by R. J. Layer
Maria quickly averted her eyes and began flipping through calendar pages. “No…why would you think that?” When Maria looked up, Jo only shrugged. “We’ll stop out for a little bit in the next few weeks.” She met Jo’s eyes again. “I promise.”
“Great! The kids will be pleased.”
Maria raised a brow. “Kids?”
“Jake and Rosie.”
“Of course, your kids are the four-legged and furry kind.”
* * *
Maria kept her promise and brought Matt to the farm. The day was blustery, so Jo built a fire to take the chill off. Maria seated Matt on the floor with his puppy Rosie and Jake.
“Can I get either of you something to drink?” Jo asked on her way into the kitchen. Surprisingly, Maria followed her.
“I don’t think so. We can’t stay long.”
Jo pulled a beer from the fridge and leaned against the counter across from where Maria stood a few feet away.
She took a long drink, then said, “Those guys thank you for bringing their buddy out for a visit.”
Maria became suddenly pale and bolted from the room. Jo stepped into the living room in time to see her disappear through the bathroom door. Matt remained contented on the floor with the dogs, unaware of his mother’s race down the hall. Jo took a seat close by and distracted herself watching Matt with Rosie, but as the minutes ticked by she started to wonder about Maria’s abrupt departure and whether she was all right. When Maria did finally return, as pale as before, Jo jumped to her feet.
“I must be coming down with something,” Maria said before Jo could ask.
“Well, no offense, but you don’t look so good.” Maria wavered as Jo steered her to the couch. “Have a seat. I’ll get you a cup of tea.”
Maria closed her eyes, dreading the significance of what she had been sensing. This was the fourth time in as many days she’d thrown up for no apparent reason. She didn’t think, though, that she needed to see a doctor to determine what was happening.
They only stayed an hour, Maria using the excuse of still feeling unwell. She stopped at the drug store on her way home and an hour later loaded Matt in the car and headed to Kathleen’s. While Kathleen settled the boys in the family room at the TV, Maria made them tea.
When Kathleen returned and sat next to her at the counter, she patted Maria’s hand. “You don’t seem yourself, sweetie. What’s going on?” Maria dropped her elbows on the counter and hid her face in her hands. Kathleen rubbed a hand across her back. “Come on, honey, talk to me. How bad can it be?”
Maria heaved a heavy sigh. “Oh God, Kat, I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”
The deafening quiet unsettled Maria. She looked at Kathleen, sitting in stunned silence, staring back at her. Then Kathleen’s expression transformed from shock to compassion.
She slid her arm across Maria’s shoulder. “This is good, right?”
Maria tipped her head against Kathleen’s shoulder. “I don’t know Kat. I’m scared to death.” She pulled away. Being this close to a woman made her think of Jo, and thoughts of Jo stirred so much inside her she felt lost.
“Well, talk to me, hon, we can figure this out.”
“We?”
Kathleen rubbed her hand across Maria’s shoulder. “That’s right. I hope you know I’ve always got your back.”
Maria shared all the emotions that had cascaded on her in the last hour. Kathleen reassured her she would support any decision Maria made, including not to tell Jack if she decided he didn’t need to know what she decided. It was Maria’s choice to make, difficult as it was.
Maria thought again that she should have married Kathleen instead of her brother. She worried over that thought the entire drive home. It was silly, of course. She wasn’t attracted to Kathleen that way. Not like she was to Jo. And she was sure the only reason Jo Marchal was attractive to her was because of the kind of woman she was. She hated that she was married to Jack, but that was because he had turned out to be a selfish bastard, not because she was a lesbian. Damn Jo Marchal for instilling doubt that she was anything but a very straight woman.
Jo called Maria the following day after returning from her mom’s to check on her condition, and to her surprise Maria called back later in the evening. After another few weeks of missed calls back and forth, Maria called and caught Jo soaking in the tub after a tiring twelve-hour day.
