’s. Knew she needed to be honest with Kate about her feelings. She was starving for the company of a woman, but it was Maria’s company she wanted, not Kate’s.

  When a month had passed, Jo couldn’t stand it any longer. The minute Tucker arrived on Monday she let him know she had business in town. She parked within view of Maria’s office, able to see anyone who entered or left. She saw a blonde go in around eight thirty, then nearly half an hour later Maria arrived. Jo’s heart raced. Her mouth went dry. She had no idea what she was going to say. Maria was obviously avoiding her. Jo desperately needed to know why. What if she won’t even see me? After fifteen minutes of debate, she finally mustered her courage and went in.

  The blonde looked up from the reception desk. “Can I help you?”

  Jo searched her memory and knew hers was the voice she’d heard on the phone last year when she called the realty office. “Karen, right?” Jo gave a smile. “I’m here to see Maria West.”

  She flipped open a book. “Do you have an appointment?”

  “I was hoping she’d have a few minutes to see me.”

  Karen picked up the phone and punched in a few numbers. “There’s a…” she hesitated, “a woman here to see you.” She paused. “No, she doesn’t.” After another pause she looked at Jo. “Your name?”

  “Jo Marchal.”

  Before she could repeat Jo’s name, Karen hung up the phone. “Ms. West will be right out.”

  Maria appeared almost immediately in the long corridor to Jo’s left. Jo leaned an elbow on the receptionist’s counter and smiled as Maria walked toward her.

  “We can talk in my office. I’m expecting a call from the Williamsons,” Maria said to Karen. “Please put it through when it comes.” Giving Jo a look she couldn’t interpret, Maria turned and headed back to her office, Jo following close enough to catch a whiff of her familiar perfume. It seemed a small comfort to Jo. Maria closed the door behind them and remained against it like she might need a quick getaway. Jo gave a cursory scan of the room.

  “What can I do for you, Jo?” She realized the second the words were out of her mouth how unfriendly
her question sounded.

  “Nice office.” Jo dropped into one of the chairs that sat in front of the desk. “Gosh, Maria, I haven’t seen you in more than a month. I kind of wanted to make sure you were still alive and kicking and that it wasn’t some prerecorded voice that left me the one and only message I got back.”

  Although Jo’s words dripped with sarcasm, it didn’t have any effect on the way she looked to Maria this morning. Jo wore that damned leather jacket she’d given her for Christmas. Maria’s fingers twitched. She wanted to run her hands over the smooth soft leather and her fingers through Jo’s short hair. She wanted to stoke the fire burning in Jo’s eyes. A fire burning for all the wrong reasons, ones that she was responsible for. She’d been hiding from her the last month. She’d been hiding from the attraction Jo caused her to feel. Maria sucked in a silent breath. She was getting good at keeping things quiet. At least outside her own head.

  “I’m sorry.” She moved to sit behind the desk. “As you can see I’ve been incredibly busy.” She waved a hand over her desk which resembled the aftermath of a tornado.

  Jo glanced at it, then up at Maria. “Are you sure this is your office? ‘Cause I’m not picturing you being so…disorganized.”

  Maria slumped in her chair. “I’m not. My life demands structure and organization for Matt,” she said with a sigh. “It’s been a crazy January.”

  Jo leaned back in the chair and crossed her ankle over her knee. She looked cool and collected. Something Maria wasn’t feeling herself.

  “Well, I tracked you down because Jake and Rosie have been asking after Matt.”

  “They speak, do they?”

  “Of course they speak. It just takes a trained ear to hear ‘em.” Jo touched a finger to her ear and watched as Maria’s expression softened into a smile. The smile that Jo had been missing. “If you don’t come see Rosie soon you won’t recognize her.”

  “You’re right.”

  Jo had difficulty reading her. “Maria, is there something else going on I’ve missed?”