Jo loved hearing the honey-smooth sound of Maria’s voice. Her pulse quickened and she couldn’t help but wonder what Maria’s touch would do to her. Jo’s hand rested on her stomach, itching to move lower. Maria’s voice turned her insides to liquid fire. After Maria agreed to stop out again the upcoming weekend, they ended the call. Jo melted into a daydream steamier than her bath water.
* * *
From inside the barn Jo heard the car pull in. Hoping today would be the day Maria finally took the reins for Matt’s ride, she had already barebacked Daisy Mae around the pasture so the horse would be tired.
“Hi!” Jo greeted them with a broad smile.
Maria didn’t return the greeting, instead saying anxiously to Matt, “Stay right here, sweetie,” before bolting back through the doors and around the corner.
Jo rested a hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Stay here, okay, big guy?”
As she neared the barn doors she could hear Maria retching and stopped. No woman wanted to be seen tossing her cookies. When she heard no further sound, she tossed a glance at Matt where he was gazing fixedly on his saddle on the hay bales, then stepped out of the barn. Maria was leaning against the barn with her hand to her mouth.
“Are you all right?” When Maria nodded, Jo walked over to her. She pulled a folded bandana from her back pocket. “Here, it’s clean.”
“Thanks.” Maria pressed the soft cotton Jo knew smelled only of laundry soap to her face. “I’m sorry.”
“Nothin’ to be sorry about. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine. Let’s take Matt for his ride.” She raised the bandana and held it over her nose and mouth as they returned inside the barn. “I’ll meet you guys out there.” She motioned in the direction of the pasture and continued walking out of the barn.
Jo called Tucker out of the tack room to help her saddle Daisy Mae and get Matt strapped in.
“Hey, Tucker, would you mind walking Matt around the pasture for his ride? I need to talk to Maria and I don’t think she’s up for the walk.”
The corner of his mouth rose in sync with his eyebrow. “Sure thing, boss.”
Tucker took the reins and headed out. From the doorway Jo watched Maria at the fence beyond the barn. Her arms were crossed under her breasts and occasionally she lifted the bandana, still clutched in her hand, to her mouth and nose.
“He loves this, you know.”
Maria focused her eyes on Jo. “Yes, he does, thank you.”
Jo shrugged. “Heck, Maria, you don’t have to thank me. He was destined to be a cowboy. I knew it the first time I met him.”
Maria put her hand on Jo’s forearm hanging off the fence rail. “Well, in that case, thank you for bringing me out of my comfort zone.”
Jo felt a scorching heat from the spot where Maria’s hand rested on her arm and it spread like an unimpeded wildfire to her belly. Desire rose uncontrolled. Standing there, in that moment, Maria had never looked more beautiful.
“I hope you don’t live to regret it.” Jo gave an easy grin. “Coming out of your comfort zone.” Damn…that was a blatant flirt.
Maria’s eyes seemed to smolder for a split second before she looked away.
Sunlight danced in Jo’s eyes, making them sparkle. Her remark struck more than one chord in Maria, and she realized at the moment she wanted to push up on her toes and kiss Jo in the worst way. Hormones… It had to be her raging hormones. She raised the bandana to her face once again, hoping to hide any sign of desire that might be showing…
“You know you were sick several weeks ago. Seems an awfully long time to have a bug. You sure yo
u’re all right?”
They were friends, right? They exchanged gifts for Christmas. They had both sought out that special gift for one another, and Jo had gone above and beyond to give her son a perfect gift. They were definitely friends. And friends confided in one another, supported each other. Didn’t they?
“I’ve become quite sensitive to some smells that never seemed to bother me before. Like manure,” she swallowed, “and beer.” She cringed at the thought. Jo’s forehead creased with lines so Maria patted her arm. “Relax there, cowgirl. I’m only pregnant.” Jo didn’t utter a sound.
“You look shocked.”
Jo shook her head. “Uh…not shocked. Surprised is all.”
Maria searched Jo’s eyes before Jo looked away. The sparkles created by the sun were gone. She couldn’t help but wonder why.
“Your husband must be thrilled.”
Jo’s disheartened tone confused her. She thought Jo might be happy about her news. Although, she couldn’t remember now why she’d thought so. Actually she had been hoping that Jo would be happy about her news. That would help dispel a lot of the anguish she felt about her choice to tempt fate and have another child.
“He might be if he knew,” Maria finally said.
“Excuse me?”
“He might be thrilled if he knew, but he doesn’t.” Jo’s eyes were full of questions when they met hers again. “I haven’t told him yet.”
Jo could have been knocked over by a feather in those few moments. It was the last thing she expected Maria to share with her. Wow! She needed to dislodge the imagery in her head that would lead to Maria becoming pregnant. Jealousy and envy battled inside her. And why was Maria keeping secret such big news from her husband? Fear? Fear that maybe she could give birth to another autistic child—give her husband another handicapped child? Jo wanted to take Maria in her arms and tell her she would always be there for her…no matter the circumstance.
“Well, my mom always said, ‘there’s no greater gift than a child’.”
Maria’s face relaxed into a tiny smile. “Thanks for saying that.” She brushed her fingers over the back of Jo’s hand. “You’ve become such a welcome friend for us.” She motioned at Tucker, Matt and Daisy Mae making their way toward them.
Maria’s eyes always took on a special brightness when she looked at her son. Jo loved that something as simple as a look could make a woman so beautiful. Her eyes drifted to Maria’s middle. She’d heard women became more beautiful when they were pregnant.
Oh God, how am I going to maintain control around her if she becomes more tempting than she already is?
* * *
Maria found a certain peace in her own mind after sharing the pregnancy news with her friend. And she only need remind herself that Jo was too “hot” to ever be attracted to a “fat” pregnant woman…a fat, straight pregnant woman. Perhaps that would make it easier to be around her. And so she and Matt started making regular Saturday visits to the farm. During the moments when she did feel wistfully attracted to the rugged cowgirl, Maria simply chalked it up to the hormonal changes of pregnancy. Although she honestly didn’t recall having ever felt the same around Jack when she was pregnant with Matt.
The last Saturday of the month she took Matt to the farm in the afternoon, but later than usual. She and Jo talked on the porch for a bit before making their way to the barn for Matt’s ride. Jo walked Daisy Mae from her stall and barely had the saddle in place when she heard a car in the driveway. She and Maria were standing side by side on a hay bale hoisting Matt into the saddle when Jo spotted Kate.
“Hey!” Jo called to her.
“I thought we were going to dinner this evening.”
Jo finished strapping Matt in, hopped down and helped Maria down. “Right.” Jo gave her a smile. “Give me a couple of minutes.”
Kate planted her hand on her hips, flashing angry eyes at Maria when Maria touched Jo’s arm.
“I can do this, go on.” Maria reached for the reins. “I’ll ask Tucker to stay and help me when we’re done if that’s okay.” Maria took the reins from Jo and rubbed her hand gently on Daisy Mae’s neck.
Jo loved that Maria had finally gotten comfortable around horses, at least around Daisy Mae.
“You smell like those damned horses.” Kate wrinkled her nose when Jo got close.
She took a step back. “Those damned horses are my life.”
“And so what am I, a sideline?” Kate turned up her palms.
“All I have to do is change clothes and wash up.”
“You just don’t get it do you? You’re never going to put me first, are you?”
“I’m not going to have this discussion. Let’s go.” When she reached for Kate’s elbow, Kate jerked her arm violently. Jo was not in the mood for Kate’s childish behavior and her demands of “why won’t you, why can’t you or when will you?” In an icy tone she said, “You know what? I’m tired, let’s forget about tonight and maybe try again some other night.”
Kate’s mouth dropped open. “You’re kidding?”
“No, I’m not.”
Kate glared at her before stomping from the barn. A moment later Jo heard car tires spinning and kicking gravel. She spun around in time to see the threesome turn the corner out the opposite barn doors. She ran to catch up.
“I’m sorry we interfered with your plans. You should have said something when we showed up without calling.”
“No big deal. She wasn’t in such a great mood anyway. Must have been a bad day at work.”
Jo shook it off to enjoy their quiet stroll. She tried getting them to stop in the house after Matt’s ride, but Maria declined.
Standing beside the car before leaving, Maria said, “I’m glad you’re getting out and dating. Sorry again about ruining your plans for this evening.”
“You didn’t ruin a thing. You and Matt are always welcome, anytime.” Jo met Maria’s eyes. She was more beautiful than the last time she’d seen her. “I’m glad you came.”
Chapter Sixteen
Spring in southern Ohio, accompanied by spring showers, made perennial bulbs explode with color everywhere. But as beautiful as they were, they served to remind Jo that it had been a year since she’d learned she would lose her Pops forever. She understood love and that if you loved someone completely, it would eventually break your heart in a million pieces. She was sitting in the tack room running some numbers that Tucker had asked her to look over when Kate appeared in the doorway.
“Hey, cowgirl, how you doin’?”
Jo half turned in the chair. “I didn’t even hear you pull in. And I’m really surprised to see you in here.” Kate hated her horses. She said they smelled, but Jo suspected she was also afraid of them.
Kate walked behind her and placed both hands on Jo’s shoulders. “Well, when you want something, you have to go for it.”
She slowly slid her hands over Jo’s shoulders toward her breasts. Jo closed her eyes for a second enjoying the sensations the simple touch aroused. Until she thought about whose hands were caressing her. She jumped up, knocking the chair back into Kate, and spun around.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Tucker and the guys are here and could be back any minute.”
Kate raised her hands. “Sorry, Jo, I didn’t mean to upset you.” She reached to take Jo’s hand, but she jerked it away. “I, um…”
Jo met her eyes. “I can’t do this anymore Kate. I’m sorry,” she said looking away.
“What…you can’t do what?”
She made herself look Kate in the eyes again. “This,” she motioned between them. “Hanging around all the time, going out…and it’s not going anywhere.” She looked at the floor. “It won’t ever go anywhere.”
Kate chortled. “You can’t say I’m not trying.”
Jo sighed. “I’m not. I don’t feel it. I don’t feel that way for you, Kate.” Jo chanced a glance, noticing Kate’s hands were tight fists at her sides.
&nbs
p; “So what was New Year’s about? You needed a good fuck or what?”
“I guess maybe I did.” Jo couldn’t stand Kate’s icy cold stare. She dropped her gaze back to the floor.
“You guess?” Kate snapped. “You were riding me like a bronco and screaming the whole time. And you guess?”
God, she was going to recite all the details of a night that Jo could barely recall—and didn’t want to.
Kate kicked the chair. “I was patient. I waited and waited for you to give me some clue where this was going. And I finally thought we connected on a whole new level, but it was just a fuck for you! Wasn’t it?” Jo continued to stare at the floor. “So what the hell have you been doing with me all this time?” When Jo didn’t respond, Kate grabbed her arm. “Answer me, dammit!”
Jo took hold of Kate’s wrist and pulled the vise-gripping hand from her arm. What she saw in Kate’s eyes when she stepped back shocked her.
“I…” She cleared her throat and tried again. “I thought maybe we could have a relationship and I tried. Like I said, I don’t feel it. I’m sorry, Kate.”
“Yeah, sorry.” Kate looked strung tighter than a bowstring. Her cheeks burned red. “You keep me tongue wagging after you for months and you’re sorry? Huh, you know, I’m sorry for you, Jo. I would have given anything to take care of you. Good luck with your whole lonely hearts thing…” She turned and stomped out.
Jo’s hands shook as she picked up the two-way radio. What she’d seen in Kate’s eyes frightened her. She needed to be alone. She told Tucker she would finish going over the numbers tomorrow and asked him to close up when they were done. Inside the house she locked the doors and poured a short glass nearly full of bourbon. She finished it at the kitchen counter, filled it again and dropped on the couch in the living room.
The incessantly ringing phone was the next thing Jo was conscious of and only after the machine picked up and she heard Maria’s voice did she drag herself to the kitchen. It was after eight. She brewed coffee, had a few swallows and called Maria back.